Never Just Best Friends
by Ramy4lifexo
Summary: Ricky and Amy have been friends for a 10 years and have been through everything together, will a baby change anything? First Story, please be easy. Disclaimer: I do not own The Secret Life Of The American Teenager all credit goes to the producers  Brenda
1. The First Day Of Camp

**The First Day of Camp:**

I, Amy Juergens, was sitting on the bus on my way to band camp with my best friend Ricky Underwood. I was 15 and about to be a freshman at Grant and he was 16 about to be a Sophomore at Grant. We have been friends since we were 5 years old. I know everything about Ricky and he knows everything about me. Everyone thinks it is weird that me and him are best friends when we are two different people entirely but no one know about our lives they only know what we decide to tell them.

To everyone Ricky was the "bad boy" of Grant high school the one who has slept with dozens of girls. He was the one who could convince any girl in the world to sleep with him and they would do it. He was a player, skipped classes, but the one thing everyone knew is he would never drink. To me though, Ricky was a good guy with a rough life, a life that only I knew about. His family moved right down the street from me when Ricky was 6 and I was 5. We would play outside when his dad was gone and his mom was off doing whatever. When his dad would come home he would run inside and I would hide behind in the bushes. His dad never knew about me. You see Bob Underwood was a no good drunk, who beat his kid and wife, and he molested Ricky, something that only I knew. Everyday Bob would come home and I would hide and that's when it would start I would hear Ricky scream, I would hear him cry but no one knew. I couldn't do anything because my parents didn't really even notice me and would not believe me if I was to tell them. But Ricky made me promised not to tell anyone. Around 8:00 every night after my parents made sure I was tucked in and Bob was passed out. Ricky would come over and I would sneak out my window. He would cry and cry and I would hold him and tell him everything would be alright. When we were 10 it finally stopped Ricky finally told the teacher and Bob was arrested along with his drug addict mother and Ricky moved to a foster home the next street over. I still seen him everyday and we still talked all the time. I was the only one he would open up too. I knew and Ricky started therapy and little by little it got better but that's how he got his reputation he never wanted a commitment and no one knew why except me.

I was a messed up kid too, I have an older brother named James who is now 22 and a older sister named Ashley who is now 20. I was the youngest and I never got much attention. You see James and my dad got along because he was the only boy and Ashley well her and my mom got along because they were so much alike. I was always invisible. My mom Anne and my dad George were always fighting and have threatened to get a divorce I don't even know how many times but they never did and the fighting never stopped. I kept all my feelings in and never told anyone how I was feeling beside Ricky and my other best friend Grace. Grace and I were friends since we were born and she never understood how I can even talk to a guy like Ricky but she didn't know. It is the only secret I ever kept from her. When I turned 12 my life pretty much went from bad to worse. My brother started getting drunk every night and coming home to have my mom take care of him of course my dad didn't like it but it didn't make a difference to my mom and I hated it. One night they had a huge fight and my brother attacked my dad I was so scared but what could I do. That was the first fight but definitely wasn't the only one. I kept everything bottled up and all I could do was pray for it to stop, and Ricky understood because he has been there. Grace was also there for me and I was lucky to have them. Ashley just clung to my mom and spent all their time together. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Ricky.

"Hey babe what you thinking about?" asked Ricky, did I mention he calls me babe, Ames, or kid always has. He won't call anyone else but me that, and neither will I, guess it is kind of our thing.

"Just thinking of how we met and our lives" I answered knowing he would question why I continued on "how you and Grace are the only ones who ever understood me, and how I honestly don't know what I would do with out you guys."

"Where is all this coming from, Kid?" he asked me.

"I guess it is the first time I am going to be away from everyone and everything that makes me feel so down, and I guess I find it weird that I don't miss them, and that I rather stay here forever" I answered

"It is normal, you know, last year when I came here I never wanted to leave. It is so peaceful, you will love it, but you know that we have to go back. You can't change what happened in the past but you will always have me, you know you are the only person I have ever loved. My shrink thinks it is strange I can't love myself but I can love you." He answers.

"It isn't that strange, well not to me anyway. I guess I was always there for you, or better yet we were always there for each other. We would hang out everyday, I mean we have been threw things adults don't even know about and we never ever managed to stop being friends. Wait aren't you the one who said Forever and Always." I laughed and soon he was laughing too. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes thinking that when we get there at least I know I will be safe because I will have Ricky.

I felt my shoulder being shaken awake and I slightly raised my head noticed we were just about there and I groaned and I herd Ricky laugh above me before he said "Come on, Kid time to wake up."

I laughed and nuzzled my head back into his shoulder only to feel him move his shoulder and let my head fall. I glared at him as I herd him laughing and I finally got up and grabbed my bag as we walked off the bus. We headed to the mess hall to get our schedule and room assignment which I was actually kind of nervous about because although I would never admit it I didn't want to be far away from Ricky, as I mentioned with this being my first time away from home and all. As we got up to the front Ricky and I signed in and got our cabins. We had none of the same classes because he was in a higher level than me but we had lunch together, which I was okay with. I was in what they called apartment number 6. I guess they allowed everyone to have their own little apartment now that they renovated it.

"What Apartment number do you have Ricky?" I asked I seen him look down and answered.

"15" he answered and I sighed because I had a feeling this would happen. "What about you?"

" 6, I am going to go put my stuff in my apartment. I'll text you later." I said and he looked at me and can tell I was nervous but didn't comment instead he just wrapped me in his arms and kissed my head like usual. If anyone was watching they would assume we were dating, ha if only they knew.

I walked away with my bags and found my way to my apartment. I was glad that I bought my debit card with me considering that the camp scheduled us to go to the store to pick up food if we decided we wanted to cook, but they still have regular meals you can eat there. For those who don't want to cook, they only have to buy snacks. I looked around once I entered my place and stared in shock. It was awesome it had a little living area with a couch and a T.V. it also had a small bathroom, a small bedroom, and a small kitchen. We would be living here for a month so I decided to make the best of it. I knew that because Ricky wasn't too far away from me, we would probably just cook and eat here every night and morning so I made a list of all our favorite foods. I packed movies with me and a potable DVD played so I figured I would be good. I went into the bed room and unpacked my clothes we had one dresser and one small closet, so I hung up what I could and decided to lay down. As I lay down I started thinking that this was so weird. I was independent person but I was only 15 and away from my house. I didn't mind it at all but there was just something about the sound of the quiet apartment with no one around that made me feel cold and alone. I started to cry, I don't know why I guess I was always emotional. I cried for no reason at all but at the same time I cried for all the times I didn't cry about in the past until I herd a knock on my door. I got up to open it but only after I wiped away the tears and when I opened it I found Ricky there.

"Hey babe" he said as I moved out of the way to let him in. He walked in and looked at me and said "what's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong, I don't know why you always think something is wrong. Not everything is wrong Ricky. You are such an idiot some times." I answered I don't know why I snapped at him but I did.

"Why are you being such a bitch, I come over here to make sure you were settled okay and when I walk in I can see your crying and then you flip out on me because I ask you what's wrong." He yelled "You know what, we just got here and I don't want to deal with this." And with that he walked out and slammed the door. I didn't worry about it I knew it would blow over and anyway I was starting to get hungry so I went in the bathroom, and took a shower, got ready and headed to the mess hall for lunch. As I walked into line and got my food. I looked around trying to spot Ricky and when I did, I walked over there and sat down.

"Hey your not eating?" I asked him, he just looked up and smiled

"No, I am, but I'm just going to eat some of yours" I laughed and pushed the tray between us. I know you are all probably thinking I am crazy for not yelling at him or fighting but this is how our relationship works. I yell at him, he yells at me, we get into a huge fight, one of us walks away and then 5 minutes later we act like nothing happened because we both know neither of us meant anything we said. Sometimes he walks away or I walk away but neither of us worries because we both know the other will always come back.

Ricky interrupted my thoughts by saying "so you want to tell me what has you all bugged out and why you were crying." I laughed knowing this was going to happen.

"You know me too well sometimes it is scary. To tell the truth I don't even know Ricky. I was fine. I was making a shopping list of our favorite foods for when we go shopping tomorrow we can pick them up. I remember last year you said the cooking was horrible. I figured you will be at my room everyday eating." I seen Ricky smirk out of the corner of my eye and knew I was right. So I continued "Then I finished unpacking and lay in my bed and it was silent. For the first time in my life there was no noise, no yelling, no crying, just silence. You and Grace weren't there it to talk to me and it was silent and for the first time in my life I felt alone. You know Grace texted me when we got here and we have been talking a bit, but no one from my family has even called to make sure we got here okay. I feel like they don't care. So I started crying and then I thought about all the passed shit I never got a chance to cry about and just cried harder and that's when you showed up. Sorry for snapping by the way." Ricky looked over at me and just hugged me. When he pulled away he looked at me and said.

"Kid, you're going to be just fine. You and I grew up quick, but we always had each other, and we still do. Babe you are the most independent and strongest person I know, and probably the one with the loudest mouth." I laughed at that and smacked his arm. "You know who you are and no one can take that away from you. Oh and by the way you're cooking the whole month breakfast lunch and dinner." I laughed

"Well if we want to live do I really have a choice."

"You know my cooking is not that bad, I make a mean meatloaf." I started to laugh even harder

"I'll give you that one. Thanks Mud, you're the best!" That was my nickname for Ricky, I was the only one allowed to call him that because when we were kids, me and Ricky were wrestling, and for some reason I got so mad and pushed him in a huge puddle of mud and he came out covered in it.

"I know, now come on, I got to show you something." I nodded threw our trash away and followed Ricky out of the mess hall towards the lake.

"If you are going to show me the lake, it is something I have seen already." I said and Ricky just rolled his eyes and laughed.

"No smartass, it is a secret spot I found when exploring camp last year, no one knows about it. It over looks the lake, but it's quiet and helps me think. Come on." I just nodded and followed Ricky threw the woods and up the trail till we got to an opening that looked like the top of a cliff, and when I walked over sure enough I seen an amazing view.

"Mud, this place is amazing. Do you bring all your bed buddies here or am I just special." I joked with him. He laughed and walked over to me and we sat on the ground.

"You know you're special. There is no one like you. You are the only one who has been there threw everything with me. I still wake up with nightmares and the only thing that puts me back to sleep is when I remember you letting me cry in your arms and you crying with me, and just letting talking about it. It shows me I am not alone." I felt tears in my eyes as I looked out to the lake. So he continued. "I always found it funny how you were older than me but yet I was always acting younger. I always crying but you never made me feel the way everyone else did like I was stupid or damaged or trash, you didn't make me feel like I wasn't good enough because you didn't pity me, you didn't feel sorry for me well you did but not the way all the adults do. When the night was over and we went to bed we would wake up and you would never bring it up, never ask any stupid questions. Never ask if I was okay because you knew I wasn't." At this point I had tears rolling down my face but I kept looking into the water. So he continued. "Amy, that's why we are where we are now because we know that no matter what we can get through anything, together."

"Wow Ricky, I don't even know what to say. I never had to ask if you were okay because it would only force you to remember what happened and you did that enough on your own, you still do remember. I don't know why people think your going to just forget what happened it happened everyday for 5 years. The only time it didn't was when Bob didn't come home. It has only been 5 years since he went to jail what do they expect from you?"

"They want me to talk about it they want me to tell them everything and how it felt but I can't you're the only one who gets it the only one I can talk to, they tell me I won't get better if I don't open up but how do I relive everything that has happened. You know these girls I get with are just a means to an end. I have sex I get up and leave I have sex I get up and leave same freaking pattern. I like sex I do but why. Bob molested me and I like sex. It doesn't make sense my shrink says it is because I have the control now and with Bob I didn't." Ricky said very frustrated,

"I think maybe the shrink is right you have the control, you make people fall for you and then have sex with them, you control it, after it is over you walk away. You could never just walk away with Bob he had you there for hours. He made you stay in bed next to him and if you moved he would beat you. These girls want you to stay but you have the power to walk away and not get beat." I told him knowing he didn't want to hear it but knowing he had to.

"Yeah whatever." I knew he didn't want to talk and it was getting late so I told Ricky to come one and let's go get dinner.


	2. Last Day of Camp and First Day Home

**Last day at camp first day home:**

This was how the next month went Ricky and I would hang out and talk, have our meals, watch movies, and when he wasn't with me he was out doing his thing. I didn't expect anything less. Everything was the same and even after a month my parents never called, but they texted me once asking how it was. All I answered was fun. And that was that. I talked and texted with Grace everyday and all day like always and on the final night Ricky surprised me.

Ricky made me dinner at his condo. It was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn. When we were done eating he took three blankets and took me back to the place above the lake. We talked for hours about everything and then the subject took a turn I expected. Ricky knew I never had a boyfriend, and it was always a sore subject for me when we really didn't talk too much about it but now I figured I could talk.

"Kid, you have never had a boyfriend before?" Ricky was always open about sex but I never really mentioned it because well I still never had been kissed. Ricky would always make comments about my ass or my boobs but it never bothered me because it was just a joke, a funny joke. Some times he would smack my ass and I would laugh it off, it was funny and he did it all the time, it was part of our friendship. He was my best friend I didn't care. If anyone else touched me or hurt me let me tell you, Ricky would hurt them. He loved me and I loved him.

"No Mud, you know I haven't. With everything going on in that house you think I have time for a boyfriend, your funny. And can you imagine my dad and James with any guy. I would have to fend them off for months before they were even nice to them, plus no guy has ever been interested. I'm not hot like all the other girls."

"Babe you don't have to be hot, which by the way I think your hot, but more than that you are beautiful inside and out and that's all that matters." I felt my self shiver so Ricky wrapped the spare blanket around me and I looked up at how bright and beautiful the stars looked. I started thinking, I love Ricky and I wanted him to be my first, right here right now, I have been thinking about it for a while and I would rather it be with him than anyone else.

"Mud, will you do something for me?" I asked. I was nervous and he can tell but I wanted to do this.

"What is it Ames?"

"Make love to me." He looked at me a look that he thought I was nuts so I explained. "You know I had a plan to find the right guy fall in love and all that but Ricky I don't want that. You make me feel safe, you make me feel like I'm not alone. You make me feel like I'm good enough and I trust you so please do this for me." He looked over and kissed me and right there under the stars we made love for the first time. No, I don't considered what we did sex. Because it was gentle and easy and under the stars it was perfect.

"Ricky?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Thanks" He looked at me like I was nuts. He was probably thinking was really she thanking me for sleeping with her.

"I would do anything for you, you know that don't you?"

"Yeah I do, and I want you to know that this won't change anything between us. Yes this was special to me and I will always remember it but nothing changes tomorrow we go back to just Amy and Ricky best friends through it all." I was determined I didn't want to mess anything up.

"I know Ames. I know. But in the mean time come here and lay with me, because in like ten minutes we have to go back to the apartment and get ready to go." I crawled over to him with the blanket wrapped around me and laid in my favorite place Ricky's arms. We would always lay like this when we were younger and even now, and the one thing that never changed no matter how old I got, I always feel safe and loved.

"How come you are not running off? I mean we did just have sex, how come you can lay here with me and watch the stars and cuddle, but any other girl you would have ran off by now probably off bragging to Mike and Aaron." I asked. Mike and Aaron were Ricky's good guy friends.

"Because when I am with you I don't feel trapped, I feel content and I won't brag about this because I would never hurt you." I looked up at him and kissed him lightly on the lips and got up and got dressed, and Ricky followed in suit. We walked together back to the apartment, and said goodnight.

After leaving Ricky I laid in my bed and got my phone out to text Grace.

To Grace, From Amy:

You will never guess what I just did!

To Amy, From Grace:

What did you do?

To Grace, From Amy:

I had sex with Ricky. I know what you're thinking and this

was my idea. I wanted to be with him. I needed it.

To Amy, From Grace:

Are you guys together now?

To Grace, From Amy:

Nooo, everything is going to stay the same except I

am no longer a virgin. It was so cute, but I have to

go to bed, long bus ride. I'll come over when I get

home and fill you in on everything. Love you.

To Amy, From Grace:

You better, or I am beating your butt.

Love you too. Night, be safe.

After receiving that text message I was out like a light.

I woke up at 6:30am to the alarm on my phone going off. I groaned and rolled over and pulled my head into the pillow. I knew I had to get up because I only had a half hour before the buses left so I hopped out of bed took the towel I was using for my shower and striped down. I got the clothes I was wearing out of my bag and but the dirty ones in there. Just then there was a knock at my door. I groaned and brought my bags into front room and threw my clothes in the bathroom. "Who is it" I yelled

"It's me" Ricky I sighed. I am in nothing but a towel and now I have to answer the door. Great. I walked over and opened the door only to see Ricky's eyes grow and mouth fall open and then be replaced by his smirk.

"You answer the door in your towel now come on babe. What if it wasn't me, then what?"

"Then I wouldn't have answered the door, hence why I asked who was there." I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay you got me there, but anyway I was wondering if you were ready to head to the buses, but obviously your not." He laughed and I just rolled my eyes before replying.

"You think, my bags are packed I just want to jump in the shower and then we can go."

"Okay, well hurry up. Oh and by the way you look hot with just a towel." I laughed and he smirked, so I smacked him in the arm and yelled

"Oh shut up you." Next thing I did was hop in the shower, threw on my clothes and tied my wet hair up in a high bun and I was done with 5 minutes to spear.

"That was fast" Replied Ricky as he was walking to the door and he grabbed his and mine bags.

"I know, and you know I can carry my own bags, Mud!" I told him but I should have known there was no use arguing. So as we walked in a comfortable silence, I got on the bus while Ricky gave our bags to the bag dude. After that he walked on the bus and took his seat next to mine.

"You aren't going to sleep the whole time and leave me bored out of my mind with only cute girls to flirt with are you?" he asked me, I couldn't help but laugh at this kid.

"That's exactly what I am going to do. It is seven in the morning and you know car rides put me to sleep, but as you said you have all these cute girls to flirt with I'm sure you can stay busy."

"Come on, your going to sleep on me the whole way and I won't be able to do anything because I feel bad waking you." He pouted. It was cute when he did this.

"Fine" I gave in for now. "I will talk to you as long as you talk to me, and if in the process I fall asleep remember I warned you." He laughed and agreed.

"So did you tell Grace about last night?" he asked

"You know I don't keep really anything from her and that was too big not to share. I told her she doesn't get how I have been friends with you for this long but I wouldn't tell her I just told her you are sweet. She knows it was my idea, and oh I am going to her house after this to fill her in on how awful you are." I laughed at the experession on his face when I said the last part.

"That's not what you were saying last night" he said with a smirk. I laughed and blushed a little and told him to go to the next question.

"Okay so are you excited about the first day of high school."

"NO, I am scared what if no one likes me. Grace and you are there but that is it. I know you are going to be attached to that whore's hip, which now I finally get to meet her and you can't stop me. And Grace will be with Jack somewhere. I guess it will be just me."

"Hey, First off please stop calling Adrian a whore, and second I'm going to be the one bringing you to school so you can meet Adrian." I rolled my eyes. Adrian is a whore who sleeps with Ricky and then sleeps with someone else and then sleeps with Ricky. Okay I know Ricky does the same thing but he has his reasons she is just a whore.

"Okay whatever. I am not arguing about that thing. You know I don't like her and if she says anything I reserve all right to smack the shit out of her. But anyway beside that's I know I just don't want to look like an idiot you know. Ricky this is big. I mean high school starts tomorrow." I answered

"Your making a huge deal over nothing, and if Adrian doesn't like you who cares. I love you and I would pick you over her any day."

"Okay." I answered as I lean my head on his shoulder and fall asleep. I hear him whisper good night in my ear before I was completely out of it. I sleep for what feels like forever when I once again feel someone shaking my shoulder, and whispering in my ear. Wake up babe. Ricky. I would know that voice anywhere. When I finally wake up and drag myself to his car I get in and fall right back to sleep and don't wake till I am home.

Home what a joke it's the last place I want to be. I look at Ricky and he already knows what I am thinking. I look in the driveway and sigh no cars. Ricky walks me up the way with my bags and drops them in the kitchen. I get my laundry bag and make my way down stair and start it when I walk upstairs I see Ricky waiting for me.

"I thought you left" I knew he wouldn't but I needed to say something.

"No you didn't you knew I would stay. I'm sorry babe." I don't have to ask for what he and I both knew what he was talking about.

"Ricky it is 12pm on a Sunday and no one is here. NO ONE. I haven't been home in a month. I haven't even talked to them in a month they only texted me once and now they can't even be here when I get home. I mean really why do I even bother? Why do I care anymore? I mean shouldn't I be use to this. Ashley and Mom are probably shopping and going out to dinner and James is probably with Jamie his stupid girlfriend and Dad is off doing something useless. I just don't get what I did so wrong." I say crying. Ricky walks over and wraps me in his arms.

"I don't know Kid. At least I am here lets finish the laundry and I'll take you to Grace's house."

"No you go The Fosters are waiting and I can do this, I can handle it. I will."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah go." He kisses my head and walks out the door. I go back down stairs and start to do all the laundry and 3 hours later I'm done. I walk around the house straightening up, and putting every ones clothes away. I walk into my room and put everything away. I shower and get ready to head to Grace's house. I start on my walk and get there in 5 minutes. We all live pretty close. As I knock on the door Kathleen opens it and Invites me in.

"Amy, good to have you back Grace is upstairs" I nod and walk up the stairs and into Grace's room shut the door and plop on her bed.

"Hey Grace" I say

"Hey Amy, I am so happy your home. I missed you." I smile I love having a best friend.

"I missed you too. Funny you're the only one that missed me. My parents weren't even home when I got home." She gasped at that.

"Really?"

"Yes, so I did all the laundry, cleaned the messy house, put all my stuff away, and came here so what's up?" I asked

"Wow I can't believe that. But nothing so spill what happened between you and Ricky" So I told her the whole story about Ricky and Me and band camp. I was excited and she listened and was excited for me too. After that we said our good byes and I headed home. Everyone was home and was arguing as usual. So I walked in and said I was home they all said hey and went back to what they were doing. I walked up stair got ready for the first day of school. By the time I was done it was only 9:30 pm so I texted Ricky. I know he was probably with that slut, but I didn't care.

To Mud:

What are you doing?

To Ames:

With Adrian.

To Mud:

Good thing I saved you huh?

To Ames:

Lol I'm leaving now.

To Mud:

Good choice: Even though I know you

Already got what you wanted. YUCK!

To Ames:

You are too much.

To Mud:

But that's just me!

To Ames:

And I wouldn't have it any other way!

To Mud:

Aww how sweet. Lol. Going to sleep just

Wanted to get you away from that whore.

To Ames:

Be ready at 7:30 Good Night

To Mud;

YES SIR. Good night.


	3. First Day Of School

**The First Day of School**:

I woke up at 6:30am to my alarm going off. Ugh the first day of school, I thought. Bummer. I got out of bed, made my bed and made my way to the closet. It was September so the weather was still really warm. Now the question is what to wear. I settled for a pair of tight light jean capris, a bright pink halter top that made my boobs stand out a little bit but not much, and a white sweater that was short sleeves. I wore my hair straight and applied light make up. Brushed my teeth, and was on my way down stairs. I made it down there by 7am everyone was still sleeping except for my dad but he was gone already. I had some tea and a couple of pieces of toast I looked at the clock 7:25 Ricky would be here in 5 minutes so I ran upstairs and grabbed my backpack and was at the curb right when Ricky pulled up. He looked me up and down and whistled and I laughed as I got in the car.

"Hey babe." He said as he kissed my cheek. "You look hot as hell, are you trying to get me in a fight my first day back." I laughed at this and replied.

"Very funny, but no your not fighting. I actually want a boy friend and it is not like you haven't seen me in these clothes before. I wear these jeans all the time and this is my favorite shirt."

"Yeah, and what do I tell you every time you wear those jeans. Your ass looks good, and the same with that shirt you boobs like good." I laughed and smacked him and told him to drive. We arrived to school 5 minutes later and I didn't want to get out of the car. Ricky noticed my hesitation and gave me hand a quick squeeze. I smiled and got out the car followed by Ricky. As soon as I looked up I seen a girl with over glossy lips heading this way. Ugh I groaned this must be Adrian. Ricky herd me groan as Adrian was two feet away.

"Babe be nice." He said.

"I'm always nice." Came Adrian's reply as she walked over to us.

"He wasn't talking to you, he was talking to me." I said nicely as I could. I could hear Adrian snort like she was right

"I am his girlfriend, so therefore he was calling me babe." I laughed and looked at Ricky.

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend Mud. Keeping secrets now." I said faking hurt. Adrian snorted about to run her mouth again. I don't like her already. So I spoke before she could.

"Okay one I'm Amy, and two Ricky's nick-name for me is Ames, Kid, and Babe." I laughed and Ricky shot me a look. He spoke.

"Adrian this is Amy, Amy this is Adrian. And no Kid, we don't do secrets, and Adrian I would never call you babe because as Amy said that is her nick name and your not my girl friend." I laughed when Adrian thought she was clever, and said

"Ricky she called you dirt, and this is your best friend. God help you. And I am your girlfriend because if I am not what am I?" I shot Ricky a look telling him I'll handle it.

"One I didn't call Ricky dirt, I called him Mud there is a difference. Two it is his nick-name that only I can call him. And three you're not the girlfriend you're another bed buddy." I laughed as Ricky looked over and shook his head and motioned for me to follow him, so I did.

"I told you to be nice. And while I admit that was funny it was mean. She doesn't know the deal with us you could have let me explain or been nicer but no you did what I said not too." He said annoyed.

"You know she came over here looking like a bitch and acting like one. Acting like she knows all about you. That wasn't me. I do know shit about you. If you are going to fight with me over her then screw you." I said as I walked away and right up to Grace.

"Hey Grace, what's up?" I asked as we started walking down the hallways.

"Hey, nothing much I seen you already made an impression on the school slut over there." She said

"Yeah well she came over there with her over glossy lips acting like a bitch, and telling me all this shit about Ricky like I don't know trying to stake her claim and I just put her in her place. Then me and Ricky walked away told me I should have been nicer. So I told him to stop fighting with me over her and I said screw you and walked to find you. But whatever, he'll be over by the end of first period." I said as Grace just laughed and led me to the office to pick up our schedules. I knew I had band with Ricky and I have lunch with Grace and also some other classes, which were whatever so I found my locker and It looks like I have all the luck it is right next to Adrian's. Grace and I laughed on the way over and she told me she was going to find Jack and I made sure my locker opened. Ricky looked over at me and I glared at him. So he spoke first.

"You know I love you, but some times you are so determined to prove you're not weak. You become are hard headed and stubborn and you drive me nuts" he said

"Yes, but if I wasn't where would I be, Ricky you know why I am this way I can't help it. I wish I was just the one who kept her mouth shut but look where it got me at home. They know nothing about me. I am not going to let one of your bed buddies walk up to me on the first day and act as if I am nothing to you and our friendship is nothing." I said with a determined voice. He sighed

"Yeah I get that Ames. I know you are only watching out for your self." He said as he hugged me and just as he did Adrian walked up.

"Are you guys sure you guys are only best friends. I mean first the babe thing, now you hug, and I am pretty sure you told her you loved her." Adrian said with a voice so hard you can tell she wanted to fight. Ricky looked at me and I looked at him and he nodded letting me know I could say what I want, as he stood in the middle.

"No Adrian, we are not dating. He is my best friend and I am his. We have been through hell and back together and I don't expect you to understand. But don't go getting clingy he isn't going to commit to you. You say you know him than you should know that. And while you're at it don't try and come between me and mud because if you make him chose you won't like the answer." I said just as strong.

"You are a witch you know that. He cares about me just as much as he cares about you if not more. You may be his best friend but you will never be his lover. And he is standing right here and you say he won't be able to commit right in front of him. What do you not care about anyone but yourself. He is your best friends but I know him better than you ever will." Adrian said with an evil smirk like she one and as I was about to reply Ricky beat me to it.

"Adrian shut up, she is an honest person. She is warning you, and trying to be nice, not hurt you because everything she said is true. If you know me like you claim too then you know I don't commit to anyone, and she is right you know nothing about me and you have nerve to say you know me better than she ever will that's laughable because you won't, know one will." Ricky said with a huff.

"Ricky why are you doing this. We were fine before this thing came along. I thought you care about me. Why are you saying these things." Adrian said I couldn't take it any more.

"Look Ricky loves me and I am going to be in his life no matter what. As I have mentioned we have been through hell and back, nothing could tear us apart so don't try it isn't worth your time. If you really care about him stop being a witch to me and try and be nice. Show the effort for someone you care about so deeply. But the bell is about to ring and Mud and I don't want to be late for out first class so we are going to go. See you later." I said and Ricky laughed and walked away with me following behind him and I am sure I left a pissed off Adrian left behind. We walked in to band just as the bell rang and started the first class of the first day of my high school years. Lets see what else today brings.

It was the end of forth period Ricky, Grace, and I were walking to lunch when I was stopped by some kid in the hallway.

"Hey" he said

"Hey" I replied as Grace and Ricky looked at me so I just shrugged my shoulders indicating I had no idea what he wanted.

"My name is Ben and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are." I blushed and smiled as I herd Ricky cough I shot him a glare telling him to shut up.

"I'm Amy and these are my best friends Ricky, and Grace." I said they all nodded heads at each other.

"Amy, is a lovely name I was wondering if maybe we could hang out this week and get to know each other." He asked I couldn't believe this guy I didn't even know was asking me out, I felt Ricky stiffen behind me and I knew if I didn't talk soon he would ruin it for me.

"Sure Ben, that sounds great, let me see your cell phone and I will put my number in, and you can put your number in mine." I handed him my phone and he handed me his and there we exchanged numbers. I herd Grace and Ricky laughing and I knew I was going to hear it when I was done.

"Here you go. Text me some time and we will make plans" I said nicely.

"Thanks Amy, I'll talk to you later. Bye" he said as he walked off. I groaned knowing as soon as I turned around I was going to hear it. Turning around Ricky was looking at me with daggers while Grace was smiling a huge smile. I knew I was in for it now.

"Amy, this is great we have to go shopping and get our nails done and I could do your hair. This is awesome." Grace squealed, and all I could do is laugh.

"Grace we are just going to hang out and get to know each other, it is not a date and don't we have to focus on your big date with Jack this week. Let's relax and see what happens it is the first day of school I don't want to rush into anything and get hurt." I said and she sighed and I herd Ricky snicker from the side of me.

"What are you laughing at? I know you're not happy about this, so just tell me what it is you want to say." I replied all ready wanting to go home because I knew this would lead to a fight.

"Whoa kid, calm down. I don't like how the guy walked up to you and just started flirting with you. That's what I do, and I don't want you to get hurt and you're just going to hang out with him, what if he is a physco you don't know." He replied trying to stay calm but I could tell he was upset.

"Mud, I don't have to worry because if anything happens, I can always call you and you will save me." I said batting my eye lashes knowing it would work, and mentally smiled when I herd him sigh because I knew he was giving in.

"Okay, fine you win. Just be safe." He said and I heard Grace laugh, she thought it was funny when we argued like that. I smiled

"Promise, so anyway what are you guys doing after school today?" I asked trying to get the subject off me and as soon as the question left my mouth I got a text. I looked at my phone and sure enough it was from Ben.

"I am going to Jacks football game, and then I have to get all my supplies for school, and Mom wants to do some huge family dinner." I nodded and listened to Ricky answer before texting Ben back.

"I am going to go to Adrian's and then crashing I'm beat." I inwardly groaned every time he goes out with her I feel a little hurt but he is my best friend so I have to support him. I nodded and took out my phone too look at the message.

To Amy:

How is your day going?

To Ben:

Okay, having lunch with Ricky and Grace then classes! How

about you?

Ricky looked at me and rolled his eyes why he and Grace talked. I added things in once in a while but I was really waiting for my phone to chirp. Finally I herd it.

To Amy:

Great, I got to talk to you and all my classes are fairly good. I

still have to see how I like it because it is still the first day. Lol

To Ben:

That's understandable. I got to go text me after school.

As the bell rang we all got up to go to class and the rest of the day was really uneventful. When I got home I said good bye to Ricky and went in the house to find it was a mess and cleaned it up yet again, then headed to make my binders. Ben texted me as soon as the bell rang and we texted through out the night, until I finally fell asleep. We had a good conversation and we were learning things about each other that were cool he also had two best friends one a guy Henry and one a girl Alice who were apparently dating. We talked about life in general, classes, school, he talked about his family, but when he asked about mine I blew it off no one needed to know. He asked about Ricky and Grace. I blew off Ricky questions because I didn't want to explain myself and the Grace questions we talked about. It was nice finally having the potential boyfriend.


	4. I think I may be

**I think I may be:**

It has been two months since the first day of school and the first day was pretty much like all the rest of the days. Adrian and I would have words, her and Ricky would fight because he would stick up for me, and then Grace and I would laugh, and have our BFF time as we like to call it. In the two months Ben and I have gotten sort of close. He doesn't know about me and Ricky having sex. He does know me and him are close and it bugs him. I try to avoid all questions that have to do with Ricky when coming from Ben because I don't want to fight but I have been friends with Ricky for 10 years we have a past and I love him. Ben doesn't get it. Grace and Jack are taking still happier than ever but Grace is still refusing to have sex with him, and I don't blame her she wants to wait till marriage. I have been feeling off the past couple of months. I get sick every morning and only in the mornings and really dizzy and I am eating like I have never eaten before. Ricky keeps asking what is wrong and too be honest I don't know. Grace thinks it is the stress and Ben is kind of oblivious. I woke up at 6:30 am to my alarm ringing, and once again the sick feeling came back and I was rushing to the bathroom. As I rested my head against the toilet bowel I felt the dizzy feeling come back so I jumped in the shower and went to get my clothes after finishing getting dressed and making my bed, I went to brush my teeth and of course no tooth paste and while looking under the bathroom sink I found something I haven't used in a while. Tampons. That's when it hit me I haven't had my period in two months, being sick all the time, eating like a pig. I was 15 years old and I was pregnant with my best friend's baby. I was scared, happy, and sad all at the same time. I was scared to tell my parent's because they already don't talk to me, happy because for as long as I can remember I wanted a baby, and sad because I was 15. I looked at the clock and ran down stairs to get some toast and go wait for Ricky, all the while trying not to cry and when I got in his car I knew things in my life were going to change.

"Hey babe" Ricky said as I first got into the car and when he looked over to give me a kiss on the cheek like every morning he seen the tears and immediately asked. "Babe what's wrong, why are you crying?" I looked at him and knew I had to tell him what I thought and I was scared to death he was going to leave me.

"Ricky, you know I love you, and I will always need you, and I know you love me and you will always be there for me but I need you to promise just this once that you won't leave and you won't yell when I tell you." I begged looking at him with pleading eyes he can tell this was serious. He reached over and pulled me into a hug and let me cry for a minute. Until he pulled away and looked at me.

"I promise I will never leave you, I promise this time I will not yell, and I promise I will always love you. Now please tell me what is going on." He said

"I think, well I'm almost pretty sure." I breathed and said "I'm Pregnant." I saw his eyes bulge for a second and then he wrapped me in his arms and I felt so safe I finally stopped crying. I pulled away and looked at him and just then my phone rang. I looked and seen it was Grace so I quickly answered and motioned for Ricky to drive.

"Hello, Grace what's up?" I can tell she was crying and I knew something bad had happened. "What happened?" I herd her lightly laugh and then she said the one thing I wish I would never hear.

"Jack cheated on me with that slut Adrian." I was shocked and I turned to glare at Ricky. I was pissed and that was not good for the baby but oh boy was Adrian going to hear it from me.

"Grace, meet me in the usual place at school, I have big news for you too, and I need your help and don't worry I'll handle both of those cheating no good sluts." I said and I herd Grace laugh and I knew it would be okay. I hung up and looked at Ricky.

"When we get to school I am beating the shit out of your no good slut of a bed buddy and that no good lying cheating ex boyfriend of Grace's and you can help me because if I am pregnant like I am sure that I am, I don't want anything to happen to this baby but no one messes with Grace and gets away with it." I ranted and Ricky smirked at me.

"First, if you are pregnant we need to make sure you don't get too riled up because stress is not good for the baby, second of all you tell me this news and then cut me off. And third of all why do you think this?" I sighed I knew this was coming but right now I was too pissed so I simply said

"I will tell you and Grace everything at the same time because I don't want to have to repeat myself." I said and I seen Ricky nod. He pulled into school and I got my bag out and put it on the hood of the car and waited for Adrian to come over like she always does. And I smiled to myself as I seen her coming. She was two feet away when I herd her say.

"Hey babe" I laughed knowing he would get annoyed and tell her off but before he had the chance I answered for him by walking in front of him and pushing her away she looked at me with an evil smirk until Ricky put his hands on my shoulders and the evil smirk turned angry.

"What do you think you are doing pushing me out the way like that you good for nothing piece of trash." I laughed at this and I felt Ricky stiffen knowing he was about to flip but I turned about and smiled at him to let him know I got this.

"I think I am Amy, and you are Adrian. I think it is funny you want to call me trash when you are the one who gives up your body for a little attention to someone other than the guy you are supposed to care about and know better than me. I also think that you are the school slut who is so insecure about her own "relationship" that she has to go and wreck other peoples." I took a breath because I was so pissed and I can see Adrian getting ready to say something when I put my hand up. "I am not done. I have dealt with you for the past two months since school started and I have let you do your thing with out any judgment. I have allowed you to act like I mean nothing to Ricky, and I haven't really said much because I know you're just jealous that Ricky actually loves me and doesn't use me, unlike your self who is just a bed warmer. But to sleep with my best friend's boyfriend is taking it too far. You slept with someone other than the person you are supposed to care about and have nerve to insult everyone else when you are no one. If you cared about Ricky you wouldn't have slept with Jack last night. You did though and you hurt two people I care about because of that and that is not okay." And with out another word I raised my hand and smacked her across the face as hard as I can. I herd Ricky laugh and grab my shoulder and I seen Grace come up and stand behind me. I looked at Adrian as she held her cheek and felt proud for standing up to what I believe in but Adrian didn't know when to leave well enough alone.

"You think you're so smart, you think you have it all figured out I am a slut because I enjoy sex with people. It is funny though because even if you say how much Ricky loves you he would never sleep with you he would never touch you and Jack came knocking and who am I to turn him down he wasn't getting anything from little Grace over there so why not. It is not like Ricky turns down the girls who come up to him. So I'm a slut because I sleep with someone other than Ricky, but he does the same thing so what does that make him." Adrian said like she had won and she laughed and I looked at her and told her exactly how it was.

"No I don't think I am smart, I know I am and Ricky does love me and that bothers you, it bothers the hell out of you that he loves me and not you and you claim to know him so well but you still do all the things that bother him. You call him babe, when you know he hates it because it is what he calls me. You start fights with me even though you know he always takes my side. And hell now you go and sleep with Jack and hurt not only my best friend but it affects me and you stand here and try to get me to say Ricky is a slut, but you forgot Ricky doesn't claim to care about the girls he sleeps with, he doesn't claim to be in a relationship, and he doesn't claim to love him. Every one knows his game, everyone knows how he is but you no you make them believe you care and cheat you're the worse kind of slut you're a home wrecker." I seen Adrian with tears in her eyes and I picked up my bag looked at my friends and all together we walked through the crowd of people that had formed to our lockers and off to our first class. I guess the baby conversation will have to wait till lunch. I thought.

During lunch we all got our food and met at our regular table. I was there first so I dedcided to check my phone before Ricky and Grace got here. When I looked at my phone I had 7 new messages. 5 from Ben, 1 from Ricky and 1 from Grace.

To Amy, From Ben:

Good Morning! Have a good day!

To Amy, From Ben:

I seen the fight, are you okay?

To Amy, From Ben:

Are you okay?

To Amy, From Ben:

AMYYYY!

To Amy, From Ben:

Is this because of Ricky, I told you he would

get you in trouble. You okay?

To Ames, From Ricky:

Nice smack. Thanks for standing up for me. I

Glad you're on my side. See you soon.

To Amy, From Grace:

Thanks for standing up for me. I don't know

what I would do with out you. You make me

feel like I can do this. Love you so much!

I sighed Ben can really get on my nerves and it aggravates me to no end that he blames everything on Ricky. If he seen the fight he should know I did this for Grace and Ricky. I quickly texted him back.

To Ben:

I'm fine lol. You worry too much, and this

wasn't all about Ricky it was for Grace too.

It was for me too she hurt me. Text ya later.

I look up and seen Ricky and Grace both looking at me with smiles on their faces. I knew what they were both going to say so I stopped them before they said anything,

"I got your guys texts and you know I would do anything for the both of you. You guys have been there through everything. Those jerks don't know anything I love you both." I got tears in my eyes as I started to cry. I seen them get up and come over to me and at the same time they said

"What's wrong?" We all laughed and I decided it was now or never.

"I'm fine. Listen I want to talk to you both and now is the best time to do it. Okay so I already told Ricky but Grace I need to tell you. I think, well I am pretty sure….I'm pregnant." I looked at Grace and I can tell she was shocked and didn't know what to say so I started answering and explaining to both of them.

"You both know I haven't been feeling well in the mornings and only the mornings. I get sick almost every morning and I get these random dizzy spells and I haven't had my period in two months which would be right around the time that Ricky and I had sex." I said I could feel the tears in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

"Babe, what do you want to do? You know I will support anything you want." Ricky said and as soon as he said that, I knew he would always stand by me.

"You can't abort this baby, you can't you have to have it. You can have someone adopt it or you can raise it but please tell me you're not thinking of having it aborted." Grace said as low as she could but I could tell she was upset.

"Grace Calm down I would never do that, I wouldn't and I couldn't. As for adoption I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can hand my baby over to random strangers." I said starting to get emotional. "What happens if I give this baby up and in the future he or she comes to find me and I am married and have another baby? I don't want this child to feel like he or she wasn't good enough. I want them to be loved and the only way I know how to do that is to raise it myself." I said now crying I was still wrapped in Ricky's arms.

"You're wrong you know. You won't be by yourself; I want to be a father to my child. I want it to have all the things I never did. I want him or her to know that no matter what I would never harm them in anyway." Ricky said as I cried into his arms.

"I am going to be here too. I can help you baby-sit when we are not in school and I can help you find a job. Actually I think the church nursery is hiring. You can work there and I think all employees get a very discounted rate. Now I know you and your parents don't get along really well so, what about the living situation." Grace commented. I took my head out of Ricky's chest and looked at Grace.

"Grace you are amazing do you know that, and what about the guest house. It has two bedrooms, and no one is staying in it. I can give your parents 100 dollars a month and then I can use my savings and the money I am making and the money Ricky makes to take care of the baby." I said.

"Your right I totally forgot about our guest house I will talk to my mom and the church after school and let you know what the deal is tonight. You know what your parents are going to want though; they won't want you to have this baby." Grace said.

"That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I got papers off line they are emancipation papers. I was going to give them to my parents before this all happened but I couldn't bring my self to do it yet, but I think it is what is best. I take care of my self anyway and now I have another life to make decisions for and I want to be an adult, so after you talk to your parents. I will give the papers to my parents. I have taken care of myself for 15 years I could do it now." I said chocking up because it hurt to think about leaving my parents I love them even if it doesn't feel like they love me.

"I think you're going to be fine, but before we do anything we need to take a test and be sure so after school. We all meet at Ricky's car got it." Grace said we all nodded and just as we finished eating the bell rung and we all rushed off to finish the day.


	5. The Test and Parents

**The Test and Parents**:

The bell was just about to ring so I packed up all of my stuff and looked at the clock 5 seconds and done. Today was finally over well, at least school was. I was walking out of my class room when I seen Ben standing there smiling. I didn't have time for this I thought but I smiled so I wasn't being mean. He walked over and hugged me and I hugged him back.

"Hey Ames" he said and I looked at him and the smile from my face turned into a frown I looked at him in the eyes and said.

"Don't call me that. There is only one person allowed to call me that." I snapped I didn't mean to but I swear it is these damn hormones. Ben looked scared. I have never snapped at him like that before. I sighed "I'm sorry Ben it was a long day, I didn't mean to snap."

"It is okay I mean it has been a long day thanks to Ricky, right I mean that fight with Adrian was all for Ricky and he gets you into more trouble than it is worth I don't know why you hang out with him." I glared at him and thought did he really just say that to me ugh here we go again.

"Ben, my long day has nothing to do with Ricky. The fight with Adrian was not all for Ricky it was because that slut had sex with Grace's boyfriend and hurt Grace, and I hang out with him because he is my best friend has been since we were ten and just because you don't like it doesn't mean it is going to change." I said as I started to walk away until I felt someone's hand on my arm and I froze. "Please get your hands off of me." I said in a low voice. I turned and seen Ben but he didn't remove his hand. This pissed me off so I pulled my hand out of his arm.

"Don't touch me. I don't care if I am walking away. If I am walking away I want to be left alone I don't want you to grab me, so I am going to walk away now. I have to meet Ricky and Grace." I seen I hurt him but at this point I didn't care so I walked out to the car and seen Ricky Adrian and Grace standing there this ought to be good. To me it seemed like Ricky and Adrian were having an argument. I walked over and stood next to Grace to see what I could hear.

"You slept with Zoey, You slept with her. I hate her, why did you have to sleep with her. Ricky, why can't you just commit to me? Why can't you be faithful? I don't understand why it is so hard for you to just be with me and no one else. You have so many girls and, you have sex with all of them and after your done you're gone. Why can't you even stay five minutes after or stay the night?" I can tell Ricky was about to snap and say something he was going to regret and I knew he was going to start having flash backs of Bob so I had to say something I had to stop this. I knew it would lead to a fight but if I didn't say something this could get ugly fast.

"Ricky we need to go." He looked up and noticed me for the first time and I knew this was bad. He only gets like this once in a while, and I knew Adrian had gone too far. Adrian looked at me and threw daggers my way, but I had to get to Ricky so I walked right in front of her. I felt her put her arm on my shoulder, and I turned around.

"Take your hand off of me now" I said in a cold voice "Because if you don't I promise you that smack you felt earlier will be nothing compared to what I can do." I said as coldly as possible. She removed her hand and with her stupid attitude said

"Ricky and I were in the middle of a conversation so get out of the way." She said like she was better than me. I just turned around and looked at Ricky. He was still spaced, this wasn't good. I took my hands and I put my hands on his face and looked him in the eye. I seen a spark of something and as fast as it came it was gone. Adrian was staring at me and screaming things I didn't hear. I leaned up and whispered in Ricky's ear.

"It is okay Ricky, It's Amy, Your okay, he can't hurt you, relax." And then I felt his arms wrap around me and I knew he was fine. He gets spaced out some times and he feels pressured he shuts down and he needs someone to break him out of that I am the only one who knows how. After Ricky let go I felt someone turn me around and look me in the eye so I took a step back and finally herd what she was saying.

"You ruin everything for Ricky he would be better off with out you." And with that she walked away. I don't know why but for some reason her words stung and when Ricky put his hand on my shoulder I shrugged it off and got in the car. Ricky and Grace followed. I don't know why I am even thinking about this I know he wouldn't be, but it bothered me, he has to grow up and be a father all because I wanted sex. What was I thinking? We pulled up to the store and Ricky got out with Grace and bought a couple of pregnancy tests. I never said a word. We pulled up to my house 45 minutes after leaving school and of course no one was home but all I could think about was Adrian's words. When we get inside and put our stuff in my room I grab the bag and made my way into the bathroom. I read the directions and Peed on all the sticks, I set the timer for three minutes and sat on the toilet while I waited. I knew what it was going to say and as I herd the timer go off I got up and looked on the sink and just as I thought. ALL POSITIVE. I opened the door and walked into my room. Ricky and Grace stood up and looked at me and all I could say was.

"Positive, I'm Pregnant" and with that I started crying and I felt a big pair of strong arms wrap around me and another pair of arms and I fell to the floor crying. After about 5 minutes of crying I stood up and looked at Ricky and Grace and I knew I needed them, and I knew Adrian's words weren't true, I would talk to Ricky later but right now I needed to do the right thing.

"I can do this." I said with the strongest voice I could muster up at the time. "I am going to love this child; I am going to make it feel like they deserve the world. I am going to give them everything, I mean everything I can and I can do it because I love this baby. I want you guys to be apart of this baby's life. I want it to have a mom and a dad who love it because lets face it anyone can be parents it takes something special to be a dad or a mom. I want them to have their Aunt Grace around and I was hoping that would also mean that Aunt Grace would be their god mother too." I said as the tears rolled down my face. Grace and Ricky both had tears in their eyes and Grace spoke first.

"I would be honored to be an Aunt and a god mother and I will do anything I can to help you, after I leave here I will talk to my mom and everything will be okay." She said as strong as possible, and after her Ricky talked.

"Babe, I will do everything I can to make this easy on you, and I will be the best dad I know how to be. I will need some help from you but this baby will be loved more than anything in the whole world. We have a lot of love to give." He told me

"Then we can do this." We all hugged and then Grace looked at the time and said she had to go, she would call me as soon as she could. I hugged her and thanked her and it was just me and Ricky. I knew I had to talk to him about what Adrian said even though I didn't want to.

"I'm sorry, Mud." Was the first thing I can think of. "I guess Adrian was right, you would be better off with out me." I said as I tried my best not to cry. I looked at Ricky and he looked at me like I was crazy and with a calm voice he said

"Look at me Ames." I looked at him in the eyes like I knew he wanted and he continued. "I don't care what Adrian said. She was wrong and you know that, but you are sensitive right now, so you took it too heart. Babe if it wasn't for you I would have never told the teacher what Bob was doing. I would have never gotten help. I would have died in that house because I never had any outlet. I wouldn't have anywhere to go when I wanted to cry. You saved me and this baby is a blessing yes we are young but we can love it with everything we have. Don't listen to Adrian. I only use her for sex. Another thing you helped me with today you broke me out of my trance. You're the only one I laid with after making love, because you are the only one I don't feel the need to control and the only one I don't feel trapped by. I love you Kid, and that isn't ever going to change." He said and then he laid his hand on my stomach and said "and I love you baby." I looked at Ricky with tears pouring down our faces and I jumped in his arms and held on to it like my life depended on it. He rubbed my back and just held me. As I finally started to calm down I looked at the time and realized it was 7:00 and everyone would be home soon. So me and Ricky made our way to the kitchen. I didn't even notice I was ribbing my barely noticeable baby bump, until Ricky wrapped his arms around me and stopped me. I laughed and said "I love you boo boo." He knew I was talking about the baby and just kissed the side of my head. As I was preparing food I herd my phone beep in my pocket and looked at it. 3 Missed Calls, 2 Voice Mails, and 5 Texts. It was all from Ben except one text message was from Grace.

Missed Calls: Ben, Ben, Ben,

Voicemails: Hey Amy it is Ben I wanted to apologize for today. Call me soon. I want to talk.

Hey I still haven't heard anything form you, call me. I miss you. Bye.

Texts: To Amy From Ben:

I haven't herd from you since you left school.

To Amy From Ben:

I said I was sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.

To Amy From Ben:

AMYYYY PLEASEEE CALLL ME!

To Amy From Ben:

I am so worried where are you.

To Amy From Ben:

Just let me know your okay.

I decided to text him back before looking at Grace's text.

To Ben:

I am fine I am at home with Ricky,

Grace left a little while ago, we were

in the middle of something important

my phone was off sorry. I'll call you later.

Now I looked at Ricky and said "I got a text from Grace and Ben well more like 4 texts, 3 missed calls, and 2 voicemails from Ben. I swear that kid gets on my nerves. I like him and all but damn I am busy." I herd Ricky laugh and I shot him a playful glare and he threw his hands up in surrender.

"What did Grace say?" I sighed and hit open and read what she wrote.

To Amy:

I talked to the daycare and they said it would

be awesome for you to start working A.S.A.P

and that when the baby comes they will only take

fifty dollars out of your paycheck a month and you

will be making 10 dollars an hour. And you work

from 3-6 Monday thru Friday. And I talked to my

mom and she said because you are like family and

you can live in the guest house free of charge. I

know what you are going to say and I told her you

would pay but she said they pay the same now as

they would if you didn't live there, because Tom

uses it and my dad as a hang out, so it won't change

how much she pays and you will need the money for

the baby so all you have to do is pay to support you

and the baby. My parents also said if your parents

don't want you on their insurance they will put you

on theirs. I love you and my mom and dad and

Tom say they love you. =}

As I read the text out loud I couldn't help but cry and as I looked over Ricky had tears in his eyes this is it. I am 15 and I am having a baby.

Ricky ran over and I jumped into his arms I was so happy that I was able to have a family of my own, but it was scary at the same time. I decided to tell Ricky how I felt.

"Mud, I am so happy, I am so scared, I am relieved, and sad." He looked at me like I was crazy and knew I should explain. "I am happy because for as long as I can remember I always dreamt of having children of my own and living on my own and being happy. I am scared because I am 15, I am getting emancipated, I am moving out, I am still in school, I am getting a job, I have to tell my parents, and I am having a baby. I am relieved that Grace's parents are kind enough to do this all for me I always looked at them as my parents but this is so much more than I could have dreamed, and I am sad that I have to leave the only home I ever knew because I asked you to have sex with me and now that resulted in us having a baby." I sighed and Ricky looked at me and smiled.

"But you are not doing it alone. You have people who love you and will support you and you will be okay" I smiled and he smiled "thanks, I have to text Grace back."

To Grace:

Tell you parents I love them, Tom, and

you. I have always thought of them as my

parents and for them to do this for me is

more than I could have ever imagined.

Thank you so much. I love you.

Just as I hit send, my parents walked in. They looked at me and Ricky and sighed, here it comes I thought.

"Hey mom, and dad. I need to talk to you. It is really important. Can we all sit down?" They nodded their heads and sat around the kitchen table. I pulled the emancipation papers out of my pocket and looked at Ricky who was also around the table for support. He nodded his head and I took a deep breath.

"Mom, Dad, I want you to both know that I love you guys very much and I love James and Ashley, but I don't feel like I am part of this family. So I am asking you guys to sign these papers. I want to get emancipated and if you don't sign we have to go to court and I don't want to do that. I want to live my own life and make my own decisions I know I am 15 but I need you to do this for me." I pleaded with tears in my eyes, they looked at me and instead of signing like I hoped they would, my dad talked.

"Baby you know we love you. We really do and you are always going to be apart of this family no matter what you do. Why do you want to sign these papers. What will it change." My dad said I could tell I hurt them, but I had to do this.

"Amy I love you. You are my daughter, you have always been independent but this you want me to sign you away, how can I do that." My mom cried. I looked at Ricky and he walked over and stood behind me holding my shoulder telling me I can do this.

"I hate that I am hurting you guys, and I didn't want to do this, but I am not happy. I come home to an empty house everyday till 8 or 9 o'clock some times and when ever I want to tell you guys anything I always get put last and it hurts. It hurts to be here and I don't want to be hurt anymore. Please do this for me." I cried. Both my parents had tears in their eyes but they nodded their heads and signed. I sighed in relief and hugged both of them.

"Okay now here is another reason you are not going to like on why I needed you to sign these papers. Mom, Dad, I am pregnant." I said. My mom and dad both look disappointed my dad spoke.

"Who's the father of your baby?" he said

"I'm the baby's father and I plan on being there for everything." Ricky said with a strong voice. My dad just shook his head and my mom finally stopped crying enough to talk.

"How did this happen?" she asked.

"It happened at band camp." I said and they just shook their head. Now was the question I was dreading.

"What are you going to do?" My dad asked.

"Tomorrow after school I hand these papers into the court and they will process them. I am keeping the baby and going to move into Grace's guest house. She talked to her parents and because they don't use it for anything I can live there rent free. It has two bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom, and laundry area; it is like a mini condo. I will then start working at the church nursery where once they baby is born I will pay 50 dollars a month for him or her to stay there and I will make about 150 a week so I will have 100 dollars a month for spending money and Ricky said he was going to get a job and help out to. The only thing I don't know about is insurance. I just need to know if you guys are going to keep me on your insurance. If you're not Grace's parents offered to put me on theirs." I said and just waited for my parents to answer. They both looked shocked. My mom was the first to recover.

"Since you have this all figured out and you figured out a way to do this on your own then we are going to keep you on our insurance it is the least we can do, and when the baby is born it can then go on to your insurance and we will continue to pay for it. You are becoming such an amazing young woman we are proud of you." She said as we all hugged and then my dad did something I never ever thought he would do he shook Ricky's hand and said welcome to the family.


	6. The Appointments Part 1

**Appointments Part 1:**

It has been two weeks since I have told my parents I was pregnant, and as of right now I was still living at home, but that was only until the guest house was ready. Ricky kept true to his word and found a job and a place to live. Actually Ben's dad got Ricky a job at the family butchers shop, and allowed him to live their rent free, all he had to pay was some money for utilities and that was only 50 dollars a month. He was working 32 hours a week and was making 10 dollars an hour. I was now two months and two weeks pregnant and I was excited. Telling Ricky's parents wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and Margaret said that although she thinks we are young she knows we will make awesome parents. She also mentioned that she was happy that I was the one who got pregnant and was someone she knew and liked rather than any other girl Ricky has been with. We still haven't told anyone beside our families that I was pregnant and Ricky's therapist because we read in some book that the most likely time for someone to miscarry is the first three months. I will start telling people in about two weeks, making me three months, and almost out of the danger zone. I was never one to care what people thought so I wasn't worried about telling anyone. Although in the past two weeks Ben did ask me be his girlfriend and I said yes. I know I shouldn't have because I am keeping the whole, moving, getting emancipated, and having a baby thing a secret but I have to.

On a better note today was my first doctor's appointment, and tomorrow is the first day at the day care. Today was not only the first doctor's appointment for the baby it was also the first appointment with Ricky's shrink that we were going to together. The shrink thinks he can better help Ricky if Ricky would open up and Ricky said he would only do it if I was there and I needed to help him so I agreed. We had the baby's appointment at 3 and Ricky's appointment at 5. It was going to be a long day.

I just finished eating breakfast and look at the clock and notice Ricky will be here in 5 minutes so I run upstairs to get my phone, and my bag, and all the snacks I packed for the day because I am always hungry. I looked at the clock and seen it was 7 30 and walked outside to see Ricky pulling up. I get in the car and see him smile.

"Hey babe" he says leaning over to kiss my cheek, then puts his hand on my stomach and I cover his out of habit as he says "How's my boo boo today?" I laugh I gave the baby a nick name that can go for either a boy or a girl and now that's how we refer to the baby.

"Hey, and boo boo is good. I didn't really feel to sick this morning but you never know what the days brings with this little one." I said as I absentmindedly started to rub my belly, and Ricky started driving.

"Yeah your right this baby is all full of surprises." He said and I nodded. "Are you nervous about today and the doctors?" he asked

"Surprisingly no, I am looking forward to seeing the baby that small. I also think this appointment will be good for you. Are you worried?"

"Yeah I am, well sort of. I mean what if there is something we are not doing. I mean what if we didn't do the right thing and waited too long before we went. My appointment I don't even want to go. You shouldn't have to; you shouldn't have to relive it." He said quickly.

"Mud, everything is fine. I talked to the doctor on the phone. I told her how far along I am and when we figured it out and she said this was the soonest she can see me, and your appointment it will be hard. I won't deny that, but isn't it better to be with me and me with you so we can lean on each other instead of by yourself. You need to relax." I answered; he shook his head as we pulled up to school. I see Ben and Adrian waiting where we usually park and groan. I like Ben but I know he gets jealous of Ricky and that makes me want to scream. I get out the car and head over to Ben.

"Hey sweetie, how was your morning?" He asked I hate that he calls me that but I yelled at him for everything else so I let it go.

"Good morning Ben, it was fine. How about you?" I asked to be nice.

"Good." He answered and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and I turned to look at Adrian and Ricky staring at me.

"What?" I snapped at both of them. Ricky held up his hands in surrender. Adrian rolled her eyes and opened her big mouth.

"What took you guys so long to get here, you are usually here before us, what were you two doing." She said as if accusing Ricky and I of doing something. If only she knew I thought.

"I woke up 2 minutes late and Ricky was 2 minutes late getting to my house, oh and we hit some light on the way here. Didn't know you needed to know what we did every second we were together." I looked at Ricky "You should give her a muzzle and then maybe she and I will be friends." Ricky laughed and Adrian glared at him.

"I am going to find Grace, see you at lunch." I said to Ricky as Ben and I walked off to find Grace walking towards us.

"Hey Amy, are you nervous?" Grace said when she walked up, ugh great now I have to make up an excuse as to why I'm nervous. I shot a look to Grace and she knew she almost slipped.

"Nervous about what?" Ben asked

"Some test in Math, it is not a big deal." I said sounding convincing

"Ben, I have to go to class talk to you later." I gave him a peck on the lips and walked off with Grace. I looked at her and laughed.

"Way to almost blow up my spot Grace. Good thing I am good to lying to people about how I am feeling because you know he is going to go nuts when he finds out. Adrian is going to start a fight and I don't even want to think about it. To answer your question though; I am not nervous. If we get pictures I will get you one, and on that note I have to go can't be late." I herd her yell bye as I walked away to go to class.

During lunch I was sitting there waiting for Ricky and Grace to come over so I looked at my phone. 2 messages.

To Amy From Ben:

I miss you already.

To Amy From Ben:

Hope your math test was okay.

Sometimes this kid could be so sweet and other times he would annoy the hell out of me, and the bad thing was I couldn't help but compare him to Ricky. When Ben and I would go out I would always think of the difference. When I lay in Ricky's arms I felt safe, and content. When I lay in Ben's arms I felt cold, and when he kisses me I feel nothing, but he is sweet and I can learn to love him. When Ricky kisses me I get butterflies and I feel whole. I always have butterflies around that kid but lately I ignore them. I love him more than a friend I am sure of that, but I know he doesn't feel the same. So I ignore it. I look up to see Grace and Ricky walking this way, and quickly text Ben back.

To Ben, From Amy:

It went fine, and I miss you too.

Ricky and Grace finally reach the table and sit down.

"Who are you texting?" Ricky asked

"Ben texted me twice so I was answering him." I answered, and I watched Ricky roll his eyes. "Ricky, what the hell is your problem with Ben?" I asked annoyed that he is always putting him down.

"I don't like the kid, I don't like how he treats you, I don't like how possessive he is, I don't like how he doesn't like me, and I think he is a whiny baby." He answered and smirked at me.

"You don't know him Ricky, and he treats me fine so leave it alone." I say and turn to Grace who is looking at me like I have two heads but doesn't say anything.

"So is the guest house almost finished?" Grace asked. I haven't allowed Grace to see the guest house since I started getting it ready but I am almost done.

"Yeah, it is I plan on finishing up packing this week and hopefully next week I will be in there; I can't wait for you to see it." I smiled at her and Ricky and we all ate and kept light conversation. Until lunch was over and it was time to finish school for the rest of the day.

At the end of the day I couldn't get out of school fast enough I seen Ricky at my locker and I ran into his arms I was so excited for today.

"I am so excited for this." I said as I was pulled away from our hug to see Ricky with a frown and when I turned around I seen Ben and Adrian there. I sighed; me and my big mouth. I quickly opened my lockers and threw all my bags in there; I finished my homework in study hall.

"What are you two staring at; it was just a hug" I said annoyed and I felt Ricky putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Why is it every time I turn around your with him Amy?" Ben asked and I knew Adrian wanted to know this answer also.

"I don't know why you guys don't understand the concept of best friends. You are with Alice and Henry all the time and I don't care if they date. You are still with them, confide in them, stick up for them, and hang out. That's what Ricky and I are doing. I get you guys want to be apart of our lives, but if you think coming in here and trying to pull us apart is going to work it won't." I said and I felt Ricky squeeze my shoulders.

"Amy and I have been through more than both of you put together I am not saying your lives are perfect but neither are ours. We always had each other to count on and Amy had Grace too. We are in this life together and if you two try and mess it up you won't like the results." Ricky said

"Okay." Ben and Adrian said at the same time.

"Do you want to come over today Amy and hang out for a while." Ben asked

"I'm sorry Ben, I can't Ricky and I have some things to do today." I knew he was upset.

"Wait that's why you said you can't hang out later. You are going out with her?" Adrian snapped.

"We have important things to do today and if we don't leave now we are going to be late." I responded so I gave Ben a hug and a kiss and told him to text me later and Ricky just waved to Adrian as we walked out and drove to the doctor's appointment. When we got there we had to wait a few minutes but the moment the called my name I got so nervous and when I stood up I felt Ricky grab my hand. I knew I could do this. We followed the Doctor to an exam room and I sat on the table while Ricky sat in the chair next to me holding my hand the whole time.

"Hi, I am Dr. Jones, and you must be Amy, and this is.." Dr. Jones said. Ricky let go of my hand and extended it to the doctor.

"I am Ricky Underwood, the father of this baby." Ricky said and after shaking her hand he grabbed mine again.

"Okay Amy, How are you feeling?"

"I have been feeling pretty good. I get sick usually every morning and some times I get a little dizzy, but that has happened all my life. I didn't get sick this morning but other than that it is usually right when I wake up."

"Okay so that is normal and will probably only happen for the next month and maybe if you are lucky a little less. You mentioned on the phone that you think you are about two and a half month pregnant."

"Yeah, I actually know the exact date I got pregnant, it was Aug. 30th. It was the only time I have ever had sex." I answered and the doctors made some notes in her chart.

"Okay, and how about your eating habits, have they changed." Dr. Jones asked.

"She eats twice what she used to eat, but ever since we realized she is pregnant she has been eating healthier, still a lot just healthier, and she gets really weird cravings. She had a choc sundae with pickles on top just last night." Ricky answered and I laughed and so did the doctor.

"So you have been doing a really good job at staying healthy for this baby witch is a good thing. Also it is noted that you walk every evening about two miles. I want you to continue to do that. Okay now let's discuss your options and then we will take a look at the baby I will write you a prescription for pre-natal vitamins and you will be good to go." Dr. Jones said

"We are keeping the baby, and although I was just recently emancipated from my parents, I am living in my friends guest house, which has 2 bedrooms, and I have gotten a job and so has Ricky, we agreed to keep the baby and my parents also think it is best." I said

"Okay, then lets take a look at the baby. Just lay down here and lift you shirt so you stomach is showing." Dr Jones told me, and I did as she said. I still never let go of Ricky's hand.

The doctor got the ultrasound machine and got some gel and put it on my stomach it was so cold. She then got the wand thing and turned the screen on she moved it around a little until she found what she was looking for she pointed to the screen and said to us .

"You see that?" Ricky and I both nodded "That is your baby, now it is too early to tell the sex or hear the heart beat but that is the baby." She said.

"That's our baby." I said looking at Ricky with tears in my eyes. He just got up and kissed my forehead leaned it together and said

"Yeah that's out baby." Then he turned to the nurse and said "Is there anyway we can get a couple pictures." He asked

"Sure how many would you like?" she asked

"Can we have 5 please?"

"Sure, I will go get those and your prescription and you guys can get them at the front desk as soon as your ready, and you can make you next appointment for 2 weeks later. It was nice meeting you two." Dr. Jones said as she walked out. I looked at Ricky and he walked to the sink and grabbed some paper towels with water and came over to me and cleaned my stomach. He laid his hand there and then leaned down and kissed it and whispered. "I love you boo boo."

"You're going to be the best dad in the world Ricky." I said as I pulled my shirt down and started rubbing my stomach.

"You think so? What if I turn out worse than my dad?" Ricky asked fear in his voice.

"Look at me" He looked me in the eyes. "You are not Bob, you would never do anything to hurt this child, or me. I trust you completely; you know the safest I ever felt is when I am with you. So I know you will be an awesome father. If you can love and protect this baby half as much as you do me. That's all that counts." I said to him

"Thanks Amy, We have to go." He said and I nodded and followed him out picked up the pictures, my prescription, and made an appointment. We got in the car stopped off to get my meds and go to see Ricky's therapist. While we were driving I couldn't help but look at the picture.

"What are you thinking about babe? Ricky asked

"How amazing it is that this is boo boo, that there is a person living inside of me." I said

"I can't believe it some times. I feel like it is a dream. We came a long way already from that scared little boy, and the ignored little girl." Ricky said.

"I know I am legally an adult, I am having a baby, and yes I am moving out of that house I grew up in. I mean it is amazing. Why did you get so many picture?" I asked

"Well I figured we have to give Grace one, I, you, and I figured we can give your parents and my parents one." He said. I nodded he was so smart and then I looked around and noticed we had pulled up to the therapist office.


	7. The Appointments Part 2

**Appointments Part 2:**

I knew Ricky didn't want to get out of the car but we only had ten minutes to get up there and sign in so I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"Come one Ricky, we have to do this. You will be fine." He nodded and got out of the car and I followed, I walked over to him and grabbed his hand and we walked hand in hand to the front desk to check in and after we did we sat of the couch and 5 minutes later we herd his name being called. I got up and followed him never letting go of his hand. We walked in the room and his shrink had us sit down and got us each a bottle of water and made his self comfortable. He then started to greet us.

"Ricky good to see you again, and you must be Amy, I am Dr. Fields." He said as he extended his hand, I took my hand out of Ricky's and noticed the lost of warmth and shook the doctors hand and then Ricky grabbed my hand again. Dr. Fields noticed.

"So Amy I herd you and Ricky been friends for 10 years." Said Dr. Fields

"Yeah he was 6 and I was 5. I was outside one day in our neighborhood and I noticed a little boy down the street my parents weren't paying attention so I went up to him and we started playing together and we hit it off immediately. Been best friends ever since." I answered

"So did you know that Ricky was sexually and physically abused?" He asked

"Yes I did it was like 3 days after we first met. Ricky's herd Bob's car coming down the street and he told me to hide in the bushes his dad was coming home and he was going to be in a bad mood. He told me once they were inside I could run but only after I knew he was inside. He didn't want Bob to see me. Ricky ran inside and Bob pulled up, I didn't hear anything for a while." I said starting to get chocked up remembering hearing Ricky get molested and abused for the first time. Ricky squeezed my hand.

"You don't have to do this Ames." Ricky said.

"I would do anything for you. Ricky the worst is over because Bob is gone he can't hurt, you, me, or anyone else. I know this is hard for you, believe me but it can help you. We have to let Bob stop wining. You're doing it slowly but you don't even love yourself yet. You love me and this baby but you need to love yourself and if talking about this is going to help then I will talk for hours." I said

"Okay, but promise me if it gets too much you will stop. You can stop it will be okay." Ricky said and grabbed me in a hug so I curled into Ricky. Resting in my favorite spot with his arm wrapped around me. Dr. Fields also took note.

"Okay, Amy so you were saying." He said

"I didn't hear anything, I didn't know what was going on, so I stayed and listened to what Ricky said. I trusted him. That was when I herd it. He told Ricky he was going to teach him a lesson because only bad boys don't listen to their fathers. I herd what sounded like a smack and then I herd Ricky cry. I was frozen I couldn't move. Then that's when I heard Bob moaning. He told Ricky he made him do this. I didn't know what was happening but I was crying. My parents didn't notice." I said now wiping the tears as Ricky rubbed my back.

"Ricky how about you tell me what Amy was hearing." Dr. Fields said.

"I remember that day I went in the house, and I waited till Bob came home, Nora was who knows where probably selling her body for drugs for her and Bob but she wasn't home and Bob was mad because there was nothing to eat. He told me I had a no good mother, and I was a good for nothing child. I told him I didn't do anything wrong, and he smacked me, I started crying he told me crying was for babies and I needed to man up. I told him no. He said I am going to teach you a lesson, because only bad boys don't listen to their fathers. He raped me. He enjoyed it. That's what Amy herd. When he was done raping me he would lay there and I wouldn't be allowed to move. I couldn't move because if I did he would beat the crap out of me." Ricky now had tears in his eyes and I was soaking his shirt with tears, he just continued to rub my back and I held him tight.

"After that would happen Bob would pass out drunk and Ricky would sneak out the house and he would come and knock on my window. I would sneak out the window and Ricky would tell me everything that has happened. Him and I would sit in the grass and cry. I would hold him like he is holding me now. I begged him to tell the teachers but he made me promise not too. I wouldn't hurt him like Bob hurt him, so I didn't say anything. I couldn't no one would believe me anyway. My parents didn't know I existed and would think I was lying and so would the teachers. I felt sick hearing it every night but I knew he was okay because he would always show up." I said

"So you have both dealt with this for years. Ricky you have been coming here and working it out but what about you Amy? How do you deal with everything you herd? Does it haunt you?" Dr. Fields asked I felt Ricky stiffen he was scared of the answer.

"When I was little yes, I used to get night mares from hearing someone hurting him. I use to wish I could tell someone. I didn't want to hurt Ricky though so I would never say anything. No one would believe me, Ricky wasn't ready to tell and if I said anything they wouldn't have proof because Bob would make Ricky stand up for him. I would have been thought of as a liar and Ricky would have suffered form me telling anyone anything. It was hard listening to that, but I knew that Ricky trusted me enough to come to me and lean on me. He trusted me enough to tell me. I didn't fully understand what was going on, and when I was old enough to completely understand was when Ricky told. He told me I was the reason he told. I gave him the strength. After that the noises didn't make me sick anymore. I helped him, which in a way made it okay for me." I said trying to make sense of what I wanted to say.

"You helped him get help. You helped him get through it. He was facing some thing a lot more difficult than anyone, and you helped him. If you were able to help him then hearing him scream and cry was worth it because it gave you some perspective." Dr. Fields asked

"Yeah" I answered

"If she never heard me the first time, I probably wouldn't have told her. I am glad she helped me. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for her." Ricky said.

"You two rely on each other a lot don't you?" Dr. Fields asked.

"Yeah we do; Amy was my safe spot someone I can tell anything too and she would always listen. She never made me feel weak or helpless. She didn't judge and she never asked stupid questions. I wasn't always nice but she never held it against me. We have a good friend ship." Ricky said

"I need Ricky, he has always been my rock. I know he doesn't trust himself or love himself and when someone tries to get personal, or pressure him he shuts down. I am the only one to get him out of that. He is the only one to calm me down. I have never ever in my entire time knowing him, felt like he would hurt me. In fact the safest place I have ever been in my life is with him. I feel safe, and that's all that matters." I said I was getting the impression the doctor didn't like that we leaned on each other so much.

"Why can't you guys do things on your own and be independent because if you rely on each other too much, what happens when the other is gone or when you are by your self. You guys are very dependant on each other." I knew this was coming as soon as it left him mouth

"Dr. Fields I have to disagree with you. One you don't know me very well, and you don't know Ricky very well either. Although Ricky and I rely on each other we can very easily stand alone and own our own two feet. I have taken care of myself since I was 5 and Ricky has taken care of himself for as long as he can remember. I am very opinionated and I will tell anyone how I feel. I am not afraid to fight for myself. I have as I mentioned moved out of my house and got emancipated. I am having a baby and gotten a job. I may have friends that are there for me and we may rely on each other but not to what you are thinking. So as much as you are a professional you don't know us and you don't know how it works. I don't lean on him more than he leans on me we are equals." I answered annoyed he would even say something like that.

"I apologize for offending you, but I am just going by what you told me. I can see the hour is up. I would like you guys to keep coming back so we can get to know each other better and get every one where they need to be." Dr. Fields said Ricky and I nodded said our goodbyes and walked out. Once in the car I looked at Ricky and can tell he wasn't happy.

"What's wrong Ricky?" I asked

"I hate these sessions. Don't you see why now? He is always trying to tell me how I feel. Trying to tell me what he thinks is wrong but he doesn't get it." Ricky said.

"He is trying to help and why I don't agree with the way he goes about it, I honestly think he wants what is best for you." I said to him

"No, the only person who wants what best for me is you."

"Why do you hate yourself so much?" I asked as he started driving.

"I feel like I am not good enough, I feel like I never will be, I think I am going to hurt someone I care about. I hate what people think about me. I am scared I am going to turn into him. I feel like a victim and I feel it is my fault." He answered.

"You know I can't change how you feel only you can do that Mud, but listen to me; you are good enough and you always have been. You can't let what happened define you because that's what Bob wants. He wants control over you. I know you're a good man Ricky. You are sticking by me and this baby. You are showing me, right there how much of a better man you are than Bob. You will never hurt someone you love because you don't have it in you. You would never lay a hand on me or anyone else. I believe that. I meant what I said I only feel safe when I am with you. Other people don't matter. Love the man I know you can be." I answered as we pulled up to my house. I turned and kissed him on the cheek "I love you Ricky." I said as I was getting out of the car.

"I love you too Kid. I love you too boo boo." I smiled as I rubbed my stomach and walked in the house. I found my parents sitting in the living room.

"Hey Amy, how are you feeling today?" My dad asked they pay more attention now that I am pregnant.

"Hey Mom and Dad. I feel great; Ricky and I had our first ultrasound today and everything is great." I said and I handed them a picture. "Ricky and I wanted you guys to have this." They looked at me and smiled

"Wow, I remember when you were that small. Seems like forever ago. Thank you for giving this to us." My mom said. I smiled and kissed them both on the cheek and made my way upstairs. I decided to text Ben. It was 7:00 and I was exhausted, and hungry so I went to the kitchen to make some dinner and started texting Ben.

To Ben;

Hey!

To Amy:

Hey Sweetie! How are you?

To Ben:

Exhausted, just got home. Making some dinner.

To Amy:

You're just getting in now?

Here we go I thought might as well text Grace along with Ben. I thought waiting for my dinner to cook.

To Ben:

Yes. We had a busy day.

To Grace:

Hey, everything went fine, and

GUESS WHAT?

To Amy From Ben:

Oh I see. Can I come over for a little bit?

To Ben:

Sorry I am going to eat and sleep. I'm tired.

To Amy From Grace:

What?

To Grace:

We got you a picture. Lol

To Amy From Ben:

Not too tired for Ricky though, even though

I am your boyfriend.

To Ben:

I love Ricky, he is my best friend, why can't

you accept that?

To Amy From Grace:

Thank you soooo much. You know what

this means. SCRAPBOOK!

To Grace:

Awsome, sounds perfect!

I was finally finished eating and was heading up to bed. I am so tired I knew I better get into my pajamas before I fell asleep. I changed, and laid in bed.

To Amy From Ben:

You love him. You don't love me and

I don't see why. He is a player and he

Always gets you in trouble.

To Ben:

I am going to bed, talk to you in the morning.

To Amy From Grace:

I love doing it! I am tired.

To Grace:

Me too! I'm going to bed. Ttyl

As soon as I sent the last text I was passed out. It was a long day.


	8. Moving In

**Moving In**

It has been one week since the appointments. This means in one week I will probably ruin my relationship with Ben. Not much has changed at all except today is the day that I move into my new apartment after school I am so excited. My parents are sad and although I am so excited I am sad to be leaving the only thing place I have ever called home. Ricky and I still go to therapy once a week. Boo boo is doing great although you can totally tell I am getting a baby bump so I am wearing some off the shoulder shirts now because they are baggie and no one would think anything of it. Well it is that time again. I thought as I walked out of my house for the last time and down the driveway to meet Ricky.

"Hey Kid" Ricky said as he kissed my cheek and out his hand on my stomach. "Hey boo boo" he said to my stomach I have to say he is the most adorable guy ever when it comes to this baby.

"Hey Ricky" I said as I put my head against the window; I wasn't feeling well, I was dizzy and nauseas. I hated this feeling and I was thinking; is leaving this house and keeping this baby the best thing to do. I want to be the best mom I can be but I am 15 and Ricky is 16. I don't know right now. I noticed Ricky was driving.

"What's wrong, you are really quite." Ricky asked

"Nothing I don't want to talk about it" I snapped. Ugh these hormones are making me nuts. Ricky didn't press he knew I would tell him eventually. I guess in my life anger is like armor you take it off and you are defenseless; which is probably why Ben, Adrian, and I fight all the time. I get out of the car when we pull up to school and Ricky looks at me.

"Hey I know you don't want to talk about it, but it might help." Ricky said.

"No it won't help. You don't know when to leave shit alone Ricky. You always want to go on and on when I don't want to. Why the fuck can't you leave me alone." I snapped and I herd Adrian laugh and I turned to see Ben and Adrian watching us. Great I thought to my self just what I need.

"What is there trouble in paradise?" Adrian asked while having a satisfied grin on her face.

"Leave it alone Adrian" Ricky said.

"What's did you do to piss her off Ricky? Did you hurt her? Why is she so upset?" Ben asked.

"I didn't do anything, not that it is any of your business." Ricky said.

"What do you mean none of my business, she is my girlfriend." Ben said.

"Ricky, you didn't call me last night why not." Adrian asked.

"I was busy helping Amy." Ricky said

"You were too busy with her to come and be with your girlfriend." Adrian said

"Why were you with Amy last night? What were you helping her with?" Ben asked. That was it I couldn't take it anymore.

"Everyone shut the hell up." I yelled and everyone looked at me. "First of all Ricky I'm sorry for snapping. Second Adrian if he was helping me he was helping me. It is not any of your business. He can help who he wants, and no there isn't trouble in paradise you would like that though if there was wouldn't you. Third of all Ben, One Ricky didn't do anything. I snapped at him for no reason. Second don't talk about me like I am not standing right freaking here. Third, what I do with Ricky is mine and his business just because you are my freaking boyfriend doesn't mean you own me. I can do what I want when I want. I don't answer to anyone. Oh and to top it all off Ricky would never hurt me so get that out of your head right now." I said as I started to walk away. Ben grabbed my wrist. I was pissed now, and I know if I didn't defuse the situation Ricky was going to beat Ben up.

"I suggest you let go of my wrist right now." I said with a hard voice as I turned around and walked over to Ricky grabbing my wrist free.

"So what every time we get in an argument you are going to walk away. I don't think so, that's not how relationships work. We have to talk it out." Ben said

"One I don't care how you think relationships work. Everyone is different; when I am angry I walk away. I would have come back or talked to you later. As I said I don't answer to anyone." I said and I started to walk away I stopped and waited for Ricky. I herd him say to Ben.

"You ever hurt her, or put your hands on her again like that. I will show you what happens." Ricky said and walked up to me and hugged me. I sighed and hugged him back. I herd Adrian cough and I let go and told them I would see them after class. I went to my locker and found Grace waiting for me.

"Today is the big day are you excited?" She asked

"Yeah I am actually. So I know you haven't been out since you broke up with Jack. I was wondering if maybe tonight you wanted to have a sleep over at my new place. I know I know it is only outside your house but we can have fun and the weekend is tomorrow. So we can stay up late and eat junk food. I am craving it now. Please" I asked

"You know what Amy that sounds awesome." Grace said. We set up a time and made our way to class Grace, Ricky, and I would meet at lunch.

At lunch I checked my messages as always and to my surprise or not really there were six from Ben:

To Amy:

I am so sorry.

To Amy:

Sweetie, I didn't mean it.

To Amy:

Let me make it up to you.

To Amy:

Dinner tonight?

To Amy:

I miss you.

To Amy:

Please

I was so annoyed so I texted him back.

To Ben:

It is fine. I understand you didn't mean it.

Tonight Grace and I are having Girls night.

I feel like I haven't sat and talked with her

in forever, and we always go out. Tomorrow

maybe, depending on how the day goes.

"Ben?" I herd Ricky ask and I looked up to see him holding two trays one for me and one for him. I sighed it was a peace offering.

"Yeah he texted me six times." I answered and took the food from him "Thanks" I said.

"Anytime. I seen Grace she told me to tell you she isn't coming to lunch, something about getting extra help, or something like that. She said she will see you after." I nodded. I felt Ricky's hand on mine.

"Babe, tell me what is going on with you." He said.

"I don't know. I didn't feel good this morning. I was dizzy and nauseas. I am sorry I snapped at you. I am excited about moving Ricky, but I am scared too. I am leaving the only home I ever knew. I was thinking this morning is leaving my house a good idea? Is keeping this baby a good idea? I want to be the best mom I can but Ricky I am 15, and you are 16. Are we doing what is best for this baby? I love boo boo, I really do, and I know in my heart I can never hold him or her and then just hand them over to people I hardly know. I am so confused and I guess a part of me is scared I am 15 and making so many changes. What if I mess up? I snapped because I knew if I told you, you would be disappointed that I was thinking this. I don't want to disappoint you." I said I worried about disappointing Ricky more than my parents. I continued eating my food when Ricky started talking.

"I have never or could never be disappointed in you. I understand this is a lot to take in all at once. I know you are confused and scared. Hell I am too. Amy, you are not alone. I love boo boo too, and I know that you would never ever be able to hand that baby over because if you did you would never ever forgive yourself. All first time parents want to know what happens if they mess up. It is normal and it intensifies because you are 15 but we can do this. We can do anything together." Ricky said. I looked at him and nodded it was exactly what I needed to hear.

"Thanks" I said he nodded and we finished our lunch and the rest of the day without any more problems. After school I met Grace and told her to come by at 8 so I would have the place all ready. We said our goodbyes and as I was heading out I herd my name being called I turned to see Ben coming towards me. I sighed.

"Hey sweetie"

"Hey, what's up I was just on my way out." I said

"I was wondering if we could meet up later tonight just the two of us. My dad is going to be out of town for the night and I have the house to myself. You can come over and we can hang out." He said. I can't believe he basically asked me over to seduce me. Turn off.

"I already told you Ben, I can't I am having a girls night with Grace, tonight." I said

"Well can't you reschedule? I mean this doesn't happen a lot and I want to be with you tonight I can pick you up at your house and meet your parents, and then we can go to my house." He said

"No Ben, I have hung out with Grace like twice since we started dating and that's not fair to her. She is my sister or at least I consider her to be. I am not blowing her off. Oh, and No to you meeting my parents. That won't be happening any time soon." I said "Listen I have to go text me." I gave him a kiss on the lips and he deepened it. I felt bad for turning him down so I allowed him to kiss me. I turned around to see Ricky standing there and I immediately felt guilty. Why would I feel guilty he is not my boyfriend. I said goodbye walked over to the car and drove home. Ricky was making jokes and we were laughing the whole way. We got to my house got the last 4 boxes loaded the car. Did a quick sweep of my room and off to my new home I go. We reached the guest house at 4:00 and Ricky brought all the boxes inside, and then left to go and get us food. I started to unpack and get everything ready for when Grace came over tonight. By the time Ricky came back I had one box left of just photo albums and books that I was putting on the book case. The other three boxes where just clothes that had to be hung up. I was putting the last book on the shelf when Ricky walked in. I folded all the boxes and put them in the garbage. It was perfect.

The guest house was perfect and I made it a nice home. The walls in the kitchen were olive green with medium brown cabinets, and a granite countertop. The living room was a beige with dark brown furniture, and white accents. The bathroom was a light cream color with a maroon shower curtain, dark wood vanity and a dark would book shelf thing with matching baskets. My room was my favorite so far. I had a full size bed, the walls were a dark and deep red with white and black accents, and all around the room were white Christmas lights to give a nice soft glow. The second bedroom had nothing in it and was plain white. That will be the baby's room. I was in love with it. I went shopping the other day and the kitchen was fully stocked. I also start my job at the daycare Monday and Ricky got called out of work today so he was able to help me. My house was perfect.

"The place looks awesome Ames" Ricky said handing me my food at the small table we put in.

"Thanks. Seeing this place all together makes it look perfect. I actually feel at home here. Not like at my house which was just a place to sleep. This feels like a home." I said as a sense of belonging washed over me.

"See you were nervous for nothing." Ricky smirked. I laughed, and we finished dinner with a light conversation. It was 7:50 and I told Ricky he had to get the hell out. He laughed we said our goodbyes and I looked around the room and smiled I was home. I looked at the clock when I herd a knock on the door 8pm right on time. Grace walked in and I hugged her.

"Wow Amy, this place is unbelievable. I don't even recognize it. It is so much better than it was before and you decorated it perfectly. I love it." Grace gushed

"Thanks. You know I was so worried about moving in, but like I told Ricky when we were sitting here I feel like I am at home. It is not just a place I go to sleep like my old house. It is a home. Somewhere I look forward to going everyday. This is somewhere I get to raise my baby. I am finally happy." I said

"I love that you are living so close to me, and I am glad you are finally happy." Grace said.

"Come on I want to show you my favorite room so far." I said as I led her in to my room and showed her everything.

"Wow, I think this just became my favorite room." Grace said.

"I always wanted a dark room so that I can go there and just relax. My other rooms were so bright they stimulated my brain and I red some where that dark colors help you relax. With the baby on the way I will definitely need that." I said

" I am so proud of you." Grace said.

"Thanks Grace. It is nice to finally have a place to call my home." I said


	9. The Sleepover

**The Sleepover: **

I haven't seen much of Grace because Ben was always hanging around and with the baby and moving in, and the doctors appointment I have been so busy. So tonight is our night to talk about everything and just hang out.

"So we have been so overwhelmed about the things I'm going threw, we haven't talked about the break up with you and Jack. How are you handling it?" I asked

"I don't know Amy. I miss him all the time. I am pissed that he would do this to me, and then have the nerve to come back. We were together for a while and I love him, I really do. I feel like I am giving up." She said

"First I want to apologize for not being around as often. I want you to know I really do consider you a sister to me, and I have been so wrapped up in everything I missed this. I want us to be able to talk. I need you and I am going to be here." I said with tears in my eyes. These stupid hormones. Grace came over and hugged me and we started laughing. Grace sat back down.

"Okay so you are allowed to miss him, and be angry and hurt. He cheated on you with the school slut because you wouldn't sleep with him. That doesn't even make sense. You love him so it is understandable that part of you wants to forgive him. Grace you are not giving up. He gave up the moment he chose to betray you and sleep with Adrian." I said

"Why her of all people? I mean out of everyone in the school you have to have sex with the biggest slut. I mean she is claiming to be dating Ricky but yet she sleeps with everyone she sees. I don't get her. How can you do that to some one you care about?"

"I don't know Grace I would be damned if I know. I mean she is such a Bitch. I try to be nice because Ricky is her bed buddy, and I don't want to hurt him but it is so hard. She comes at me and acts like she is more important than me. I guess that it bothers me. I mean she has the power to hurt a lot of people. She already hurt you, I don't want myself to get hurt, and I don't want Ricky to get hurt." I said

"You know she is a good for nothing whore, she may be a good lay right now, but in the future you will have a husband and children and she won't. People will use her but no one will ever love her." Grace said

"You know your right. I guess it is just weird Ricky never stuck with one girl this long and I am scared he will forget about me and just go to her." I said

"I still don't get how you can deal with that kid." Grace said

"He is a good person Grace. He loves me and he will do anything for me. He has his issues but besides you he was the only other person ever there for me when I needed it." I said

"I think there is something you are not telling me. Okay, so I have to ask this. Are you in love with Ricky Underwood?" Grace asked. I knew what the answer was, but I couldn't speak right away so I walked over to the glass doors and started to look out and rub my baby bump. I sucked in a breath.

"Yes." I whispered I couldn't turn to look at her so I waited until she spoke.

"Since when" She asked

"I was 14. Ricky and I were outside under the stars talking. My brother had come home drunk last night and started a huge fight with my dad. You know the one where he popped his girlfriend's tires. I was sick and I was so upset. It was right after I left you, and I didn't want to go inside so I sat outside. I guess he had the same idea and came looking for me. I was crying looking at the stars wishing for a normal life. He asked what happened and I told him. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered in my ear that everything will be okay. He wasn't going anywhere. No one has ever done that. I fell in love in that moment." I said as I remembered the night.

"That was almost two years ago. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I thought it was stupid. He was my best friend who has been there forever why now fall in love with him. I didn't want to say anything because it doesn't matter he doesn't love me that way. He only sees me as a friend." I said

"That's why you had sex with him?" she asked

"I wanted it to be with someone I could trust, someone who made me feel safe, someone I cared enough about I wouldn't regret it. He was there and I knew he loved me and I loved him so I was okay with it. I didn't expect to get pregnant this early and it still scares me, but out of everyone I am glad it is his baby." I said and I walked over and sat back down.

"What about Ben?" Grace asked. I sighed.

"Grace, I like him and I care about him but I am having another man's baby. He knows nothing about my life, my family; he doesn't even know I moved in here. I know all about him and his needs, and how he feels. What do you think of him?"

"Honestly if he makes you happy go for it, but personally I don't like him. He is kind of controlling and he is pushy. That is just my opinion." Grace said.

"Want to see how many text messages I have from the time we left school till now?" I asked.

"Is it that bad?" she said laughing

"I bet there are like 5 or 6" I said pulling out my phone and laughing. "Six" I said and then started reading them out loud.

To Amy:

I know you are with Grace, but I want you

to come over.

To Amy:

Please, I miss you.

To Amy:

Why can't I see you?

To Amy:

Why don't you ever answer me?

To Amy:

I hope your okay!

To Amy:

Just call me.

After I read them all I looked at Grace and we busted out laughing. Wow this guy is seriously pathetic. I thought in my head.

"Call him and put it on speaker." Grace said I nodded and dialed his number he answered on the first ring.

"Amy, sweetie, are you okay?" He asked

"Ben I am fine, I just got all your messages. I am sorry for worrying you and not answering." I said

"It is fine. How about I come over and hang out with you." Ben said

"Ben you know I am with Grace having a girl's night. I am not going to leave her and run to see you."

"But I am your boyfriend." He said

"and she is my best friend." I said

"How do I know you aren't having guys over there?" Ben asked

"We are not and even if we did it would have nothing to do with you." I said

"Come on just let me come by or you come over here. Dad isn't home and I have the house to my self." He said

"Goodbye Ben." I said

"Wait, I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"I love you!"

"What did you just say?" I asked and I looked with Grace and she looked just as shocked. I didn't know how to reply to this.

"I love you Amy I really do." He said

"I love you too. I have to go. I will talk to you tomorrow." I said and hung up. I looked at Grace.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I asked out loud

"Why did you do that Amy?"

"I didn't know what to say and I mean I can grow to love him. Grace what was I supposed to do. I will never have a chance with Ricky. Adrian has a better chance, than I do." I said

"That's why you hate Adrian so much. You are threatened by her." Grace said

"I don't know Grace, I love Ricky. I know Ricky loves me, and will always always be there but I don't want Adrian to come before me. I am jealous that she can be with him any time of any day. I am jealous that he goes back to her, out of all the girls he chooses her. I hate that when he leaves me he goes to her. I like that me and the baby are the only two people he loves. I don't want her to take that from me. She has the looks, which I don't." I said rubbing my hand over the baby.

"You know I am not Ricky's biggest fan and I don't really get why you have so must trust in him, but I have seen the way he looks at you. No one can change how much he loves you. You and this baby will be first always because now not only are you his best friend you are the mother of his baby, and that is something Adrian will never be." Grace said.

"You know your right thanks." I said "How about some popcorn and a movie?" I asked, she nodded her head and I went to make the popcorn and she picked out a movie.

"What movie are we watching?" I asked her

"A walk to remember" She said. I laughed this was our favorite movie. I guess it kind of relates to me in a way except instead of having cancer I am having a baby. We watched the movie and ate all the junk food we could. We laughed, we cried, and we jumped around. I felt like a normal teen for once in my life. After the movie we started talking about the baby.

"What do you want the Nursery to look like? Grace asked

"Well if it is a girl I want to put up a piece of molding all around the room and have stripes of dark pink, and light pink on the bottom of the molding. The molding will be white, and above the molding will be the light pink. I want Dark wood furniture for the room with pinks and whites. I want a white bassinette for my room. If I have a boy the colors will be light blue and brown instead." I said

"Wow you have really thought this out." She answered

"I want this baby to have everything I didn't, you know. I want boo boo to feel wanted, I want it to feel loved. I want boo boo to know when he or she gets older they can come to me with anything. I want them to feel safe in this house and safe in the presence of their parents. I don't want them to ever feel what I felt or what Ricky felt. I want them to be loved." I said.

"When are you going to tell Ben and Adrian about the baby?" She asked me.

"Next Friday. My next appointment is that Thursday, when she assures me nothing is wrong. I will tell them the next day." I said

"You know they are going to flip."

"I know and I wanted to tell them alone but Ricky thinks we should tell them together. I know Ben will keep his cool with Ricky around but when he leaves it is going to be a nightmare. Adrian will accuse me of doing this too keep Ricky away from her. I know this is going to lead to fights but I am not going to hide boo boo." I said

"You are going to be a great mom Amy." Grace smiled and I got tears in my eyes.

"Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. Ricky is going to make a good father you know that. You should see him with boo boo now he loves this baby already." I smiled

"I am beginning to understand all this now. Maybe Ricky isn't as bad as I thought he was." Grace said

"You guys don't have to be best friends but I want you to give him a chance. He may surprise you." I said

"You know I kind of have my eye on a new guy." Grace said out of no where. This caught my interest.

"Who, Who, Who?" I asked all excited.

"His name is Zack and he is in a band. Not a big band; a garage band he is really good and really cute. I met him today when I stayed for extra help." Grace said all smiles. It was good to see her like this.

"Is he hot, tall, eyes, teeth, smile, and hair? I want all the details." I said Grace yawned and I knew she wouldn't last much longer so she got comfy and so did I and I locked up turned the lights off and waited for her to tell me.

"He is hot, probably 6 foot, green eyes, nice teeth, great smile, and longer black hair. He sings. He was only around for ten or fifteen minutes and he told me about his band and told me to check them out. So he is really good." She yawned again and snuggled into her bed and before I knew it she was out. I checked my phone to see Ricky and Ben Texted me.

To Ames, From Ricky:

Hope you had fun. I love you and boo boo.

Good night.

To Ricky, From Amy:

Thanks it was great. We love you too.

To Amy, From Ben:

Good night! I love you,

To Ben, From Amy

Good night! Me too.

With the last text sent I turned on my side and was asleep with in minutes.


	10. Telling Ben and Adrian

**Telling Ben and Adrian: Nov 30th**

So it has been one week since my sleepover with Grace. So that means I am going into my third month I got pregnant on Aug. 30th and I was 12 weeks pregnant. I had my second ultrasound today. Luckily I haven't had any morning sickness recently and I am almost out of the 1st trimester. Ricky and I have decided that since it I am 3 months today we have to tell Ben and Adrian. Unfortunately it seems like Ricky and Adrian are dating, nothing official but she has been around for awhile; even though I know he is doing things with other girls. So at 5:00 today we are all meeting at my new place which Ben still doesn't know about; and laying everything out on the table. I am nervous but I am not stressing because it is not good for boo boo.

I walked out my house and to Ricky's car. I get in and he says

"Hey" and starts driving. I know something is wrong because he will always give me a kiss on the cheek and say hey to boo boo. So I have to find out.

"What's wrong?" I ask

"Nothing, why do you ask?" He says

"Don't lie to me. For one you didn't kiss my cheek and you didn't say anything to boo boo and you just drove away. So again I say what's up?"

"You know me too well, and me and Adrian had a fight." He said

"about?" I asked

"I don't want to talk about it." Ricky said. I felt tears welling up in my eyes this is the first time Ricky hasn't talked to me and it hurt. We know each other deep dark secrets and now he doesn't want to talk about it. I couldn't do it so I nodded and looked away. Adrian was already coming between us and I don't know how to handle it. We pulled up to school and I walked in the building on a mission to find Grace. I needed her right now. I ignored Ricky calling me and I kept walking, I ignored Ben calling me, I even ignored Adrian. I found Grace and I called her name she turned around smiling and as soon as she seen me she frowned and I looked like I wanted to cry.

"What's wrong?" She asked

"I knew this would happen, remember last week when I told you, you know who would get in between Mud, and I. It is happening and I don't know how to handle it." I said I would never cry in public but this is the closest I have ever been.

"Amy, I don't know what to say." Grace said and then I felt someone grab my wrist gently and I knew it was Ricky. I took a deep breath and turned around. I looked Ricky in the eyes and he looked nervous.

"When did you start running away and ignoring me?" He asked

"When did you stop talking to me?" I challenged. He pulled me in the band room so we were alone, and shut the door.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked

"How about I answer like you; I don't want to talk about it." I said with a smirk

"That's what this is all about, because I didn't want to talk about something with you. That I didn't want to tell you that Adrian and I were fighting about her flipping out because I slept with Zoey again." He said

"No, I don't care about what you were fighting about. I care because for the first time you wouldn't talk to me. That bitch is trying to pull us apart and you are letting her. We use to talk to each other about everything. I was the only one that was ever there for you. We talked about Bob, Nora, your past, the girls, the fears, the fights, and now that you have someone else to go to you don't need me. You don't want to talk about it. That hurt Ricky more than anything else it hurts. You shut me out and you didn't even ask about boo boo today. You know I was afraid this was going to happen. I knew you were going to confide in her, and start to love her, and where is it going to leave me." I said and I turned out and walked out the door. Ricky called my name but I kept walking right into class. Today's lunch was going to be awkward. Grace was going for extra help again, just to see Zack.

The morning flew by and I forgot my cell phone at home, so I got lunch and was sitting at the table. When I seen Ricky sit down, I didn't say anything; I would wait for him to talk to me. I said what I had to say now it is his turn.

"I'm sorry Ames, I never meant to hurt you. I love you, and boo boo. I guess Adrian is growing on me, but I don't love her. I will never love her, she is a sweet girl when you get to know her but she isn't the loving type. I don't trust her with my secrets and I don't trust her with my life. I guess I messed up because I hurt you and I promised you and myself that I would never hurt you. I guess your right. Adrian has been trying to break apart our friendship from the beginning and today I almost let her. I do tell you everything. I'm sorry and I love you and you will always be my one and only number one girl, well unless we have a girl. You will have to share." I looked up with tears in my eyes and Ricky came across the table and hugged me.

"That's the only person I am willing to share with." I laughed and so did he. "I love you too, and I am sorry for running away. I guess I am just scared I am going to lose you to her and you will forget about me or I won't be important to you anymore." I said honestly

"That will never happen you and boo boo are my life." He said I smiled.

"You know that fight is going to escalate with her today when we have her and Ben over tonight. For all I know Ben will walk out and I will never see him again." I said

"If he does that, then no lose there." I laughed "He told me he loved me you know." I said I hadn't had a chance to tell him.

"Do you love him?" He asked

"I told him I did. It was the night of the sleepover." I told him

"You didn't answer my question, though?" He said

"No, I don't. I mean I like him a lot, but I don't love him yet." I said

"So why say you do?" Ricky asked.

"I don't know. I just felt bad not saying the same thing. Anyway enough about him, we have our appointment at 3 and then going to my house and they are coming over at 5." I said knowing lunch was ending soon.

"Yeah I'll meet you at the car, and we will tell Ben and Adrian the plan together. You know I was thinking. In the babies room at my house I want to frame and hang up all the sonogram pictures I have and label them." Ricky said as we were getting up to throw out the trash, and started walking out.

"There will be about 10 pictures. If you want to do that you can put them up 5x2 or We can get a picture of when the baby is born and put that in the beginning and have his or her name on it and then put the pictures 3x4 and then last picture could be a family picture of us. With the date and time he was born." I said as we got to my class.

"Good thinking, see you after school" he said as he walked away and I walked into class. The last few classes flew by, and before I knew it school was out and Ben was waiting for me. I knew I would see Grace at home so I wasn't worried about finding her.

"Why have you ignored me all day?" Was the first thing Ben said to me, wow what a loving boyfriend.

"Hello to you too Ben. My day was okay. How was yours?" I said in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh right sorry. Hey Amy, How was your day? Okay oh mine was not good either." He said sarcastically back. I was not in the mood for his games today.

"Okay cut the crap; I am not in the mood." I said

"Why did you ignore me all day?" Ben asked again

"This morning I was mad at someone and I didn't fell like talking to anyone but Grace." I said

"So you won't talk to your boyfriend, but you will talk to Grace." He said

"Grace is my best friend and I knew she wouldn't judge me, or talk shit about Ricky, because he and I got in a fight. I knew you would put him down and even if I was mad at him I would stick up for him and you would get mad. So I avoided the situation" I said as we started walking towards the entrance.

"Okay, why didn't you answer my texts?" He asked me

"Left my phone at home." I said

"Okay" he said as we reached Ricky and Adrian who both looked unhappy. Great I thought.

"Hey Babe" Ricky said

"Hey" I answered

"Okay so I was wondering if you would all like to come over to Grace's guest house at 5 because Ricky and I need to talk to you both about something." I said I seen Ben and Adrian exchange looks and they both nodded and said they will be there. I walked over to Ben kissed him goodbye and Ricky did the same with Adrian, then we left.

We went to the doctor's office, and they assured us everything was okay with the baby. I was doing everything right the doctor said. We stopped got more of my pre-natal vitamins, and drove to my house. The doctor told us we can hear the baby's heart beat and find out the sex next time we went, which is in one month. 5 days after Christmas, by the time Christmas break is over I will be showing and everyone will know about boo boo. Hey they may even know before that. We pulled up to the house at 4:45, Ben and Adrian would be here in 15 minutes.

"Ames come here" I walked over to Ricky

"What's up?" I said and he pulled out a medium sized rectangle box, and handed it to me. It was wrapped in yellow paper with a white bow on it. I had no idea what it could be.

"What is it?" I asked

"Open it babe." I nodded my head and started taking off the paper to see a white box. When I lifted the box; I saw a yellow and white baby blanket. It had white and yellow boxes on it like a plaid pattern and in the corner of the blanket it said "Babies first blanket." I looked over at Ricky with tears in my eyes as I picked it up and ran my fingers over it.

"It's perfect" I said

"I wanted to be the first one to buy or get boo boo anything. I figured this way the baby will know I loved him or her since the day I found out they were coming into this world." He said. I put the blanket aside, and jumped into his arms and kissed his cheek, than I sat back down.

"Thank you! I love it, and I know boo boo will love it. You are going to be an awesome dad." I said and we put the blanket back in the box and set it aside. Just as I finished I herd a knock on the door. I got up and opened the door and both Ben and Adrian were there I gave Ben a kiss hello and Adrian walked over to Ricky where he gave her a kiss. Gross I thought.

"Why don't you guys have a seat?" I said Ben and Adrian sat on the couch, while Ricky sat in the chair, and I stood.

"What is going on sweetie?" Ben asked

"Okay first I want to say welcome to my home." I said

"This isn't your house it is Grace's guest house." Adrian said like she knew everything.

"No, I live here now. I am officially renting this house from Grace's parents." I said with a smirk

"Not possible; you're only 15 you legally have to be 18." Adrian said

"Or legally emancipated." I said with a smirk.

"Adrian be quiet and let her finish." Ricky said

"Thank you." I said "Okay now as I was saying. First off I want to say that about a month ago I was legally emancipated from my family. We had out issues and we all agreed under the circumstances it would be best." I said

"What circumstances?" Ben said

"Will you people let me finished?" I asked annoyed they nodded so I continued "Two weeks later I moved into here. My parents didn't want me to at first but again they agreed they thought it was best. Also we are all aware that Ricky also got emancipated and moved into the butcher's shop apartment." I said here goes nothing

"So I know you are now wondering why I am telling you this and well it because they next thing I am going to say is going to affect you guys too." I said

"What is it?" Ben asked

"I'm having a baby and Ricky is the father" I said as strong as I could. It got dead quite and I knew they were trying to process it and shit was going to hit the fan really quick.

"So what are you doing with it?" Adrian asked

"I'm keeping the baby. That's why we did what we did and why we moved out." I said

"Who else knows?" Ben asked

"Grace, my family and Amy's family" Ricky answered

"How long have you known?" Ben asked

"One month. I am three months pregnant today actually." I said

"I want to talk to Amy alone for a second." Adrian said. Ricky and Ben looked at me and I nodded my head telling them to go ahead. Once they were outside Adrian turned to me.

"Get an abortion" she said

"No. I love this baby and I will not kill it." I said

"You have to. Ricky doesn't want a baby. You are ruining his life, he is 16 and he doesn't need a kid right now. He is still a kid. He can barely take care of himself. He sleeps with all different types of woman and he uses them. He doesn't want this kid." She said

"Excuse me, who the hell are you to tell me what Ricky wants and don't want. We talked this over and we love this baby, more than anything else. You are just mad that now instead of just me being in front of you on his list on important people you have to deal with him being there for his child. Also what do you mean he can barely take care of himself? He's taken care of himself just fine. He has a job, he is emancipated, and he has a kid. He has his mom, dad, this baby, and I who love him. The woman they don't matter. They all come and go. He wants this baby more than anything. Try and stand in his way and see how fast you're gone." I said in an angry tone.

"You don't know anything. You are ruining his life." She said just as Ricky walked in and her herd her.

"What the hell are you talking about she is ruining my life. This baby is one of the best things that have ever happened to me. The other was meeting Amy. You think you know me so well that you know me better than anyone including Amy you don't have a fucking clue about who I am." Ricky yelled but kept his cool. I was proud of him.

"It is time for you to leave." I said as I opened the door and she started walking out. "Oh, and Adrian if you ever suggest I kill this baby again, I will beat the shit out of you." I said as I slammed the door. I looked at Ricky

"Hey can you run to the store and get me some orange juice. I ran out, and I can't have soda." I said, he knew it was an excuse but nodded anyway. Once he left I looked at Ben.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you." I said

"I thought you told me that Ricky and you were only best friends." He said

"We are." I answered

"Then how the hell did you wind up pregnant with his baby?" he asked.

"It was the last night of band camp. We went to this place only we knew about. It over looked the lake and it was a beautiful night and the stars were so bright. I felt like if I jumped high enough I would catch one. Anyway we were talking about the past, and everything we been through and we talked about how I have never been kissed. I told him about my insecurities, and he put them to rest. I asked him to make love to me right there in that moment. We weren't thinking about protection." I said

"So if you can go back knowing what you know now; would you change anything?" Ben asked

"I love boo boo and if I go back and change what happened boo boo wouldn't be here and I would never wish my baby away; to answer your question no I wouldn't change anything." I said

"You call your baby boo boo." Ben asked

"Yeah I do. I don't know if it is a boy or girl so we call it boo boo." I answered

"I can't believe you lied to me." Ben asked

"Ben, I didn't lie, you asked what Ricky and I were. I told you we were friends because we were and are. All this happened in my past before I even met you. I am not going to apologize for something that I did before I met you." I said

"You should have told me." He said

"I don't need to tell you everything that happened before I met you. My past is my past leave it there." I said

"You didn't tell me you were moving out or anything. You never let me meet your parents. You don't talk about them or your brother and sister. You won't answer any questions I have about Ricky so what do I get to know." He said

"You get to know what I feel comfortable telling you. I have my reasons why I don't say things. I met you only three months ago and we have been dating for one. That doesn't mean you need to know everything about me." I said getting mad now.

"I am your boyfriend and I love you. I should know the most about you. You should trust me." He said

"I have trust issues okay. I can't trust just anyone. I need people to gain my trust and I love you too but you don't need to know the most about me. I shouldn't feel pressured. So I want you to think about everything and you decided if you can deal with this, and I will talk to you tomorrow. I said walking to the door to hold it open. He walked out and I shut the door and sat in a chair. I herd the door open and I thought it was Ben.

"Just go home and think about what I said. I am not in the mood." I said

"Woah Kid, it is only me." Ricky said

"Oh sorry, Ben pissed me off." I said

"This is going to be a long process and this is just the beginning." Ricky said and I nodded and closed my eyes and so it begins.


	11. Everyone Knows

**Everyone Knows.**

I knew today was going to be a long day. Ricky and I told Ben and Adrian everything on Friday and today was the first day back to school. I haven't talk to Ben or Adrian since but I had a feeling everyone would find out I was pregnant and today I would have to face them all. I knew Ricky would be by my side so I was ready. I looked at the clock and realized it was time to go. I grabbed my bag and walked out just as Ricky was pulling up.

"Hey babe" He said "how are you and boo boo, this morning?"

"Hey Mud, we are great although I have a feeling since we haven't herd from Ben or Adrian; today is the day everyone is going to find out I am having our baby. I know I should be mad, but I don't really care. I am tired of hiding this baby." I said as we started driving.

"I agree, I don't want to hide boo boo. I know we are young and scared but I love this baby." Ricky said I smiled as we pulled up to school and started rubbing my hands on my stomach. I get out the car and see Adrian and Ben walk over here it goes I thought.

"Hello Ben, Adrian, What's up?" I said

"Hey sweetie, I was coming to see how you were feeling, and let you know that even though you are having his baby; I want to be there for you every step of the way. I want to hold your hand through it all. I mean since we are going to get married one day and have our own kids, I can deal with it. I love you." Ben said

"Wait, married and kids, me and you? What?" I asked totally lost I felt Ricky get tense behind me and I knew he didn't like this. Adrian looked happy at that statement.

"Yes, I want to marry you some day Amy, and we can raise this baby, and any future children of ours together." He said. I knew Ricky was about to lose it and so was I, but Adrian no she was enjoying this.

"Okay first of all no one beside Ricky and I are going to raise this baby together. Boo boo is mine and his kid. Not yours and mine. Marriage and kids are nice but I am not even thinking about that right now. I am 15 and yes I am having a baby, but that is enough for now. You talk like you are going to come in and save this baby from Ricky and I, and that's never going to happen." I said

"I love this baby, and no one is going to take him or her away from me." Ricky said

"Well Ben and I are going to be there so we can help with the baby." Adrian said

"Again No. Ricky and I are going to take care of this baby, you are Ben can maybe see it on occasion but you won't be there everyday. The baby will need to know who its parents are who are going to be constants in its' life. I am not going to have my baby get close to you or Ben when I don't know how long either of you will be around." I said

"Ricky can have the baby around who ever he wants. It is his kid too." Adrian said

"Amy is right. We make the decisions and I don't want my kid to get attached and then be ripped away from some one they care about. I also know how the both of you are. If Adrian was with this baby she would talk about Amy in a bad manner and if Ben was with the baby he would talk bad about me and I won't have our child grow up in a negative environment." Ricky said

"He is right; now we are going to go before we are late." I said to them and Ricky and I walked away.

I walked into school and I noticed everyone staring. I automatically put my hand on my stomach like I am protecting my baby. I spot Grace and walk over to her.

"Everyone knows or well they are assuming some think maybe it is rumors. I herd you got knocked up at band camp by the instructor." Was the first thing Grace said when I seen her.

"Well then let's clear this up." I said I walked to the middle of the hallway

"Can I please have everyone's attention" I yelled out "I know most of you have heard the rumors that I am pregnant, apparently by the band instructor at band camp. I want to clear it up. One there was no band instructor at band camp that I had sex with. For whoever started that rumor you should be ashamed because if that got back to the wrong person someone could have lost their job. The second part about me being pregnant; well that is true. Yes I said it I am pregnant. You can all stare and think what you want, and while this baby wasn't planned I love him or her so I don't care what you think. As for the father it is his choice if he wants you all to know." I said and that's when I felt someone come up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders and I knew it was Ricky.

"I am the Father of this baby. I love this baby and so does Amy so all your judgment doesn't matter." He said just as loud I smiled when I seen Adrian and Ben's mouths drop open. I knew they didn't think Ricky would stand by this baby but they were wrong. The bell rang and we all walked to class. I knew lunch I would have a whole lot of messages from Ben. The day went by with out a lot of stares because now no one can assume it was all laid out tomorrow will be something different.

At lunch I got my food went to the table and checked my phone: 8 missed texts all from Ben

To Amy:

Why did you tell everyone?

To Amy:

I love you.

To Amy:

You mean the world to me.

To Amy:

You're beautiful.

To Amy:

I am going to be there for you.

To Amy:

I am sorry for the first text.

To Amy:

Come over tonight.

To Amy:

Actually can I come over?

I sighed I don't know what to do about Ben. This is too confusing.

To Ben:

Aww your so sweet =) you can come over

tonight. I love you too.

"Hey" I looked up and saw Grace standing above me.

"Hey, decided to come to lunch today?" I said

"Yeah Zack is actually not here today. He asked me on a date this Friday night and I said yes." She said all excited I was so happy for her.

"Oh my god. That is awesome Grace. We have to go shopping, and do your nails and everything." I said then I seen that look. The look that said she didn't know if she could do it.

"I know you can do this. I know how you feel because well I feel the same. You love Jack still and I love Ricky. Ben and Zack are here don't you think we should at least try and be happy." I said

"How did you know?" Grace asked

"I seen it in your face and I was just thinking the same thing" I said

"Hey guys" I looked up to see Ricky.

"Hey" We said at the same time looked at each other and started laughing.

"You guys are weird, how is your day going?" Ricky asked

"Mine, is good not too many people are staring but I assume that is because I kind of put a stop to any rumors they wanted to start or did start." I said

"Which might I add was awesome. I am so proud of you!" Grace said

"She is right you know. I didn't expect you to do that but you were right and I am glad we don't have to hide now." Ricky said

"Thanks, Ben texted me and asked me why I told everyone, and then how I am beautiful, and he loves me, and all this crap. He is coming over tonight." I said

"Aren't you bored with him yet? He treats you like dirt and is controlling, have you even talked to your parents, and given them the picture?" Ricky said

"Bored? You would know all about that right and he is not controlling he has never had a girlfriend before and no why do I even bother they don't care." I said

"You know they did what you wanted and they are trying a little bit now. You could try to but you see Ben every night. You know what, I don't know why you defend the kid he is wrong and rude. You just said you need to start thinking about you and the baby so do it. You put your foot down to everyone else, why not him." He asked

"Amy, are you afraid of him?" Grace asked. Truth was I didn't know what to think, when Ben gets mad he gets this look in his eyes and some times it scares me.

"Your right, both of you" I said and just ate my lunch I knew they wouldn't let it go but I wish they would.

"Has he ever hit you?" Ricky asked

"No. I promise he hasn't, it is just when I seen him get mad at his family he gets this look in his eyes and it scares me some times and I am scared that if I leave he will turn on me." I said

"I'll kill him" Ricky said trying to get up. I pulled him back down

"Please Ricky, let me handle it. Please." I begged he looked at me and gave in and sat down.

"What are you going to do Amy? Grace asked.

"I need a few days to think." I said

"Please Amy." Ricky said

"I don't feel good." I said changing the subject.

"What's wrong?" Grace asked

"I feel nauseas." I said

"Do you want to go home?" Ricky asked

"No it will pass, the doctor mentioned I might start getting sick at different times of the day." I said

"How is work, you never mention it" Grace asked

"I love it actually, they are so accommodating there when I have a doctor's appointment or something they are great I love them." I said as the bell rang. Now it is time to go through the rest of the day, without puking.

The rest of the day went slow I talked to my councilor about the baby and told her I was going to go to school again. I said the baby is due at the end of May so I will miss the last month. She asked if it would be okay to send over work for that last month and have a tutor come over to administer finals so I can move to the next grade. I agreed and she asked about Ricky and I said that he would probably want to do the same thing due to the fact he will be with me most of the time, when the baby is born. So we got that all situated and the principal agreed this was the best course of action. I was happy about that. I made my way to my locker and seen Ricky standing there.

"Grace said she will see you at home, Ben said he loves you and will see you later. Adrian didn't come by." He said

"I'm sorry I am ruining things for you." I said to him

"How are you feeling?" he asked

"Better I talked to the councilor, and the principal. She said because we are both good students and the baby isn't do till the end of May; that after he or she comes we will have to pick up our week once a week and then the week of finals there will be tutors coming to my house for you and I; they will administer our finals and we get to move to the next year. By the time we come back to school the baby should be older enough to go to the nursery and if not we continue to pick up our work and so on." I said

"That sounds good." Ricky said as we got into his car.

"So I guess I am just going to ask you instead of beating around the bush." I said

"Go ahead."

"Do you want this baby? Do you feel like Boo boo and I and ruining your life? Was Adrian right?" I asked

"Babe, you are not ruining my life. I swear your not. Adrian is mad and jealous and I love this baby with everything and I want it. Adrian will come around she always does. She doesn't know everything. She is wrong." Ricky said

'Okay I believe you." I said

"I'm scared you know?" Ricky said

"I know, I am too." I said

"Our lives were messed up, mine more so than yours and what if this baby is messed up. I don't want that. I am so scared I will turn out like Bob." Ricky said

"You will never turn out like Bob, I know that and you do too. You are looking for something to be scared about and that's why you are blaming Bob. You can be scared without having a reason." I said

"Hey Dr. Fields wants us at his office at 6:30pm tomorrow for our weekly session. Is that okay?" He asked

"Perfect. You will pick me up here?" I asked

"Yeah of course; did you know Dr. Fields has a daughter?" He asked me

"No, who is she?" I asked as we pulled up to the daycare

"That girl Lauren she hangs with that Madison girl. They start most and all of the rumors at our school." He said

"Oh yeah I know her, I don't like her. I got to go I will see you tomorrow text me." I kissed his check and walked into work. I had to finish this then Ben was coming over and that didn't make me as happy as it should.


	12. The Fight

**The Fight**

I had just gotten home from work, and I was not feeling well at all. I made my self some chicken soup and had some water, hoping my nausea felling would go away. The doctor warned me this would happen; she also warned me that my hormones may start acting up in the next couple of months where I would start getting sexual cravings as she put it. I laughed remembering Ricky's face as she said that. I lay down on the couch and was trying to get this nausea felling to go away when I herd a knock on the door. I looked up and saw Ben so I got up and answered the door.

"Hey Ben, come on in" I said and gave him a light kiss on the lips.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" he asked

I couldn't answer and I ran to the bathroom and started throwing up. I hated this feeling; I got up and was dizzy so I walked into my room after brushing my teeth and Ben followed me in there. I lay on the bed and he followed.

"I guess that answers my question then." Ben said

"I have been feeling this way all day, the doctor warned me it might happen." I said

Ben leaned over and tried to put his hand on my stomach when I stopped him.

"What are you doing?" I asked when I pushed his hand back over to him

"I was going to rub your stomach maybe it will make it feel better." He said

"I don't want anyone touching my stomach." I said

"You let Ricky do it." He said

"Ricky is Boo boo's dad" I answered

He leaned over and kissed me I felt my pregnancy hormones kicking in, that the doctor warned me about. So we started making out, he tried to go further but I didn't want to; making out was fine, he then pulled away and asked.

"Can I cum on your stomach?"

"What did you just say?" I asked I was in shock did he really just ask me that

"I said can I cum on your stomach, you don't want to go any further than making out so let me do this." He said

I got up and walked into the living room trying to breathe.

"Are you serious? What they hell is wrong with you, I am pregnant and I was fucking throwing up and you ask me that stupid question." I yelled

"Well you won't do anything else with me." He said

"Is that what this relationship is all about? Getting me to sleep with you?" I asked

"No I love you and I just figured you wouldn't mind" he said

"I wouldn't mind that my boyfriend just herd me throw up and not even ten minutes later is asking to blow his load on my stomach, which in case you forgot has a baby in it." I yelled

"I just feel like you use me some times." He said. I couldn't believe he just said that, I am done I am going to flip out.

"I use you, are you fucking kidding me. I know what it feels like to be used, I have been there and I have done that. I would never do that to anyone. I have been there for you since we met; I listen when you talk, cheer you up when you are sad, and laugh with you when you laugh." I said

"Well you let your self get used." He said

"I fucking let my self get used, how the hell do you figure that one?"

"You told Ricky to make love to you, you basically asked him to throw you away." He said

"You are so fucking stupid, you know that I mean really. Ricky is the one of the only people in my fucking life that has never fucking used me. He LOVES me! I have been fucking ignored and used as a doormat my fucking whole life. Grace and Ricky are the only people who fucking cared about me. You wanted me to let you cum on my stomach when I am a pregnant with another's man baby. You are supposed to love me and you treat me like this. I don't fucking think so." I said

"You need to grow up." Ben said

"I need to grow up Ben; I have taken care of myself since I was fucking five years old. I have made sure I was as happy as I can. I got emancipated; I am working, having a baby, and living on my own. Why don't you grow the hell up? Stop living off of daddy and his money, stop getting jealous be your own person. Your own father has even told you to grow the hell up. What do you think your dad would say if he was here right now? He would flip. Everything you have ever complained about beside your mom was a petty and stupid thing. The cook messed up my dinner; the maid didn't make my bed right. Blah fucking blah. You are 15 years old you should do something on your own." I yelled

"I don't know why you are being such a bitch." Ben said

"You just asked me to let you cum on my pregnant stomach, after I fucking threw up. Than you proceeded to tell me, you think I use you, and that I let myself get used. To top it all off you told me I need to grow up." I screamed

"You did what?" I herd and Ben and I looked to see Ricky walk in and he did not look happy. Fuck I thought to myself

"Hey Ricky I didn't hear you come in." I said trying to calm down. He came over and put his hands on my shoulders to try and calm me down it was working a little.

"Well you were yelling and I didn't know what was going on. You didn't answer your phone when I called and Grace hasn't seen you, so I came to make sure you were okay." Ricky explained

"You can't just come by whenever the hell you want, and get your hands off my girlfriend." Ben said and grabbed my wrist and pulled me too him.

"Ben let go of my wrist." I said and he didn't it was beginning to hurt and I tried to pull away. I looked at Ricky.

"Let go of her." Ricky said as he walked over to me and pried Ben's fingers off my wrist.

"Don't tell me what to do." Ben said I walked over and hugged Ricky and I buried my face in his side while he kept one arm around me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you man, she is not your fucking property and you don't get to fucking put your hands on her, or any woman for that matter. If you want to hurt anyone you fight me." Ricky said and I peaked out and seen Ben looked scared.

"Ames, look at me." Ricky said, and I looked at him "What you said when I walked in was it true. Did he say all that stuff to you?"

"Yes." I answered and pushed my head back into him and he held me tighter.

"Who the hell do you think you are, to say that shit to her? I will tell you who, you are a fucking nobody. You have no idea the shit she went through, and what she dealt with when she was younger. She is 15 and has been through more shit than half of the people out there; I would know I was there. Now she is 15 having a baby and living on her own, and legally responsible for both herself and the baby and working a part time job and going to school. That is pretty grown up don't you think. As for the first thing I herd, you fucking asked her to cum on her stomach when she is pregnant with my baby not only that she is sick and fucking throwing up. You are fucking sick ass hole." He yelled then he did what I expected from the beginning he punched Ben in the face.

"That was your last warning, if you ever fucking lay a hand on her ever again. I will make sure you can't walk for weeks. Do you hear me?" Ricky said

"Yes." Ben answered I unwrapped myself from Ricky's arms and walked over to the door.

"Get the fuck out Ben, and don't ever come back, incase you didn't get it we are over." I said and Ben walked out. As soon as Ben was out the door; I closed the blinds locked the doors. I turned around and seen Ricky open his arms and I walked into them, he wrapped his arms around me and I started crying. He picked me up and led me to my bedroom and laid me on the bed and then lay down next to me. I curled into his arms and one hand rubbed my back while the other lay on my stomach, as I cried my eyes out. After 15 minutes I stopped crying and Ricky kissed my head.

"Let me see your wrist." He said gently, I nodded pulled out my wrist and gave it to Ricky, he looked at it and I felt him tense and run his fingers over it.

"It is bruised isn't it" I said to him

"Yeah, I am sorry." He said

"You didn't do anything wrong, you saved me Ricky." I said and took my wrist and wrapped it around him in a hug and cuddly way.

"Want to tell me what happened?" He asked

"I wasn't feeling well I was nausea all day. I mean some times were better than other, so after you dropped me off at work, I went in and was fine. It was about 10 minutes before leaving the feeling came back so I assumed I was hungry. I came home and made soup and ate that when Ben came over, he asked me how I was feeling, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. After I was a little dizzy like always so I brushed my teeth and laid in here, Ben came in and he tried to touch my stomach and I wouldn't let him so he kissed me and as the doctor said stupid pregnancy sex cravings were kicking in, but I restrained and we were just making out. He tried to go further but I refused and that's when he asked. I obviously got mad we started fighting and you know the rest." I said

"Would you have had sex with him, you know because of as the doctor said sex cravings?" Ricky asked

"No, there is only one person I would have sex with right now." I said

"Who?" Ricky asked

"You, because you are the only person I trust not to hurt me, or use me, or treat me like dirt. I am comfortable with you." I said

"Good to know." He said

"Thank You." I said

"For?" He asked

"Coming to my rescue, caring enough to check on me, loving me and boo boo. Everything, I don't know what I would do with out you." I said honestly

"Same here babe, and I always told you I would do anything for you." Ricky said

"I know that. I was scared before you walked in and then you came in and it felt like all my fears went away." I said

"I think it is funny that I make you feel safe, when I can't even make myself feel safe." He said

"You love me, when you can't love yourself, your trust me more than you trust yourself, I know you would never hurt me, and I know you would only love me. I know you would never let anyone hurt me because you know what if feels like to be that hurt and you wouldn't wish it on anyone." I said

"You are right as always." Ricky said and I laughed

"Always remember that. Can you do something for me tonight?" I said

"Anything." He answered

"Stay with me tonight, I don't want to be alone. I won't admit this to anyone else but what Ben did, brought back a lot of memories for both of us I think and I know it scared the hell out of me, so please stay." I said

"Of course I will stay." He said

"I am proud of you." I said

"For what"

"You didn't shut down, you stood up for what you believed in, and you hit Ben once and knew it was enough." I said

"I don't think anyone else beside you has ever told me they were proud of me." Ricky said

"Well if that is the case I am also proud of the man you have become and they way you treat boo boo and I." I said

"You guys really do mean everything to me." Ricky said , I felt myself getting tired so I changed in front of Ricky, nothing he hasn't seen before.

"Nice boobs" Ricky said as I stood in front of him completely topless in the process of putting on a tank top. I laughed. I then took of my pants and turned around to get my shorts

"And she has a nice ass too, and a pretty face. Gentleman this girl is the total package." He said I laughed and blushed a little as I put on my shorts and crawled into bed with Ricky. He stood up and took his shirt off and pants and stood in his boxers.

"Nice butt." I said and we laughed he crawled in bed next to me and I curled into him.

"You know I was thinking you should bring some clothes over and leave them in my closet because when the baby comes you can stay here some days." I said

"You know I think you might be right. We will talk to tomorrow. Go to sleep babe, I am not going anywhere. I love you." He said as he kissed my forehead I nodded and whispered

"I love you too" before I was totally out.


	13. The Day After

**Authors Note: Hey guys! I am new at this whole writing thing, and new to this website so I am still figuring things out. I know you guys want Ricky and Amy together and it is coming, but it is a slow build because they are best friends and they are both scared to ruin that by opening their feelings up. Also I want to thank you guys for all the commnets it makes me want to keep writing. I am going to continute to write as often as possible, but I have some things going on so I am going to do my best. I love you all. THANKS AGAIN!**

**The Day After:**

I woke up the next morning still in Ricky's arm. It was weird I was either really tired or really upset that I didn't feel or hear Ricky wake up in the middle of the night. I was so at peace at Ricky's arms that I didn't want to move. I lifted my head to look at the clock and seen it was 6:15am. I knew Ricky and I would have to get up in fifteen minutes but I wasn't looking forward to that. I was the only person that Ricky liked to cuddle with so I didn't want to wake him up and have him leave me. I started thinking about last night; I liked Ben a lot and for him to do that to me, was unreal and it hurt a lot. I looked down at my wrist and saw the bruise was still very visible, and I knew I would have to wear long sleeves to hide it. I started to cry.

"Does it hurt?" I herd and jumped not expecting Ricky to be awake. I tried to hide the tears and look up at him.

"A little bit." I said

"You can cry, you don't always have to be so strong." Ricky said and with that I cried. I cried for myself and for what Ben did. I herd my alarm clock going off and rolled over to hit the button. I lay on my back and during the night my shirt rode up. I felt some thing touch my stomach and start rubbing it.

"I think you are even hotter with my baby inside of you." He said and I laughed.

"You can see the baby bump starting to get bigger." I said

"Yeah you can. I love that you will be able to see my baby." Ricky said

"We have to get ready." I said. Ricky nodded and bent down and kissed my stomach.

"I love you baby." He said and we got ready and I made breakfast.

"What's for breakfast babe?" he asked

"I am having some milk, orange slices and toast. I made you an omelet, toast, and there is some juice in the fridge." I said

"You are the best." He said as we started eating; got our books and headed out to school. I was scared Ben was going to be there and try to come near me. I was scared of him now and I didn't want to see him. I can't get that look in his eyes out of my head. I wish I could but I can't.

"You ready?" Ricky asked I looked out the window and seen we were already at school. I didn't even notice we were driving to this place.

"As ready as I will never be." I said. I was more nervous today than I was when everyone was finding out I was having a baby.

"He won't come near you, I won't let him." He said and opened the door to get out; I did the same and we made our way to the front of the car. I saw Adrian heading this way. I looked around and seen Ben also coming this way. I pushed my self into Ricky' arm and he wrapped it around me. I felt him tense and I knew Ben was close.

"Why the hell is she wrapped up in your arms, and why the hell didn't you call me last night?" Adrian said

"Hey sweetie can I talk to you alone for a minute." Ben said completely ignoring Adrian

"Any thing you have to say to her, you can say to me. Oh by the way how is that eye doing." Ricky said

"This is none of your damn business Ricky. Stay the hell out of it." Ben said and I flinched it was the same tone he used last night. Ricky rubbed my back and I herd someone huff I guess Adrian didn't like that. I thought

"You made it my business when you went to Amy's house and hurt her last night. You didn't think one night was going to make it better. You talk down about me and playing girls, well at least I have never put my hands on a girl the way you did Amy. You are nothing but a worthless piece of trash. Stay the hell away from Amy and our baby." Ricky said

"I am not trash you have no idea, what I have been through I lost my mother when I was young, and that is one of the hardest things to deal with." He said

"Ben, shut up. You know nothing about hard. Yes, you lost your mother and we are all sorry for that and feel bad that you will never get to know her, but she loved you with everything she had when she was alive and even after she is gone; you have your dad to help you through everything. You don't know what other people have been through so don't tell Ricky, me or anyone else that you have had hard times. That is the only bad thing that has ever happened to you, some of us can only be so lucky." I said

"Wow, you two are unbelievable. You think you two are prefect and dandy. It is funny because although I was your boyfriend Amy and Adrian is your girlfriend Ricky, you always put each other first. Adrian and I came second all the time. I don't understand how that happens." Ben said

"I have told this before we love each other and would give our lives for each other because that is how we made it through life. You don't know us enough to know what our lives were like. You can think what you want but I rather have a best friend like Ricky than a boyfriend like you any day." I said

"Ben just leave and do yourself a favor and stay away from Amy." Ricky said and Ben walked away.

"I am going to let you guys talk, Ricky I'll see you at lunch, bye Adrian." I said and I walked off; this fight with Ben was about to make me late so I rushed to my locker and went off to class.

To Grace, From Amy

Be at lunch, I have to tell

you so much.

After I sent that message, I took out my books, and listened to the teacher. The rest of the morning went by slowly, and when lunch came I rushed out of class to see Grace waiting for me. As we walked to lunch I told her everything that happened last night and this morning. She hugged me and said

"I am so sorry are you okay?"

"Yeah, Ricky showed up at the perfect time. He really did save me." I said right as Ricky walked up.

"Thank you" Grace said and Ricky looked confused

"What did I do?" He asked

"You made sure Amy was okay and stopped Ben from doing any more damage and for that I will always be grateful." Grace said

"Oh that; I would do anything for her. I will always do my best to keep her and this baby safe; I can promise you that." Ricky said

"I think I just seen why you are Amy's best friend" Grace said and Ricky smiled.

"So are you and Adrian okay?" I asked

"You know her she ranted on about how I didn't call her last night, and blah blah blah. I honestly wasn't even paying attention." Ricky said

"Of course you didn't, and Grace what about Zack?" I said

"He is good and I am totally ready to see him this Friday we talk every day and he texts me some times. I am happy." Grace said

"You should be, you both deserve to be happy." I said to Ricky and Grace

"You do too babe." Ricky said

"Yeah Ricky is right" Grace said

"Wow, I never thought I would hear those words out of your mouth Grace." We all laughed "I am happy though. I don't need someone else to make me happy. This baby makes me happy." I said rubbing my stomach.

We all continued a light conversation and finished our lunch and before you knew it I was back in class, wishing this day was over. The end of the day did go by fast and I went to my locker threw all my books in there. I loved having study hall the last period of the day, and started walking out of school. Grace was talking to Zack, I waved and kept on going until I reached Ricky's car. Adrian was pissed about something, and Ricky looked tense, some times I ask myself why he bothers.

"Hey" I say

"What the hell do you want" Adrian snapped

"Calm down" I said

"How can I calm down when my boyfriend is too busy with you too spend time with me? I mean can't you take care of your self. You are having a baby and you can't take care of yourself." Adrian said

"You know nothing about my life, don't pretend too. You want to compare us go ahead, but I am not going to stoop to your level and point out all the things I have and you don't" I said and put my hands out for the keys. Ricky reached in his pocket and gave them to me and I went and sat in the front seat of the car. I had my eyes closed thinking about the baby, while I rubbed my baby bump, and how I needed to go Christmas shopping. I only had a couple of weeks. I was so lost in thought that I almost jumped out of my skin when Ricky knocked on the window for me to open the door. I opened it and resumed my position I was in.

"Is everything okay?" I asked

"I don't know, she is so jealous all the time. I hate it but I can't leave her and I don't know why." Ricky said

"Maybe you love her" I said even though I really didn't want that to be true.

"No, I feel sorry for her. Her dad isn't there and her mom isn't always around. She is on her own sort of and she hates it. I don't want to hurt her." He said

"I think maybe your falling for her. You never cared about any other girls back story, why hers. You know there is a difference though. Her mom may not always be around but her mom is there for her when she needs her. Her mom pays attention some times and buys her the stuff she needed. It is okay to love her you know." I said

"I know and that's why she wouldn't understand what you or I have been through. I know what love is and this isn't it. I don't want to be with her, I can't see a future with her. I don't love her personality. She likes sex, I like sex, so we go back to each other." He said as we pulled up to the daycare and said our goodbyes; I made my way in to start work.

The work day went by fast and before you know it I was home and making my self dinner. After dinner I went outside and sat on the hammock in Grace's backyard. I was looking at the stars and rubbing my stomach. I started to talk to the baby.

"You know boo boo your daddy and I love you so much. I can't believe you are 3 months old. It is amazing that you are going to be here. I think you would be proud of your mommy and daddy. We have come a long way since we were little kids, and we are going to make sure you are loved and cared for. You know right now I am lying under the stars. It is one of my favorite places to be. The stars help me make sense of things and figure out my life. It makes me feel like I am apart of something bigger than just my own little world. Your daddy is a wonderful man and he is never going to hurt you and he is going to keep you safe. He loves you so much. He has been through a lot, your daddy but I am so proud of the man he has become. He is strong, independent, and he is smart. He is loyal and protective of anyone he cares about. He has come so far since the day I first met him when I was five."

"I am glad to know what you said to me the other day was true and not something you were saying to make me feel better." Ricky said sitting down on the edge of the hammock making sure I didn't fall and then laying down next to me. I snuggled in his arms and laid my head in the crock of his neck. He put his hand on my stomach and started rubbing it.

"I told you I would never lie to you, did you doubt me?' I asked

"No I am just messing with you kid." He said we laid there in silence for a while.

"How come you're not with Adrian tonight?" I asked

"We broke up." He said

"You guys always break up." I said

"I know, but after you left for work today I started thinking and what you said about not needing a man to make you happy, how the baby makes you happy, I thought about it. I don't love Adrian, I feel sorry for her, and we fight all the time. It is not a happy relationship. I need to focus on being a good dad to this baby. I need to still work out a lot of issues in therapy and all I was doing is stringing her along. I want to be a better man." He said

"You have come along way Mud, and I really mean everything I just said to boo boo. You always put me and boo boo first, and what more can I ask for. I want what is best for this little baby and you do too. I don't like Adrian I think you are too good for her." I said

"You think I am too good for her that is a joke." Ricky said

"You always put yourself down and when you look in the mirror you don't see the amazing man I know. You see a victim of an abusive and perverted father. I have never ever seen that when I look at you. When I look at you I see a protector, a handsome good looking man, I see a gentle, kind, and loving man. I see someone who is willing to die not only for the people he loves but for the people he cares about. I see a man who would never turn on a woman, never treat her as she was property. I see a man who will be a wonderful father. He is smart. This man is going to do everything if he has a little boy, he will play NASCAR toy cars, and teach him to play baseball, and football, someone who will teach him how to treat a woman, and if we have a little girl I can see her coming up to dragging her blanket with her wavy light brown hair, and looking up at you with those big brown eyes, tugging on your shirt and telling you she is sleepy. I can see you picking her up and tucking her in and giving her anything she wants. I can see you having a tea party with her, or playing dolls. You will teach her how to respect her self, and the warning signs for bad relationships. I can see you smiling as either the boy or girl waves as they leave the house they always knew. I can see you crying as soon as they drive out of sight. You are amazing and I love you and I know this baby will." I said

"You really believe that don't you?" He asked

"I know it. I don't have to believe something I know is a fact." I said

"Thanks Ames, I got to go and you should head in, it is kind cold." He said

"Yeah I am going in and to bed I will see you in the morning. Goodnight." I said as I kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight Ames, Goodnight boo boo." He said as he walked away

Yeah I am totally in love with him, I thought.


	14. Christmas Shopping and Decorating

**Christmas Shopping and Decorating.**

It was Sunday December 10th and I had 15 days to get all my Christmas shopping done. I had made a plan that today I would go shopping with Grace from 9-12 to try and find something for Ricky. Then we would have lunch at 12 and I would go shopping with Ricky form 1 untill whenever. I wanted to get all my shopping done in one day. I had to buy something for Grace, Ricky, My mom, my dad, Ricky's parents, Grace's parents because they have been so good to me. I had to also buy something for Tom, my sister, and brother. I think that was it and of course boo boo. I had to buy Christmas decorations but that would be from Wal-Mart and the dollar store. I would also buy a big real Christmas tree. I wasn't buying anything big because my mother always taught me to go a couple days after Christmas and get the bargains, I could do that.

I was just finishing getting ready when I herd Grace, knock on the door. I grabbed my purse and my jacket and off we went. We arrived at the mall at 9am and we were off, her dad had some shopping to do so he was coming in about an hour.

"What are you getting for Ricky?" Grace asked

"I don't know, I want it to be something meaningful. I want something meaningful, but also something he could enjoy you know." I said

"Well you do know him better than anyone." Grace said

"Yes, I do, but I have no idea what to get." I said

"You could make him a scrapbook." Grace said

"That is you area of expertise." I said

"Well you could buy him something and then we will work on the scrap book together." Grace suggested

"I don't think he will get the scrap book, and we don't have many picture. I will think of something." I said

"Okay so what?" Grace asked

"I want to get him different things, we always get each other a lot and because I have my own place I want to make sure my tree is full. So I am going to get him some, clothes, and videogames. I am going to get him car washing stuff, and a new wallet, and then the last gift will have to be something good." I said

"Sounds good, lets go." Grace said

"What are you getting Zack?" I asked

"I don't know nothing big probably just a shirt or two." Grace said

"I know what I want to get Ricky." I said suddenly

"What" she asked

"He has been eyeing this drum set in the window of a store here. It is on sale for 3 hundred dollars and I know it is expensive but with everything I was going to get him; it will even out, I have enough money. I forgot that I put money away for it when he showed me last year. He has a crappy set at his mom's but he wanted those and since that store is going out of business, it is perfect. Does your dad have the truck?" I asked all excited

"Oh my god that is perfect and yes he does." Grace said and I pulled her and we rushed to the store to get them; I paid the man and he thanked me. Grace's dad pulled up to the store and the store clerk helped him load the truck. I thanked Grace's dad and me and Grace were off to shop more. We stopped at build a bear because Grace wanted to make Zack one. I was looking and found a shirt that said Worlds Best Dad; and I knew I had to make a bear for Ricky. So Grace and I made our bears and looked at the clock it was 11 pm we had one hour. In that hour I managed to get my mom, dad, brother and sister something. It was twelve o'clock and we were heading to the food court. We had a nice lunch and a nice day and before I knew it Grace was leaving and Ricky was here.

"Hey babe" He said

"Hey, how was your morning." I asked

"It was good. How was yours?"

"Good I got my family and you done. So all I need is Grace's family and your family."

"What did you get everyone?" He asked

"Well yours is a surprise. I got my mom this shirt she was looking at and a gift card to target, I got my dad some fancy tool thing he wanted. I got James some neon sign and a gift card, and I got Ashley a mall gift card so she can shop." I said

"Awesome. You ready to go do more shopping?" Ricky asked

"Sure. I already know what I want to get your mom and dad. I want to get them these things from hallmark, one is a social worker, one is a doctor, and one says mom, and dad." It would be perfect we can split it and it could be from you and me and boo boo and then get them a gift card to some restaurant they want to go to." I said

"Sounds good!" He said as we walked off and went to go and pick up that stuff. We were now in the jewelry store because I wanted to get something for grace.

"What you getting her?" Ricky asked

"I want that silver bracelet that said not only best friends but sisters at heart." I said and we got that, now I just need Tom, Grace's mom and dad.

"What about the rest of them?" Ricky asked

"Tom likes videogames so I want to get him two video games, and I want to get Grace's Dad and Mom a gift card and Grace's mom wanted the Bullet, and Grace's dad wanted new car mats and car supply." I said so we ran and got that stuff and I was done.

"You finished?" Ricky asked as he was holding all the bags.

"Yes I am done" I said laughing

"Good! What else do we have to do?" Ricky asked and as I was about to answer I herd someone say

"Awe isn't that sweet he even carries the bags for the stupid, no good Bitch." Adrian said I knew this was going to be a fight.

"Oh are we jealous now?" I said

"Jealous of you, now why would I be?" Adrian said

"Because I have everything you want. I have Ricky to stand by me for everything, I have his love, I have his baby, I have his loyalty, and I have a house, and my independence and better yet I have my dignity. I don't have to beg for a guy, the guy that you want." I said

"You are a bitch, and I feel sorry for that baby; having to grow up with a bitch of a mother like you." Adrian said and I pulled back and slapped her harder than I have ever slapped anyone, and then Ricky stepped in front of me.

"If you ever talk about my baby again I will do more than just slap you." I said

"Leave Amy and my baby alone, you don't have a problem with them, they didn't do anything you have a problem with me. I don't love you and I don't want to be with you and you can't accept that so you are going to try and go after the two people I love in this world don't." Ricky said and we walked away. I knew he was upset but I was proud of him he kept his cool and made everything better.

"You okay?" I asked once we got into the car

"I wanted to hit her, I wanted to smack her and tell her to leave you and the baby the fuck alone." He said

"But you didn't. You kept your anger in check and you kept your voice level. I am so proud at the way you have changed." I answered "Let's go get our Christmas tree and go home." I said I had bought the decorations through out the day and I think I had enough.

"Okay" We got to the Christmas tree lot and went to find a tree.

"How about this one?" Ricky asked and I would respond with; too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, or too crocked. This went on for about 30 minutes.

"Ames, will you pick a tree already" Ricky whined

"Hold on, I need to find the perfect one" I said laughing "Pick up that one" I said and as soon as he held it, I knew that was the tree. It was not too tall, not too small, and not too fat, and not too thin, it was perfect.

"That's it!" I said jumping up and down I was so excited. Ricky laughed and we went up to the front bought a tree and a stand and off we went to my house. The first thing Ricky brought in was all the bags and he put them in the nursery. I was going to be wrapping, and hiding gifts in there. Then we picked out the corner where the tree would so cleaned it out and got it ready and Ricky brought in the tree. We put it in the spot and then fell onto the couch.

"I am so tired." I said to Ricky "And I am hungry, and have a craving for your meatloaf. Will you cook pleaseeeee." I said begging him.

"Ames, I am tired." He said

"Please Ricky. Boo boo wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes and corn" Ricky groaned and got up.

"I am only doing this for you because my baby wants it." He said and I laughed. While he was cooking I decorated my home the kitchen had all little Christmas things, the living room had a small village and I put up garland and lights around each door way. I put the lights on the tree and after dinner Ricky and I could decorate it. Ricky looked up from cooking and noticed all I did.

"This place looks like a winter wonderland babe." He said

"That is what I was going for." I said my room had a walk in closet so on the top I but all the bins I bought for Christmas boxes. I only had to decorate the tree and the outside of the house which was Ricky's job.

"Hey Mud, after work tomorrow can you do the outside lights." I asked

"Sure, not a problem. Why don't you lie down and relax, dinner will be ready in about 45 minutes take a nap." I nodded my head and snuggled into the couch and before I knew it I was out cold. I woke up to Ricky shaking my shoulder.

"Come on babe, dinner is ready!" he said

"You know I feel like a family today. We went shopping having dinner, picked out a tree, and decorated. I feel like we finally have a family we always wanted."

"I was thinking the same thing. We have our own little family. One we always dreamed of. I love that baby and I love you and even though we are not together we will always be connected." He said

"You are right. I was thinking and you don't have to if you don't want to but I was thinking maybe we could go to your parents and my parents Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas we have just me and you. Like our first family Christmas." I said

"I think that's an awesome idea." Ricky said "What would we do."

"I thought we could bring all our presents here that we get and we won't open anything we get till Christmas. We will spend the day in our pajamas, and I will make ham, potatoes, corn, pasta salad, and gravy for dinner. When we wake up in the morning we can open presents, and watch Christmas movies all day." I said "Grace will stop by for a little before she leaves for their mini vacation to her uncle's house. I thought maybe you could sleep over Christmas Eve." I said

"Sounds like you knew what I would say." Ricky said with a smirk

"More like what I was hoping you would say." I said

"Of course I will spend the day with you and boo boo." Ricky said

"I got boo boo a present; just a little something to go with what you got." I said

"Are you going to tell me, what it is?" Ricky asked I laughed at how eager he sounded

"No, the baby will hear me, and it will ruin the surprise." I said

"No fair." He said as he started cleaning up the dishes, putting the leftovers away, cleaning the kitchen and just keeping a light conversation. I couldn't help but wish we were really together because I love him so much. I got up and started rubbing my stomach.

"Thanks for dinner." I said as I lay on the couch still rubbing my belly.

"You always make me dinner, and you are carrying my baby. It is the least I could do." He said laughing.

He came over and lifted my feet, sat down, and started rubbing them. It felt so good that I started to doze off. I was so tired. I had a long day and it kicked my butt. I felt myself being lifted up and brought into my bed room. I felt Ricky taking my socks off. He then went to my closet and pulled out one of my pajama shirts. He took of my pants and shirt and put the pajama shirt over me, and then he lifted me and put me under the covers, kissed my head and whispered "I love you Ames" put his hand on my stomach and said "I love you boo boo". I opened my eyes and said "We love you too Ricky." He smiled said "Goodnight" and walked out; I guess the tree will have to wait till tomorrow.


	15. Christmas Day

**Christmas Day:**

So today is finally the day I have been waiting for. It was Christmas day; I was currently lying in Ricky's arms. I was wearing my snowman pajama shirt and I made Ricky wear Santa pants. The past couple of weeks were not as bad as I though they would be. I am really excited about the baby. Adrian and I have had it out a couple times but nothing like the mall. Christmas Eve was fun, we had gotten a lot of presents. My parents, James, and Ashley were civil for the day. We had a nice dinner, and talked about the baby. After dinner they all opened their gifts and loved them. Ricky, took mine, his, and boo boo gifts out to the car. Yes, boo boo got presents. We then went to Ricky's parents for desert they were so happy to see us. They also talked about boo boo and we talked about school, and what was going to happen when the baby comes. They absolutely loved their presents. I was finally happy and so I snuggled closer to Ricky and he tightened his arms around me. I was so happy; I had my family the one thing I always wanted.

I knew we had to get up soon so I tried to move and look at the clock when I felt Ricky tighten his grip.

"Don't get up yet." He said

"I wasn't I was checking the time it is 8:30 already" I said and got comfortable

"I don't want to move, can't we just sleep all day." Ricky asked

"Nope, I have to feed this little monster in here, I need to put on the food, and I need to light the tree and all the lights. Grace will be here by ten and I want to do my hair so that means you my friend have to get up and put a shirt on. And before you say anything it has to be the red one." I said

"Why? I hate the color red." He whined

"Because if you don't wear the red one, then you have to wear the ones that match your pants." I said with a smirk

"You think that is funny do you now?" Ricky asked

"Yes I do." I said and Ricky started tickling me until I was laughing so hard I was crying. I noticed that at one point he stopped laughing and just looked at me with this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and then he smiled. I noticed but I didn't say anything. It was the way I wanted the person I loved to look at me, and he made that dream come true without even realizing it. I knew this would be a good Christmas.

"Okay seriously we need to get up, and eat boo boo is hungry." I said

"Okay alright I am getting up." Ricky said

"Looks like your daddy is grumpy in the mornings boo boo." I said rubbing my belly

"And it looks like your mommy likes to watch daddy suffer." He said and I laughed and ran out the room, before he could reach me, unfortunately for me he is faster and he chased me picked me up and spun me around.

"Stop!" I yelled laughing and he put me down. I smacked his arm

"You are going to give me motion sickness." I said and he laughed

"Go make breakfast, I am hungry." He said

"How about you make breakfast while I shower; and then we eat Grace will stop by and OPEN PRESENTS" I said like I little kid.

"Fine." he said I jumped up and down walked around turned on all the lights and jumped in the shower, by the time I was out breakfast was on the table. Ricky and I sat there and ate and right as we finished eating and cleaning up Grace knocked on the door. I opened the door and let her, and her family in.

"Merry Christmas everyone." I said, Ricky shook hands with everyone and we all opened just the presents we got each other. Grace's mom and dad said I didn't have to do that, it was too much and blah blah. They then thanked me and Tom opened his present, and was so excited he jumped up and hugged me. I got him Madden 12, and NASCAR12. They all left and it was just me, Grace, and Ricky.

"Okay Amy, you go first." Grace said. I was sitting next to Ricky and he was just observing. I took the gift from Grace's hand. When I opened it, it was a complete scrapbook of me and her from the beginning until now; filled with pictures and inside jokes, lyrics, and everything else. I started to tear up and I handed it to Ricky and hugged Grace.

"I love it, it is one of the most thoughtful gifts ever." I said in tears, Grace smiled and I handed her, her gift. I watched as she peeled the paper and opened it. She gasped when she seen it and started crying after she read it.

"I love it so much. Thank you! I love you" Grace said

"I mean it Grace you are my sister, and I love you too." Grace and I hugged and then Grace realized she had to go and I walked her to the door, said our good byes and made my way back to the couch; where Ricky was still looking at my scrapbook.

"You two look so happy." He commented.

"I may have been young but I was still good at hiding my emotions. Most of the time though; when I was here I was really happy, they treated me like family." I answered

"You seem happy now." He said

"I am happy Ricky. I have the best friends in the world. A baby on the way, a house I can call home. What more can I ask for." I said

"Don't you want a boyfriend someone to love you, make love to you, some one to be with all the time." He asked he was getting personal and I knew he wanted to talk, something was going on in his head. I got up and walked to the window to look out.

"Yes I do, of course I do, what girl wouldn't? I have a lot of insecurities and trust issues. I don't open my heart to just any one. I guess it was one of the reasons Ben and I didn't work out. I couldn't love him. I don't look in the mirror and see a beautiful girl; I don't look at my body and see anything a guy would want. I don't see anything remotely attractive about me. I feel like no one can love me, because my own parents didn't love me. I can't trust people because someone always manages to hurt to me. So while having a boyfriend is good, I would never be able to love them." I said

"You don't think you're beautiful?" Ricky asked

"I don't think I am anything but strong and independent but that is it." I said

"Open the gift I got you please." He said, I just nodded walked over to the couch and took the gift from Ricky's out stretched hand. I slowly tore the paper off, and gasped with what I saw. It was a plain silver heart and engraved in it was "Always and Forever".

"Ricky, I don't know what to say. It is breath taking. I love it so much, thank you so much." I said as the tears ran down my face.

"Will you put it on me" I asked and he nodded.

"You like it?" He asked

"I love it." I said

"I got it because I want you to know, you are beautiful inside and out. When I look at you I see everything a guy would want. I love you Ames because even if you didn't feel like your parents did, I always did. I gave this to you because I want you to know I will always be there for you and not only for the baby but for you. I trust you with my life. I told you I want to be a better man for you and the baby, so I haven't been sleeping around. I always knew I loved you, but even before you go pregnant I realized something." He said

"What did you realize?" I asked seeing this was hard for him

"That I am in love with you. I have been for 2 years now. I was 14 and we were sitting outside on the swings in your back yard. I was living with my mom and dad, and we were talking. It was the one of the first time your dad and James got into a fight. The moonlight was shinning off your hair and I thought man this girl is beautiful. I remember you said that if I weren't here I don't think you would have made it in this world. Of

course you had Grace but she had a good life so sometimes it was a little harder for her to understand. You told me that I was the best friend you could ask for. You looked at me with those brown eyes so caring, loving, and understanding and I fell in love. I don't why but it was that moment when I fell in love, I just couldn't tell you, because I was scared if I did it would hurt you more than you already were. I knew I needed to become a better man in order for that to happen. I tried to stop what I was doing but I was scared you would reject me like everyone else. Ames I had to tell you how I feel. I'm In love with you." Ricky said and I was crying by this time

"I'm in love with you too." I said and I told him the story of the night I fell in love with him.

"You have to promise me that you will be faithful, because if you cheat on me it will ruin everything."

"I promise I will never do anything to hurt you. We are going to fight, and I am sure there will be problems, Adrian and Ben aren't going away, we are going to be stressed and tired, but we will make it. I love you Ames Always and Forever."

"I love you too Ricky Always and Forever." I said "I guess this necklace has two meaning then huh?" I said

"Yes I guess it does. So Ames will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes, I will" I said and smiled big. "I think we will be okay because we have a good line of communication open and we know how to support each other." I said

Ricky nodded and kissed me softly on the lips.

"I have been waiting to do that since we woke up." Ricky said

"I don't mind that, but right now I want you to open your presents. This one first" I said as I handed him the build a bear, and watched him open it. I saw him take it out of the box and smile.

"Do you like it?" I asked

"Ames this is awesome. I love it. Thank you!" Ricky said

"Your welcome, now open the big one" I said and Ricky nodded walked over to it and unwrapped it when he seen what was in side, his mouth fell open.

"You didn't" he said

"I knew how bad you wanted them last year, so I started saving so I could buy them for you." I said and Ricky walked over to me and kissed me on the lips. That kissed made my head spin, the butterflies that are always there flutter, my knees were shaky, and when he pulled away he said

"I can't believe you remembered, and I can't believe you got them. This is more than I could ever ask for. Thank you." He said with tears in his eyes.

"I love you, and I think you deserve it." I said, and he looked at me and smiled.

"You are amazing." He said and we moved to the couch to watch a Christmas movie. After the movie was over we decided to open the rest of our gifts.

"Let's open Grace's family things first." I said

"Okay you go first." Ricky said and I nodded, I opened my gift and it was a coach purse with a $100 shopping gift card. Ricky opened his and he got an Ipod touch.

"Wow what a nice thing to get, we will send them a thank you card." I said

"Okay your parents now." Ricky said I nodded and opened my gift from my mom and dad they got me a Pandora bracelet with a K charm, and R charm and a baby carriage charm. James and Ashley gave me a house charm and a book charm. Ricky got an I-tunes gift card for 75 dollars from my parents, and all the car things and cases for his I-pod from James and Ashley. Next his mom and dad got me matching earrings to my necklace and they bought Ricky a new touch screen cell phone.

"Wow we got a lot of stuff" I said "Now all we have to open is boo boo's stuff" I said and Ricky walked over and grabbed the things. My parents got boo boo the crib I wanted, Ricky's parents got us the changing table and dresser, and Grace's family got us the white bassinette I wanted for my room and my brother and sister got us a box of diapers and wipes and the baskets I wanted for the changing table.

"Wow, they got everything I wanted. Grace must have told them. I couldn't help it the day we went to the mall we went in the baby store and picked out this stuff." I told Ricky

"We have one more to open." Ricky said and he pulled out the box I wrapped.

"Open it" I said and he opened it to find a yellow teddy bear, that said baby's first teddy bear. I laughed as did Ricky

"It is perfect, babe" He said

"I thought so too." I said as I leaned over and kissed him.

"I am going to start making dinner." I said and he nodded. As I prepared dinner he put on a Christmas movie and laid on the couch, when everything was cooking I came over and he opened his arms for me. I gladly went in there.

"I can't believe we are actually a couple now. I mean really it is kind of weird when you think we have never had the balls to tell each other how we felt, but we can do just about anything else." I said

"I know, but now I am happy." Ricky said and I nodded as we watched the Christmas movie in silence just happy to be together, both of our hands on my stomach.

Dinner was ready and we sat and ate, and talked, and laughed like hell it was the best Christmas we could both ever remember and it was exciting knowing that we could spend every Christmas like this. After dinner we were watching a moving and my sex craving started to kick in so I started to kiss Ricky's next and his ear. When I reached his ear, I whispered "Make love to me" I looked at Ricky and I seen his eyes darken. He picked me up and laid me down on the bed. He made love to me for the second time that night. After we were done we curled up together and lay in each other arms. I looked him in the eyes

"Merry Christmas Ricky, I love you."

"Merry Christmas Ames, I love you too, Now go to sleep." He whispered in my ear, and with that I fell right to sleep, happy and safe, just like always when I was with him. This was the best Christmas ever.

**Authors Note: Okay, there you have it Ricky, and Amy finally admitted their feelings and are in a relationship. I have to say though. Ricky will not cheat on Amy. There will be drama and I won't say if they are going to stay together but when they are in a relationship there will be no cheating. I know what that feels like and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So don't worry there will be drama don't forget Ricky and Amy have a lot of insecurities, Ricky's past and Ben and Adrian aren't going away. The question now is can they stand together and make it.**


	16. Two AppointmentsOne Day

**Two Appointments, One Day**

Today was December 30th and today is the day I get to hear the baby's heart beat and find out if boo boo is a boy or a girl. Ricky and I have been dating for 5 days now and not much has changed, well besides kissing and sex but that's all. Today was Saturday and Ricky was coming over in about an hour because we had our appointment at 12 and I knew he was nervous, not only that we have a therapy session at 3 o'clock today; one that I was not looking forward to. I was really tired today and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I still think that Ricky is going to leave; I mean I know he said he wasn't but this feels too good to be true and beside boo boo nothing good has ever really happened to me. I was brought out of my thoughts when I herd a knock on the door. I walked over to open it and seen it was Grace.

"Hey, come on in" I said

"Hey, How you feeling?" she asked

"I am good, just tired" I said "How's Zack?"

"Good; I was out with him last night and he asked me to be his girlfriend." She said

"That's awesome! Looks like we both have boyfriends now." I said

"Yeah, how are you are Ricky doing?" She asked

"We are good. I don't know Grace everything is perfect; I have Ricky and boo boo and this place, and you, and my independence, so why am I waiting for the other shoe to fall. Why can't I just be happy?" I asked

"Amy, your whole life has been nothing but a let down, every time someone got too close to you, either you pushed them away or they pushed you away. Ricky and I have been the only consents. It is okay to worry but don't let it kill your happiness and don't push Ricky away. He can only come back so many times until he is pushed too far. He loves you I can see that, that's why Ben and Adrian were so jealous." Grace said

"I know your right I just don't know how to stop." I said

"Talk to Ricky, warn him that this is coming, so he is not blind sided and you both lose something you have always wanted." Grace said and I nodded.

"I am going to go. I wanted to see how you were feeling call me as soon as you find out about the baby." She said

"I will, thanks Grace." I said

"Anytime" She said and walked out leaving me on the couch thinking. I turned around and looked as I herd someone come in 5 minutes later. It was Ricky.

"Hey babe" he said walking over to give me a kiss, I smiled and kissed him back. He rubbed my belly and then sat down,

"How are you and boo boo today?" He asked

"Good, just tired." I answered

"Then what's wrong?" he asked I got up and walked to the window it was an easy way to talk.

"I am scared. I know myself Ricky and right now everything is perfect but I'm waiting for something to go wrong. One day we are going to get into a fight and I am going to tell you I hate you and I never loved you. I am going to tell you to leave and never come back. I will walk away, and push you away the next time you come back. I am going to tell you to leave me alone and after a few times you will, and I will have pushed you away when all I really wanted was for you to hold me and let me cry. I want you to hold me and fight. All I have ever known is rejection. I have never seen a stable relationship, and for whatever reason I push people away every time they get to close because if they get that close they could hurt me and I can't get hurt anymore." I said and I felt him come up behind me and wrap me in his arms and lean his head on my shoulder.

"You just made a big step baby, you told me what was bothering you. You didn't hide it, you didn't push, and you opened up to me. You forget I know you baby, and I am not going any where, I may get angry and walk away but I will always come back because with out you and this baby." He said putting his hands on my stomach "I am nothing." He said

By this time I was crying and I nodded my head and turned around in his arms and cried as he rubbed my back. He whispered in my ear "I love you and everything will be okay." I knew in that moment I would always love this man

I pulled out and whipped my tears "I love you too, and as much as I would love to stay here all day and cuddle, we need to go find out about boo boo." I said and we walked off and out to the car, and drove to the doctor's office where we waited and then were finally called back.

"Hello Amy, Ricky. Good to see you guys again" Dr. Jones said

"Hello" we replied

"How are you feeling today Amy?" she asked

"Tired, but other than that I have been feeling great." I said

"Did you have any more morning sickness or anything like that?"

"The last time I was sick was a little after my last appointment and that was all." I said

"Good, now hop up on the table and lift you shirt please" she said so I did as she asked and grabbed Ricky's hand who was sitting right next to me. She put the gel on my stomach and grabbed the wand thing. This was it I thought.

"Okay so I am going to turn up the sound and you will hear a little thumping and that will be the baby's heartbeat." She said and as she turned up the sound I got tears in my eyes, that was my baby, I looked at Ricky and he also had tears in his eyes. It was our baby. He got up and kissed my forehead.

"Okay so the baby is at the perfect position to determine gender would you like to know what you are having parents?" I looked at Ricky and Ricky looked at me and I nodded

"Yes we would" Ricky said

"Well congratulations parents you are having a baby boy." She said and I smiled and started crying and I looked at Ricky and he looked like he was floating with tears in his eyes. He kissed me and said

"We are having a boy. A baby boy" he said and I laughed and smiled.

"Okay once you get cleaned up head to the desk, I'll leave the pictures there and you can make an appointment for next month." Dr. Jones said.

"Okay thank you so much." I said as she walked out and Ricky helped me get all cleaned up.

"Let's go get some food." He said and we made our way to the front desk made our appointment and headed to lunch. Once we got outside I quickly called Grace to tell her the news and she was thrilled I could see her jumping up and down and screaming. Okay well I herd the screaming. I told her I would talk to her later and I loved her and hung up.

When we arrived at the Dairy Shack we placed our order and sat down. I was so hungry that I just started eating. Ricky laughed at me.

"Is my little man hungry or is that just you." He said with a smirk. I loved his smirk it was sexy and could make any girl fall.

"Well I am hungry but since you asked we will say it is our little man." I said

"I still can't believe we are having a boy. I mean after waiting four months to find out and wondering. We know." I said

"Yeah and I am happy, it scares me because I don't want to turn out like my dad and maybe having a girl would be easier, but then I think about what everyone says and I know I am not my dad and I never will be, I guess knowing it and accepting it are two different things." He said

"You are right, they are two different things. Knowing something and believing it are two separate things too. I know you are going to be a good father but I also believe it." I said

"You are the only one who believes in me." He said

"You are wrong about that you know. Your mom and dad believe in you." I said

"You only mentioned 2 people." He said

"Yeah but we are the only ones that know anything, so we are the only ones that can." I said

"We have to go babe, it is 2:30 we have to be at Dr. Fields in a half hour." He said I nodded and we were off. I sat in the car thinking. I couldn't believe I was having a baby in five months or so. I was excited to start painting the nursery and buying clothes and everything. I was scared Ricky was going to get up and run because well that's what people did my whole life. I hate feeling this way but what can I do. Before I knew it we were walking in and sitting on the couch in Dr. Fields office.

"Hello Amy, Ricky, and did we find out if it is a girl or boy." He asked

"It is a boy" I said

"Well, congratulations, how are you two feeling about this?" He asked

"Amy and I are really happy about it" Ricky said

"Good, and Ricky how does it make you feel to know you are going to be a father to a little boy?" he asked

"I know I am not my father. I believe I will not hurt my child, I will not hurt Amy, and I believe I can be a good person. It is hard but I am trying to believe I am not him." Ricky said

"So you are making some progress then. I am so glad." He said

"Thank you."

"So how was your holiday?" Dr. Fields asked

"Ricky and myself actually decided to become a couple, we realized that we have loved each other for awhile but we were both to scared to admit it" I said

"Oh, really and do you think it will work out" He asked

"I think we could make it work. Do I worry he will leave me, yes. Everyone has always left me. I don't have a good structure to look at for relationships but we had a good friendship, and I think if I try and voice my insecurities and flaws and concerns everything will work out" I said

"I think we could also make it work. I think we both have things we need to work out and there is so many things that can get in the way but I don't want to hurt her and I really do love her." Ricky said

"Love can last, but as Amy said you need communicate, tell each other how you feel." Dr. Fields said

"Well last time Ricky we left off with you telling me exactly why you went to the teacher." Dr. Fields said. I knew this was the serious part so I snuggled into Ricky's arm as his was wrapped around my shoulder. It was how we in a way gave each other the strength to go on.

"Okay, I was out side with Amy on a Sunday afternoon, we were playing kickball and I herd the car coming, Amy ran in the bushes. I didn't clean my room like I was supposed to because I knew it would get messed up anyway, when Bob walked in, he was in a really bad mood. The first thing he did when he got in was punch me in the face. I fell to the ground, he told me he found my mother selling her body, and now she is in jail. I didn't care one way or another, she wasn't a mother" he said starting to get chocked up.

"You don't have to do this baby, you can stop Ricky." I hated seeing him like this he looked at me with tears in his eyes and I had tears in my eyes, he brought his hand up and used his thumb to wipe away the tears

"I have to do this for our baby, for you, and for me." He said I nodded and started rubbing his side.

"I got up and I knew what was going to happen, I felt sick. I always knew but I was defenseless against him. I was 10 years old. He went to my room and seen my room wasn't cleaned, he said I was a bad boy and needed to be taught a lesson, and just like almost every night for 5 years he rapped me, this time when he was done he didn't just lay there, no he got up and started beating me. I had a black eye, a busted lip, and 4 broken ribs, and a broken arm. I was done." Ricky said but he was crying by now and so was I.

"What happened next" Dr. Fields asked.

"He came to my house. Bob left to go somewhere that night, and he came to my house." I paused and took a deep breath. "I herd the knock on the window, so I got up and opened it, I started crying the moment I seen him. I grabbed the first aid kit I stole from my parents one day and climbed out the window. I didn't know what happened all I knew was he needed help. I cleaned his lip the best I could and he had a cut on his arm that I cleaned. He needed to be okay, he looked like he couldn't breathe." I was crying so hard I had to stop for a minute get up and walk over to the window. I took a deep breath as I looked out. "He was so pale, like a ghostly white, except for the fat lip and the purple and black and blue eye. His arm looked broken but I didn't know I was ten. It was like nothing I have ever seen before. He couldn't even cry he was in so much pain I wanted to do something but I was ten." I said and then I felt the strong arms wrap around me and I leaned in to him and look out of the window with him holding me. " I wanted him to be okay. So instead of me holding him that day he laid with his head in my lap and I stroked his head and begged him to tell the teacher. I told him I loved him and he needed to stay here because he was my best friend. We walked into school on Monday and I never thought he would tell. My parents at that time knew we were friends but not anything else, they got the call he was in the hospital and they took me to see him." I whispered as he rubbed my belly and held me. "They wanted to know what happened, and I think I told them he got jumped at school. I don't remember exactly but I think they believed me." I said I needed to breathe so I just stopped talking and breathed and Ricky was whispering in my ear.

"I am okay, your okay, we are okay, our little man is okay, everything is okay" It was relaxing and it helped to hear these things.

"Thank you" I whispered to Ricky "He looked so weak laying there with wires and tubes sticking out of him. He was eleven years old how someone could do this to an eleven year old; I will never know. It was his son. I still don't get I don't think I ever will. He was pale, weak, and so tired looking. He looked like he didn't sleep at all, like he was waiting for Bob to come back." I said

"The nightmares were awful one after another; it was like someone taped my whole life, not the fun parts though only the bad. It was like they just kept playing it over and over and over until I would wake up screaming or crying. I had nightmares almost every night even to this day. I fear Bob coming back to hurt me, or worse than that Amy and this little boy." Ricky said

"Do you still have nightmares Ricky?" Dr. Fields asked

"Yeah, I do almost every night." He said

"How come I never hear you wake up screaming when you stay at my house?" I asked him

"That's the only time I don't get them. I don't know why but I don't feel like some one is going to come and attack me; maybe because I am not alone or maybe because I don't think about the past around you. We talk about the past sometimes but most of the time we are looking ahead to the future with our little boy." He said

"Have you ever had a nightmare when you were with Amy?" Ricky asked

"Once or twice maybe but I don't scream because I know she is there and I don't want to wake her up. Instead I watch her sleep, and I rub her belly. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Like she doesn't have a worry in the world." He said

"That's only when I am in your arms." I said

"Why is that Amy?" Dr Fields asked

"Because for the first time in my life, even before we dated, he makes me feel safe." I said

"How does he do that?" Dr. Fields asked

"I don't know, whenever I was ever in a tough spot he was always there to protect me. I can fight my own battles but he always stands there beside me, even when I am wrong and he doesn't agree he supports me, and when we are alone he will tell me he thought I was wrong. He listens and when I am in his arms I feel like nothing can touch me. I love him and he loves me" I said

"Okay well our time today is up." He said and Ricky and I walked over and said our goodbye and headed back to my place. It was a silence car ride because we both were lost in our own thoughts. We arrived at my house and I got out of the car and started walking up the drive when Ricky ran past me and smacked my ass. I started laughing and walked the rest of the way to house where Ricky was there leaning against the door way smirking.

"Baby that was not a nice thing to do." I said as I leaned in so close that my lips were almost touching his and went he went to lean in and kiss me I pulled away and turned to put my key in the door, and I looked over my shoulder to see him glaring at me and I smirked and walked in the house. I walked in and felt him hand on my waist and he lightly pressed me against the wall and started to make out with me, I dropped my purse and wrapped my arms around my neck and he made his way down my neck. I moaned. I couldn't help it. He knew what he was doing. As soon as I moaned he pulled away and walked to the living room. I was going to get him back for that. He plopped on the couch and I seen that smirk.

"You are a jerk, and I hate you." I said and he laughed

"I love you too babe." He said and I couldn't help but smile. I walked over to the couch and curled up next to him, and he pulled me closer and put his arm around me.

"Today was a tough day." I said

"Yeah but we got through it, didn't we? We can get through anything together." Ricky said

"You are right" I said yawning and I stretched out put my head in Ricky's lap and he automatically started stroking my head and playing with my hair. I yawned again.

"Take a nap, I love you" Ricky said

"I love you too." I mumbled I herd Ricky chuckle and then everything went black, and I was left to dream of the wonderful life, I am supposed to have.


	17. Back to School

**Back to School**

Today was the first day back to school after Christmas break. The first day Ricky and I would show up as a couple. New Years was fun. Ricky, Grace, Zack, and I all had a small party, with junk food and pizza. Ricky and I did get into a fight about what I was eating and I wound up telling him to go fuck himself. Zack and Ricky get along pretty well, because they have music in common. Zack would talk about him band and Ricky would talk about the drums. It was relaxing, I wound up falling asleep at 10 and Ricky woke me up at 11:30, being pregnant is so tiring. I am still just a little over four months but with the clothes I have you can see the baby bump. I didn't care, I was proud of this little man. I woke up to my alarm clock going off, at 6 30. I rolled out of bed and ate breakfast and walked out to see Ricky waiting.

"Hey baby" he said giving me a kiss "Hey little man" he said putting his hand on my stomach.

"Hey, how was your night?" I said, Ricky and I didn't see each other yesterday. Grace and I had a girl's day and he went out with some of his friends.

"Good, we hung out and played video games. I went home around eleven and passed out." He said

"Where did you guys go to eat?" I asked, seemed like now a days food was all I can think about.

"We all got Chinese food, and I went to picked it up." He said laughing

"What is so funny?" I asked as we arrived at school

"Is that all you think about anymore?" He asked

"Blame that on this little man I feel like I can eat a horse at least 3 times a day." I said and we walked hand in hand into the school and too my locker.

"Are you going to blame everything on my son?" He asked

"Hey I am just telling the truth." I laughed and all too soon we were interrupted by that annoying voice.

"So it is a boy, wow you didn't mention that last night Ricky, but then again we were a little busy." Adrian said with a smirk

"Oh you two were together last night." I asked, even though I knew they weren't the thought still bothered me.

"No, I saw her when I went to get dinner." Ricky said

"Oh is that was you call it now Ricky? We had great sex last night, all night long." Adrian said

"Do you really think I would believe a slut like you over my boyfriend? Did you think I didn't think you were going to try and destroy my relationship with him? The key word being try. Adrian I am not stupid, and I am sure that he wouldn't want to go from me to you anyway." I said with a smirk

"You really think you are better than me, that he will stay with you?" Adrian asked

"I don't think I know. I know that he loves me, and I know he loves his son, I know I am better than you because I don't sit here and beg for the guy, I never have and I never will. I don't use the bad shit in my life to play on people's sympathy for me so they will do what I want. I am not a whore, while you my friend are." I said

"You know nothing about my life, my mom isn't there and I don't even know who my father is. I may have the clothes and the looks and the money and the car, but what else do I have?" She said

"Is this where I am supposed to feel sorry for you and want to be your friend? You pull out the family shit and I am supposed to feel so sorry that I give up my family. I don't think so. You see I don't need to play the card. There are 2 people in this school that know about my life, and that's all because no one needs to know what I have been through." I said and walked away with Ricky to his locker

"You know I wasn't with her last night, I seen her getting the food and that was it, I didn't even talk to her that much." Ricky said and I knew he was telling the truth but I was upset he didn't warn me and as I said I am still insecure about her so I did what I do best.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, I got to go to class" I said and he nodded and went to give me a kiss but I turned my head so he got my cheek and walked away.

As I was sitting in class, I started thinking about everything. I knew Adrian was going to pull something like this, and I know Ben will too. I know I trust Ricky but there is part of me that is so scared he will see she is better than me and leave me and because of that I get insecure. I mean she was the first girl he kept around for more than 3 days. She was his first "girlfriend" I mean so yes, I feel threatened. The morning went by fast and before you knew it, I was on my way to lunch. I packed a lunch today so I went to my locker and grabbed it, Grace texted me saying her and Zack were skipping lunch so she will talk to me at home. I was sitting at the table eating when I felt someone kiss my head.

"Hey" I said

"How was your day?" He asked

"I was a jerk to my awesome boyfriend and I could barely focus on school." I said

"I don't think he would consider it a jerk, maybe a little hormonal." Ricky said and I smiled "There is that beautiful smile." He said and I blushed

"Okay okay I am sorry." I said

"How about you tell me what was bothering you." He said

"I know you didn't sleep with Adrian, I know you well enough to know when you are hiding something and lying but one I don't like that you didn't warn me that you seen her, because at least I could have prepared a little bit. I also told you I was going to insecure about everything. I mean yes, it scares me that you will go back to her because when I look at her I see everything I am not, everything that you could have. I am scared you will realize you don't want some confused little girl, but someone like her. I know I am stupid when it comes to this but I warned you." I said

"You're not stupid and maybe you are everything she is not, but that's because you are better than her. You know me inside and out. You love me and I love you. You are beautiful inside and out she only has her looks. You have a big and kind heart and she is mean and hurtful. Amy you are so much more than you can see. I can see right now you think I am only here because of obligation or maybe you think I figure because you know me best I am settling but I assure you I am not. I loved you before the baby even came about and I don't have to settle, if everyone was to find out tomorrow what happened to me I would still want you because you got me through it and you loved me anyway. I trust you completely and I feel complete with you." He said and I sat there with tears in my eyes and one fell down my cheek so he reached up and used his thumb to wipe it away. "I love you because of you not because of obligation or comfort because you make me happy and whole and if I have to tell you that everyday for the rest of our lives I will" He said and I smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.

"I love you too Ricky." I said and he smiled and kissed me again. We finished eating our lunches and were back into classes. I was able to concentrate more and I finished most of my homework in study hall. I was planning on going to the store after work to find some paint for the baby's room so I can start painting it. I had a couple things to buy from there so I figured I should get started. After study hall and finishing my homework the bell rand and I met Ricky at my locker.

"Hey" he said kissing me

"Hey, how was the rest of your day?" I asked

"Good, didn't do much, how was the rest of your day?" he asked

"I got all my homework done in study hall. I love having it 7th period." I said "I think this little man is wearing me out though. I am so tired I feel like I can sleep until next week."

"Well your almost done." He said and wrapped his arm around me and we walked to his locker.

"I should have known that was why you were breaking up with me." I herd Ben say. Here we go again.

"Why did you think we broke up?" I said

"You wanted Ricky, it has always been Ricky. You always put him before me, and he always put you before Adrian that's why it didn't work." Ben said

"You are wrong. Yes Amy loves me, and maybe we always did put each other first but we have our reasons as to why. The reason Amy broke up with you was because you put your hands on her. You grabbed her arm and left a bruise, you did that Ben." Ricky said

"Ben, you said I let myself get used, you told me that. You screamed and said awful things to me, and so if you think Ricky is the reason you couldn't be more wrong." I said

"Ricky was always going to be the one, but you had to be a selfish bitch and let me believe that you could love me. Hell for all I know you were fucking him behind my back." Ben said and Ricky pushed me a little in back of him

"Don't talk about her like that. I swear you are fucking stupid, did you not get it the first time I punched you. Don't disrespect her. She is an amazing person and you think we were fucking the whole time you were dating, are you stupid. Amy would never do that and hell I would never use Amy that way." Ricky said I could tell Ricky was getting pissed because his knuckles were turning white.

"Ben, I would never cheat on anyone it is not who I am and I am sorry if you feel it is but I can assure you I never slept with Ricky while we were together. Ricky and I decided to try and be a couple. We love each other Ben." I said

"You love him, and you said you loved me, what was that a lie." Ben asked

"No I did love you Ben." I said

"but you don't love me anymore." He asked

"No Ben I don't" I said and I pulled Ricky's hand and walked out of school. I was quite I felt bad. I didn't like hurting Ben, and I did love Ricky. I cared about Ben, and it hurt when he did those things to me, and said those things to me but I don't know, I just feel bad. Ricky didn't say anything and I can tell he was mad. I told him I would talk to him later and kissed his cheek right as we pulled up to the daycare. I was off to work and so was he. He got out 2 hours later than I did and so he would probably stop by even though he knew I didn't feel like talking. I walked into work and let my troubles fade away for a while.

I was on my way home from work when I stopped by the corner store to pick up some milk and eggs. I would start the baby's room tomorrow. I figured I would make my meat pie for dinner tonight. I had everything I needed at home. I walked in my house about 10 minutes after six and threw my purse down. I went to the kitchen took out the stuff I would need and started cooking I threw dinner in the over at 6 30 and dinner would be done by 7 10. I set the timer and walked into my room to put on something comfortable, and then I walked back out and started to think. I knew Ricky and I were going to fight, Ben and Adrian always caused a fight between us. I was sitting there thinking when I herd a beep from my phone when I looked I had 3 messages 2 from Ben and 1 form Grace. I read Grace's message first.

To Amy From Grace:

I can't swing by tonight I am

going out with Zack. I will call

you later. Love ya.

To Amy From Ben:

I am sorry Amy. I know I

don't deserve you but I really

do love you.

To Amy From Ben:

It kills me to know you are with

Ricky when I should be the one

with you. I love you.

I didn't know what to say back so I didn't answer. I herd the timer on the oven go off walked over and got the food out. I let it sit and set the table. I got 2 plates and 2 cups. Filled my cup up with juice and his up with soda, and put food on both of our plates and set them on the table. Just as I sat down the door opened and in walked Ricky. He walked over and gave me a kiss and sat down.

"Hey baby this looks good. I didn't think you were going to make anything. You said you were tired." He said

"Hey yeah I am but I had a craving for it and figured it was easy enough to make." I said and we both ate in silence I figured we might as well enjoy our dinner before we fight, I thought. Ricky finished eating before me and started cleaning up and when I finished he cleaned everything. I walked over to the fridge to get a water bottle and went and sat on the couch.

"Ben texted me today he told me he was sorry and he knows he doesn't deserve me but he really does love me, and that it kills him to know you are with me and that it should be him." I said

"What did you say back?" Ricky asked in a tense voice

"Nothing I didn't know what to say. I could be mean and be like I love Ricky and I want to be with him, but I don't know I just couldn't." I said

"So you can't tell you ex boyfriend that you love your current boyfriend and you want to be with him?" he said walking over and sitting on the chair

"I don't want to hurt him." I said

"But you have no problem hurting Adrian or me right as long as Ben doesn't get hurt. Is that what you are saying?" He asked

"NO. I don't want to hurt you and why the hell are you bringing Adrian into this?" I asked

"You did hurt me though because maybe you don't love me like you say you do because maybe you don't care. You don't care who you are hurting as long as Ben doesn't get hurt. You attack Adrian every time you get a chance and say hurtful things to her because you don't like her but Ben is different, Ben is an asshole that you keep sticking for. In case you forgot he had no problem man handling you. Leaving a bruise on you, he hurt you but you can't tell him how you feel" he said and he slammed out the door. I just sat there and cried. I don't love Ben and I know he hurt me so why did I have to hurt Ricky and he was right I did like hurting Adrian every chance I got because I didn't want her to have Ricky. God what is wrong with me. So I cried and cried into my pillow, until I herd the door open I knew it was Ricky so I didn't move I just kept on crying. I felt someone rubbing my back.

"Baby, look at me." I herd Ricky say so I turned my head and looked at him. I was still crying but I was trying not too.

"You drive me crazy sometimes you know that. I know you don't love Ben, but babe I am jealous of Ben, just like you are jealous of Adrian. I shouldn't have said that you were trying to hurt Adrian every chance you got, that wasn't fair." Ricky said

"You were right though weren't you? I do try and hurt her, I am so intimidated by her that it is easier to try and hurt her. To me anger is like armor, you take it off and you are defenseless. I use that anger against her and I don't mean to hurt her but I guess I do. I love you Ricky, and I don't want you to doubt that ever. Your right I shouldn't care about Ben because you are the one I want to be with. I know he did hurt me so why should I care. I'm sorry babe." I said

"You do hurt Adrian some times but some times she deserves it, and we need to be happy with each other and not let them win, because what we are doing right now is exactly what they want. They want us to fight and break up, so we go running back to them. I won't let that happen. You need to stop letting Adrian intimidate you because you're the one I want not her. I love you Ames, and I am sorry too." He said as he wiped away my tears with his thumb and leaned down and kissed me lightly.

"Can you just hold me please?" I asked

"You don't have to ask, come here babe." He said I nodded and crawled into his arms. I laid my head on his shoulder, and he rubbed his hand up and down my back and put his other hand on my stomach.

"There were too many fights today, Ricky." I said

"Way too many." He answered

"Do you remember the night this little man was conceived?" I asked

"How could I forget, I was so nervous, it was so different from all the other times I had sex, because we weren't having sex, we were making love, and I wouldn't admit it at the time, but that is how it was. After when we were just laying there I didn't want to get up, I wanted to stay with you in my arms forever. When you got up, I felt lonely and empty and it bothered me. I was trying to hide these feelings and you had them coming back at full force." He said

"When you took me up there that night and we were just talking I felt like I was high on love. How corny does that sound? Everything was perfect we were laughing and happy and I knew I didn't want it to end. I asked you to make love to me, because even if you never felt the same I would have always had that moment. I never thought I would get pregnant but I guess we weren't really thinking. I was so scared you would reject me and laugh in my face but when you said yes. I was shocked, happy, scared and everything. After when you told me to lay in your arms I felt so safe, loved, and it scared me so I got up and picked up my clothes saying we had to get back. I guess in a way it was me hiding and running away again. I wanted you to think it wasn't a big deal so I didn't ruin everything. After we were in our cabins and everything was down and it was just me I let my mind wander, I was happy. It felt right something I always wanted I had. I felt like I mattered and I knew I couldn't let you go." I said

"So I guess we both just needed someone, and we happened to be it for each other." Ricky said

"I guess so." I looked at the clock and seen it was 9 30 and I was so tired so I put my head in Ricky's lap and he started stroking my hair. I was dozing off when I felt Ricky pick me up and carry me into my bedroom, and leave. He must have gone to turn all the lights off and lock all the doors, and then he climbed into bed. I snuggled into him

"Can you pass me my phone please?" I said, he nodded and passed me my phone. I opened it and hit respond to the text Ben sent.

To Ben From Amy;

Don't Call, Don't text, and

don't talk to me. I am in love with

my amazing boyfriend and he is the

only one I want to be with.

And with that I hit send. I looked up and seen Ricky smiling and he leaned down and kissed me.

"I love you baby" He said and then he leaned down and kissed my stomach and whispered "I love you little man." He came back up and wrapped his arms around me and put his hand on my belly rubbing it.

"We love you too Ricky. Goodnight!" and we both drifted off to sleep. Tonight was perfect, tomorrow was tomorrow.


	18. Surprise

Hey guys I just want to say thank you for all the reviews. I just want you to know my computer is broken so I will try and update as much as possible, but this will continue. Love you all

Surprise:

The past month has been going good. I have completely ignored Adrian, and Ben. When I would hear them talk to me I would just walk away. I haven't gotten much done in the nursery but today is Feb 2nd and I am five months pregnant so I wanted to start up on it. The only thing that is currently in the nursery is the paint and supplies I bought and the presents from Christmas that are still not built. I went to the doctors last week and she said everything was fine and the baby would be kicking soon. Today I am taking the day off from work and school. I called and told the school I was sick and they can send home my work with Ricky. I texted him and told him I was staying home because I had some things I wanted to work on. He still doesn't know that I was planning to do the nursery I planned to surprise him. We still fight like we always did, but nothing major. Grace and Zack are still dating and both of her parents approve. I looked at the clock and seen it was seven so I got up and put on some crappy clothes, and made my way into the nursery. I started off my taping off the stripes on the wall. I was going to paint the brown first and while I waited for that to dry I would hang the molding in the room. It wasn't hard because I had the Grace's dad come and cut the wood and he left me a hammer and nails and said all I had to do was hammer it is where the studs where. I got to work and just as I finished painting the brown, I looked to see it was already lunch time. I walked out of the nursery and made lunch when I sat down my phone rang and I went to answer it.

"Hello" I said

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" he asked

"Hey baby, I am okay just sat down to have some lunch so if you hear me chewing you know why." I said and I herd Ricky laugh

"How is our baby doing today?" he asked

"He is good. I don't feel as tired as I usually do." I said "Did you get my work?" I asked

"That's good and yeah I did, it is a lot though." He said and I groaned and I herd him chuckle.

"I should have just came" I said

"You had no problem doing that last night" Ricky said and I knew if I could see him he would have a smirk on his face.

"You are an ass, you know what I meant, and get that damn smirk off your face." I said and I laughed

"How do you know I am smirking you can't see me?" He said

"Ah yes Mr. Underwood but I know you." I said and we both laughed.

"Hey can you bring over dinner after work today?" I asked him

"Babe it is lunch and you are already thinking about dinner, what am I going to do with you?" He asked laughing

"Hey in my defense, I just don't want to cook, and I don't know when the next time I see you or talk to you will be so I need to make sure that is covered." I said

"Of course, I'll bring home something. What were you thinking?" he asked

"How about just bring home sandwiches form work." I asked

"Sounds good; hey listen baby, I got to go back to class lunch is over. I will talk to you soon. I love you and that baby." He said

"Okay, I will see you later. We love you too." I said and we hung up and I was back to the nursery. I put the molding up and taped it off and painted the top with the light blue. I then taped off the brown and did the blue. All the stripes were down and the baby's room was officially painted. I looked at the clock and noticed it was three already and I was tired, so I took all the paint rollers and stuff and started to clean it I took all the tape off and made sure there was nothing that needed to be touched up and went and closed the paint cans and put the in the babies closet in the way back. Everything was cleaned up by 3 30 and it was time for me to shower. I got out the shower and back to my sweat pants a beater and a hoddie and laid down on the couch I looked at the clock and it was four so I laid down and started rubbing my stomach and before I knew it I was passed out. I woke up to someone knocking at my door at 6:45. I knew it wasn't Grace she had plans with Zack and Ricky didn't get out of work till 7 so I walked over to the door and opened it. When I did I came face to face with the one person I never wanted to see ever again. Bob Underwood. My hand immediately went to my stomach, and I really wished someone else was here.

"Hello, how can I help you?" I asked I had to remember he didn't know who I was.

"Are you Amy Juergens?" he asked

"Yes, who are you?" I asked

"I am Bob Underwood, I think you know my son Ricky?" He said

"I go to school with him." I said rubbing my belly, I was scared but I wouldn't show him that. He didn't need to know anything about me.

"I see you are having a baby, and word on the street is that it is my grandchild." He said

"Yes, this is Ricky's baby, but we aren't on good terms right now." I said hoping that maybe he would leave me alone.

"I herd you were having a boy." He said with this sick grin on his face that made me remember everything that happened with Ricky.

"Yeah I am but I have decided I am going to raise this baby on my own. Ricky doesn't want to be apart of this babies life, and I don't blame him." I said I was still thinking if I down played Ricky's involvement he wouldn't bother me.

"Oh such a shame." He said

"Yeah it was nice meeting you and all Mr. Underwood but I have dinner in the oven and I need to go." I said

"Oh, yes and by all means call me Bob. It was a pleasuring meeting you Amy and I look forward to seeing you again. Oh and if you see Ricky will you please tell him his father is looking for him and said hi." He said and I nodded and as he began to walk away I shut the door and locked it. I went and made sure every window was locked and all the blinds were shut. I felt like he was watching me. I looked at the time and it was 7. I needed to warn Ricky. I started crying and I picked up the phone. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't help it. I dialed the number I knew by heart and prayed he answered on the second ring I heard.

"Hey baby, I was just getting the sandwiches." He said

"Ricky" I said with a shaky voice because I was crying.

"What is it what is wrong?" he asked

"Please just get here as soon as you….as you can…..it is…important." I said the best I could do my hysterics

"I am on my way." I herd the door slam and I knew he was in the car so I hung up the phone and lay on the couch and cried. 5 minutes later I herd a knock on the door and I jumped.

"Who is it" I yelled, doing the best I can to keep my voice steady. I was shaking.

"It's me baby, open the door." I herd Ricky. I ran to the door and opened it and jumped into his arms. My body was shaking and I was crying so hard I couldn't breath. Ricky was rubbing my back to try and get me to calm down. He made me move into the house a little and he shut the door.

"Lock it, please lock the door." I said still crying he reached over and locked it.

"Baby, what is it? Is the baby okay?" he asked quick and panicked

"The baby is fine." I managed to get out. I took a couple of deep breaths and got up and walked to the couch. Ricky followed me to the couch.

"You are scaring me tell me what is wrong." He said I took a deep breath and nodded

"Okay you are not going to like this and I don't know how you are going to react. I looked at the clock it was 7 15. I took a deep breath and began

"I was tired after all I did today so around 4 30 I laid down to take a nap, and around 6 45 I woke up to a knocking on the door. I knew it wasn't you or Grace, but I thought maybe it was Grace's parents or Tom so I opened the door." I said and I was starting to get chocked up so Ricky leaned over and held me.

"Who was there?" he asked

"It was" I said and I took a deep breath "Bob" I said as fast as I can and I knew he heard me because I felt his whole body go tense.

"You said my father Bob was at the door?" Ricky asked

"Yeah he came by and he knew my name, he knew I was pregnant by you, he knew that we were having a boy. I told him, I knew you from school and we weren't on good terms right now, and I said that you didn't want to be a part of this baby life and I was going to raise it on my own and he said oh such a shame. I then told him I had to go and make dinner. He said he looks forward to seeing me again and he said that if I seen you tell you he was looking for you and he said hello." I said I knew he herd everything and I knew he needed me. So pushed him back on to the couch and crawled into his lap. I snuggled into his arms and I tried to show him I was there for him. I was scared and I wanted to cry but I wanted to be strong. I took his hand and I rested it on my stomach along with my hand above his, and that's when I felt it.

Ricky looked at me with big wide eyes and said

"Did you feel that?"

"Yeah, I did." I said

"That's our baby he is kicking." I said with tears in my eyes. "I think he knows we need him right now." I said

"Is that the first time he has done that?" Ricky asked

"Yeah" and I smiled a real smile "did you feel that one?" I asked

"Yeah, that's our baby, that's our baby boy. I will not let anything happen to you or him. I promise you that." He said

"I know Ricky. I trust you with my life." I said I was still shaky but I needed to be strong for this baby and for Ricky.

"How is he out of jail?" he asked pacing the floor "How did he find out about you?"

"I don't know why don't you go and call your foster mom and dad and find out what they know and call doctor Fields and let him know what is happening and I am going to eat the sandwiches you threw on the ground." I said he nodded and went in the other room to call his mom and I went and ate. I was sitting in the kitchen eating my sandwich. I couldn't believe he was back. He was supposed to be in jail for 10 to 15 years and he has only been there 5. How the hell is he out, and how the hell does he know about Ricky and I. How does he know I am having this little boy. I don't even want to know what this is going to do to Ricky. He was doing so well. I think we were really making some progress with everything; he was finally comfortable in his own skin and happy with who he was and how he was living. I think now he is going to be afraid waiting for someone to hit him or beat him. He was finally getting to the point where he didn't shut down and hide when life got too much and now I didn't know what was going to happen. I jumped when I felt some ones hands on my shoulders. I felt wet on my face and didn't even know I was crying. I wiped my tears and looked at Ricky.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Ricky said

"I know that, you wouldn't do that. I was lost in thought I didn't even here you come up behind me." I said Ricky nodded and walked over to the couch and sat with his head in his hands. I walked over and sat next to him. I put my hand on his leg and he looked at me.

"What did your mom say?" I asked

"She said he got out on good behavior and is on parole he is not supposed to come within 75 feet of me and if he is caught doing drugs or anything he is back in the slammer for life with no chance of parole." He said

"Why didn't anyone warn you?" I asked

"They didn't think he was going to come near us, they all thought he was going to just leave me alone." He said and I can tell he was getting mad, so I started rubbing his back. "I was finally happy you know, we were finally happy, we have a baby on the way and we both have our freedom and independence and now look here he is to take it all away." Ricky said

"Well then we have to figure out ways to not let that happen." I said and he looked at me like I was crazy

"Haven't you noticed, you are already crying, tense, and scared? You have all the shades shut all the windows shut and locked and you just jumped a mile when I touched your shoulders and you were crying. What can we do?" He said

"Okay in my defense, I never did like being alone and the doors and shit is always locked and second you are right I am scared. I am scared not only for me and this baby but for you. I am scared because I love you so much and I know this is killing you. I know you are going to try and hide it but it is eating you alive. So we have to try and forget about this, we need to focus on the positive things in life. We can go and talk to Dr. Fields tomorrow. We will go and get all the facts and then we will see what we can do." I said

"You are a very positive person." He said

"I just don't like feeling helpless, and that's how I felt when I fell into a crying mess in your arms, and I am pretty sure stress isn't good for the baby." I said and Ricky smiled

"There it is. See we can do this because we are able to get through anything as long as we have each other." I said

"I love you Ames. Thank you." He said

"I would do anything for you, don't you know that?" I asked using the exact words he said to me after we made love for the first time. He smiled

"Yes. I have always known that. Seems like someone did listen at band camp he said with a smirk. I laughed and snuggled into his arms.

"Oh I almost forgot with everything going on, I didn't show you what I did today and I didn't do my homework, thank god today is Friday." I said as I pulled him up and led him to the nursery door. "Ready?" I asked

"Yeah" he said I nodded and opened the door. "Wow" he said as he looked around

"You did all this, it looks amazing Kid." He said

"Thanks, it took me all day but I really wanted to get it done." Ricky walked over and hugged me and then he put his hand on my stomach.

"Wait till you see what your mommy did for you little man. I think you are one lucky kid, to have a mommy like that." Ricky said and I smiled and we walked to my room

"Hey little man I think you are really lucky because you have the best daddy in the whole world. He was mommy's best friend for a long time and now he is my boyfriend and your daddy. He always talks to you and asks about you. I think you will love him as much as I do." I said as we laid in my bed.

"Do you really think that?" Ricky asked

"Absolutely" I said as I yawned. "Can you please stay with me tonight?" I asked

"Are you sure?" he asked

"I am still shaken up about the whole thing and I am scared to be alone tonight." I said

"Okay, I will stay, let me go and get the lights." He said and he walked out shut all the lights and got undressed and climbed into bed with me and held me close.

"Thank you for being here and loving us; I don't know what I would do without you" I said

"Well you will never have to find out." He said I nodded and started to doze off

"I love you baby, goodnight." I herd

"Love you too" I said and I was out cold. Who knew what tonight would bring but for now I would sleep while I could.


	19. Nightmares

**Nightmares**

My dream:

I had just finished giving birth and they took away my bundle of joy as I fell asleep. I woke up to hear the baby crying I looked around the room and couldn't find him anywhere. I wanted my baby, it was all I wanted. I got out of bed and followed the noise, everything else was quite like everyone was gone and I was the only one in the whole hospital. That's when I saw it, my baby alone in the nursery of the hospital I walked to the door and tried to open it. It was locked I pounded on the door nothing worked. I screamed for help but no one answer I walked over to the observing window and that is when I saw the worst possible sight. Bob was standing in the room holding my baby. He had a sinister smile on his face a smile I knew all too well. Then it flashed and my baby wasn't a baby anymore he looked like he was about 5, the age Ricky was. I herd Bob talking and telling him he was bad boy that needed to be taught a lesson and I seen him smack him. I was screaming for someone to help me for Bob to stop. I banged and clawed at the glass nothing worked I couldn't get to him. Then the screaming began, stop papa stop, don't, no, I am sorry. I was screaming and crying I wanted to stop it but I couldn't. I was helpless.

I woke up to Ricky shaking me, and calling my name. I just kept screaming, no, no, no. Ricky wrapped me in his arms and I was pounding on his chest yelling no. He was whispering in my ear that I was okay, and he loved me. I finally realized I was dreaming and it wasn't real and started to calm down. I still felt like I couldn't breathe but I was relaxing a little. I was still crying, that dream felt so real, hearing the voices all over again. I felt like I was in the bush again, so helpless, so out of control. I looked up to see Ricky looking at me and I can tell he wanted to know what was wrong but I didn't know if I could speak.

"What was it about, babe?" He asked

"It was so real. I had our baby he was beautiful, he looked like you. I was holding him and I got tired so the nurse took him and I went to sleep. I woke up to hearing him cry. I was in a hospital, but no one was there I called out but nothing no one came so I got out of bed and followed the noise." I said trying to hold myself together and get it all out. "Ricky, I didn't know what to do, and when I got to the nursery I seen our baby and he was crying but the door was locked and then Bob was there and holding our son looking at him with this look. It flashed and our little boy looked to be about 5 and he was crying like you used to, screaming and I tried to get to him but I couldn't" I said now crying again.

"Shhh, look at me Ames." I nodded and looked at him. "I will not allow Bob to hurt you or this baby. Bob will never get his hands on you. I love you both so much." He said with so much honestly, that you couldn't help but believe him. I just looked at him and he looked back at me. I don't know what I was looking for maybe a little doubt or something but I saw nothing but honestly and love. I nodded and laid back down in his arms and started rubbing my belly.

"You hear that baby your daddy is going to make sure we stay safe. He is going to protect us from the bad people because he loves us." I said to my little boy and I felt Ricky tighten his arms around me and kiss my temple.

"I love you Ricky." I said

"I love you too, you know I had the same dream a little while ago. I was up when you started screaming." He said

"You were? I didn't even hear you wake up." I said

"You were screaming at the time and so was I. It was like the same dream and your right Ames it felt so real. It felt like I was fighting a ghost but I couldn't win." He said

"I wish Bob never got out of prison. I wish he had to serve life. How can they let him out after five years after what he did? I mean really he is free to do what he wants unless someone of authority sees him doing something wrong. I mean we can say he was here and all that but if they didn't see him here or near you, it won't matter." I said

"I know and I am so sorry you got sucked into this whole thing. I should have never become your friend, I should have known better." He said and for some reason it hurt I know he didn't mean for it too but I guess with my hormones I am extra sensitive and it just sounded like he regrets everything.

"So, you regret becoming my friend, and let me guess you regret loving me and getting me pregnant." I said getting out of bed. I wasn't just going to lay there. I walked out of the room and in the kitchen

"Is that what you think I regret everything that happened between us?" He asked

"Well you said you should have never become friends with me. If you didn't become friends with me, you wouldn't love me and we wouldn't have this baby." I said getting teary eyed

"You know I love you and this baby. I didn't mean I regret being friends with you or being in love with you and I would never regret our baby. I simply met I wish this whole situation wasn't even a possibility I wish you never had to live through any of this." I said

"You still don't get it; you still blame yourself for all the pain I feel and all the pain you feel. It isn't your fault Ricky. It is that sick asshole that raised you. You becoming friends with me wasn't a bad thing. He is to blame for all this pain not us. You never asked to get abused at all. You did everything you were told and even when you didn't you were 5-10 a little boy. It is understandable. Ricky no 5-10 year old boy always listens. Our baby won't and you didn't but that isn't a reason to do this. I chose to be your friend and I don't blame you for any of the things we have been through. I love you for you and that is everything." I said

"You were just yelling at me and now your trying to make me feel better." He said

"Yeah well don't get used to it. I can't always blame it on the hormones." I said smiling and walking over to him.

"Oh so that was what this is all about." He said holding me in his arms and staring into my eyes.

"Shut up and kiss me" I said and Ricky smiled and kissed me with all he had and all the love he had to show me we were okay. We pulled apart and smiled at each other and I walked out of his arms.

"Well since we are up. I am hungry and I want to eat" I said, and he laughed

"You are always hungry." He said

"Yeah I know but I am eating for two now. So I think I should get a pass." I said

"There you go blaming my little man again" he said and I laughed and made me and him a sandwich.

"When do you think Bob will go back to jail?" I asked

"I am thinking soon. He was never able to be off his drugs for long. I mean he always needed some kind of thrill. He was drinking, doing drugs, abusing Nora or me, or punishing me." He said

"I am scared you know." I said and I knew he was confused

"What about, I mean other than Bob?" he asked

"I am scared I am going to be a bad mom and I am scared that we are going to do something wrong and scar this baby for the rest of his life. I am scared someone is going to think we aren't meant to be parents and try and take this baby away from us. I am 15 and you are 16 and yeah we may act older than that but people are going to assume we messed up. I don't want this baby to have any part in the lives we had. Yes he can see his Grandma and Grandpa but I don't our baby in such a negative environment. Adrian is going to do everything to win you back and Ben won't give up. We have so much still ahead of us. Some times I wonder if we are doing the right thing by keeping him or if we are doing this because we had such bad lives we are trying to prove something. I am not going to lie sometimes I feel like the only reason we even got together as a couple was because of this baby and I really hope it isn't because we could have did this still being friends." I said

"Are you done rambling now?" he said and I nodded "Okay one we have a right to be scared because we are still 15 and 16. We are keeping this baby Ames because we love him and we have to make sure we are doing what is best for him, and giving him to strangers isn't what is best. I have been in enough foster homes to know that they can look nice in the interview but really all they want is the money. They only want the money and they won't give our son what he deserves. We aren't our parents and we won't raise our child like they raised us. I believe that I am not Bob and I would never put my hands on this child and you would never ignore this child like your mom and dad did with you. Adrian and Ben won't win if we don't let them Amy. I don't love Adrian. I don't love anyone beside me and you and this baby. Ben, well he is so stupid to even keep coming around. I am not with you because you are having my baby, because I fell in love with you way before that. I am with you because I want to be. I want to be with you because you are beautiful inside and out. You are strong and independent and you don't judge. You love me and stuck by me. I love you." He said

"You know, you just realized two important things in that speech" I said

"What do you mean" he asked confused, I got up and walked over to the chair he was sitting in and sat on his lap.

"You just said that you believe you are not Bob and that you love yourself." I said

"I did?" he said

"You did" I said

"That is because for the first time in my life I do love myself. I feel so good about myself, and I believe I am not Bob. I am not saying I don't have a long way to go but I do believe it." He said and I hugged him and smiled.

"I love you baby, and it is two in the morning and I am tired lets go to bed." I said and he nodded and we went back to sleep. We slept soundly the rest of the night, and I finally woke up at 10 in the morning. I was laying there and looked and seen Ricky still sleeping so I got up and showered and got dressed for the day. I was wearing maternity jeans and a long sleeve red turtle neck, and I left my hair down to air dry. I applied light make up, brushed my teeth and went to make breakfast. I was cooking eggs and bacon. The table was set the bacon was done and the toast was on our plates I was just finishing up the eggs when I felt someone wrap their arms around me and place their hands on my belly.

"Good morning beautiful" He whispered in my ear and kissed me cheek.

"Good morning to you too." I said and I felt the baby kick, I looked up at Ricky and he was smiling. "I think someone feels a little left out." I said Ricky then leaned down and kissed my belly.

"Good Morning Little Man." Ricky said and I laughed as the baby kicked again.

"I think he is saying good morning to you too." I said and kissed Ricky on the lips turned around and put the food on the plates.

"This looks good. So what are the plans for today." He asked

"Well I figured you don't work till 3, so we can walk through the park and to your place and then Grace and I are going to the mall at 3 and then I am coming back here." I said and then asked "what about you?"

"Well you just said the first half. After work I am probably going to go home and play some video games with the guys." He said

"Sounds so much fun" I said sarcastically, because he knows I hate video games.

"It will be" he said all cocky and I just rolled my eyes and we finished eating and cleaned up the mess. We were ready to go. We walked out of the house hand in hand and laughing down the drive way and guess who was leaning on Ricky's car. It was none other than Bob. I got really tense and I felt Ricky did too. He held on to my hand and he pushed me behind him a little. Bob had this sick grin on his face, and I knew I was caught in a lie and things were going to get worse before they got better.

"Well what do we have here, my son and his pregnant girlfriend. I thought you said you were raising that little boy on your own and you and my son weren't on good terms. You guys look like you are on good terms to me. Lying isn't a really nice thing to do." He said

"Neither is half the shit you have done" I spit out without thinking

"Oh so I guess Ricky told you all those awful lies about me." Bob said and I knew this was bad Ricky was unresponsive. I knew this was going to happen when he seen Bob but I thought he might be strong enough to handle it. He has come so far and this is only going to set him back. He is so closed off from the world right now.

"They weren't lies, you idiot. I was there I knew all the shit you did. I herd him begging for you to stop. You are sick and you got a thrill out of it and I hope you rot in jail." I said

"You are a mouthy girl aren't you?" He said with a little attitude I can tell he was getting pissed off, but he was smart enough not to do anything because he didn't want to go back to prison yet.

"I tell the truth and I will lie when I have to, but I don't let people walk all over me or Ricky and get away with it. You are nothing but a no good druggy." I said

"You are pregnant with my grandson and people will pay a lot of money for him." He said

"You will never touch our baby" I said

"You think you are so smart, but the funny thing is my son will never love you, you are ruining his life with that mistake you are carrying. He is nothing but trash anyway." Bob said and I felt Ricky stiffen even more if that was possible.

"You are the one who thinks he is smart. You think you know everything, don't you but you don't. You son does love me, and this baby. He loves us with everything he has. You think I am ruining his life. I am making it better you idiot. This baby may not have been planned but he is not a mistake and never will be. You think your son is trash but you don't know anything about him. You threw that all away when you abused him. You never got to know the amazing man he is, and I am glad because while you didn't see it. I did. I love him." I said and I felt Ricky come back

"You stay the hell away from my family." Ricky said

"Oh so you do have a voice, I thought you just let your mouth piece over there do all the talking for you." Bob said

"She can talk for herself she is very opinionated and independent and I don't want to take that away from her. I don't want to take anything away from her the way you took it away from Nora." Ricky said

"She was a no good whore anyway" Bob said

"She was a good mom when she was around, when she was there for me. You ruined all that by beating her and me, by raping me when I was five years old. You were never a father; a father loves his son and cares about them. A dad loves his kid no matter what and helps him play ball and learn things in school. You were never a father or a dad you were just some rapist with his name on my birth certificate. I don't want anything to do with you. I am nothing like you Bob, and I never will be" Ricky said and I squeezed his hand in that moment I don't think I could have been more proud of him

"You think you know it all because you have that baby on the way. You are going to be just like me Ricky. You are going to do everything I did to you to that little boy." Bob said

"I will never touch my kid, I will never hit my kid, or my girlfriend or wife. I won't get drunk or high every night. I am nothing like you. You tried to undermined and make me feel like nothing you wanted me to feel like I could never be anything good and you failed because I am nothing like you." Ricky said

"He is smart, caring, loving, generous, and gentle. He holds me when I have a bad dream and wipes away the tears in my eyes when I cry. He makes me dinner, and brings me lunch. He rubs my feet when they are sore. He carries me to bed when I fall asleep on the couch. He locks all the doors and shuts the lights. He stands up for me against people who judge me. He buys me flowers when I am sad, and ice cream when I get a craving. He helps me with my homework when I don't understand. He yells and screams when we fight just like me. He may walk out but he always comes back. You see Bob you lost he is the best person I know and he did that all with out you." I said looking at Ricky and then to Bob

"This isn't over I will be back" Bob said as he walked away, he lost. I turned and looked at Ricky and we hugged. He held me and rubbed my back and I did the same for him.

"You know he is going to come back, right?" He asked

"Yeah and we will be waiting, together." I said

"I got lost for a while there and it was like a nightmare. All the bad things he did were like a movie in my head. I knew I had to get back to reality but how could I. I mean I said I would protect you and I just shut down." He said as we started walking

"Ricky, you just seen the man who abused you for ten years, for the first time in 5 years that is a lot to take in; I seen him yesterday so I was prepared. You did great you stood up to him and you showed him he has no more control over you. You showed him, you made a better life. That is what is bothering him now." I said

"You were great back there. Thank you for everything." He said

"I love you baby I am not going anywhere. I am so proud of you for what you said to him back there too. I don't think I have ever seen you stand up to anyone the way you did him and I am so proud." I said

"I love you too and thank you" He said

"You know this is going to set back your progress a little." I said

"I was thinking that same thing. It doesn't change how I felt this morning" he said

"No, but as you just said you feel guilty for freezing, and as we discussed this morning you still blame yourself for some of the things that have happened. I think the nightmares are going to come back too, and I am not saying this to make it happen or anything but I think we need to be prepared." I said

"You are right." He said "Right now I feel like I am living a nightmare." He said

"Is it because Bob is back?" I asked

"Yeah because it was finally peaceful and the nightmares finally stopped and he has to come back and ruin it all" he said getting frustrated

"Well why don't you make an appointment to see your therapist, just you and him tomorrow? I said

"Maybe that is a good idea." He said

"You know this is just something we have to get threw together." I said

"Just you and me, and little man forever." He said and I laid my head on his shoulder until we got to his apartment. We walked in and he went and showered and I lay on the couch. Hopefully this will all be over soon. I thought and I prayed for someone to please wake us from this nightmare.


	20. The Truth Is Out

**Thank you all for the postive feedback I absolutly love it. This is my first story and I was beyound scared to post it but I really enjoy reading your comments and it makes me want to continue. As I mentioned my laptop is down so I am doing my best to update. I love you all, thanks.**

**The Truth is Out**

Monday came too fast if you asked me; but I managed to get all my homework done and a decent amount of sleep with everything that is going on. Saturday after I left Ricky's Grace and I went to the mall to do some shopping. I bought the baby some cute clothes and diapers, wipes, some bottles, bibs, blankets, and some other things I needed. I didn't sleep well that night I kept waking up and thinking Bob was going to come and try and hurt me and the baby. Ricky called me Sunday morning and said his night wasn't much better, but he had a good time with the boys. Yesterday we spent the whole day putting together baby furniture, so I can start filling the nursery and getting it all ready. It looks so cute right now. We had a good day and the night was a little better. We made sure we were both really tired if you get what I mean and then only woke up once with nightmares. Also Ricky went to his appointment with Dr. Fields yesterday. It went well and the doctor was concerned about the set back Bob will have. Right now I am currently waiting for Ricky to get out the shower and get dressed so we can go. I have already eaten and got dress. I was wearing my maternity jeans with a long sleeve blue shirt with my hair down and light make up.

"Ricky hurry up, we have to go." I yelled

"I'm coming" I herd him yell, and of course I had to be a smart ass.

"Didn't you do enough of that last night?" I yelled

I herd the bathroom door open and I looked to see Ricky fully dressed with a smirk on his face. I laughed when I seen him and he smiled.

"Are you ready yet?" I asked

"The question is are you ready?" he said

"Come on we have to go." I said and he nodded and we grabbed our bags and headed to school. The car ride was pretty quite, with just the radio on. It was only 7 30 and I was so tired. We pulled up to school and we got out and were leaning against his car talking when I herd the voice I hated.

"Ricky, I am so sorry if I knew what had happened I would have backed off" Adrian said

"What are you talking about?" I said

"I am talking about something you probably know nothing about." Adrian snapped at me

"Okay, Adrian what are you talking about?" Ricky said and he wrapped his arm around me.

"I am talking about your past, your dad and you getting sexually abused and physically abused." She said and Ricky and I froze.

"What did you just say?" I asked

"Bet you didn't know huh?" She said

"Are you really bragging about something like this? If what you say is true, instead of making sure Ricky is okay you are bragging about something you think you knew first, grow the hell up." I said

"Baby look at me" I said to Ricky and he looked at me "Are you okay?" he nodded and tightened his arm around me.

"How did you find out?" He asked Adrian

"I herd it around school. Apparently that girl Lauren let it slip to her best friend Madison who told Jack, who told me and I am pretty sure the whole school knows now. I am so sorry I had no idea." Adrian said

"Stop with the fucking I'm sorry bullshit he doesn't need your fucking pity or sympathy in case you haven't noticed he is doing fine with out it. With out any of you people who want to feel sorry for him." I said getting pissed now

"Is someone just mad because they don't know him the way they thought they did" She said

"She knew the whole time, she was there the whole time, for the first five years we were friends she knew. Back the hell off her, and she is right you are pathetic." Ricky said and he pulled me and we walked away. We went to my locker and I looked at him.

"Ricky, I don't even know what to say. I am so mad right now. I mean how the hell his daughter found out anyway." I said

"You know, I knew this day would come. I knew the day would come where everyone would find out what that asshole did to me and I would see all the looks of pity and I figured I would be fine because hey it would get the ladies, now all I want to do is scream. I mean it had to come out now with everything fucking else that is going on. He is back and taunting me and you and our baby. You're pregnant and he is back and now everyone knows." He said

"You know what you are going to do; you are going to hold your head up high and walk through the halls like you don't have a care in the world. You are going to ignore anyone who offers you an I am sorry or the poor kid. You are going to show everyone that even though you had a fucked up childhood you survived it and came out stronger. You are going to show them you are no different then them. Show them the man I know you are." I said to him as I looked him right in the eye.

"Thanks Ames, how could I have done this with out you?" He said

"You would find a way, you're a survivor Ricky and you can do anything you set your mind too." I said and he hugged me

"We have to go to class I will see you at lunch. I love you" I said

"I love you too baby. Thanks for everything." He said and we both walked away and to our classes for the rest of the day. I was sitting in class and I really needed to use the bathroom the baby must be pushing on my blatter. I asked to use the rest room and after being excused from class I walked into the hall. I almost reached the bathroom when I herd my name.

"Amy" I turned around and seen Ben and prayed he would leave me alone so I kept walking.

"What do you want Ben?" I said with a tinge of anger in my tone

"I wanted to tell you that I will take you back after you leave Ricky." He said

"Who says I am leaving Ricky?" I asked

"Well there is a bet going around school that you will leave Ricky when you find out about his past because you will want better for your child." He said like it was no big deal

"There is a fucking bet, are you serious?" I asked

"Yeah, I herd that is about 90 percent you will leave and 10 percent you will stay." He said

"I am NOT leaving Ricky." I said and went to walk away when he spoke.

"After everything you found out about him you are not leaving him?" Ben said

"Why the hell would I leave him when I knew all of this shit before any of the people in this school, hell before anyone other than Ricky and his mom? Why would I leave Ricky because he was a victim of something he had no control over? Bob did what he did but Ricky isn't Bob." I said and I went to walk away.

"You knew all about this and you still got pregnant by him. You are stupid and irresponsible and Ricky is going to wind up doing the same thing to this baby as his dad did to him and I hope you are ready to carry the responsibility of that. You should think about that." He said with a smirk and I was so mad I pulled my fist back and punched him in the face so hard he fell to the ground

"And you should think before you open your mouth and talk about something you know nothing about." I said and walked to the bathroom leaving Ben on the ground holding his eyes. By the time I was done and went back to class Ben was gone and I only had to get back to class so I could go to lunch. The bell rang and I was sitting at the lunch table when Grace walked over.

"You knew about all that didn't you?" she asked

"Yeah I did and I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, just like I don't tell anyone what we say." I said

"You are a good friend" Grace said and I smiled

"You aren't mad?" I asked

"Hell no, I am glad you kept it a secret it is personal and I knew you would do the same for me." I said

"Thanks Grace." I said

"How did it get out? Lauren is his shrink's daughter she must of herd something and told Madison. Madison told Jack, and Jack told Adrian. I don't know anymore." I said

"I hate those two. What did Adrian say?" Grace asked

"She told us who started it and said she was sorry if she knew she wouldn't have pushed so hard and then tried to throw it in my face she knew before me and all this and I flipped." I said and Ricky came over

"Hey babe, Hi Grace." He said

"Hey" we responded and after I kissed Ricky.

"How is your day going?" I asked

"People staring and talking, I got so many I am sorry, if there is anything I can do and all that shit. Oh and I got 15 numbers." He said

"Wow people are desperate." Grace said

"You aren't going to say you're sorry, or ask what happened?" Ricky asked Grace

"It isn't my business and the past is the past. I see you love Amy and this baby and you aren't someone who would hurt that. I have seen you help her plenty of time and I see the way you look at her. You aren't you father so I don't care." Grace said

"Now I see why she is your best friend. Thanks Grace that means a lot." Ricky said and then looked down and noticed my hand swollen.

"What happened to your hand?" Ricky asked

"Okay, I have to warn you two you aren't going to like this story." I said and they both looked at me

"What did you do Ames?" Ricky asked and I took a bite of my lunch and nodded

"Okay so I was in class and I really had to pee. So I got a pass out of class and I was almost to the bathroom when I herd my name being called and when I turned around it was Ben. I asked him what he wanted and he said he would take me back when I left Ricky I asked him who said I was leaving Ricky and he said that there is a bet going around school about how after I find out about your past I will leave because I will want better for my child. Apparently everyone thinks I am going to leave so I was pissed and told him I was not leaving you. He asked me if I was still going to stay with you after everything I found out. I said why would I leave when I already knew. Why would I leave when it was something you had no control over you were a victim, you weren't Bob and then he said you still got pregnant when you knew all of this. He said that you were going to wind up doing the same thing to our baby and that I was stupid and irresponsible and I would have to carry the responsibility. Then he said I should think about that and stood with this dumb smirk on his face." I said

"I will kill him." Ricky said and went to get up and I pulled him back down

"Wait, I didn't finish so I pulled back and punched him so hard in the face that he fell to the ground and I said you should think before you open your mouth about something you know nothing about." I said and looked at Ricky and Grace who both had wide eyes and opened mouth.

"You guys can close your mouths now." I said laughing and they started laughing too.

"I am so proud of you Amy, you really stood up for yourself, and your family." Grace said

"Thanks Grace." I said

"Wow baby, I knew you could hit but damn you knocked him over you must have been pissed." He said and leaned over and kissed me "But for real thank you for standing up for me." He said and I kissed him

"Anytime; you guys are my family I would do anything for you." I said and we all hugged and continued to eat our lunch we had to get through this day. The bell rang and we were all on our way out when I spotted Lauren and Madison. I made my way over to them and Ricky and Grace followed a little further behind.

"Hey you two can I talk to you for a minute." I said

"Sure" They said but looked nervous

"I herd you two like spreading people's business around school." I said

"We didn't do anything." Madison said

"So you didn't tell Jack about what Lauren told you about Ricky?" I asked

"No" Madison said and Lauren rolled her eyes

"You two need to learn to keep your mouths shut. You know it is so pathetic that you are so into other people's lives and spreading their shit around that you don't even worry about your life; or is that because you don't have one. One day you are going to spread the wrong person's information around and they are going to come after you. You don't think about anyone but you're self. Listen I am going to let you off this time but next time I hear your spreading shit about anyone I care about I will make you regret it. If you think I am kidding just look at my ex boyfriend and what I did because he couldn't keep his mouth shut." I said

"You are the one who gave Ben the black eye?" Madison said

"Well what do you know, guess someone let that leak too? Just remember what I said." I told them and walked away

"Your going to get yourself suspended if you keep threatening to hit people." Grace said

"Well maybe they should stop spreading stuff and I won't have too." I said

"Wow, this baby has made you feisty I don't know if I should like it or be scared." Ricky said

"Stay on my good side and I am sure you like it, get on my bad side and you might want to sleep with one eye open." I said laughing Ricky and Grace joined in until we all went our own ways and back to class.

Before I knew it the day was over and I was heading to my locker. I was exhausted and I just wanted to go to bed but I had to go to work still. I was listening to people talk and I herd someone mention the bet. I pulled their arm and asked

"Who started this bet?"

"Joe" They answered and hurried off.

"Hey babe" Ricky said "still harassing people I see"

"Yeah and now I need to tell all these assholes off." I said and walked to the middle of the room.

"Can I have everyone's attention? It has come to my attention that there is a bet going on about weather or not I am going to leave Ricky. Well I am here to give you your answer. Ready? I am not leaving Ricky." I said and I herd everyone gasp. "Wow you guys think I am really that cold hearted, or maybe all you idiots are ignorant. You think I am going to leave him because of what you all found out today. I already knew that. It happened years ago and he has worked really hard to get over it and guess what he did. For the people who are thinking I would want better for my baby. There is no better Ricky is a good man and a loving man. He was a victim of something he had no control over and he is getting over that. I have known him for 10 years and I know who he really is; so why don't all of you leave him and me alone and stop being pathetic and betting on someone else's lives." I said and walked over to Ricky who hugged me and kissed the top of my head.

"Wow remind me to stay on your good side." He said smiling

"People just make me so mad. They know nothing about anything and they all want to be your friend because you had a hard life. Everyone has troubles but because you are Ricky people throw them selves at you and I mean you got what 30 numbers today." I said and I seen Ricky smirk

"I think someone is a little jealous." He said

"Damn straight, I don't want to lose you." I said and hugged him he kissed the top of my head

"I am not going anywhere babe." He said and we walked out and that is when I seen Adrian waiting at Ricky's car.

"What do you want?" Ricky asked

"Ricky I don't care about your past, I know who you are and I want to be with you." Adrian said

"Who am I then?" He asked

"Your Ricky, you hot, good in bed, you like wild and crazy, and you love sex." She said

"That is not me Adrian. You know nothing about me." He said

"Ricky we could make it work." Adrian said

"Adrian you know nothing about him, he is funny, smart, caring, and loving, he is complicated and simple. He is a good man with a big heart. He loves me and this baby why can't you just leave us alone?" I said

"He doesn't love you, he is staying with you because you knew about everything and it was safe." She said

"Adrian, will you make up your mind. First he is only with me for the sex, then he felt sorry for me, then it was the baby, and now it is because I am safe. How about he is staying with me because he loves me?" I said

"He doesn't love you." She said

"Yes I do Adrian. I love her because she is funny, loving, generous, caring, smart, understanding. She is beautiful inside and out. I fell in love with her before she was pregnant, before we had sex, and I never felt sorry for her and she never felt sorry for me. I am not with her because she knows about my past that doesn't matter, what did matter is that she was there to help me when I needed her. Even if she knew nothing about my past she was always there." Ricky said and I smiled

"I don't believe you." Adrian said and walked away. Ricky and I looked at each other and he kissed me and we got in the car to begin the rest of the day now that the truth is out.


	21. Just What I Need

**Hey guys thank you for being so patient I am going Crazy with out writing becuase I love this story and I have alot invested in it. Unfortunitly I am still waiting for my laptop to come back.. I am using my moms computer but I am only allowed on this once in a while so I am doing my best I promise as soon as my laptop is back I will update more. Thanks and love you all]**

**Just What I Need**

It has been a week since everyone at school found out about Ricky. It has been a little over a week since we last seen Bob. No one has herd from him, and to say we were walking on eggshells would be the understatement of the year. I was scared every time I turned a corner he would be there waiting for me. The baby is kicking up a storm most of the time. I am five and half months along now, and it is taking a lot out of me. I am always tired. I wake up at 6:30 and between school and work I don't get home until 6:30 it is a long day. Add to that the added stress of Bob and you have a mix for one tired and hormonal pregnant woman. Ricky and I have been fighting everyday, if it is not one thing it is another. Most of the fights are over as fast as they came and I know it is because we are both so stressed. I have been feeling lately like all I want to do is cry. I am currently lying in bed while Ricky is in the shower. I herd the water turn off and I made no move to get up.

"Baby, you can have the bathroom now." Ricky said walking into my room with just a towel on.

"I don't want to get up. I am tired and my back hurts." I said and Ricky looked at me

"Come on we have to go to school. I know you are tired but we have to go." He said

"You don't know anything. I am tired because I am carrying your baby, you did this too me so you don't get to know anything." I said

"If you are tired why don't you just stay home today? I will get your work and bring it here after work." Ricky said, trying to be the reasonable one. I knew I was lashing out at him for no reason but I couldn't help it.

"No I have to go to school. I have to take days off when the baby is born. You think I can just take whenever I want." I said as I got up and went into the bathroom to start my shower. I knew I needed to apologize but I didn't want to. I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at the situation. I rubbed my belly and started to relax. I finished my shower and when I got out of the shower and dressed, I walked into the kitchen and seen Ricky was all ready and he left me breakfast. Orange slices, and an omelet. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for breakfast, and I am sorry I yelled at you." I said

"Your welcome, and I knew you didn't mean anything by it. You are tired and you are under a lot of stress we both are and I think that is why we are fighting so much. We will be okay." He said and I nodded and ate in silence. We got in the car and drove to school. The baby started kicking so I grabbed Ricky's hand and put it on my stomach and I seen him smile out of the corner of my eye. When we pulled up to school I seen Adrian there. I swear this chick never goes away. We got out of the car and went to walk away when she spoke.

"You can't say hello?" She asked

"Why would we say hello, it only leads to a fight" Ricky said and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him.

"Well I thought maybe you would like to know what I found out." She said

"Not really, but I have a feeling you are going to tell us anyway." I said

"I guess I will just tell you another time." She said and walked away. I knew it was something but I couldn't worry about that on top of everything else. Ricky and I walked our separate ways and I went to find Grace and go to my locker. Grace and I were talking when Adrian decided to interrupt.

"I thought you left already" I said

"Well I figured I would congratulate you." Adrian said

"What are you talking about?" Grace asked

"Oh well I guess you really know how to get the guy don't you." Adrian said

"What?" I asked

"Oh, you know what I am talking about. You play a good game honey. You made Ricky feel sorry for you that he now thinks he loves you." She said

"Adrian, Ricky does love Amy." Grace said just as confused as me

"No, Amy made him feel sorry for her. She told him all about her past and he wanted to stay." Adrian said

"What are you talking about just spit it out." I said clearly annoyed now.

"You played on the sympathy that Ricky gave you. Your family never wanted you. Your mom and dad ignored you, they treated you like you were Cinderella. They took your sister out all the time. Your brother is a no good drunk, who has rolled around with your father more times then any of us can count. Your family didn't love you. That's why you left. You made Ricky feel sorry for you." Adrian said and I was about to cry she was right they didn't love me.

"You're a bitch, Adrian, do you know that?" Grace said and I was shocked Grace never swears.

"At least I am honest." She said

"Honest is that what you call this. This isn't honest this is you going out of your way to hurt someone." Grace said

"Adrian" Came a voice I would know anywhere. It was Ricky and he didn't look happy.

"Ricky" she said

"You think you know everything don't you, you set out on a path to hurt everyone who gets in the way of what you want. Well listen here and listen good. I don't feel sorry for Amy. I never have. I know who she is and so she may have had a rough life but so did I but do you want to know what. Amy never ever used her past as a way to excuse her actions; she never hid behind her bad childhood. She never goes out looking to hurt anyone. She loves with her whole heart. She never used the excuse of her parents not being there as a reason to be a bitch. You on the other hand do things to hurt anyway and then when it comes time to rectify that you hide behind your horrible life." Ricky said as he wrapped his arm around me.

"You know nothing about my life." Adrian said

"And you know nothing about mine. You may think you know things but you don't. Yeah the truth is that my parents and I don't have a good relationship. We don't talk everyday and they are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice me. My brother does drink but he isn't an alcoholic. Yes my brother and my dad have fought because my brother got drunk but it doesn't make them bad people. My sister gets whatever she wants because she depends on my parents. I never did I learned at an early age how to fend for myself and how to take care of myself. I have learned how to defend myself, how to love my self, how to be better than the rest of my family. I am having a baby at 15 but I never said it was because my parents didn't pay attention or didn't love me. I took responsibility for my part in how this baby got here. I did what I had to make sure I make the best life possible. Don't act like you know something about me when you really know nothing. I am a better person then you will ever be." I said and I felt Ricky squeeze my shoulders, and I seen Grace smile. "I may not have had my parents or my brother and sister there for me, but I had a family. I had Grace who is like my sister and her family who treats me as if I am one of them. I also had Ricky who was there for me when I needed him, so maybe my home life wasn't ideal but I still have the same two friends forever." I said and I smiled Adrian just looked speechless

"I feel sorry for that baby, he has to grow up with a mother like you and a father like you. You too deserve each other." She said and then Grace did something I would have never in a million years seen coming. She pulled back and smacked Adrian.

"Don't talk about my nephew that way. He is lucky he has Ricky and Amy over you any day." Grace said

"Now if you will excuse us, we all have to get to class." I said and we all walked away and headed to class. Lunch will be fun. I thought to my self.

I walked in to lunch and over to mine and Ricky's table. Grace said she was meeting Zack that she would talk to me at home. She really was starting to like Zack and that was something I was very happy about. Zack was a good guy and he treated her right. I know she still loves Jack but maybe in time Zack will sweep her off her feet. I froze when I felt to hands cover my eyes, but I instantly relaxed when I herd the voice.

"Guess who?" He said

"My other boyfriend" I said and I felt him breathing on my neck, causing chills to go down my spine.

"Wrong" he said and I laughed

"Can it be my amazing boyfriend and the father of my baby" I said and I herd him laugh now.

"You are right, now pick your prize." He said

"Might be hard to choose" I said and then I pulled him in and kissed him.

"Wow, I think that was a prize for both of us." He said and I laughed

"So, do you want to talk about it?" Ricky asked and I knew what he was talking about but I was trying to avoid it. I didn't really want to talk about it.

"How about we don't and say we did" I said

"Why are you avoiding this so much? When Adrian basically called you out in front of everyone, you let Grace and I handle it, and not that I am complaining because I would do anything for you and so would Grace but that isn't who you are." Ricky said and I knew he was right but I also knew what Adrian said was right, and it made me think maybe Ricky does only feel sorry for me.

"Maybe what she said was right. Maybe you do only feel sorry for me. Maybe I was a mistake and maybe my brother is a drunk and my sister is a princess." I said trying to hold back the tears but I let one slip and as I was about to go wipe it I felt his hand doing it for me.

"You are under so much stress. You need to relax, and you need to listen to me and believe me when I say I love you. I love you because of who you are not what you don't have or what you do have; you could live in a cardboard box with nothing but the clothes on your back and I will love you. I love the person you are. You are kind, loving, sweet, funny, and you have a big heart. I would never date you because I feel sorry for you. I love you and I don't know how to get you to accept that." He said and he got up and walked away. I wanted to yell for him to come back, but I knew he was right. I always doubt him and I am always trying to push him away. I told him this would happen I knew it was going to happen. I have such trouble getting close to people. Why couldn't I just be happy? I felt like I was going to cry, but the bell rang singling lunch was over. I texted Grace last period and asked if she could bring me to the day care. She said no problem and told me to meet her at her locker so that is where I was heading the day went by slow probably because me and Ricky aren't speaking. Thank god it was Friday and I had the weekend to rest.

"Hey Grace" I said when I reached her.

"Hey" she answered "I talked to Ricky, he told me what happened and asked if I would bring you home, so I knew before you texted me." She said

"I figured he wouldn't want to be with me today." I said

"Amy, What has gotten into you, you are not yourself." Grace said

"I am so tired, and stressed, and crazy." I said

"Why are you pushing Ricky away?" she asked when we were sitting on a bench outside waiting for her mom.

"I don't know Grace everything is going good. I am happy, and I think that's what scares me. I feel like my happiness doesn't last anyone that ever gets close to me either hurts me or leaves. Why should he be any different? I mean I love him that isn't the issue, and I know he loves me. What if Adrian is right and he does feel sorry for me. I mean I got pregnant at 15 and you know my messed up family history, maybe he feels like he needs to save me. I don't know. Before I forget thanks for sticking up for me and smacking Adrian today." I said

"Okay, one you're welcome. Two Amy he loves you. He doesn't want to hurt you, and he doesn't feel sorry for you. You don't feel sorry for him, right?" She said

"No I don't, I just love him" I said

"So, then why can you just love him and he can't just love you. I know you warned him that this would happen and I warned you that you can only push him away so many times before he stays away. I know you have a lot on your plate but you aren't alone." Grace said

"I know. I love you Grace" I said

"I love you too." She said as we got in the car. On the drive to the nursery we made small talk in the car, and then I was off to work. It was getting harder for me to work because I was getting bigger and I was totally tired but I did what I had to in order to provide for this little one. After work I started my walk home. It wasn't for only a block but I was stopped two houses away from my own by someone I didn't want to deal with. Ben. I went to walk around him and ignore him when he started to talk.

"So, I herd about your past." He said

"okay" I said I wasn't in the mood for another fight and I was exhausted. I didn't understand what he wanted from me.

"So you are with him because he knew about everything, and he is with you because you knew about everything. You guys don't love each other you feel sorry for each other." Ben said

"I don't know what you are talking about." I said

"He doesn't love you." He said

"I am so sick of you and Adrian going around town running your mouth, when will you get it. Ricky and I love each other. We fell in love way before this baby was conceived. We fell in love 2 years ago. We were scared to admit it because we both had messed up lives but we knew each others past. He knew how I felt and I knew how he felt. We don't feel sorry for him, because he is better man than anyone I know. He defends everyone he loves and cares about. He doesn't need anyone feeling sorry for him. He doesn't feel sorry for me, because there is no reason too. We lived through the past and got threw it. I don't sit there and think damn I can't believe he went through that and vice versa. We look at each other and see what we have over come, I get butterflies whenever he is around and when he kisses me I feel like I am flying and that has nothing to do with him feeling sorry for me. You don't know anything Ben, just leave Ricky, Me and this baby alone." I said and I walked away and into my house. I was hungry but I just wanted to lay down for ten minutes. I walked outside and laid on the hammock the stars were out so I looked up at them and rubbed my stomach.

"Baby boy, I think your mommy messed up. I am outside looking at the stars right now baby and they are beautiful. I can't wait to meet you and see you. I love you with all my heart." I said and I felt the baby kick I started to cry. "Your daddy loves you too, and he loves me. I made him feel bad today. I know he really loves me and isn't with me because he feels sorry for me. I just get insecure sometimes, little man. I feel like your mama doesn't deserve to be happy. I feel like someone is going to come and take that happiness away, when I am the only one ruining my happiness right now." I said

"So you do know I love you, and I don't feel sorry for you." Ricky said I was still crying so I tried to wipe my tears and look at him but it didn't work and I kept crying. I seen Ricky come over and hold out his hand and I took it and he pulled me up and into a hug. I cried into his chest for felt like an eternity. I pulled away and noticed something in Ricky's hand.

"What are those?" I asked

"They are for you." He said as he handed me flowers. I smiled and hugged him.

"Come on lets go inside" he said and he held my hand and walked inside I took the flowers from him and put them in a vase and then made my way over to where he was on the couch and sat down next to him.

"I love you Ames, and I am sorry for walking away before but it hurts to think you don't trust me enough to know that I love you and it isn't because I feel sorry for you." He said

"I know you don't feel sorry for me. Just like I know I don't feel sorry for you. God I don't know Ricky. I am such an insecure person and in my head I feel like I don't deserve to be happy or that someone is going to come and take that happiness away when really, I am the only one ruining it. I am so sorry for making you feel bad. I don't know why I keep pushing you away. You already have all of my heart. I guess I just want to make sure you won't leave, even though I know you won't. I really am sorry." I said

Ricky nodded his head and pulled me into him so I can cuddle with him and I gladly accepted.

"I love you baby girl, and I am not going anywhere. Please try and stop pushing me away." He said and I nodded my head

"I love you too Ricky" I said and just then my stomach growled. Ricky and I laughed

"What a mood killer. What do you want to eat?" He asked

"I want pizza, can we go please please please." I said and he laughed at the way I was asking.

"Under one condition." He said

"What?" I asked eagerly

"We kiss and make up." He said and I smiled and kissed him.

"Okay, lets go." He said and we laughed and joked all the way to the pizza place. I was all smiles. We were getting out of the car when I herd someone laugh behind me. I walked over to Ricky and turned around. Ricky put him arm around me and kept me close. Bob was standing there. I can tell he was high. Great I thought this is just what I need.

"Well isn't it the two love birds." Bob snarled

"What do you want, Bob?" Ricky asked

"I want that baby, there is no way you can take care of it." He said and I immediately put my hand on my stomach. I had my cell phone in the other hand.

"Don't talk about our baby, you will never get your hands on him." I said

"You talk too much for a woman, my son here should put you in your place." Bob said I can tell he was mad

"I am not your son, I never was. You abused me and you beat me. Father's don't do that to their son's." Ricky said

"You aren't even supposed to be near us Bob, there is a court order that says you aren't supposed to be within 75 feet of Ricky." I said

"I will say you guys are lying they have no proof I am near him. They have no proof of anything I do." Bob said

"You are high right now. You aren't thinking clearly Bob." I said and that is when I saw the lights of the cop cars they wouldn't keep them on only when going through an intersection. I knew this was almost over. I counted in my head back from 30 and everyone was silent until you heard.

"Freeze" and everyone froze. Bob looked mad that he had been caught but he put his hands up. The cop came over to Bob and arrested him. Read him his rights and put him in the back of the police car. It was over. The cop came over to talk to us.

"Hi I am Officer Cola." He said

"Hi my name is Amy and this is my boyfriend Ricky." I said and we all shook hands

"How did you guys to come?" Ricky asked

"Well I think I should let your girlfriend explain that." Said the officer and I nodded

"They way you were holding me and thanks to my belly, you couldn't see my cell phone in my hand. I know the numbers by heart so I dialed the number and waited for the lady to pick up once she did I held the phone a little higher and had Bob talk. I then made sure to mention how he was high and breaking the restraining order. I knew from some book I read they wouldn't come with the sirens on because if Bob knew they were coming he would have took off." I said

"You have an amazing and smart girlfriend there, I wouldn't let her get away son." Said the officer and Ricky nodded after the officer was gone. He turned to me and with tears in his eyes he said

"Thank you" I smiled and hugged him

"I knew this was the only way, and now I need Pizza and to go home and sleep." I said and Ricky nodded and we went inside ordered our food and as soon as I took a bite. I sighed

"This was just what I needed." I said and Ricky laughed. We finished eating and headed home for the first restful night sleep in a while.


	22. Saturday

**Saturday the 17th**

I woke up this morning fully rested, lying in Ricky's arms. I thought back to yesterday and couldn't believe how the day turned out. Bob was finally gone and because he violated his parole in two ways he was now in jail for life. I couldn't be happier and I knew Ricky couldn't either. I felt his arms tighten around me and I knew he was waking up. I just lay curled in his arms I really just didn't want to get up. I felt so content and safe here.

"Good morning Ames" Ricky said

"Morning" I said and snuggled as close as I can with my baby belly. He tightened his arm around me and then put his hand on my belly and started to rub it.

"Morning little man" he said and then the baby kicked and I smiled

"He likes to kick; I think maybe he is practicing drumming." I said

"You think he will like drums, maybe he will like the French horn." He said

"God I hope not." I said

"Why not, you like it don't you?" He said

"I mean to be honest I did at first, but really I just did it to get my mother to love me." I said

"What do you mean?" he asked

"Well when I was like 5 and 6 my mother always used to read me Peter and the Wolf, the French horn was the part of the wolf. When I was younger I always scared of the wolf. My mom once said I had no reason to be scared and I would have to face my fear. I figured if when I got older I played the French horn it would help me face my fear. So that is what I did, but it didn't make her love me, she didn't even know why I picked it." I said

"I didn't know that" Ricky said

"After a while, I started using the music to drown out the arguing. I would go in the backyard and play. It was my escape." I said

"Playing the drums was kind of the same thing for me. I used it as a way to get out all my frustrations. I would put all I had into the drums. Besides hanging out with you it was the only time I was ever happy." He said

"I still find it amazing how far we have come. I mean most people make plans when they are in high school about where they want to be when they are 25 or 30 we made plans at 5 and 6 where we wanted in to be at 15. Although I don't think this was the entire plan. I mean we have a baby at 15 and 16 and we are living on our own. We got emancipated from our families." I said

"But we are doing well, better than anyone else in our school, and while we did have a fucked up life, we made it and we never used it to get anything and look we are doing the best." He said and I nodded and right on cue my stomach started to growl.

"I guess we should get up and eat, because I think this little munchkin is hungry." I said

"Yeah, what time is it anyway." Ricky asked

"10:30" I said

"Okay, you go shower I will make breakfast." Ricky said and I smiled look up and kissed him.

"You are the best" I said and he smiled and kissed me. Ricky went in the kitchen to make breakfast while I started to shower. I was pretty well rested and the hot shower made me feel even better. I just finished the shower and got dressed when I herd Ricky call that breakfast was ready. I walked out and smiled he made the perfect breakfast. He made omelets with cheese and on the side was sliced up apples; it was absolutely delicious.

"What are your plans for today?" he asked me when we were done eating.

"Well I really wanted to go to the mall and go shopping for some clothes for this little man, because he still needs some of those, we also need to find out what else we need I am almost 6 months pregnant and I am getting more tired by the day." I said

"Well I was thinking we could spend the day together, I mean since Bob won't be a problem anymore. We could relax and maybe we won't fight." Ricky said

"We have been fighting a lot haven't we?" I asked

"Yeah I think we fought everyday for a week and sometimes twice a day." He said

"I think your right. I was so stressed with everything that was going on with Bob, school, and work. I felt like my head was going to explode. Then we had your whole past come out and mine. I am insecure about everything. I feeling like I am jumping out of my own skin as it is. I don't know what to do with myself and I feel like the world is on my shoulders." I said

"You aren't in this alone Kid, I am always here for you but you need to talk to me" he said

"I know I should talk to you, but I feel like I am whining all the time. I don't want to be that girlfriend. I want to be happy. I don't want to clingy, mope, or try and make you be someone you are not. I want to trust you when you go out with your friends and you trust me when I am out with Grace. I don't want that I am going to text you and see what you are doing at every moment of every day. I don't want to have to see you everyday or talk to you everyday if we don't want to." I said

"We do have that relationship, and you are not clingy or and you don't mope. You are 15 and you have a baby on the way, you are becoming a mother. You moved out of your house, and only talk to your parents once or twice a week. You are emancipated, and you are 5 and half months pregnant, and you are going to school and working. You had to deal with all of our dirty secrets coming out, and my crazy father. I think if it was anyone else they would have broken along time ago, but you are strong and resilient and that's only one of the reasons I love you." Ricky said.

"I love you too, but you have to understand that even though I know you are always there, and believe me I trust you with my life, I don't always talk, a lot of times I hold things in and then wait until I can't take no more. I know you always manage to get how I feel out of me, but I am warning you. There are going to be things you do that make me mad, and things someone else says that makes me mad and I won't talk about it right away because I need to think it out. When me and Adrian fight there are things she says that really get to me, but I don't show it and I won't tell you until after because I have to think it threw." I said

"I know you better than you think Ames. I know Adrian gets to you, she is a bitch and she attacks people. She knows the weak spots and goes for them, and I know it bothers you but I don't ever want to push you." He said

"Thanks, so how about you go shower and get dressed and then we can leave for the mall." I said and he nodded kissed me and went to shower. I laid on the couch I felt so tired and I haven't even been up for 2 hours, but I closed my eyes anyway and before I knew it I was sound asleep. I woke up 20 minutes later to Ricky shaking my arm.

"You sure you want to go out today, we don't have to do anything." He asked

"No I really do want to go. I just got so tired for no reason; I got the best night sleep last night. I'm sure it is just everything catching up to me. Let's go." I said and he nodded and we were off to the mall. When we got to the mall our first store was target.

"What do you need here?" Ricky asked

"I need clothes, and random things I figure we can walk down each baby isle and get some things we need." I said and he nodded.

"Okay so what do we need in this isle?" he asked

"Well get those diapers and those wipes" I said and that was pretty much how the isle went he asked what we needed and I would tell him what to get. Once we got to the clothes I was excited.

"I can't wait to pick out things for our baby to wear." I said and Ricky just looked at me and smiled

"We have everything we need for the baby, beside clothes; and we have already been here for over and hour can't we go." Ricky whined

"Please this is what I came here for. I want to get everything we only have 3 and half more months and we are almost on vacation so when that happens I want to have everything so I can work on organizing it and putting things where they belong. I don't want to do it when I am so tired I can't move." I said and he sighed and I knew I had won. It took me 2 hours in the clothes to find everything I wanted.

"Okay, I am done here, but can we go to Kholes on the way home because I need a few more outfits." I pouted and he tried to look mad but he couldn't and he smiled.

"As much as I hate shopping and being here, I have to admit I love seeing you this happy, and I would do anything for that baby." He said

"I knew I loved you for a reason." I said and walked over to him

"Oh yeah?" he said and smirked and I smirked back. He leaned in and kissed me and I kissed him back until we were interrupted by what seem like a stalker.

"Get a room, you two" Adrian said, I really see her everywhere it is kind of creepy.

"We already have one, or did you forget that?" I asked

"Whatever, looks like you are shopping for the little brat." She said

"Call my baby boy a brat one more time, and I might be having this baby in jail" I said

"Anyway, I wanted to know if you Ricky have heard that your dad is back in prison." She said

"How would you know that?" Ricky asked and put his arm around me

"My dad told me, and I wanted to make sure you knew you didn't have to worry anymore." She said all sweet and I rolled my eyes.

"Actually I knew, Amy here is the reason he is back in prison." He said and I seen Adrian frown

"How is she the reason he is back in jail?" She asked

"Well if you must know, Bob broke his restraining order by coming to close to Ricky. I had my phone in my hand and called the cops I mentioned loud enough that Bob was breaking the restraining order and that he was high and he admitted it, the cops came with no lights on and arrested Bob." I said

"She is the reason I am safe today, and the reason our child is safe." Ricky said

"Well isn't she just a fucking prize." Adrian said

"Why do you hate me so much?" I asked

"Oh there is a long list." Adrian said

"I think this whole thing is childish and dumb. We are old enough not to hate each other over a guy. You know, you hated me from the moment you saw who I was. The only reason you hated me was why because I was close to Ricky. I didn't like you I admit it but that was because I didn't like the way you used Ricky. I would have given you a chance. You hate me, my baby, and my life, because of him. I am done playing a game with you Adrian. You can come at me but remember I can come at you just as hard pregnant or not." I said

"No the reason I don't like you is because you think you know it all because you are having a baby. You think your shit doesn't stink and you walk around like you own the place. You had a good life, and yeah you have Ricky." She said

"Don't you get it Adrian, I never had the perfect life, I know what it is like to feel unloved and hurt. I have been that way most of my life. I don't think I know everything because I am having a baby, I don't know anything. I don't walk around like I am better than anyone because I know I am not. We all have our flaws but I don't put mine out for people to see or judge. I try and make other people happy. Adrian you have a mom who would do anything for you she may not be around for you but she loves you. Ricky was my best friend and the father of this baby regardless if we got together or not he would always be a part of my life. You can't always be the only girl in a guy's life. You need to learn to respect yourself." I said

"Adrian just leave us alone. I don't love you and I don't want to be with you. I am sorry I lead you on but I don't want to be with some one who only cares about sex." Ricky said

"You love sex Ricky. You don't do relationships or commitments." Adrian said

"I love sex, yes but that doesn't mean I can't do a relationship or commitments. I want to be a better person for Amy and my son. I want to be someone he can look up to. Having meaningless sex with random girls isn't what I want for him." Ricky said

"But you never gave us a shot" Adrian said

"I didn't feel like it was worth it. We wouldn't have made it work. I would have wanted more than you can give me." He said

"She can give you everything you want?" Adrian asked

"That and so much more" Ricky said

"She is a whore, she is knocked up by someone she had sex with once. I don't do pregnant, I just like the passion and it was best with you. I love you, I want to be with you." She said

"He doesn't love you. I got pregnant when I had sex with him on the last night of band camp, and I had only had sex with Ricky. It wasn't just my fault, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Pregnancies can come with sex, weather you mean them to or not. Passion is great but love is better." I said

"I don't love you Adrian." Ricky said

"You don't know that you never gave it a chance." She said and Ricky looked like he didn't know what to say and that hurt a little. So I nodded my head

"I am going to go pay; I will meet you at the car. You two can finish here. I said my peace. Ricky if you need to be with her to figure things out for yourself I won't stand in your way. Better you figure it out now before we have a baby here that we have to raise." I said and it hurt like hell to say it but I did because I wasn't going to be played a fool. If he wants to be with her so be it. I went to the register and started putting things on the belt when not even two minutes later some guy asked me if I needed help. I thanked him and he put some of the things that were under the cart that I couldn't reach.

"Thank you" I said to him

"Your welcome. My name is Eric, what is yours?" he asked

"I am Amy." I said and smiled a little

"How far along are you if you don't mind me asking?" Eric asked

"No it is perfectly fine. I am 5 and half months and I am having a little boy." I gushed

"I figured that by all the boy clothes." Eric said and I laughed

"I totally forgot about all that." I said still smiling. This guy was nice and I wasn't doing anything wrong just talking.

"You're not going to ask how old I am." I said that was usually the first question people ask and look at me like I had four heads.

"If you wanted me to know, you would have said it." He said and I looked at the cashier ringing me up and she smiled

"Well I am 15, and I got pregnant the first time I ever had sex." I said; don't ask me why I just told a complete stranger that.

"Oh and where is the father, again if you don't mind me asking." Eric said

"Not at all, he is actually around here somewhere." I said

"Well I think it is awesome he didn't leave." He said

"I knew he wouldn't. He was my best friend for 10 years, and now is my boyfriend." I said

"Well congratulations" Eric said just as I finished paying the lady.

"Thank you, maybe I will see you around. Thanks again for the help." I said

"Anytime" He said and waved. I waved back and walked over to the door to see Ricky who didn't look very happy.

"What?" I asked

"What do you mean what? You left me over there by myself to get ambushed by Adrian and then I look over and you are smiling and talking to another guy." He said

"You're jealous" I said

"I am not jealous" He said

"To reply to the first thing you said, I am sick and tired of Adrian's bull shit and the fact that you had nothing to say when she said you don't know that because you never gave us a chance. You didn't say we tried and it didn't work, or I feel nothing and that would make it not work. You could have said you have a girlfriend who you love, but no you made me feel like you didn't want to be with me. Like I was holding you back which is why I said what I said and walked away. Eric, which is the guy's name, saw me struggling to get the stuff on the bottom offered to help. We talked about the baby and I actually told him I had a boyfriend." I said kind of annoyed and went to sit in the front seat while Ricky loaded the car. When he came into the car he turned and looked at me.

"I am sorry you know I never want you to feel that way Amy. I love you so much, and Adrian caught me off guard but if you would have stayed you would have heard me tell her what an amazing woman you are. I told her I gave her a chance and we didn't work. I know the guy was just trying to help but I guess I am kind of liked you; where I get a little insecure some times, because I feel like you can find someone who is not messed up and leave me for them." He said and I smacked him upside the head.

"Owww, what was that for." He said

"That was for being an idiot; I would never leave you because I love you." I said and he smiled and leaned in and kissed me.

"I love you too Kid." He said and I smiled

"How about we forget Kholes today and go home and just snuggle on the couch and watch movies. We can shut out the world, just you and me tonight." I said

"Sounds perfect." He said and started driving home. Yeah today was the perfect Saturday with the perfect guy.


	23. John

**John**

The past two months have been hectic. I am seven and half months pregnant and exhausted. The nursery is finally finished. I have everything I need and so much more, thanks to Grace's surprise baby shower. My house now looks like baby land but I am not complaining. The baby shower was so much fun; we only had a small amount of people but surprisingly Ashley and my mother both came. Ricky and I haven't really been fighting that much although he doesn't like the new friend I made. Remember Eric from the mall that day well turns out he is a senior at our school. He is a nice guy that I talk to on occasion and it bugs the hell out of Ricky. He has nothing to worry about but I have to say it is nice seeing Ricky get jealous instead of me for once. Ricky and I have continued our sessions with Dr. Fields and my doctor says the baby is healthy and I should have no complications. Today was Saturday and I planed on staying in and relaxing most of the day, Ben called out of work at the butcher's shop for some reason and Ricky covered for him. Did I mention Ben and Ricky both work there now? So right now I am sitting outside lying on the hammock.

"Hey mama" I herd Grace say, she thinks it is cute when she calls me that.

"Hey Grace what are you up to today?" I asked

"Nothing planned, Zack might stop by later but don't know for sure yet. What about you?" She asked

"This is what I plan on doing" I said

"Where is the lovely Ricky today?" she asked

"He is working, Ben called out." I said

"When was the last time you saw him" she asked

"Tuesday he slept over and that was the last time beside school we hung outside of school." I said

"Isn't that weird you guys are always together." She said

"No, I kind of like going days without seeing him because it gives me a chance to miss him; I mean we text each other but when I see him again it is that much better. He has been hanging out with his 2 guy friends and getting his apartment ready for the baby." I said

"I never thought of it that way" Grace said

"Have you heard from Jack?" I asked

"Yeah we talked on the phone for two hours yesterday; I think I am going to break up with Zack." I said

"I knew it would happen, you love Jack and even though Zack is a great guy; Jack has your heart." I said

"How can you tell? Is it that obvious?" She asked

"If you ask anyone else no, but to me totally because I can see the difference in the two relationships, and I just happen to know you better than anyone else" I said and smiled

"You are right. I am scared though. I don't want to get hurt again." She said

"We can't guarantee we won't get hurt, but we can't guarantee things will be perfect either. Look at me and Ricky and Ben. I went into my relationship with Ben knowing there was no chance I could love him because Ricky had my heart and I thought maybe I could feel for him what I felt for Ricky but it didn't work out. Now being in this relationship with Ricky I am scared. I am so scared that he can cheat on me or that he can leave. I fear so much but I have to remember that waiting for something bad will happen makes me miss the good moments. I know he has changed but what if I am not good enough." I said

"I never thought of it that way." She said

"I know Jack hurt you but you love him and that is a love that you should give another chance." I said

"So who is this Eric kid I always here Ricky yelling about." She asked

"Remember when I told you about the day at the mall when Adrian came up telling us Bob was in jail and all that and some kid helped me with the stuff at the register and Ricky got upset, well turns out the kid goes to our school and his name is Eric and he talks to me in the hall ways and we went out for coffee one day just to talk." I said

"Do you like him?" she asked

"Not at all, he is gay." I said

"So why don't you tell Ricky that?" She asked

"It is so much fun watching him get jealous over him. I mean it is so funny, you should see his face, he is so amusing and with everything going on how can I not have a little fun." I said and she laughed

"Do you ever think maybe it is pushing him away, and he is going to do something he regrets?" She asked

"He loves me, I know that and he knows it. I told him when we first started dating if he cheats on me it is done." I said and then I looked up and noticed it was looking like it was going to rain. I didn't want to catch cold.

"I am going to go in the house because it looks like it is going to rain and I don't want to get caught in it." I said "You are more then welcome to come in if you would like." I said

"No, I am going in the house to call Zack and have him come over so I can end this." She said and we hugged and went our separate ways. Once I got in the house I noticed Ricky would be out of work and decided to call him and invite him over for dinner. I dialed his number and herd it ring twice.

"Hey baby, what's up?" he answered

"Hey, just came inside it looks like it is about to rain, I was talking to Grace out on the hammock." I said

"Oh, how are her and Zack?" he asked

"She is inviting him over now to break up with him." I said

"Why is that?" he asked

"You know she still loves Jack and she wants to be with him." I said

"How do you feel about it?" He asked

"I am okay with it; I knew she would go back to him. I have seen the difference, but you know I will threaten him before they officially start dating again. She loves him and you can't fight fate." I said and he laughed

"I wouldn't expect anything else form you." He said and I smiled and made my way to the couch

"So the reason I called was because I was about to make some dinner and I wanted to see if you would like to come over and have dinner with me. I miss you." I said

"What about Eric?" he said

"He was busy." I said

"What?" He said

"I am just kidding. I don't know what he is doing and I don't care I love you and I miss you please come for dinner." I said

"I love you too, and I do miss you. I am going to shower and then I will be over." He said

"Okay love you bye." I said

"Love you too bye." He said. After hanging up the phone I got up off the couch and went into the kitchen to start cooking. I wanted pasta so that is what I made. I had just finished when I herd my phone ring, I turned all the burners off and went to get my phone I seen it was my dad and answered.

"Hey dad" I said

"Hey Baby girl" It was then that I noticed his voice was cracking and he never calls me that anymore so I knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong" I said

"I think you need to sit down." He said and I walked to the kitchen chair and sat down.

"Okay I am sitting." I said

"I have some bad news." My dad had said

"What?" I asked

"My friend John passed away." He said

"No, we saw him last week. He was fine." I said. By now I was crying.

"He had a heart attack when he was in the shower. He just finished showering and he turned the water off and he felt his chest hurting and he sat down and he passed away." My dad said trying to sound strong.

"I can't believe this." I said crying "I will call you later. I love you daddy" I said

"I love you too baby girl." He said and I herd the click and I turned into the couch and just cried. I wasn't crying for more than a minute when I felt Ricky touch my shoulder. I jumped off the couch the best I could and into his arms where I just kept crying.

"What's wrong baby?" he asked I couldn't talk so I just sat there in his arms crying and he rubbed my back.

"Hey look at me" he said and pulled my face to look at me. "You need to tell me what is going on. Is it the baby?" I should of thought about him thinking it was the baby, so I even though I still felt like I couldn't talk I said.

"No, the baby is fine. My dad's friend John is gone." I said and then busted out crying again and he just pulled me close and kissed my head.

"I am so sorry baby." He said and I just got up, I started walking.

"Ames where are you going?" he asked and I grabbed my umbrella.

"I will be back, I just need time." I said and I walked out. I herd him calling but I just needed to think and process it. I knew this probably hurt his feelings but I couldn't be there all happy with him when John was gone. I couldn't wrap my head. I kept walking and wound up in the park with my umbrella sitting on a bench. I don't know how long I was sitting here but I felt someone sit down next to me, and wrap a blanket around my shoulders.

"I knew I would find you here, there is something peaceful about this spot." He said

"How did you know I would come here?" I asked

"Babe, I thought you knew that I knew you better than that." Ricky said

"I am sorry I ran out." I said

"Why did you?" He asked

"I needed time and space. I needed to clear my head and get myself under control. I felt at peace in your arms and happy you were there and I felt like I shouldn't feel anything beside grief so I ran." I said and got teary eyed again

"Babe, he wouldn't want you to feel nothing but grief. He would want you to be happy. He loved you so much." He said and I let my tears fall and I leaned my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me.

"Why don't we go home? We can feed that little guy, I'll make you a bath and you can just relax, and calm down, I don't want you to catch cold." He said

"Yeah let's go." I said and he helped me up and led me to the car and settled me all in, and drove me home. We got out the car and got me some food. He went in the bathroom and ran a bath and came back out to help me get in. Once I was in the tub Ricky went to leave and go and sit in the living room but

"Ricky" I called

"Yeah babe?" he asked

"Just stay in here with me, maybe for the first time in my life I don't want to be alone." I said with tears in my eyes, and Ricky walked over and kissed my head and sat on the ground next to the tub.

"So I guess I should tell you my confession about Eric" I said

"What would that be?" he said like he was worried about it.

"He is gay." I said

"What?" he said

"I have to admit I thought it was cute that you were so jealous and that you got so mad that I had to tease you for a little while." I said and I looked over at Ricky and I seen he was frowning and then he stuck his hand in the tub and splashed me in the face. I looked at him with my mouth hanging wide.

"I love you, and I wasn't going to tell you I was going to let you sweat it out but Grace said it looked like I was pushing you away and you might feel pressured and do something stupid but I told her you love me and you wouldn't do that, but I figured I might as well put you out of your misery." I said

"Well your right I do love you and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you but I can understand why Grace may be worried because she is like your sister and she loves you and honestly if we weren't dating I would probably say the same thing." he said as he was sitting there and I was soaking, but I was tired and I wanted to get out and my eyes hurt. So I started to stand up and Ricky helped me and gave me my towel and we went to my room where I got dressed and laid in bed and he changed into sweat pants and laid with me and wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat.

"I know you would never do anything to hurt me and I told her that." I said Ricky started rubbing his fingers through my hair and it was so relaxing

"You know when I was younger, John always used to come over on holidays and for every party. He loved me so much. He used to call me his baby girl. I mean I know he had a daughter but I always felt like a big part of his life." I said

"He loved you; I could see it when he looked at you. He would do anything to protect you." He said

"When I was younger I used to get in my Pajamas and I would lay on the couch and he would sit there and I would stick my feet in his face and he would try and grab them and I would pull them away and then continue and he would get his knife out and he would pretend to cut them off and I would scream and laugh." I said crying now

"You know last week when we seen him. He threatened that I better take good care of you or he was going to come find me and show me what it felt like to be beat. He didn't know about my past but in that moment I knew he loved you, and would do anything for you. He told me to take care of that baby boy and love it with everything I have because there is no greater joy than having a baby." Ricky said

"I just don't know how to get through this." I said and started crying and he just continued to rub my hair and my head.

"You will get through it because you have a baby that is coming into our life. You have me and you have Grace, and I know your family is going to be there because this is your dad's best friends." He said

"I couldn't even ask him if he was okay because I couldn't even process what happened. You know though he told me he loved me for the first time in so long." I said still crying

"Death really puts life into perspective for a lot of things baby." He said

I turned around and looked at him and he was looking at me with such love that I knew I wanted him, I needed him and I didn't care about anything else because it could make me feel good for a few minutes.

"Ricky make love to me." I said

"Are you sure." He asked

"Please" I answered. And with that Ricky took me in his arms and we made love. After we were just lying in bed when I reached over and grabbed my phone.

To mom:

I love you.

To dad:

I love you.

"I have to call Grace, she knows who John is and she would want to know." I said and I dialed her number she answered on the third ring.

"Hello" she answered

"It's me" I said and was chocking up and I knew she heard it

"What's wrong?" she asked

"John died" I said

"Your dad's friend John" she asked

"Yeah" I said crying and Ricky was rubbing my back.

"Oh my God, How did that happen?"

"He was in the shower and he had a heart attack and he felt his chest bothering him and he shut off the water and sat down and that is where he died." I said

"I am so sorry, is there anything you need, do you want me to come over?" She said

"No, Ricky is here we are just going to go to bed, I will call you in the morning I love you." I said

"Love you too bye" She hung up and I put my phone back on the end table. I turned over and cried into Ricky until I was almost all the way asleep and I herd Ricky say I love you and then I was out.


	24. Face to Face

**Face to Face**

I had to see my dad and make sure he was okay. I called them this morning and let them know that Ricky and I were coming over, and that's where we were now, on the way. I am scared and Ricky knew because over the past seven and half months when ever I would get nervous I would always start rubbing my belly. Maybe I was trying to make sure my baby was okay or maybe I was trying to reassure myself that everything would be fine. All I knew was right now I couldn't think straight. I felt so sadden by this loss that it was the first time in my life I didn't know if I could be strong.

"Hey I am right here, I am not going anywhere." I heard Ricky say and I have to say it gave me some strength to believe I was going to be okay.

"I know, thank you." I said and I looked out the window and I seen we were here. I took a deep breath and opened the car door. I stood their looking at the house until I felt Ricky come around the car and grab my hand. We started to walk up the walkway to the door and when we reached the door I opened it and walked in the kitchen to see my mom and dad sitting at the table.

"Daddy" I said just above a whisper and he turned around and I ran over to him and into his arms and I cried into his chest just like when I was a little girl.

"Daddy I am so sorry, I know how much he meant to you. How are you doing?" I said through my tears, he just hugged me tighter, and kissed the top of my head

"It hurts baby girl but we will be okay he wouldn't want us to be sad. He lived a happy life filled with love and happiness and that is what he would want for us." He said and I nodded my head and pulled away and walked over to my mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey mom, how are you doing?" I asked as I walked over and stood next to Ricky who put his arm around me and rubbed my back.

"I just can't believe he is gone." She said

"It was so unexpected; I mean he was doing better." I said

"I know he was finally stopping eating out every night and he stopped smoking and drinking as much." My dad said

"I am so sorry for your loss everyone, he was a truly amazing man." Ricky said and I leaned into him and my mom and dad nodded their head.

"I just don't get it" I said

"I don't either baby girl" my dad said

"You know he always said he would die on a bridge." My dad said and I nodded and sat down in the chair. Ricky also sat down.

"I remember him telling us about that. He said he drove over a bridge 10 minutes before it collapsed once and 15 minutes before another one. He said he drove with the window open just a crack all the time so that if god forbid he went off a bridge he would be able to break it." I said recalling that conversation we had.

"He was something do you remember when he ripped my friend's fifty dollar bill in half because he was drunk and he thought it would magically go back together." My mom said

"He was just about to get a computer because even though he knew it all he wanted to know more. He was one of the most intelligent people I knew." My dad said

"How are Ashley and James?" I asked my parents

"Ashley is upset and kind of keeping to her self and James is a mess, it is a good thing he has Jamie. Although they did get into a fight last night because he got drunk and she started a fight with him. She wanted to leave after dropping James off and he didn't want her to, so he held onto the car and she started crying and driving away with him running, he lost his footing and fell and rolled, then laid out in the street we all thought it was more serious but he has a few cuts is all." My dad said

"You know they are both so stupid. She is an idiot for not knowing this was going to affect him they been together for how long and John was a big part of James' life so she should know. He is an idiot for not dealing with his pain the normal way and getting drunk." I said frustrated

"Amy do not start." My mother said

"Of course you're going to defend him, you always do. He always has to be right and the center of attention. It didn't matter that daddy lost his best friend. All that matter was that James was in pain." I said

"You know that he doesn't deal with death well." My mom said

"What about all the other times he started fights with daddy, all the times they rolled around in the middle of the street and the cops came. He wasn't dealing with a death then" I said

"You know what you are being irrational." My mom said

"When are you going to open your eyes and see that he needs help. You think it is okay for him to do that. What about what we were feeling at the time. How scared I was when the ambulance had to come and make sure that daddy wasn't having a heart attack. How scared I was when they were rolling around. Did you ever think that it could lead to me getting taken away? Did you ever think about daddy and how he deals with it? No as long as you're precious James is okay. This is exactly why I left. This house is prison. I thank god everyday that my son doesn't have to grow up in this house." I said with tears running down my face and Ricky stood up and stood behind me.

"Your father just lost his best friend and you are only worried about your self, you are so selfish." My mom said

"Anne that was uncalled for. She isn't being mean she is being honest, she is right we neglected her and James gets away with murder, you spend so much time with Ashley you never noticed Amy was hurting and I spent to much time trying to stay on James good side, I neglected her. She has been alone since this happen and even though we neglected her she is still here to help me get through this so don't call her selfish. James was selfish and Ashley didn't care to come home that is selfish, she is the youngest and is more responsible than the other two." My dad said

"You are saying I love the other two more than her?" My mom said

"No, I am saying you didn't pay attention to her and neglect her, as did I and yet she is still making an effort. No wonder John loved you most. You have a big heart baby girl and I know your son is going to be loved. I am so proud of the woman you become." My dad said and I stood up and hugged him. My mom stormed off and it was just me and my dad and Ricky.

"I have to go to work, but I love you and I will see you soon baby girl, I love you and thank you." My dad said and kissed my head

"I love you too daddy." I said and he walked out the house.

"We might as well go, she won't come out until James or Ashley comes home." I said and Ricky nodded and we made our way out to our car and got in. I was silent the whole way home, I just looked out the window, and when we finally arrived home I walked in the door and made my way to my room and just lay down on my bed. I was so tired, between fighting and crying and carrying a baby I was exhausted. I felt the bed dip down and I seen Ricky lay down to and I crawled into his arms and lay my head on his chest. I sighed in contentment and I felt Ricky run his hands through my hair.

"You okay?" He asked

"I think so. I know I shouldn't have laid into my mom like that but I mean he just lost his best friend and I know James was close to John but he didn't even think about my dad it had to be all about him. I guess something inside of me snapped and I couldn't contain it anymore. I mean and to find out Ashley didn't even come home. What kinds of people do that? I never want my child to be that disrespectful and I never want my child to feel the way my mother made me feel today; like I wasn't good enough" I said

"You know I think your dad finally realized that he was being unfair to you and I think your mom will too, maybe you just have to give it some time. Make an effort to go out to lunch with her or shopping for our little man." He said

"It won't make a difference I tried. You want to know something I never told anyone other than Grace. Some times I wish my mother never had me." I said in a low whisper

"Why do you say that Ames, you have a great life." He said now rubbing my back as I listened to his heart beat giving me the strength to go on.

"I do now Mud, but look at what I had to go through to get here. I am happy now but it took so much heart ache to get here I wonder if it is worth it all sometimes." I said

"What about me, and this baby?" He said

"Ricky you would have been fine without me I didn't do much for you, and you could have been happy with Adrian, and this baby wouldn't exist so because neither would I." I said

"I wouldn't have been fine without you, you did everything for me. The only reason I am where I am today is because you didn't make me feel like I didn't deserve it. You stood by me and made me believe I could do it. I don't want to be with Adrian and I don't want to be with anyone else but you. I love you Ames and I love this baby I wouldn't trade that for the world." He said

"I didn't say I was going anywhere and I love you and this baby and nothing can take that away now. I am just saying I think about it sometimes. You know there are times when I don't think my mom ever wanted me." I said

"Why?" he said in a soothing voice

"There was this one time I herd her on the phone talking to my godmother and she talked about my dad, Ashley, James, my aunt, my uncle, and my two cousins and she never once mentioned me. I was so hurt that day, but what could I do. She told me sometimes she wished she had 2 kids instead of three because it would be so much easier, and this takes the cake she told me I was so hard headed that some days I made her want to jump off a bridge. Of course she would never, but what was I supposed to think." I said getting chocked up

"I didn't know Ames I am sorry." He said

"I know she doesn't mean to hurt me when she says it but it does and I can't help but be upset. You know? She never wanted me to share my feelings and when I kept them locked away she would get mad. I just don't want this baby to be like me, and I don't want to be like my mom." I said

"Ames, you're the one who told me we aren't are parents, and while we are on the baby subject why don't you tell me what you do want for him." Ricky said

"I want him to be able to come to me or you with everything I want him to feel loved and cherished. I want him to know that even though we are young we love him. I never want him to feel like he was a mistake, he isn't. I know he wasn't planned but he is wanted. I never want him to feel like we aren't proud of him when he does something for us to be proud. I don't want him to feel like he needs to please us to make us happy and make us love him. I want him to know." I said

"We can do that Ames." Ricky said

"Ricky I don't know how to deal with this pain, I never been old enough to realize what death was when I lose my grandparents, but now that I know what it is this hurts." I said crying

"I know beautiful, why don't you close your eyes and take a nap?" he asked

"Don't go anywhere please" I said

"I am right here, I am not going anywhere." He said and just rubbed my head and my back until I was out cold. I woke up about two hours later to the smell of steak hitting my nose, and my belly grumbled. I got out of bed and fixed my hair and made my way out to the living room, what I saw made my heart stop. I took in the surroundings there were candles lit all around the room giving off a soft glow, the lights were dimmed and Ricky had set the table with candles and flowers. He had dinner on the plate, steak, potatoes, and corn. Ricky was standing there and walked over to me.

"You did all this for me?" I asked him in shock

"Yeah, I thought you deserved a little pampering after everything you have been through you know? Do you like it?" he asked me and he sounded so nervous. I thought about teasing him but I couldn't

"Ricky, this place looks beautiful and you are amazing, thank you so much." I said closing the small gap between us and kissing him. He put his hand on the small of my back and pulled out my chair for me. After I sat down he made his way to his chair and sat.

"This looks so good." I said and he smiled and we started eating

"You know I should be mad at you for leaving me in the bed alone after you said you would stay but after this how can I" I said and he laughed

"Sorry but I knew my little man would be hungry and you were exhausted. Are you going to school tomorrow?" he asked me

"I want to but I don't because I don't need people wondering what is wrong. I know I have to so that I have the time off when the baby comes." I said

"I am sure the school would understand." He said

"I am going to go. John would want me to go. He always wanted what was best for me." I said

"I still can't believe he drove a purple car, and that he chose it." Ricky said laughing

"Yeah but you know he didn't drive it as often as you would think he was usually in that work van." I said and I got lost in thoughts thinking of John and my family

"What are you thinking about baby?" Ricky asked

"John, and my family. I just don't understand how my brother could do what he did knowing how hard my dad is taking this, and Ashley not coming home. I don't know I just felt the need to see him face to face." I said

"That because you were not spoiled as a child and you grew up on your own, you never had things handed to you. You are independent and they aren't." Ricky said

"Thank you" I said

"For what?" he asked looking confused

"For this, for everything, for standing by me when I told you I didn't need you or didn't want you too. Thank you for being the best friend, boyfriend, and for being my rock." I said teary eyed.

"Baby I will always be here for you, no matter what, we can wind up hating each other and living in two different states but all you would have to do is call and I would be there." He said

"Well let's hope that never happens" I said I finished eating and rubbed my belly.

"I think your daddy is holding out on us little man and that he knows more about cooking than he is letting on." I said

"Don't listen to your mama she doesn't know what she is talking about." Ricky said laughing

"So if you didn't cook this delicious meal than who did." I asked

"That would be the restaurant down the street." He said with a smirk

"You are too much, I should have known." I said laughing and he got up and held out his hand

"Would you like to dance with me?" he asked and I looked up at him and smiled and took his hand and we danced around my living room.

"You know I never took you as the dancing type so what gives." I said to him

"I wanted you to have some time where you can forget about all the bad and focus on what is to come all the things we have to look forward too. I want to see you smile and laugh and talk to the baby about everything. I want you to talk about what you see in the future. I want you to walk into the nursery and sit in the rocking chair and talk to our baby. I want you to lie out under the stars and talk to no one and everyone at the same time because that is when you're happiest and most content. I don't want to see this consume you because this kind of thing can consume anyone." He said

"Your wrong about one thing in there" I said

"What would that be?" he asked pushing my bangs out of my face and I leaned into his hand.

"I am happiest and most content when I am in your arms." I said with a smirk and he laughed and kissed my forehead

"I love you baby girl don't ever forget that." He said

"I love you too Ricky always" I said and he smiled and led me over to my room where we laid back down.

"How about you tell me about the future." He said

"Well now that we are having a little boy I see you out in the lawn with him playing baseball, I see you laughing and chasing him around the yard and picking him up and throwing him in the air. I see you playing trucks and reading to him. I see you showing him off letting the world know he is yours and no one can take him away. I can see you helping him learn to ride a bike, and pushing him on the swing. I can see you just laying there in bed with him in between us." I said smiling

"There it is, see right there, that smile I was talking about." he said

"I know it is going to be hard but with your help I think I can do it." I said

"I not saying it is going to be easy but I know that it would be worth it. I know that John would want to see you smiling and laughing and looking forward to everything that is to come. I am not saying you can't be sad and miss him. You are welcome to miss him any time of any day, you can cry as much as you want. I just want you to remember he wanted you happy," I said

"I know baby and thank you for going with me to my dad's today." I said

"I know you needed to see him." I said

"Some things just need to be said face to face." I said and he kissed me and that night we made love and slept until school the next morning.


	25. Annoying

**Annoying **

Today is my first day back to school. April vacation is over and I am back; Johns wake is today and they are also burying him tonight. I don't know if I can last the whole day but I know I have to be as strong as I can. I have never let anyone see me with my guard down and I couldn't let it happen now. I was currently eating breakfast while Ricky showered. I really don't know how to do this. How do I get through a day with out breaking down? I jumped when I felt Ricky's hands on my shoulder and him kiss my head.

"You were really out of it, I was calling you for like 2 minutes and you didn't move just kept eating." He said

"Sorry I was thinking, what were you calling me for." I asked

"I wanted to see if you were ready to go yet" he said

"Oh yeah, just let me grab my bag" I said and faked a smile

"You know it is only me here you don't have to give me fake smiles. You can just be upset Ames" he said

"It wasn't fake" I said

"Don't lie to me Amy; I am just trying to freaking help you." He said in an angry voice

"What do you want from me? You want me to walk around the halls at school miserable so I can have people look at me with all those pity stares as it is. Do you want me to cry so you can hold me and tell me it is okay. You want me to walk around with my heart on my sleeve? You want to be my hero and pick up the pieces of my life. I don't need it, I have been working out my emotions all my life I don't need you to come in and try and rescue me. I am not Adrian you don't have to make it better for me, I can do it by my freaking self, and if you're waiting for me to fall apart then don't because it won't happen again." I yelled

"What was the last two nights then? You didn't fall apart in my arms then? You didn't need me then? You know what it doesn't matter let's go we are going to be late." He said and slammed out the door. I walked out the door with my bag and my purse and sat in the front seat of the car. I couldn't wait for my birthday so I didn't have to ride with him. He looked at me and made sure I was buckled in before he drove to school. The car ride was silent and I knew I shouldn't have snapped at him but I can't do this, I don't know how and then for him to point out that I needed him scared me. I don't want to depend on anyone else and that's what I did. We pulled out to school and stood by the car not saying anything we still had some time before the bell and I wasn't ready yet. I was about to walk away when I felt someone gently pull my wrist and pull me so I turned around and it was Ricky and he pulled me into his arms and kissed my head. I just snuggled in and forced myself not to cry. I felt him kiss my temple and then he pulled away.

"You didn't think I was going to let you go in there without me did you?" he asked

"I don't know anything right now." I said and he nodded

"Ben is coming this way." Ricky said and I nodded he probably heard about John.

"Amy" he said and I turned around and smiled

"Hey Ben, What's up?" I said

"I just wanted to say I am sorry for the loss of your dad's friend John" Ben said

"Thanks Ben I appreciate it." I said

"If you need help getting over it or just to talk about him I am there. You know because he liked me so much better than Ricky. I can be there for you." He said

"You know I thought that maybe you were a good person that you could be nice and offer your condolences and you did until you have to bring Ricky into it. You always have to make it some love triangle, but Ben it isn't I love Ricky and he loves me and that's it. As far as talking about it, I have Grace and Ricky and my family you met John twice if that, and if you want to be honest he didn't like you. He thought you were pushy and controlling and he told me many times to leave you, but Ricky he told that if he hurt me he would beat him and to make sure he took care of me and his baby because there is no greater joy." I said

"He liked me; he threatened to beat me if I ever hurt you or pushed you into something you didn't want to do. He said I need to learn respect and that even though he didn't see a future for us that he would respect your wishes." He said

"Did you just hear what you said he didn't like you he thought we had no future which we don't and he knew I shouldn't trust you?" I said and walked away with Ricky following me and off to our first class. I couldn't concentrate I was miserable and was doing my best to let no one know that but every time someone would mention John my eyes would well up with tears or if someone mentioned death or drinking or hell at this point even purple. I felt my tears well up with tears. I knew it was intensified because I was carrying this little man. I didn't know if I was going to make it threw the day. I was lost in thought when the bell rang for lunch. I just finished gathering my things and walked outside where I seen Grace waiting for me and I almost came undone.

"Hey mama" she said in a sad voice

"Hey Grace" I said

"How you holding up?" she asked

"Not good. I don't know what they hell I am doing, and I snapped at Ricky today. I know I shouldn't have because he is just trying to help, but I did. I was faking a smile and he told me not to fake a smile I told him I wasn't he said don't lie and I was mean and snapped we didn't talk the whole way here and only spoke a little when we got out the car, and then Ben came over and started with me. I just want to go home." I said

"I am so sorry Amy, I miss him too." She said

"I know you do. He loved you, and he always told me when all else fails you would always have my back." I said as we sat down to eat.

"I loved him too, did you bring lunch?" Grace asked

"No, but Ricky knows he will bring me something and if he doesn't I will eat half of his." I said smiling

"You need to let him help you" Grace said

"I don't know how" I said and my eyes welled up and she came over and wrapped me in a hug. That's how Ricky found us. Grace and I pulled away and Ricky kissed my head.

"Hey baby" he said and handed me a tray of lunch

"Hey, thanks" I said and leaned and kissed his cheek.

"How are you holding up?" he asked

"I am not, every time my teacher calls on someone named john, or talks about death, or something we used to do, my eyes well up with tears, hell I am even ready to cry if some one says purple." I said and laughed a little

"You know you could always leave early tell them what happened and go home. They would understand." Grace said

"Yeah but John would want me in school. You know he would want me to get good grades and do the best I could for this baby." I said and they nodded

"So have you thought about a name for the baby?" Grace asked

"Well I was going to talk to Ricky when we went home but I was wondering if you would be okay with naming the baby John, I just felt he was one of our biggest supporters and he loved me and this baby. I also think that maybe he can be this baby's guardian angel. I don't know what I want for his middle name but I like John Underwood." I said looking at both of them and they both had smiles on their faces.

"I love it baby and I think John, no I know John would be honored and love that you thought so highly of him." Ricky said and kissed my head and rubbed my belly. I smiled

"I love it Amy. I think it is the perfect fit." Grace said and I smiled and we finished eating lunch with light conversation. Before I knew it school was over and I was heading to my locker to throw all my stuff in there. I finished all my homework in study hall so I was ready for the wake. Ricky and I called out of work Saturday and it was okay by everyone, they knew we needed to do this. I was walking out of the classroom when I saw the one thing I didn't need today Adrian talking to Ricky. I inwardly groaned and walked over to him and kissed him.

"hey baby" I said to him

"Hey babe" He said back and he put his arm around me

"Excuse me if you didn't notice I was talking to him." Adrian said

"I noticed, I just chose not to care." I said

"Wow your extra testy today, aren't you" She said in a sarcastic way.

"Adrian leave her alone" Ricky said

"Why do you always defend her? The only reason you are with her is because she is having that child you two love to show off." She said

"Wow, are you still jealous of the fact that I am having his baby, and that he loves me, and doesn't need to go to other girls to be satisfied. That he comes to my house and sleeps there and cooks for me. Or that he set up a romantic dinner the other night because he knew that was what I needed. Or that I know him better than anyone. It must really make you mad that I didn't have to beg him to be with me. That I don't have to wonder what he is doing behind my back." I said

"So help me if you weren't pregnant right now I would" she started to say until I cut her off

"You would what hit me punch me. Come on Adrian I smacked you at least two times and I think I punched you once, and you did nothing. So don't use my child as an excuse of you being afraid to do anything." I said and she looked like she didn't know what to say but than got an idea

"I talked to Ben today, he said you lost someone close to you and you were in rare form today, said he tried to be nice and you bit his head off" she said with a smirk I herd Ricky go to say something but I stopped him

"So this is what this whole thing is about .You want to use a death of a loved one to provoke me and what Adrian, make me cry, make me back down, or run out of the room crying. If that is what you were trying to accomplish it won't happen. It may hurt like hell to lose someone so close to me, but I would never give you the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Your not worth it, and let me tell you something about my dad's friend who passed away. He was proud of who I was and he always told me to stand up for myself and never let someone see your weakness so if you think I am going to run away in tears you have another thing coming, don't' you see you lost Adrian. There is nothing you can do to hurt me because you don't have any impact on my life. You don't have Ricky, or his baby and you can't hurt me." I said holding my ground

"But Ricky can always come back to me." She said with a smirk

"Is that what you think, he is going to leave me and this baby for you? Oh and if you think that seducing him into sleeping with you is going to work it won't, but hey if you do. I still win because everyone will see you for what you are a home wrecking slut who took away a child's father because she wanted a go in bed. Oh and you would probably try the most popular pull him into a kiss when he can't see my but you can. Just remember it won't work because he loves me and I believe in him and know he would never do anything to hurt me." I said with a smile and watched as she stormed off.

"Let's go home" I said to Ricky and he nodded and led me to the car and drove home, we were silent the whole way home. I knew I had to apologize for snapping this morning but I wanted to do it when we got in the house. So we pulled up and got into the house and I dropped my purse and went into the kitchen to put tea water on. Ricky sat at the kitchen table and I got a cup for myself out and started to fix my tea the way I liked it. The water boiled and my poured my self a cup and sat down at the table with Ricky.

"I am sorry for what I said this morning." I said and he looked at me

"Why did you say it?" he asked

"Because you pointed out that I needed you and it scared me. I never needed anyone I only ever needed my self, and when I realized I needed you to help me get through this it scared me because I know no one is ever there forever and if your not here for some reason and I need to do it on my own, and I can't because I relied on you too long. Than what happens. I know I said some pretty hurtful things, but I lash out when I am scared and I try and push people away. It is a habit and I am trying my best to break it. I guess I just don't like people seeing me weak. I get pity stares from everyone in school now and I just don't want them now. I also know I shouldn't have brought Adrian in our fight. I know you only want to help. I am sorry." I said

"I know you are and I love you and what you said to Adrian about me more than made up for it. You believe in me and that is something no one else has done. And I was trying to be your hero but I find my self needing you too and just like you it scares me." Ricky said

"We should get dressed, Johns wake and things are soon and I want to be on time, and look presentable because I have to speak." I said and Ricky got up and pulled me into a hug.

"I love you baby, I will be back to get you in 45 minutes" he said

"I love you too." I said and locked the door behind him. I went and jumped in the shower and to find something that actually fit. 45 minutes later I was waiting on the couch after putting a butt load of tissues in my purse. I herd Ricky come in and I stood up, he looked handsome in his suit and I knew I would be alright. We went to the wake and walked in to pay our respects. I took his daughter aside and asked how she would feel if I named the baby John, if she would be okay with it because I didn't want to step on her toes and she said she loved the idea. The priest came and did his thing and now it was my turn to go up and talk. Ricky squeezed my hand and kissed my check and so did my dad and when I got up there and looked out it was like John was standing there telling me it was okay.

"Hello everyone, My name is Amy and John was my father's best friend and I grew up looking at him as an uncle. John was a loving man and funny, and a know it all. John would often come to my parent's house for holidays and was always there for every party we ever had. He almost ruined one surprise party we had. I remember when I was little I would lay on my love seat in my pajamas and I would stick my feet in his face and he would catch them take out his knife and pretend he was going to cut them off and I would scream and laugh and laugh and scream. He never got tired of it. As I grew up he often gave me good advice and helped me when I needed it. John was always working as all of you know but he always made time for the important people in his life. John always told me to stand up for what I believe in and never show any one my weakness so this way they couldn't use it against me. He loved me so much and he always looked out for me. About 8 months ago I was dating his kid, and John had met him at a party and told me to watch out for him and he was right he was nothing but trouble. I recently started seeing my current boyfriend and the father of my child, and he told my boyfriend, Ricky, to take care of me and to love my child because there was no greater gift. When people found out I was pregnant I got the same speech how, why, I am disappointed in you, but not with John. I remember exactly what he said. He said "things happened some are planned and some are not there is no use being angry or disappointed because you blame yourself as it is. He said everyone makes mistakes but that doesn't mean they have to be bad. He said all you can do is deal, and you are. You have decided to raise this baby and give it the best life possible, you already love this child and want what is best for him so I am so proud of the woman you have become." I was in shock because I was waiting for someone to tell me I was wrong, just like everyone else. He talked about his daughter every time I seen him, he told me how blessed he was to have her and how much he loved you, and you were the light of his life. He didn't know what he would do with out you and he would often be found listening to "Butterfly Kisses" he said it would remind him of you. He loved you more than his own life. Yesterday when I was thinking about everything I thought about what I wanted to name my own child and I already talked to Ricky and his daughter because I didn't want to step on her toes, but she kindly told me it was fine. I am naming my baby boy after John. I haven't come up with a middle name yet, but I am honoring him the best way I know how. He loved my baby and he isn't' even here yet and I feel that John can be a guardian angel for this baby. I will end this with saying I love you John and I hope wherever you are you are at peace. Thank you" I said with tears in my eyes and leaned into Ricky, and let go and cried. I cried for the rest of the night between everyone else's reading and the burial by the time we pulled up in front of my house I was exhausted and my eyes were burning. I went in the bathroom and showered and when I came out Ricky was already in his pajamas and in bed. I got dressed and joined him snuggling into his arms.

"Thank you" I whispered

"For what?" he asked

"For being patient with me even though I gave you every reason to leave." I said

"Well you are stuck with me baby." He said and kissed my head

"That was a good speech you gave" Ricky said

"Yeah I just spoke from the heart." I said

"Well it came out like you practiced and you didn't break down until after you were back to your seat. You are strong baby, that's how I know you will make it through this." He said

"You have so much faith in me." I said

"Because I know you and I know you can do anything you put your mind to" he said

"Thanks" I said and leaned up and kissed him

"Can you believe Ben and Adrian today?" I asked

"No, I mean especially since they knew you lost someone close to you. You would think the appropriate things to do would be at least to wait a week." He said with an amused voice

"I still was able to tell both of them off and I am pregnant and emotional." I said with a smile

"You are beautiful and feisty" he said laughing and I smacked his chest

"Yeah and I still no more than both of them" I said yawning

"You told him baby, you stood up for me and John and our relationship." He said

"Some times I wish it wasn't always a fight and I didn't need to stand up for our relationship because people think we are going to fail." I said yawning

"I know baby, but we can make it through anything I know we can." He said

"Yeah people are annoying" I said and passed out. Tonight I would sleep good.


	26. Marshall

**Marshall**

It has been about a month since John had passed and I was trying my best to forget and move on. It wasn't easy in fact I think everything in my life has been getting worse. Ricky and I don't really communicate anymore and that would be thanks to me. He still comes over and we snuggle and have dinner, but as far as conversations go it is either one sided or just turns into a fight. I don't know how to deal with this pain and I am taking it out on Ricky and it is totally not fair. I just don't know how to express my self or how to feel. I am eight and a half months pregnant and I am not sure what I am supposed to do everything is all set but I feel empty. I herd a knock on the door and went to go open it but nothing prepared me for what I was about to find.

Grace was standing there with tears running down her face. I immediately pulled her into a hug and she just held onto me and cried. I had no idea what she said next would cause everything to change.

"He's gone" was all she said

"Who Grace?" I had to ask, I have never in all the years that I known her seen her this upset.

"My dad, the plane crashed he died instantly" she cried and I just held her and cried with her until we both collapsed on the floor of my house. I don't know how long we stayed there but I knew it was a long time. I didn't have the strength to get up and neither did she so we stayed where we were.

"What am I going to do Amy? I don't know how to do this, how can I get through this?" she asked me

"I want to tell you everything will be okay and we all will be happy and move on and even though we will never forget it won't hurt, but I can't because I don't know what I am doing I still cry myself to sleep every night over losing John and I don't know how to move on." I said

"What do I do, everyone wants to help, asking what they can do for me and I don't know what to say" she said as we continued to cry on my floor

"Let them be there for you Grace, they all love you and they all want to help you. They want to make sure you are going to be okay." I said

"How can you say that when you are doing the exact opposite of that advice." She said calming down enough where we stood and move to the couch

"What are you talking about?" I asked

"You are pushing Ricky away, Amy. When all he wants to do is help you push him away and in a way you have closed your self off when you are not in school you are locked inside this house with the windows closed all the blinds down crying and watching movies." She said

"Grace we are different." I tried

"No, you need to do what you are telling me to do." She said

"Grace this isn't about me, this is about what you need. I love you and I will always be here for you no matter what. I am not saying it will be easy I am only saying it will be worth it" I said

"My mom wants to get the funeral arrangements done as soon as possible. I can't even believe this is happening and now it is going to spin out of control for days." She said whipping the tears that finally stopped for right this second any way.

"Grace, can I ask you something?" I said

"Anything" she responded

"My baby is due in two weeks and you know that I already picked its first name, but I was wondering if you would be okay with his middle name being Marshall. You know to honor your dad who helped me a lot with this baby, by loving me as his own and giving me a place to live and someone to rely on." I said and Grace smiled

"I would absolutely be fine with it." She said

"So I finally have a complete name for him John Marshall Underwood" I said

"Sounds perfect" she said and she got chocked up.

"I don't know how to go on with out him" she said

"Think of all the happy memories Grace" I said as I got tears in my eyes "Remember when we were little and in the summer we would always play in the sprinkler and daddy would come outside and kink the hose so the water stop and we would always yell at him and jump on him and he even though he did it every time it never got old." I said

"Yeah or how about in the winter when he would come home from work and he was exhausted and you and I would hide out on the side of the garage and throw snowballs at him and even though he was tired and wanted to sleep he would run in the snow grab us and toss us down and than bring us inside make us hot chocolate and tell us how much he loved us." She and I were both crying at this point and she lay on the couch and I went to make us some tea. When I came back I found she was sound asleep, figuring she would need her energy I let her sleep. I was about to walk into my room when the door open and I saw Ricky and I put my finger to my mouth and told him to go into my room. As we went in there I shut and door and ran into his arms my eyes already misting over.

"What's wrong Kid?" he asked me

"Grace's dad died in a plane crash tonight" I said and I started crying and he pulled me into his arms and I cried and cried

"Why does this keep happening, why I don't get it." I cried and he rubbed my back I felt my knees start to give out so I pushed him away

"No stop I don't need you I can do this on my own. I have Grace I am okay." I said and he looked like I smacked him in the face.

"You keep doing this and your going to lose me Amy" he said I can tell he was getting chocked up but I couldn't need him I couldn't rely on him than be left with nothing. So I went with what I knew pushing him away.

"Fine, great I don't need you, I don't need your pity. I herd Adrian telling someone you told her you were only with me because of the baby and now because of John's death well I don't need your pity, I don't need you, I don't need anything all I need is my baby my best friend and myself." I said to him

"Wow, you actually believe all that. You actually believe I am here out of pity." He said

"What am I supposed to think you only became a couple with me when you found out I was pregnant, you didn't want me before, why should I believe that you would want me with out the baby." I screamed

"Because Amy I love you. I did everything I could to prove it, I stopped sleeping around, I have stuck up and stood by you for everything, I have showed you time and time again that I wanted to be with you. You have said hurtful things and pushed me away and I understood and wanted to be with you anyway. I love you, you are the only person other than my son that I actually love and you are doing this. If I only wanted to be with because of the baby I wouldn't have remembered everything we shared. I wouldn't want to help you; I wouldn't want to see you just because, I would only be here when my baby needed me and not when you did." Ricky yelled

"You know what I hate you and I don't need you" I yelled and I fell to my knees when Ricky started to walk out I realized I couldn't do this alone I needed him so I yelled for him "I am sorry please don't go please don't I am sorry Please" and he turned around looked at me

"I don't want to leave but I think you need to clear you head. I want to be there I want to love you but you need to figure out what you want it isn't fair to me Amy. I love you, but I am not going to let you hurt me." He said and with that he walked out the door I couldn't focus I couldn't think I just sat on the ground crying. I felt someone wrap their arms around me and knew it was Grace she was crying and I was crying and I knew I had to do something. I was about to lose everything because I couldn't accept help and because I didn't want to look weak. I stopped crying and stood up.

"I am sorry Grace I was letting you sleep, you shouldn't have had to hear that" I said

"You know Amy, I love you but you are hurting him and that isn't fair he loves you and I know how hard that is for you to trust but at least when all else fails you have me to turn to he has no one, yeah Aaron and Mike are his best friend but you and I both know you are the only one he trusts enough to open up to. He loved you before he loved himself and after everything he went through is huge. He only wants to be there for you and you pushed him away when you should let him help you. No one should deal with this alone and you need him just as much as he needs you. It is okay to need someone it is okay to feel Amy. He is not going to hurt you on purpose. I kept telling you this is going to happen and you're not listening. Amy trust him and trust yourself." She said and with that she walked out the door leaving me thinking about everything

The week had been a crazy one and Grace and I were together through it all. She has yet to go back to school and I have. Ricky was there to hold me up at the wake and the service but other than that we haven't spoken. Grace's mom has been bringing me to school and work and I see Ricky in the halls talking to all his friend and girls. He looks miserable just as I do but he is good at hiding it and so am I. People would look and see we were not together and I would gets confused looks and I acted like I didn't care and I assumed he did the same thing. I decided I needed to call him today because I couldn't do this to him it wasn't fair to him because he really did love me and I just have to trust that. So I picked up the phone knowing he was getting out of work now and dialed his number.

"Hello" he answered

"Hey it is me" I said I don't know why I said it I just felt like I needed to remind him

"I may not have talked to you in a week but I still know that voice Ames" he said

"What are you doing?" I asked

"Going to take a shower" he answered

"Do you think maybe after that you can come over" I said

"Yeah give me twenty and I will be there." He said

"You're not going to ask why?" I said

"I told you I will always come when you call" he said than hung up I stood their speechless. If I had any doubt that he loved me, I didn't now. I treated him like crap and he is still coming just because I needed him to. I sat on the couch and waited until he was here when I herd the knock on the door I yelled come in and I felt the couch dip down beside me.

"What's up?" he asked

"I am an idiot, I am stupid, and I am blind" I said

"What are you talking about?" he asked

"I had the best thing right in front of me and I didn't see it because I am damaged." I said

"Okay Kid, please explain" he said

"You Ricky, You are everything I ever wanted in a guy. You hold me when I cry, take care of me when I am sick, you laugh with me, you defend me, you love our son, you put up with me, and most of all you know me and accept me. I am so in love with you and I almost lost you because I was scared of needing you, but I realized it is okay to need you it is okay to want you and love you. I am allowed to rely on other people; I just need to stay true to who I am. I love you and I am sorry. I am still reeling from both John and Marshall's death and I am almost ready to have this baby. I can't do this with out and while it scares me it also excites me. I love you Ricky and I am asking you to come back to me and be with me again but I understand if you can't because I know I hurt you." I said with tears in my eyes

"I love you Amy so much and I know you are strong and independent and stubborn but I also know you're scared. Amy I want to be with you again. I know what Adrian said got to you but you have to believe me when I tell you I love you and only you and want to be with you. I know this is hard for you but I promise you I am not going anywhere, your stuck with me now and forever." He said and I looked at him with tears in my eyes and he pulled me into a hug and kissed me and in the first time since John and Marshall died I felt at peace.

"I have missed you so much" I said

"I have missed you too so much" he said and I looked at him and smiled

"You know even though we were broken up or on a break or whatever you were still there for me when I needed you most and I will never let you go again. Thank you Ricky for everything" I said

"Thank you for loving me and giving me the chance to love you." He said

"Thank god you finally came to your senses" I herd from behind me and Ricky and I turned to see Grace in the doorway holding a bag of take out.

"I figured we can all eat together" she said and we all laughed

"Thanks Grace" Ricky and I said at the same time and we all sat around the table.

"Amy and Ricky I just want to say thank you guys for everything you have done. I also want to say that I am going to school tomorrow. I know I can't hide out forever and while obviously I am not over his death at all, I need to do what he wanted. He wanted me to do well in school and he wanted me to go to medical school and live my life and that is what I am going to do to honor my father." She said and we all smiled

"Don't forget be an awesome godmother slash aunt to John here." I said as I rubbed my stomach

"Oh I could never forget my little munchkin. So who is the baby's godfather" she asked and I looked at Ricky for an answer who looked deep in thought.

"Why do I have to pick?" he asked

"Because I picked his first and middle name and his godmother, now you have to pick the godfather." I said

"Okay, but when did you pick the middle name?" he asked and I had totally forgot with all this fighting to tell him.

"Oh, well if it is all right with you I wanted to name him John Marshall Underwood, and with everything going on I asked Grace on the day her dad died. I want to honor those people who loved our baby" I said

"I love it and I think Aaron is the more level headed of my two best friends so he can be the godfather." Ricky said

"I think it is perfect." I said

"You two I am so happy for you guys and I am glad you stopped being so stubborn" Grace said

"Yeah so am I, I mean I would see him talking to someone in the hallway and my mind was telling me to run up and apologize to run up and just jump in his arms. I knew if I did it he would hold me, but I also realized that the only thing I would be doing is hurting both of us. It was my fault we were this way. I knew it wasn't the best situation we were all going threw but I didn't think about that, I couldn't think past my own hurt. I would see him in the hall and my heart would hurt and I would want to cry. I had Adrian coming up to me everyday running her mouth telling me I told you so. I knew it would end. I knew you weren't good enough and she would tell me how you guys were together last night and you had sex, and all I could do is pray it didn't happen. In the back of my mind I knew that you would never but I felt like maybe you were so hurt and angry and mad at me that maybe it was the best way to hurt me. I didn't want to feel that way because I am strong and I didn't want to need you or miss you but I couldn't help it. I didn't know I could hurt and miss someone so much that was still alive." I said

"I agree with you Ames, there were so many times I would see you and see how hurt you were and I wanted to walk up and tell you I was sorry for leaving. I hated how we left things but I don't blame you I knew you never dealt with this and you didn't know what to do. I didn't know that Adrian was trying to hurt you but if I did you know I would have stopped it. I promise you I didn't go and go back to her, I didn't sleep with her. I understand why it would be easy to think that but I didn't I promise. I have to agree with how miserable I was never thought it was possible to miss or love someone as much as I did and do you. It was torture and I don't want to do that again. I knew you needed to figure this out on your own though because you have been depressed lately and you needed to break so I kept pushing I wanted it to happen so you could get your life back, because ever since John died you don't eat you don't go out, you sleep all day and you stay on your computer and that isn't healthy for you or our baby." He said

"You know Amy I know why your scared and I know how bad you hurt because trust me I never ever thought this could hurt this much, but I know John and I know my dad and they wouldn't want us sitting around moping. You have so much to look forward to right now. You and Ricky are having a baby. We are still in high school but we still can make something out of it. Amy you have a lot of insecurities and you have a lot issues you still have to work through and I know you are doing better, but you can't push him away all the time. I see how much he loves you and his baby and he would do anything for you not you and the baby but you. He loves you he always has. You need to trust that. And Ricky I know you have insecurities too but you have to voice them because other wise you two are going to push each other so far away you can't get it back. I know Amy loves you and she always has but I know when stuff happens she gets scared and pushes people away. You some times just both have to fight for each other no matter how bad things get." Grace said

"Thanks Grace I think we both needed to hear that." I said

"Your right Grace, thank you for everything, I am glad Amy and my son have you in their life." Ricky said

"Well I think my job here is complete" Grace said and she got up and hugged both me and Ricky and left leaving me and Ricky alone again. So we walked over to the couch and sat down and I curled up into Ricky's arms.

"I have missed this so much" I said

"Me too, this is where we were supposed to be" he said and he kissed my forehead and held me tighter. I looked up at him and he lowered his lips on to mine and kissed me. I think this was our first kiss in a week and I had missed kissing him and than I felt it John was kicking. I pulled away and took Ricky's hand and put it on my stomach, and John kicked

"I think he missed us being happy and together because although he would kick it was usually when I was trying to sleep. I think he was saying mommy go get daddy you don't sleep as good as when he is here." I said

"Oh really you don't sleep well with out me?" he asked with a smirk

"Nope, because I don't feel as safe as I do than I am with you" I said with a smirk of my own.

"Oh really now?" he said and he put his hands on my sides.

"Don't do it Ricky" I said and he didn't listen and started tickling my sides I was laughing and wiggling and laughing some more. He finally stopped picked me up and carried me to the bedroom and laid me in bed.

"Why don't you go shower and then when you get out we can lay in here together." He said

"Are you trying to tell me I stink?" I asked with a laugh

"Maybe" he said laughing and I walked off laughing to go and shower while Ricky changed into his night clothes. He doesn't know that I have been wearing his clothes so he will when I come out of the shower. I walk out of the shower in his shirt and shorts nothing else is really fitting me now a days and I walk into my room and see him laying there on my bed.

"You look awesome, I like you wearing my clothes they look good on you." He said and I smiled and climbed into bed and into his arms where I got comfortable. He started stroking my hair as I lay here.

"You know this is the most at peace I felt since all of this happened." I said

"I know that it is stressful but we have school tomorrow so let's enjoy this peace and sleep." He said

"Yeah I love you Ricky and I am glad your back I missed you." I said

"I love you too baby and I missed you too, and I am so happy to be back." He said and we both closed our eyes and I said a silent Thank you to Marshall and John for sending Ricky back to me.


	27. Back

**Back**

So today is Grace's first day back since her dad died and Ricky and mine first day back as a couple. Today is probably going to be my last day this year also because I am quickly approaching my due date with only one week to go. I have to say I have a feeling this is going to be a long and interesting day. Ricky and Grace both spent the night at my house so I happened to wake up first thanks to my baby and Ricky is now in the shower and Grace just left to get ready. I am eating breakfast when I hear Ricky come and sit down.

"She is going to need us today" Ricky said

"I know but I have no idea how to help her or if I have helped her at all through this whole thing." I said

"You have, after you fell asleep last night Grace and I were talking and she told me she didn't know what she would do if she didn't have you. She said you make grieving easy because when she is upset she can talk if she wants or she doesn't have to talk at all. She said you know how she feels and you have been there. She said she knows she will be okay because she has you by her side." He told me

"Daddy was great to her and I, he did everything for us, and now even with me being pregnant he supported me 100 percent. If we ever needed anyone to talk to he was there for us and it is weird to know that he is just gone." I said

"I know it is hard but you two are there for each other and that is what matters, and now we have to go before all three of us are late." He said I nodded and we went got Grace from the house and drove to school. As we pulled up to school and parked we all looked around and took a deep breath and got out of the car.

"I'm nervous, I already see people staring at me and those looks of pity." She said

"Hey all four of us are here for you" I said

"Four?" Ricky questioned

"Yeah, Jack, You, Me, and John. You don't think John is going to let anyone mess with his Aunt Grace do you?" I said with my hand on my hip and everyone laughed.

"Well it looks like everyone is back together." I heard from behind me so I rolled my eyes and turned around

"Yup, everyone is back together and stronger than ever." I said with a smile

"Grace, I just want to say I am sorry for you loss from what I herd your father was an amazing man." Adrian said and I have to say I was shocked

"Thanks Adrian, he was an amazing man and he supported me and Amy in everything we did. We miss him." Grace said and I was shocked that she said it like that so I looked at her and she just winked, and walked off to find Jack. I was speechless, and I felt Ricky wrap his arm around me.

"Well isn't it cute that you guys are back together, I mean I don't get how after everything." Adrian said

"What do you mean everything, oh you mean me sleeping with you every night and you being right about everything, or you throwing both in her face." Ricky said and I stood there with a smirk because Adrian looked like a deer caught in the head lights.

"I didn't say any of that Ricky." Adrian tried to say and I just laughed

"Of course you didn't" I said as I pulled Ricky's hand and led him away from her and into school.

"Well that went better than expected" I said when we got to my locker

"Yeah I thought I was going to have to drag you out of there before you popped" he laughed

"Ha your so funny, so today is my last day, do you think you can help me empty this locker out today after school" I asked him

"Sure, we got to go. See you in lunch" and he kissed me we walked to class.

Classes dragged on today, and my mind was everywhere except on school today. I am so tired and hungry and my feet hurt. I am so glad that Ricky is back in my life as my boyfriend and not just my best friend. I missed him so much. Grace is doing better slowly but surely and it is nice to see her smile again. I have been doodling on my binder for the past half hour and I have ten more minutes till lunch. I was sitting there and all of a sudden John kicked really hard and I said louder than I thought.

"Owch!" after I said it everyone including the teacher stopped to look right at me, well this is embarrassing I thought.

"Are you okay Amy?" My teacher asked me

"Yeah the baby just kicked extra hard, I'm sorry to interrupt" I apologized

"No worries" she said and went back to teaching and finally five minutes later the bell rang and it was lunch time. I walked out of class and right into Ricky's arms.

"Today is the day from hell" I told him and he just look amused so I smacked his arm

"Why what happened" he asked

"Well our little man must have been practicing that big drum because he kicked me so hard it hurt so I didn't realize I said Owch out loud and everyone turned to look at me, and I am just tired, my feet hurt, I'm hungry, and I can't focus." I said and I seen Ricky looking concerned as he pulled me to him and rubbed my belly, as we walked and sat at the lunch table.

"John, listen to daddy you have to be gentle when you kick your mommy because you don't want to hurt her." He said and leaned down and kissed my stomach and I herd the camera go off and I looked up to see it was Grace.

"That was the perfect picture" she told us "I am going to have lunch with Zack today, I will talk to you later." She said and tried to run away

"Wait" I yelled and she walked slowly back to the table "Now sit and tell me what happened" I said

"Nothing happened" she lied

"Now am I supposed to believe that?" I asked

"Leave it alone Amy" she said

"Don't do this Grace, I know something happened and it probably has to do with Jack, and now you are going to try and get back at him by going and seeing Zack. Don't do it, I know you Grace and you are still hurt from your dad's death and you have every right to be it has only been a week, and now Jack hurt you and you want to lash out and hurt him back but all you are going to do is hurt your self more and your going to hurt Zack and that's not fair. You left Zack to go back to Jack and now because it didn't work you are running to Zack don't do it, and find someone's who name doesn't rhyme with Jack." I said and I looked at her and can she was breaking and Ricky looked at me and we both looked back at her

"Your right, I don't know how you knew but your right." She said

"What did Jack do?" I asked and Ricky grabbed my hand

"He and Adrian were making out" she said

"Did you see this or did Adrian tell you?" I asked because I knew Adrian liked to play mind games

"I was going to meet Jack to tell him something and I seen them talking in the hallway so I hid, and I seen Jack lean down and kiss her, and than she pulled away and smiled and pulled him back into the kiss. I didn't want to stay but I did and he said last night was great and she said every night we are together is great" she said trying to hold back the tears

"Wow, I am going to kill both of them" I said

"Amy you can't you are going to have your baby any day now you can't fight." She said

"Ames, Grace is right." Ricky said

"It won't be a fight you wait and see" I said and the bell rang and we all went off to class. I couldn't help but think about what I wanted to say and what I wanted to do, to both of them. First of all you cheat on my best friend and than try and make her look like an idiot and than on top of it her dad just died. I was so angry by the end of the day as soon as the bell rang I went straight to my locker which is still next to Adrian's and with all the luck I have today she was there. Ricky and Grace were at mine and I walked over to Adrian tapped her on the shoulder and as soon as she turned around I punched her hard in the face and she fell to the ground. Grace and Ricky pulled me around to stand by them.

"What the hell was that for?" she said

"You want to know what that is for you piece of garbage, it is for being a slut and trying to take everyone's boyfriend. You are that much of a manipulative bitch and that is why you can't find and keep your own boyfriend." I said

"Wow so help me if you weren't pregnant I would kick your sorry ass, and who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that." She said

"You still wouldn't touch me even if I wasn't pregnant, in case you didn't notice your ass was on the floor from one punch. I am talking to you like the piece of trash you are because lets face it bitch, your not happy unless you are ruining other people's happiness. Your not happy so no one else can be, grow the hell up." I said

"I have no idea what the hell you are talking about." She said

"Oh I don't know lets see, how about you walking up to my best friend and offering her your condolences and than ten minutes later you are standing in the middle of the hallway making out with her boyfriend behind her back. That is what I am talking about." I said

"That wasn't my fault" she said

"Are you serious that is both of your faults and don't think Jack won't get what is coming to him, because you are both disgusting, I mean yes Jack kissed you, but once he pulled away you pulled him right back, and all of your amazing nights. Tell me Adrian did you ever think about Grace when all of this was happening I mean right after you told her how sorry you were that she lost her dad, you went and kissed her boyfriend. Oh and than did you ever stop and think this girl has been through enough she doesn't deserve this because what has she ever done to you, and it isn't like the first time you did this to her either." I said

"Jack wanted something with no strings and no commitments and I was that for him." She said

"So what he wants something and poor Grace is what shit." I asked

"She obliviously didn't do enough to keep his attention." She said

"Her father just died, something that you know nothing about, she is the strongest person I know and who cares if she didn't give him enough attention you should have said I can't do this to her, but once again you showed every one what a slut you really are. I would never wish the pain of losing anyone close to them on anyone, but I do hope that you get what's coming to you. I hope some guy does as much damage as you did." I said and with that I turned my back grabbed my stuff from my locker and walked out of school with Grace and Ricky and guess who was standing my Ricky's car. Yup you guessed it Jack. So I walked right up to him and punched him hard right in the face. He didn't fall to the ground but his head did go back a little.

"What the hell was that for" he yelled

"You really want to know, okay I will tell you. It is for being a jack ass no pun intended to my best friend." I said

"Are you serious I love her and I have been there for her through everything." He said

"Are you kidding me? You call sleeping with Adrian and making out with her in the hallway at school on the day Grace comes back from losing her father love? Lets be serious when she really needed you, you were no where to be seen. If god forbid the roles were reversed I know she would be by your side every step of the way. I hope you don't have to deal with the pain that Grace is feeling for a long time because it the worst thing possible. She needed you Jack and you proved what people knew all along that all you care about was sex. I mean you cheated on her once and you came back to her begging and crying real tears for her to take you back and she does and you pull this shit. You're not a real man you are a bitch." I said to him

"And what about Ricky, you two haven't been together for a week and when you needed him he wasn't there, or did you turn to someone else." He said with a smirk so while he was smirking at me I lifted my leg and kicked him hard in the shin.

"First of all don't you dare compare Ricky to yourself, he has been there for me through everything. He held me up when I found out I was having a baby; he stuck up for our baby and our relationship. Ricky has never cheated on me, and as for the past week but not that it is any of your business I told him to stay away because I needed to figure some stuff out on my own, but even though we were broken up he held me up at the wake and the funeral he didn't care that I told him to go away he stayed and when I called him after and said I needed to see him he came no questions asked and even when we weren't together he didn't cheat on me, because he loves me." I said with a smirk because now Jack wasn't smiling anymore.

"This is coming from the girl who is pregnant at 15" he said and he didn't see the next punch coming and this one did knock him down but I am not the one who threw this punch that would be Ricky.

"You know Jack, I have kept my mouth closed long enough but you listen to me if you come near Grace or Amy and our son again or I hear you been talking shit, what you got today will look like nothing. I love all three of those people that I just mentioned and if you hurt them you deal with me. I am so sick of you acting all high and mighty you are nothing. You cheated on someone who you're supposed to care about. I didn't do that everyone knew my game before they got into it." Ricky said

"I can't believe I actually thought I loved you Jack, I thought we were something or that we could have had something, but we have nothing. You cheated on me twice with the same girl because I wasn't paying enough attention to you, or because I wouldn't sleep with you. I just lost my father one of the people who meant more to me than anyone else and what you did to help me get threw it was nothing. You cheated on me and you stand here and insult my family. I love Amy, Ricky, and John and if you could insult them, you never cared. I hope you and Adrian have a wonderful life because I already do and next time you think about talking to me, don't" Grace said

"Looks like Jack isn't so big and bad after all. At least Grace realized what a pig you were before it is to late. Let me tell you one thing right now if you ever talk about my baby the way you just did I will do more damage than that. I may be 15 and pregnant but I didn't have a boyfriend to answer to. Also I may only be 15 but my child has a home and love. I don't rely on my parents to support me I do that all on my own; but hey that black eye you have will match your bed buddy's eye perfectly." I said and Grace, Ricky, and I all got into the car laughing so hard.

"I have to admit even though I didn't want you all riled up for the sake of the baby; it was so worth you putting both of them in their place." Grace said

"I have seen you mad baby, but damn you can pack a punch." Ricky said laughing

"Hey no body messes with my family and gets away with it." I said with a smile

"Ricky thank you for what you said back there, I don't know when it happened but I have started to look to you as a brother and I love you." Grace said

"I love you too Grace" Ricky said and for now everything was content so we drove home the rest of the way in silence, Ricky had the day off so he was coming home to stay with me and Grace had plans with her mom. Today was going to be a nice quiet Friday at home. Once we all got into the house I collapsed on the couch.

"I am so tired" I said as Ricky sat down with me and pulled me closer to him

"You had a big day and your almost 9 months pregnant, I would think you would be tired." He said

"You know when Jack made that comment about me being 15 and pregnant, I thought I was going to be so hurt. I wasn't hurt though, because I know it is going to be hard and tiring but I know that our baby will be more loved than anything." I said

"You are right, John is already loved" he said and I nodded my head and dozed off. I woke up 4 hours later to Ricky shaking my shoulder telling me dinner was ready. Dinner was so good. After dinner Ricky started to clean up and I went and lay on the hammock. I was laying there rubbing my belly when I felt my baby boy kicked. I still can't get over that feeling of my baby kicking me.

"Hey John, I can't wait for you to be here. I can't wait for you to look up at the sky and see what I see. The stars are so beautiful and I hope you love them as much as I do. I know that when you get here you are going to be so loved. I am going to tell you about the people that are going to be in your life little man. Well there is me, your mommy, I love you so much. I am going to yell sometimes but I am strong and independent. I have a big heart and I will always do what is best for you. Than there is you daddy and he loves you and me so much it is crazy. He is strong, brave, hardworking, caring, gentle, kind, and independent and he will make sure you are always okay. Than there is your Aunt Grace who is also your godmother. She is funny and smart and it going to spoil you and teach you all different things. Then there is Uncle Tom so when you get older he can play with you and show you all really fun things to do. Then there is their mom who you are going to call G-ma Kay, she is smart and she already loves you. You will have your grandma, grandpa, papa, nana, Aunt Ashley, Uncle James, and then there is your godfather his name is Uncle Aaron he is a goofball, but I know when push comes to shove he will always be there for you. All I want for you my baby boy is to be happy and healthy. I want you to use the swing set, and play baseball with your daddy. I want to show you everything I can. I will tell you one day all about both of your name sakes. You are pretty special boy you know. You have two guardian angels." I said and I felt Ricky take my hand and pull me up and lead me to the house and our bed room.

"I think you should lay down it has been a long day." He said and I shook my head and started to get dressed when I suddenly felt a gush of water down my leg.

"Ricky, my water just broke." I said in a small panic

"Grab your bag, and we will go to the hospital." He said and I herd him call Grace and tell her to be ready

"He is coming Ricky, I can't believe I will be seeing and holding our son soon." I said as we walked to the car and just as I was about to get in the car. I got hit was a contraction and I screamed out and held Ricky's hand until it passed and got in the car and Ricky got in and when we come back my baby boy will be with me.


	28. Here He Comes

Authors Note: Okay guys I am really sorry I haven't been keeping up with this story. My life has been hectic and the muse for this story wasn't really getting my attention. I haven't been myself and I didn't feel like doing much but I am hoping to start getting back in the swing of things with this story and try and get a chapter up every other day. No promises though. Thanks for sticking it out with me. As I have mentioned I don't have a lot of time and I do my best to proof read but if there are some mistakes I am sorry and please bear with me.

**Here He Comes:**

I was sitting in the car doing my best not to cry out in pain. I couldn't believe how much pain I was in. I suddenly didn't know if I could do this. If I could push this baby out of me and not pass out from the pain.

"Ricky?" I said his name after the contraction passed

"I am here baby" he said

"Ricky, I don't think I can do this. The pain is so intense." I said with my voice full of fear, we had just pulled up to the hospital and Ricky put the car in park and turned to look at me.

"You can do this baby; I know you can because you are the strongest person I know. I know that you can do anything you want. I know you want this, because even when the pain gets too bad I want you to remember that it will all be worth it when you hold our baby in your arms." He pushed the hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead and than took his thumbs and wiped away the tears I didn't realize had fallen.

"Okay I can do this. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" I screamed as another contraction hit and I tried to breathe through this and listen to the sweet words Ricky was saying to me. Once the contraction had finished I looked at Ricky.

"We need to get in there or our baby is going to born right here." I said and Ricky jumped out the car and helped me into the hospital where they put me in a room and hooked me up to a bunch of monitors. I was only 5cm dilated so I had some time. I was sitting there with Ricky holding my hand and I realized something that scared me and excited me all at the same time. I was going to be a mother and whether or not I want to admit it, I don't think I could have done anything without Ricky and I need him now more than ever. I tuned my head and looked over at him and lifted our joined hands and kissed his knuckles.

"Thank you" I said

"For what" he asked seriously confused, because he probably thought I would be yelling at him and hating him in this moment.

"For a lot, but mostly because I don't know if I would be any where close to where I am now without you Ricky. I don't like admitting I am wrong, you know that better than anyone, but I was wrong when I said I didn't need you, and this is hard for me to say because I have never needed anyone like I need you. I mean in the beginning we were best friends and I relied on you but if you couldn't help I wouldn't fall to the ground I would move on and do things on my own, and even before we started dating, probably starting at the beginning of middle school, I started to want to talk to you and I wanted to rely on you. I needed you than because you and Grace were the only ones who made any sense. I need you Ricky, I need you to be there for me and our son and I needed you back than even if I wouldn't admit it, I was being stupid and it caused problems for us because I couldn't allow my self to say the words, but as I lay here and think about our son who is about to make his grand entrance I realize he is going to need us. He is going to need someone just like we all need someone, and while we can still take care of ourselves if we had to it is nice to know you will be there. I love you so much Ricky, and I am so sorry for pushing you away and I am so grateful you are still here." I said with tears rolling down my face and looking at Ricky I seen tears glistening in his eyes. Just as he was about to talk I had a contraction and he helped me through and when it was over he started to talk.

"Amy, I know how hard that must be for you to admit. For the longest time I wasn't able to admit to needing anyone either, but I needed you. You were there to catch me every time I fell. You were there Ames and I always knew you needed someone. I knew you could handle yourself in any situation but I also knew you needed someone. I may have not known it would be me or that it is me, but we all need someone sometimes. I am going to be there for you and John no matter what happens. I am not perfect by any definition of the word but I am definitely going to be there. We may fight and we may scream but we are in this together. I love you baby more than anyone in the world and I am not going anywhere." Ricky said as he stood up and kissed me, and just as we pulled away the nurse came in and examined me. I was 10cm dilated and it was time to start getting me ready to push. The contractions were coming closer and closer together now and I was trying to remember what Ricky said and think about my baby that was coming into the world. The doctor came in 5 minutes later and I looked at Ricky and he smiled at me.

"Looks like it is time to bring our baby into this world, and you will do fine." Ricky said and I smiled

"Okay Amy, you are all dilated and as soon as the next contraction hits I want you to push hard and hold it for 10 seconds can you do that." The doctor asked me

"Yeah" I answered and that was when it started the contraction hit and I was pushing and than another contraction and another push and 10 minutes later I herd the most amazing sound in the whole world. My baby crying, he was here and he was put in my arms and I looked down at his beautiful little face and over at Ricky.

"Ricky, he is here, and he is beautiful." I said and I watch as Ricky looked at our son speechless.

"Okay parents we are going to take him and weigh him and clean him up, while we get you all cleaned up mom. Dad would you like to cut the cord?" The doctor told me and asked Ricky and he wordlessly cut the cord and than looked up and at me and kissed me. 10 minutes later I was in my room holding my son with Ricky looking at him in awe.

"He is perfect Ricky, 10 little toes and 10 little fingers. He is beautiful" I said looking at my son and than back at Ricky. I sat up in my bed with a lot of assistance from Ricky.

"Yeah, he is perfect." He said and I looked at him and knew it was time to let Ricky hold his son. So I looked at him and passed the baby to him and watched as he gently sat down with him and just stared at him.

"Hi John, I am your daddy and I love you." He said it in such a caring voice it brought tears to my eyes.

"You did good Ames, You did really well." He said and I looked at him and smiled. I was exhausted and I needed a nap. Just as the thought entered my mind the nurse came and said they had to bring him to the nursery and get him settled he would be back in a few hours and that I should get some sleep. I just nodded and Ricky watched as they took our baby.

"Can you believe it?" I asked him

"I know he is so tiny and perfect. I am so proud of you" he said and I smiled and than yawned.

"Get some rest baby, I am going to tell the family the good news and than when you wake up and John comes back they can all come in." he said and I just nodded and as he was about to leave I said

"Hey after that will you come right back and hold me while I sleep. I need you." It was a simple statement with so much power and he smiled

"I will be back in ten minutes I love you baby" he said to me and I smiled

"I love you too" I said and he was off and I was out like a light. About two hours later I woke up in Ricky's arm and the nurse bringing in the baby. She told me it was time to feed and asked if I was breast feeding I told her yes and she suggested we be left alone and I told her Ricky can stay where he is. I was than showed how to breast feed John and once he was eating the nurse left. I was sitting there still in Ricky's arm feeding my son. I never thought watching him eat would bring me as much joy as it did.

"Wow that is truly amazing" Ricky said

"Who would have ever thought he would be here and we would be this happy" I asked

"I don't know" he said and we sat in silence till John was done eating and just as he got settled into my arms there was a knock on the door and I told the person to come in.

"So this is my Godson that I have been waiting nine months to meet." Grace said and I smiled.

"Aunt Grace I would like you to meet John Marshall Underwood. He is 8lbs 10oz and 20in long. Born on May 20th at 8:55pm and he is perfect." I said telling her everything she would want to know.

"Amy and Ricky I am so happy for you guys he is beautiful. He is perfect" Grace said staring at the tiny baby.

"Would you like to hold him?" I asked her

"Yes please" she said and I handed him over to her.

"Hey John I am your Aunt Grace and I am always going to love you and protect you just like your mommy and daddy." She said and I smiled at how at peace she seemed, it was the first time since her dad died she seemed this at peace and if John could help her heal so be it.

"Grace I want to talk to you. You know I love you as a sister and I would do anything for you just like I know you would do absolutely anything for me. I just want you to know how much having you in my life means to me. I have been through hell and back and you and Ricky have been the only constants in my life and I can't tell you how much that means to me. The fact that I know I can count on you and I can trust you means so much more to me than you will ever know. I know that god forbid anything was to happen to Ricky or myself I know you would be a wonderful parent to John and would do what is best for him. I need to know that because he is the most important thing in my life. I know you love him and that makes everything so much easier. If I have to run to the store I know he will be in good hands and I can never explain how much that means to me." I said to her and with that she handed John to Ricky and hugged me.

"Amy you are my sister and I love you and I would do anything for you and that baby, and hell even Ricky. You guys are family and no one messes with family." She said and than she told us she would be back soon but there were many people who wanted to see the happy little family so she would be back. After Grace left there was a one minute pause before I seen my mom and dad and my sister and brother along with my brothers girlfriend and Ricky's mom and dad. I guess it was better that there were all here now instead of them all coming in single. Ricky must have read my mind because he got everyone's attention

"Okay everyone Amy and I are very happy to introduce you to our little man John Marshall Underwood. He is 8lbs and 10oz and 20 in long he was born on May 20th at 8:55 pm he has 10 fingers and 10 toes and he is absolutely perfect." He announced to the crowd and they all said their congratulations.

"John I want to introduce you to everyone. You have your Aunt Ashley, Uncle James, Aunt Jamie, Grandma, Grandpa, Nana and Papa." I said and I passed the baby to my sister first so she can hold him and than he was passed around until Ricky took him back and everyone but my mom and dad left. I was starting to get sleepy but they looked like they needed something or wanted to say something.

"We just want to let you know that we are proud of who you are and tell you that you did good, and we hope John turns out to be as good as a kid as you are." They said and I knew they meant it to be a compliment but between the hormones and my issues with them I got tears in my eyes and said

"I don't want John to be like me." I said and they looked taken aback.

"Why wouldn't you want him to be like you?" My mom asked

"I want so much better for him than what I had and who I am" I said

"What do you mean what you had?" My mom asked again, I was trying not to get into this but obliviously she wasn't going to leave it alone. My dad tried to tell her to leave but she didn't want to hear it she wanted to know what was so wrong with my life, and that was when I snapped and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Fine, I don't want John to grow up and feel the way I feel. I don't want him to wonder everyday if his parents love him or not. I don't want him to think he will never be good enough for me or Ricky. I never want him to feel so alone that at night he cries himself to sleep. I never want him to have to sneak out his window to see his friend because he is scared I won't listen or believe him when he tells me something important. I want John to feel my love for him everyday I want him to know with out a doubt that even if he messes up he will still be loved. You just don't see it Mom, I will never be good enough for you. I will never be who you want me to be. You think I had it made, I would cry myself to sleep wondering why you didn't love me the way you did James and Ashley. I would wonder what I ever did to make you hate me so much. You know I have no self esteem and I have pushed Ricky away more times than I can count because I don't know how to let people get close and when they do I am scared they will reject me just like you did. Daddy tried I will give him that he tried to make me feel better and he seen some times the hurt I felt but he always said I was wrong you loved me, but you don't. Mom you can't I am strong and independent and I rely more on other people than my own family and when I did something I couldn't take back and I got pregnant with my beautiful son you didn't even look at me or tell me it was okay or it would be okay. I looked at you and all I saw was disappointment. Did you ever once think about how I would feel, did you think maybe I was scared or alone or unsure of what kind of mother I was going to be. You see I want John to know I love him no matter what." I said with tears rolling down my face.

"Amy we didn't know you felt that way, you know I love you, I am so sorry for everything baby girl. I am going to be better I promise. I want to show you that you can come to me no matter what." My dad said

"I love you too daddy, I love you so much." I said as I gave my dad a hug.

"Amy how could you think we didn't love you. I did everything in my power to show you I did. You didn't want it, I wanted to hang with you and talk but you were always somewhere. You didn't make time for me." My mom said

"Really mom, you are trying to make this my fault. If you actually paid attention you would see it was Ricky or Grace I was always with because they made time for me. They loved me with no questions. I walked around for 10 years carrying around something no five year old should face. I had to listen to my best friend get the shit beaten out of him by his no good father. I had to deal with so much and when Ricky finally did tell the teacher I was the one he came to and you never once noticed that I carried anything with me and than when James started drinking it was all about that and it didn't matter that I was so scared because of it. You never saw how anything affected me mom. I am 15; you were the parent I am just a child. You should have seen that something was wrong you should have been there. My son will never know the pain that I feel everyday." I said as I looked at her.

"This is not the time to discuss this, you obviously are upset and you don't know what you are saying." My mom said

"This is exactly what I am talking about. I know what I am saying, you are just not listening. Now I want some time with my family. Could you please shut the door on the way out, today is a happy day I won't let you ruin it." I said as I wiped the tears out of my eyes and turned my attention to my baby and Ricky. I was looking at them when I heard the door close and I seen Ricky put John in my arms.

"At least when everything else is wrong in our lives we have him." Ricky said and leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Yeah, he is going to be the light of my life. I know we are young but holding him in my arms like I am now, I know we made the right choice Ricky." I said to him

"Kid, there are going to many of things in life that we are not sure of or that we are going to question but he is definitely not one of them." Ricky said

"You got that right." I said as I stared at my son sleeping.

"You want to talk about it?" Ricky asked me and I sighed

"Did you hear her Ricky? I mean she blamed me said it was my fault we never spent time with her. I was 12 even younger. I didn't know what I was doing, you know that is the age when you need your parents most and I didn't have that Ricky. I didn't have her to braid my hair or tell me how pretty I looked. I didn't have her to hold my hand when I was scared on the first day of school. I didn't have her to tell me everything was going to be okay even when no one knew if it would or not. She has never been there for me Ricky. I mean you get it right? It is not my fault my mother doesn't love me? I am not an unlovable person right?" I cried as I let my fears that maybe my mother was right get to me. Ricky looked at me and took John and placed him in the bassinette and came back over to me and pulled me in his arms.

"I know what you mean Kid, but look at me and believe me when I tell you it is not your fault that your mom isn't acting like your mom. I think she loves you Ames just in her own way and I don't agree with her, but she loves you. You are so amazing Amy, you are smart, funny, loving, understanding, and trustworthy and anyone would be lucky to love you and have you love them in return. I know because I feel your love everyday and I know how you stand up for what you believe in." Ricky said as he rubbed my arm and kissed me gently on the lips

"Thank you" I said to him as a knock sounded on the door and I looked up to see Kathleen standing in the door, I motioned for her to come in and was so happy when she walked over and gave both Ricky and I a hug and congratulated us.

"How are you feeling Amy?" I looked at Kathleen and seen what a mother looked like and I realized she was the first one to ask about me before the baby.

"You know I actually just had a big blow out with my mom, but you are the first one to come in and ask about me and not just about John and we are both fine by the way. I was talking to my mom and she blamed me for our relationship, but that is not what is important. I really just want to say thank you for everything you have done for me. For years you have shown me what a real mom should be like and that is what I want to show John. You have taught me to be kind and caring; you showed me that parents should be there for their kids. When Grace told you I was pregnant you were so nice to me and you helped me so much. You made sure I was okay and you never told me you were disappointed and for all of this I want to thank you." I said and I looked at Kathleen and she had tears in her eyes as she hugged me

"I love you Amy" she said and I smiled at her

"I love you too, now would you like to meet your Grandson?" I asked and she nodded her head fast and Ricky brought John over and handed him to Kathleen.

"What did you name him?" Kathleen asked and I was shocked

"Grace didn't tell you?" I asked and she shook her head no

"Well then I am pleased to introduce you to John Marshall Underwood 8lbs 10oz and 20in long born on May 20th at 8:55pm" I said and I met her tear filled eyes.

"Amy you didn't have to do that, but I know he would be honored that you did. He loved you and he was so excited he was going to have a grandchild to spoil." She said as a tear slipped out her eye

"I loved him too and he would have made an awesome grandpa. You know he treated me like his own and I will always miss him. I felt like my son would need someone to watch over him. John will and now Marshall will also, my baby is lucky to have two very special guardian angels." I said with a smile, and I took the baby Kathleen was handing back to me.

"I have to get going. I love you and if you need anything let me know." She said and hugged us all and walked out the door.

"You know you have been very quite today." I said to Ricky

"I am still in awe that John is here and I know you needed to talk to all these people and I know me saying anything would lead to someone's feelings getting hurt and I didn't want that." Ricky said

"I love you" and I looked down at my son "Well John you had a lot of visitors today I know your uncle Tom wanted to see you but he has to wait until you come home for that and I have no idea where your Uncle Aaron is." I said and no sooner was the word out of my mouth was he walking in the door. "Well there he is now John" I said to my son as Ricky walked over to greet him.

"Hey man" Ricky said

"Hey Congratulations to both of you" Aaron said

"Thanks" Ricky and I said at the same time and we all laughed

"Well are you going to stand there all day or come over and meet your godson" I said to him and he walked over and I handed the baby to him.

"Wow, he is so tiny" and with that he kissed the baby's head and handed him back to Ricky.

"I can't stay long I just wanted to come meet him. I have to go. Congratulations again!" he said

"Aaron, Thank you." I said as he walked out the door

"Finally no more guests just the family." Ricky said and I smiled

"I think it is time this family got some sleep I am tired and he will be up soon." I said

"I love you Amy and I love you John" 

"We love you too Ricky" I said and I closed my eyes and felt Ricky slide in next to me I knew he put John in the bassinette and as I was just about out I thought that he was finally here, and I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	29. Never Peace and Quiet

**Never Peace and Quiet:**

Today was the day that I am bringing my baby boy home and I couldn't be more excited. It has been two days since he was born and because I am so young they wanted to make sure I was alright before they discharged me. The hospital informed me that I would need to have someone there for me around the clock because as much as I may be ready to do this it will be a lot of work and I will need help. I told them that Ricky would be staying with me until we were okay and they said that was fine. As for visitors well Grace came by everyday and much to my surprise Aaron had been here again, mostly wanting to apologize for rushing out on the day John was born, and the other part was too see his godson which weather he admits it or not he is completely taken by. I was so happy that the nursery was ready and that when we went home everything would be set. I felt Ricky wake up next to me and tighten his arms around me and kiss my head

"Good Morning" I said to him with a smile

"Good Morning, how long have you been up?" he asked me

"Not to long maybe 20 minutes." I told him

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asked

"You are going to need your sleep with a newborn in the house, because although we both don't have to go to school we still have the tutor and you my friend have to work." I said

"You are such a downer." He said and I couldn't help but laugh

"You know it was nice of Aaron to come back yesterday" I said

"Yeah I think he thought we would be mad that he ran off like that." Ricky said

"Not that I am mad but what do you think he ran off like that for" I asked

"Maybe he had a date, or his mom wanted him home" he said

"Yeah maybe but as much as I think he doesn't want to admit it he is totally in love with John but than again who can blame him." I said with a smile

"He will be a good godfather to John, he is a bone head some times but when things really matter he is there." Ricky said just as I was about to respond the nurse came in with my discharge papers went over everything I needed to know and told me to get dressed and they will bring John in so we can get him ready. I thanked her for everything and got up and with a little help from Ricky got dressed. They brought John in we dressed him and we were ready to head out. After we all got settled in the car and into the house I told Ricky

"Hey put him on the table, I want to hold him and show him his room."

"Okay, you take him out I will go get the balloons and flowers from the car and than we will show him the nursery." He said and he walked out side.

"You hear that baby everyone that loves you bought you flowers and balloons and wait till you see your room. Everyone helped pick things out, mommy and daddy worked hard to make it special for you baby. We want you to have everything we never did baby. I want you to grow up and know without a doubt that we love you. I want you to know that you will always come first in my life. I am not saying it will easy all the time and I am sure you are going to think I am mean from time to time but as long as you know your daddy and I love you so much John we can make it through anything." I said to my son and when I turned to see where Ricky was I seen him leaning in the door with a smile.

"He knows you love him Kid, he can feel it." Ricky said

"Yeah, maybe but I don't want him to ever think I don't" I said "Come on time to show you your nursery" and with that I stood up with my son and Ricky behind me and opened the door to the nursery.

"Well John this is your nursery, this is where you will sleep. Your grandma and grandpa bought this crib for you, and your dresser and changing table is from nana and papa and the bassinette that is in mommy's room is from your g-ma K and g-pa M and your aunt and uncle got you diapers and baskets for the changing table, and this blanket that is in your crib, your daddy bought for you, he was the first one to buy you a present, and your teddy bear is what I got for you baby." I said and smiled at how peaceful he looked so I walked out of the nursery and put him in the bassinette that I had Ricky put in the living room and sat on the couch with Ricky.

"It is crazy I how happy I am just to look at him, you know who would have ever thought that I could be this happy. I mean we just got back together, John and Marshall are gone and obviously we all aren't over it yet but when I look at his little face Ricky everything that is wrong fades away and he is there and perfect." I said

"You are right he is amazing" Ricky said and I leaned over and kissed him and as soon as we pulled away someone was knocking on my door.

"I'll get it" I said as I stood up and walked to the door and when I opened it I was surprised to see who was there.

"Adrian, Ben what are you guys doing here." I said and I felt Ricky come stand behind me

"Well aren't you going to invite us in?" Adrian asked

"No, my son just got home and he is sleeping, and I don't want either of you near him so come and say what you want and than leave." I said

"Well we just wanted to see the baby." Ben said

"Why would you even come to my house to see our baby when you know both Ricky and I don't want you anywhere near our baby?" I said

"I don't know why you don't want us near the baby; it is not like we are going to hurt him we just want to see who he looks like." Adrian said

"You knew this was a bad idea in the beginning. I told you when I first found out I was pregnant that I didn't want you two near the baby because I won't have him close to people he won't be around all the time. I don't like either of you and I don't trust you so if you see me out in the street with my son walk the opposite direction because honestly you only wanted to come here to push my buttons but it is not going to work. I just got home from the hospital and my son is sleeping so I think it would be best if you guys just left and don't come back." I said

"He is Ricky's son too" Adrian said and I rolled my eyes

"Adrian you know I don't want you or Ben anywhere near my son. I don't know what you thought coming over here would accomplish, maybe you didn't think we were really back together" and that was when I seen her look guilty. They thought us getting back together was a show.

"Come on guys really why would we pretend to be back together, to get back at you two; that is stupid and it isn't our game. Ricky and I love each other and I am sorry if that hurts you two but we didn't just say we got back together, yes we broke up for a week, but I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I pushed Ricky away that was my fault. I was the reason we weren't together. I lost two people who meant so much to me in less than two months of each other and I didn't know how to deal with it. Ricky is an amazing man and he helped me through a lot and I am not ready to let him go. We went into this relationship with eyes wide open; we know who the other was because we started as best friends and we wanted more. We are parents now and all the stupid petty things we have been fighting about they don't matter anymore the only thing that matters is that baby in there. I am done fighting." I said

"I still am not convinced that you two are in love." Ben said

"Seriously we have a son to raise and I love Amy just like she loves me and we want to make this work so that baby in there doesn't wonder why his parents don't love each other; we don't want our child to feel the way we felt." Ricky said "Now if you will excuse us our son is going to be getting up soon." And with that Ricky shut the door and we both walked back to the sofa.

"Well that was interesting" he said

"I know, why would anyone think we faked getting back together?" I said

"You didn't even yell or start a fight which I have to say is weird for you" he said

"I know but I can't just think about me anymore you know I have to think about John I mean I know we are all still going to fight especially when she comes up to us when we are out or if she gets in Grace's face. I mean her dad did just die, and than she finds out her boyfriend who she really loves and gave a second chance to cheated on her with the person that he cheated on her with the first time. She still needs us and we need her. You know she is an amazing aunt to John already and you know the most at peace I have seen her since the whole thing is when she is holding John." I said and just when he was about to answer there was a knock on the door.

"Never peace and quite" I said as I got up to answer the door and I seen Grace there.

"Hey come on in" I said

"Hey guys" she said

"Hey Grace." Ricky said "I am going to take a shower and change my clothes if you need me call." He said and gave me a kiss on the cheek and left

"What's up?" I asked her

"I have been thinking a lot about my dad you know and I miss him so much, I don't know what to do with that pain Amy." She said and got teary eyed

"Grace no one expects you to be over his death yet. It has only been two weeks, and it happened so unexpectedly that it is such a shock. It is going to take a while for the shock to wear off and once it does it will be like it happened all over again. After that than little things will remind you of him, when you wake up in the morning and he isn't there for breakfast or when you are flipping threw the channels and see the game on. The first time it snows this year, or the first time you see some kid running in the sprinkler. That kind of pain just doesn't go away. I know that things are hard right now and they are going to get worse before they get better, it is how most things happen. You feel alone right now because Tom is trying to be the man of the house and your mom is in her own pain and the one person you wanted to count on slept with the school slut again. That in itself is hard to deal with. I am here for you Grace no matter what, all you have to do is call or walk over." I said with tears in my eyes

"How are you doing it?" she asked

"You know before this happened I wasn't. You seen me after John died I was a wreck. I have never felt so much pain in my life and I didn't know how to deal with it. I shut myself off to the world, I pushed away Ricky and I pushed away you. I locked myself in here and I didn't want to be bothered, but you see now I am dealing with it by looking at my baby and knowing I have to pull myself together for him. He is the most important thing. I am going to tell him stories of his Uncle John and his G-pa M. I am going to show him pictures and do what I know they wanted. I am going to cry to Ricky at night about how I miss them and I am going to yell that he doesn't get it. I am going to be me, because that is the only thing we can do. We have to go on and eventually the pain will lessen, the grief will lessen and the memories will mean so much more." I said

"I love you Amy" she said just as John started crying.

"I love you too Grace." I said picking up the baby and putting a blanket over my self as I let my baby eat.

"You are good with him" she said to me.

"He is everything to me. You know my parents as much as I love them they don't know me. I want this baby to grow up and know every single second of every single day that he is loved. I need him to know it. He is going to mess up, he will break things and spill things, he will hit someone, he is going to fail something in school but I want him to know that it is okay." I said to her.

"You will be an amazing mom" she said

"Thanks, did you see Ben and Adrian over here before?" I asked her

"No, I didn't what the hell did they want." She asked

"Apparently they came to see John, and when I said no and explained that I didn't want them near my son they didn't understand. I went into detail why neither was allowed near him, and than the witch was like he is Ricky's son too. Ricky said they couldn't see him. He said you two probably just came to see if we were really back together and Adrian looked so guilty, so I told them I was sorry if this hurt them but I am not leaving Ricky. I told them it was my fault we were separated but I love him and we are together and I am done with the drama because I have to think about my son. Ben said he isn't convinced that we are in love and Ricky told him we want to be good parents to our son and that we love each other and we owe it too this baby to see what could happen and we said to leave and don't come back." I said

"Why is Ben so hung up on you, I mean I know you guys dated but it wasn't that serious and he hurt you. Adrian is so pathetic, I mean she really needs to give up the whole Ricky idea it is seriously creepy. She can have any guy she wants why would she want the one she can't have." She said as I started to burp my baby.

"Ever hear the expression you want what you can't have." I asked

"Yeah, but do people normally take it that far?" she asked

"You know for some people it is all about the chase and that is what they like." I said as I got up and headed into the nursery to change my son.

"How do you know all this anyway Ricky and Ben are the only guys you ever been with." Grace said

"Yes that is true but you remember Eric, he talks about these things all the time. About how people enjoy the chase and once there is no more chase they are done with it. I mean other than that I don't know." I said

"I thought you stopped hanging out with Eric once John passed?" Grace said

"Nope we still talk a lot and go out for coffee, well at the time tea for me, every once in a while. He is a good person and I enjoy talking to him." I said as I picked the baby up and handed him to Grace because I know she was dying to hold him.

"Did you ever tell Ricky he was gay?" she asked me

"Yeah we laughed about it and he said if I wasn't dating him he would have said the same thing you did about me pushing him away." I said

"Yeah well I know best" she said laughing and I joined in.

"Okay Amy, you can have your son back now. I have to go home and help mom with dinner. I will come and visit you guys tomorrow let me know if you need anything." She said and I stood up and hugged her and as soon as she left I locked the door and sat on the couch.

"Your mommy is not answering that door any more tonight she just wants to spend time with you and your daddy. You know baby you were named after a very special man. My uncle John was an amazing man and he always made your mommy feel so special. I mean he would always protect me from anything bad and he told me to always stand up for what you believe in. He was so excited about you baby. Your middle name is also named after a very special man; yeah he would have been your g-pa M. He was so special and he wanted to give you the world baby boy. He was like a daddy to me and when you are older I am going to tell you about all the stories and fun times." I said just staring at John

"You're good with him." Ricky complimented me

"Thanks, he makes it easy." I said "You were in the shower for an awful long time." I said to him

"Well I really took a quick shower and went into your room and just laid on the bed for a while. I figured you guys needed to talk." He said

"Yeah she was upset about her dad and thought that she shouldn't be." I said

"It has only been two weeks." Ricky said and I gave Ricky the baby and he cradled him in one arm and I curled into the other.

"That's what I said. I told her it is going to take time for the shock to wear off and once it does it is going to get worse before it gets better." I said

"What did she think about that" he asked

"She asked how I managed to do it and I said I didn't. I told her she seen how I took it. I locked myself away and pushed people away, and the only reason it is easier now is because you and John are here. I told her I am doing what is best for my son just like Marshall and John would have wanted." I explained

"I told her about Ben and Adrian and we talked about Eric." I said

"About what you said to Adrian it wasn't your entire fault. I could have fought harder" he said and I realized we never really had time alone to talk about what happened

"It was my fault though. You know you tried so hard to get me to see that I needed to open up and talk and for a month you sat there and stayed and had dinner and cuddled with me to try and get me to talk to you and instead I pushed you away. I didn't know how to describe how I was feeling and I was hurt and confused. I was in so much pain I didn't think about how you felt about the situation and it wasn't that I didn't trust you because I trust you with my life. It was the fact that I knew if I talked about it with you, you would make me feel better. I was in so much pain and denial over it, I didn't want to feel better I wanted to hurt because they were gone. I was wrong though and I know that you love me. I know I trust you and I know you probably don't trust me as much as you used to, because you think I am going to hurt you but I do love you baby so much." I said trying to explain

"Kid, I never stopped trusting you and I trust you just as much as I did before. I knew that in order for you to start putting the pieces back and really trusting in us as a whole that I would have to push you and that is what I did. I pushed and pushed until you broke and it helped you grow, baby, you see that I only want to help, and you don't have to do this all on your own. You see that trusting someone and leaning on someone isn't going to take away that independence that you worked so hard to build. By me walking away I showed you that we can make this work but we need each other. I love you and I don't plan on leaving but the path we were on, was going to lead to one of us hurting the other beyond repair and I didn't want to let that happen." He said

"You know your right." I said and I heard Ricky laugh

"I can't believe you actually admitted that I was right." He said and I laughed

"It is a once in a lifetime thing, don't get use to it." I said "I am going to change into a tank top and sweat pants my jeans are still too tight and this bra is killing me. My boobs are so full with milk that they actually hurt." I said

"I can help you out with that." Ricky yelled

"No way, your not touching me for a while mister. I just gave birth so you better make friends with your hand." I said laughing and I heard Ricky laughing as I walked back in the living room.

"Well you look hot, and your boobs are definitely bigger." He said and all I did was laugh and crawl into his arm.

"I can't believe how long of a day today has been" I said

"I think since this little guy just went to sleep we should put him in the bassinette and order some pizza and than sleep while we could." He said

"I think so because from now on we will never have peace and Quiet." I said and that was how we spent the rest of our night.


	30. Working it Out

**Working it Out**

It has been two weeks since John and I have been home from the hospital. Not much has happened. John is smiling already and every time he does my heart grows that much more. Ricky and I are still having little spats but not nearly as many as we used to, but it is different we are both shutting each other out and even though I think having John has shown me that I love Ricky and I can't keep pushing him away because all that is going to do is hurt not only Ricky and I but also John. I know we have to work on it to make sure that John has the best life possible. I have been exhausted lately. John is only sleeping for about two hours at a time, and than getting up wanting to eat. I have to say Ricky has got up with him a lot of the time during the day but at night since I am breast feeding it is me that has to get up, and he has to work so it is only fair. I was just waking up again getting ready to start the day when I herd John crying. I got up to go get him and bring him back to bed to feed him.

"He is up again." I herd Ricky ask

"Yeah he just got up, but I was going to get up anyway." I said

"What do you have planed today?" he asked me

"Well I was thinking since it was Saturday and you are working I will see if Grace wants to go for a walk in the park with John and I" I said

"I wish I didn't have to work" he said

"Yes but you do" I laughed

"Everything seems to be going okay lately." He said

"Yeah but after work today we have your appointment with Dr. Fields you haven't been going and I haven't pushed it. We have an appointment today and with everything that happened with John and Marshall and us fighting and still dealing with your dad and us just having a baby. I think we need someone to help us talk about it. Someone who will ask the questions we want to ask but are afraid to, and since we haven't been going he made it a two hour appointment." I said

"I don't want to go. The thing with Bob was six months ago." Ricky said

"Okay, maybe it was but are you going to lie and say you don't still wake up with nightmares. That you don't jump every once in a while when you hear someone scream. I know you Ricky and I feel you wake up and I feel you get out of bed and walk. I know that with everything going on it brings back memories. We went from getting rid of Bob to John dying to Marshall dying, to having this baby." I said

"I'm not going and you can't make me." He said as he got up and stormed out of the room and into the bathroom. I finished feeding John, changed him and burped him and was just watching as he looked all around.

"Your daddy is so stubborn some times baby, he drives your mama nuts. I know he doesn't want to go but we have to John. We have so much more to work out. I have things I am scared of and he has things he is scared of. I know in my heart he won't leave us baby boy but mommy can't get her head to believe it. I keep pushing him away and we need someone who isn't us to help us fix it. I love you and I just want what is best for you baby. I am only 15 years old, I don't even know if I am doing anything right with you, but I hope I am." I said as I rocked my baby to sleep and got up and laid him in the bassinette. I knew Ricky was out of the shower and I wanted breakfast so I turned on the baby monitor and went in the kitchen to cook some food. I was just about done when I felt Ricky wrap his arms around me and kiss my head

"I am sorry" he said and I just shook my head

"I know, but this is what I am talking about. Ricky we are kids I am going to be 16 next month and you are 16 and we have a baby. I just lost two people I love and we dealt with your father. We need to talk about that Ricky. We haven't even talked about the break up thing that much because we are both scared we are going to blow up and push the other away. We are tip toeing around each other and I don't like it. If I knew this is how the relationship would wind up, we should have stayed friends." I said

"So what are you saying you want to be friends again?" Ricky asked

"No, I love you but I can't keep doing this, if we don't figure it out than maybe it would be better if we were just friends. We had a good relationship Ricky, we laughed, we yelled, and we cried. We had so much fun and now I know it is not the same thing but Ricky this, what we are doing isn't happy. We are hiding we never did it before why start now." I said and I knew he was getting mad but it had to be said

"It sounds like you are giving up, it sounds like you just want to go back to best friends because it was easy." He said raising his voice.

"Stop getting loud, if you wake up John, you can have fun getting him back to sleep. All you are doing right now is proving my point. I am saying that we aren't happy Ricky we are pretending to be. You are holding back things you want to say and I am holding back things I want to say because we are both scared of hurting the other. When did that start happening. I know I pushed you away, I get that and maybe that's why we are holding back but Ricky you used to call me a bitch and I would call you an asshole you would walk away and it would be over because we know how the other feels. It isn't like that anymore. Now we get defensive and hurt and you think I am going to leave or I think your going to leave and not come back. I want that ease we used to have." I said

"I am going to be late." He said and got up

"Our appointment is at four I am going with or without you" I said as he walked out the door. I just sat there and sighed and took the baby monitor and showered and got dressed while waiting for Grace to come over. I was just finishing up getting John dressed and in the car seat when I herd the knock on the door. I went and opened it and sure enough it was Grace. I greeted her with a hug and than got the stroller ready and put the baby in it.

"Hey how is everything?" she asked

"Do you really want to know" I said with a sigh as I pushed the baby out of the house and started walking

"Oh no what's going on" she said

"You mean beside the fact that my boyfriend is an asshole and some times I wish we were still best friends and not in a relationship." I said

"I thought you guys were happy though." She said

"That's what people see but I know we aren't. We are walking on eggshells because we are both afraid to hurt each other. I mean it use to be so simple. We were best friends and we could fight, screw up, pick each other up, and than laugh about it. Now it is everyone is all hurt when we say the littlest things. He gets angry. We have a therapy session with Dr. Fields today because you know with everything going on I thought we could talk about everything. Have someone who isn't in one way related to the situation ask the questions. We need to talk about what happened with Bob. With every thing that is going on we haven't seen him since Bob and I think it would help us. Ricky had a fit and doesn't want to go. I feel like we are so grown up already, Grace, and I know it is because I just had a baby. I still want to be a teenager, and lately it is like we are an old married couple." I said with tears in my eyes

"Amy you just had a baby and everything has been so stressful and out of order for months. You and Ricky never talked about it. You didn't talk about John or my dad or you guys breaking up. You got back together and a day later you had your beautiful baby." Grace said

"I know and that is what I mean. I want to talk about it; I want to get back to a place when we are actually happy. I want to go to bed at night and know that we are supposed to be together. I get that I just had John but Grace do you remember when me and Ricky were ten and it was raining out and I didn't want to go out in the rain, because it was cold and he dragged me out there anyway. I screamed and yelled and fought him. I pushed him away, and ran when he tried to catch me. I wound up laughing so hard when he caught me and he spun me around. I was soaked but I was having so much fun. I was happy and able to let go. Then when I got sick because of it, and he tried to talk to him I called him a meanie head and I told him I hated him, and than he went outside and found a dandelion and brought me it and said sorry. I miss those times, and I know we aren't 10 years old but it was who we are. We always had times like that. Or more recently me flipping out because he always thought something was wrong and I would tell him to leave me alone he would ask why I was being a Bitch I told him he was an asshole he would walk away and than later he would come back and ask what was wrong and I would tell him." I said

"Amy are you going to see Dr. Fields.?" She asked me

"I told Ricky our appointment is at four that I was going with or with out him." I said

"Well it is three now, I am going to head home and you better get John settled so he doesn't wake up during your appointment and than head over." She said and so that is what I did got John fed, changed and burped and than headed over it was 3:45 and John was just about back to sleep, and I was sitting in the office just watching him. I was hoping Ricky would come but I really didn't know what to think. I had a feeling he wasn't going to show up but I was still hopping he was and before I knew it Dr. Fields was calling me in.

"Hello Amy, and this must be John, he is beautiful." He said to me

"Thank you and hello to you too." I said

"Where is Ricky?" he asked it was the question I was dreading but knew it was coming

"I don't know if he is coming. He told me this morning he didn't want to come and we got into it a little bit." I answered

"What did you guys fight about?" he asked

"Everything that was never addressed because we are both too scared to talk about. He never addressed Bob coming back, I never really dealt with the death of Marshall or John and than Ricky and I broke up for a week and we never talked about it. We are walking on eggshells around each other and it is not the same as it was before and I hate it. I miss who we used to be and I miss how we use to actually want to be with each other and love each other. I miss the way we use to argue. I know we just had a baby and with everything else it is hard but we are acting like we are adults and I still want to have that childish relationship." I said

"But you guys aren't children anymore" he said

"I know we aren't and I know I have a kid of my own, but I mean I want the playfulness we use to have I want the relaxation that we use to have. When Ricky and I grew up our world was never perfect, it was never all happy but we made it that way and now it seems like we can't even do that. I just feel like maybe we shouldn't have gone into a relationship. At the same time though was it healthy to love him that much and not go into a relationship." I said

"Do you love Ricky?" he asked

"More than anything in this world." I said

"Than that in its self is worth fighting for. I know things are confusing but don't give up on him just yet. I mean it shows you are working it out and maybe he wants to but doesn't know how." He said

"Yes, I understand that but than why isn't he here. I begged him to come and work this out together and all he did was get mad and leave." I said as I got up and walked to the window "This hasn't been easy on me either you know. He isn't the only one going threw this. I am too, I had to see Bob again and yeah that wasn't as bad for me as for Ricky but I was in my house alone when he first came by. He knew things about us. He knew we were having a baby and that it was a boy. When he approached us and Ricky froze I had to fight for all three of us. I was scared and I know it is worse because of what he did to Ricky I get that. When push came to shove I called the cops and I saved us. I don't regret it and I would do it over and over and over again because that is how love is. You would do anything for that person. On top of Bob I than found out that my dad's very best friend died. It was so unexpected and I don't know how to deal with it. I loved that man so much. He was the only one, who didn't look disappointed when I told him I was having a baby, and than not even two months later Marshall died and I pushed Ricky away and than we got back together and John was here. I deal with this and I want to talk about it and I feel like I am the only one trying." I said with tears in my eyes

"You are right that is a lot to deal with. How do you feel about John and Marshall now" he asked me

"I still can't believe they are gone you know. I miss them so much it is suffocating sometimes and I am doing the best I can to do what they would want and move on you know. I am taking care of John and continuing school like they wanted me too. I am trying to be happy but some times the pain is so much I feel like I can't breathe. I am trying to be strong for Grace because it was her father and she needs me. I always think of the good times and I can't believe I won't have anymore of them with them. I want to go back to when I was little and John would sit in the living room with me. I want to go back to the snowball fights I used to have with Graces dad and all the times both of them would just hug me or smile at me and I can't." I said crying now

"You are doing everything right Amy. You aren't allowing you're self to get consumed by the pain but you are still grieving. You are allowed to cry when you miss them but eventually when you think of them all you will do is smile it is going to take time but it will happen." He said

"Thank you I think I needed to hear it from someone who isn't directly related to the situation you know. I feel like friends and family they tell you it is okay when it isn't and knowing I am doing something right helps." I said

"As far as Bob you have every right to be scared. You can feel how ever you want to, but don't let him win Amy. He is gone because of something you did and you have to remember that. You stopped him Amy, you protected John and Ricky and yourself. You did that not anyone else. The nightmares will fade and he will just be a memory soon enough." He said

"Yeah but I am not just worried about me, I am worried about how this is affecting Ricky. The nightmares are back, you know. He wakes up in the middle of the night in tears and sweat dripping down his face, he doesn't scream because he knows it would wake me, but I feel him jolt so I act like I am sleeping. He just cuddles closer and rubs my head like he is reassuring himself I am still there. He gets up and he paces the room and he makes sure John is okay, he gets a drink and than comes back to bed. John usually gets up around the time that Ricky is up so when I start to get up he acts like he is sleeping. Before all this he would have told me about the dreams and talked to me. Before I would have asked him what was going on. We aren't the people we used to be and it scares me." I said

"Why didn't Ricky want to come?" He asked

"I don't know, maybe he doesn't think anything is wrong. I told him I was coming with or without him. I have to get through this for John. I told him that maybe this is just too much and we should just stay friends if we continue on this path. He didn't like that. I just don't know what to do." I said

"Why did you leave Ricky?" he asked

"When John died I was devastated, I fell into Ricky's arm and than I ran off. I went to the park to think and just escape the world you know. I was never someone who just let anyone in. I was always scared that if I let them into my heart they would hurt me the way my parents did. A best friend was one thing because he didn't have a reason to hurt me or be faithful. He didn't have to see what it was like to be in love with me because we were only friends. I knew I was in love with him but I never thought it would turn into anything you know. I always just assumed he would never feel the way about me that I did about him. Than he confessed he loved me and I was okay you know we were happy and nothing changed. I was there for him, and when it was his turn to really start being there for me, I thought he would see I wasn't worth it. I thought he would see what my parents did. I was good to give love, support, whatever, but I wasn't good enough to get it. I mean through the years he would be there and support me but it was because he wanted to, being in a relationship makes it seem more like he had to. I wasn't use to depending on someone as much as I did Ricky. I never used to look forward to coming home but with him I did, and when my life is good something happens and I felt I would lose it all. I seriously thought the only reason he was with me was for John. Well when John died ever insecurity I had came to the surface and I ran to the park. I sat there and he came and we were good he helped me. The next day we were getting ready for school and he asked me how I was and I was faking a smile because I didn't want to be weak. He said I didn't have to do that and I said I wasn't he said he was only trying to help and I said if you expect me to fall into your arms and fall apart don't, and he pointed out that I did for the last two nights and I seen that I needed him and that scared the hell out of me. I was terrified of needing someone because it always led to me getting hurt. Well I explained and it seemed okay until I didn't know how to deal with John's death and I got depressed. I shut out the world. Ricky would come over and we would eat or snuggle but we didn't talk and if we did it usually ended in a fight. Than Marshall died and I fell into his arms and I seen I was doing it again, and I screamed for him to leave me alone I told him I didn't need him that I could do this on my own. He started to leave and I fell to my knees and begged him to stay I said I was sorry and I needed him and he looked at me and said I don't want to go but if you keep doing this your going to lose me. So he came to the wake and the funeral and he helped me and after that we didn't talk for a week. I called him a week later and asked if we could make this work. He came over I said I was sorry and we talked and we started dating again. I went to school and than came home and baby came. We never got into it all because John took our attention. Now I keep hearing him in my head if you keep doing this you're going to lose me. I mean we used to walk out on each other all the time. He would get mad or I would get mad and we would leave and never worry if the other was coming back and now every time he walks out the door I wonder. We walk on eggshells I will yell and just he takes it and when he yells I take it because we are afraid someone is going to say something that is going to hurt the other. It was never like that we never took offense to anything we said before and now that's all it is about. I just want to get back to what we had." I said to Dr. Fields

"Have you spoken to him about it?" He asked

"I tried to talk to him before he left for work and he listened than accused me of taking the easy way out and said he was going to be late for work and walked out. I had a feeling he wasn't going to show up but I was hoping he would." I said

"I see you have a lot of fears but you are moving in the right direction by admitting them and seeing what is going wrong and what went wrong. Now you need to talk to Ricky and get him to see it. Stop pretending everything is okay. Stop holding back. Start being who you used to be. Stick up for yourself, yell when you have to cry when you have to but don't hold back. It will start to work out. That is all we have time for today but I would like you and hopefully Ricky back next week and see what we are dealing with. In the meantime enjoy your son because he is going to grow up so quick and before you know it you will want him to be waking you up every two hours again." He said and I thanked him got John settled and started on my way home I had no idea if Ricky would be there but I knew what I had to do. I got home about ten minutes later and didn't see Ricky's car in the driveway so I walked in the house and John woke up hungry. I fed him, changed him and burped him. I was just rocking him in my arms now.

"You know John mommy just made a very big step I am sure you would be very proud of her. I love you baby boy so much." I said to him and as soon as he was asleep I laid him down and started cooking dinner for myself. I really just wanted some soup so that is what I had. Around 7:30 I seen Ricky come in and I was on the couch and he sat next to me.

"Hey" he said

"Where have you been?" I asked

"I went to work and than to my house and showered and had dinner with my parents" he said

"Oh yeah, and while you were doing that were you even thinking about me or your son and the therapy session you were supposed to go to" I asked him

"I told you I wasn't going." He said

"Do you want this relationship to work?" I asked him

"Why are you asking me that?" he asked

"Please just answer the question" I said

"You know I do." He said

"No I used to know, now I am not so sure." I said

"What are you talking about?" he said

"I told you how important this therapy session was, I told you we had a lot of things we as a couple needed to work out. I told you that I didn't think I could go on this way, in a relationship and if we don't fix it we would be better off as friends, and you walked out the door and didn't come. So what do you want me to think?" I asked him

"I didn't want to go." He said

"I see, and this is not going to be easy than Ricky. I am doing so much to make this work. I am trying and I don't think you are. You aren't looking to see how this is affecting us. You want to go on like nothing happened. I can't do that. I think that for right now until we figure this out that you should sleep at your apartment and not here with me. You can still come over during the day and see John and me, but I think we need space to work this out.

"So you are giving up and we are breaking up?" he said

"We are not breaking up and I am not giving up. I am fighting for this but you staying here and us sleeping in bed together every night and pretending it is okay isn't going to fix this." I said with tears in my eyes

"Okay than I guess I will see you tomorrow." He said

"Okay good night." I said "Ricky I love you." I said right as he walked out the door and when it closed I finally let the tears fall.


	31. Working it Out Part 2

**Working it Out Part 2**

I woke up at 6 am to John screaming. He must be hungry I thought as I got up to feed him. I was hoping he would sleep another hour. After everything that happened with Ricky yesterday I was exhausted and I knew Ricky didn't have work today so I knew we had some serious talking to do. Well that is if he comes over I thought to myself. For all I know he is done with our relationship and everything that has to do with it. I can't say I blame him though, with all the stuff that has been going on. I notice John is done eating and I burp him and change him. I was rocking John back to sleep trying to decide if I wanted to go back to sleep or not. I figured it was still early so I put John down and crawled back into bed and was out before I knew it. I woke up a little while later to someone running their fingers threw my hair and kissing my head. I knew it was Ricky and I also knew it would be so easy to give in and forget but I couldn't.

"That's not going to fix this, Ricky" I said

"I know we need to talk but can't we just forget the world right now." He asked

"It would be so easy to say yes. It would be so easy to turn around right now and fall into your arms and shut out the world, but I can't because than we will start to do it all the time and living like we are hurts too much." I said

"Why can't it be easy?" he asked

"Because it is us, when is anything ever easy for us?" I said and I turned and looked at him and smiled a small smile.

"I hate how far apart we are." He said and I shook my head in response

"I am hungry and if we are going to talk I need food, and a shower." I said

"You go shower, I'll make breakfast." He said and I nodded and went off to shower. I would really need my strength to get threw this talk but it is needed to be said so I finished my shower, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and went to eat. I seen John was up with Ricky and he was feeding him. I walked over and kissed John on the head and gave Ricky a kiss on the cheek, and I sat down and got ready to eat.

"I don't think I will ever get sick of seeing you like this." I said

"Like what?" he asked

"With John, you look so relaxed, and so happy." I said and I ate my breakfast in silence

"Thanks for breakfast. It was delicious" I told him

"Your welcome" he said and he finished our routine with John and put him in the bassinette in my room and he went and grabbed the baby monitor and shut the door.

"I don't know how to start." He said

"How about we state the obvious, we aren't happy Ricky. Things aren't what they used to be and some of it is partly my fault and some is your fault. We are doing what we swore we wouldn't do. We are shutting each other out and that is the problem. I love you and you love me that isn't the problem. Ricky this started when Bob came back. I know you don't want to talk about it, and that is what scares me. We never had secrets before; there was never a time when we didn't talk about something. We never talked about what happened with Bob because we were just so happy he was gone. Than when we thought things calmed down John died. I was dealing with that and I didn't know how to deal with it. I did what I knew and I pushed you away and that is on me. Than Marshall died and I pushed you away again and this time you said something that I can't get out of my mind you said "I don't want to leave but if you keep doing this you're going to lose me." Do you have any idea what that in it self did to me? I was broken over Marshall and yes I wasn't being fair but you left me on the floor begging you to stay, and while I get why you did it, now every time you walk out that door I am terrified that you are going to leave. I want what we had. We are 16 years old and we are acting like we are married. I know we have a baby but that doesn't mean that we have to lose the trust, the playfulness, and the love we used to have. I want to argue like we used to. I want to be able to see you walk out and not wonder if you are coming back but know you are. I want to tell you when you're being an asshole." I said with tears running down my face.

"I didn't realize how bad this has got. Ames it isn't that I didn't trust you or that I didn't want to talk to you, I didn't know what to say. I thought you were upset about it enough and I didn't what I was feeling about it to affect you too." He said

"It does affect me Ricky. I am scared and if I am scared about it I know you are." I said

"I thought it was over, I thought I wouldn't have to see him again and if I did that I would be all alone so it didn't matter. I thought I would be strong enough to handle it. I thought that with everything that happened to me and how hard I worked to get over what he did I could handle it, and than he showed up and Amy it was just like I was back there. I was in the bedroom and he was telling me he was going to teach me a lesson and he did. I knew I had to get back to you but I couldn't. I herd you defending us, but I couldn't get there. I herd him but I felt if I spoke up he would hurt you or me or John and I couldn't let that happen. I herd him call me trash and that was it, I was broken out of my trance and you were talking and I didn't want to interrupt you and than you finished and I stood up to him. For the first time in my life I stood up to him. I felt good but I still felt 3 feet tall. He still had that power over me and I didn't like it. Than everyone found out what he did. They all found out and another reminder. I just wanted to punch everyone to escape. You were there and you saved us. I didn't even know what to think and with you being pregnant I didn't want to bother you or stress you out anymore." He said with tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, I understand that Ricky but you know if you had came to me we both could have talked it out we both could have said what had to be said. I was scared too you know. I mean when he first approached me I was here all alone, and I was pregnant. Anything could have happened. I was terrified when I opened that door and seen who it was but I didn't show him that. I told him what I told him and than the next day we were leaving the house and we seen him and I knew we were caught in a lie, I thought it would make him so angry that he would lash out. I knew if I could talk to you I could help you but I couldn't. I couldn't turn my back on him that would be like giving him a clear shot. So I did what I do best and I ran my mouth, and when we finally caught him. I was excited and terrified at the same time. What if he got out again, would he come after me. I didn't know how to deal with that and I didn't want to add to your pain." I said

"I am sorry he did this to us." He said

"Don't you see he didn't do this to us, we did. Ricky if we were just as honest as we always been it wouldn't have been like this. We took away each others safe place because we were scared of what the other was going to say." I said

"The nightmares came back, even after he got life in prison. They came back and in every single one of them he went after you and John. I was terrified it was true and I would wake up and just look over and I would rub your face and than I would have to get up and check on John." He said

"Than you would get a glass of water, and come back to bed, and than John would wake up and you acted like you were sleeping and I acted like I was waking up." I said

"You knew, why didn't you say anything?" he asked

"Same reason you didn't. I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already did." I said

"We started protecting each other and we ended up hurting each other more than we would have if we just talked." He said

"Yeah, you know and than John died and I was pushing you away and closing out the world. I was always scared that if I let you into my heart you would hurt me the way my parents did. A best friend was one thing because you didn't have a reason to hurt me or be faithful. You didn't have to see what it was like to be in love with me because we were only friends. I knew I was in love with you but I never thought it would turn into anything. I was there for you, and when it was your turn to really start being there for me, I thought you would see I wasn't worth it. I thought you would see what my parents did. I was good to give love, support, whatever, but I wasn't good enough to get it. I mean through the years you would be there and support me but it was because you wanted to, being in a relationship makes it seem more like you had to. I wasn't use to depending on someone as much as I did with you. I never used to look forward to coming home but with you I did. I seriously thought the only reason you were with me was for John. I know it was my insecurities talking but it in my head you couldn't actually want to be with me there had to be another reason. Well when John died ever insecurity I had came to the surface and I ran to the park. I needed you and that scared the hell out of me. Than Marshall died and I fell into your arms and I seen I was doing it again, and I screamed for you to leave me alone I told you I didn't need you that I could do this on my own. You started to leave and I fell to my knees and begged you to stay I said I was sorry and I needed you and you looked at me and said "I don't want to go but if you keep doing this your going to lose me." And now that is all I keep hearing." I said crying by now.

"Amy I knew if you stayed it would only be worse." He said

"Don't you get it" I yelled "I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to see that it was the pain talking. I wanted you to see I needed you even if I couldn't admit it. I wanted you to see it was like it was before. I wanted you to yell at me to stop be stubborn and let someone help me. I wanted you to fight, but you did the one thing you promised you wouldn't do you left." I yelled at him

"I didn't know what else to do." He yelled

"This, you should have done this. You should have taken me in your arms and let me fight you all the way but you shouldn't have walked out that door. You made me think I wasn't good enough, just like my mother. You made me think I was right about every insecurity I ever had. You made me think that I lost someone else. I know I pushed you away damn it. I know I hurt you. I got that, I seen it and I didn't mean it. You know that when I get hurt I lash out, and you let what I said in freaking anger get to you and than it did this." I said yelling

"I am sorry okay" he yelled

"No don't do that, don't freaking do it. Don't stop getting this out. How many times have I said exactly what I said that night to you, and how many times have you ignored them and helped. Why couldn't you do that this time? Why did you have to make me think that every single time you walk out that door your never coming back?" Why I said collapsing on the floor and that was when I felt Ricky pull me into his arms and rock me as I cried and I just kept saying "why".

"shhhhhh it is okay baby, it is okay, your safe now." Ricky kept whispering in my ear and when I finally started to calm down he started to talk while he was still holding me.

"I am sorry baby girl. I handled this situation wrong. We both did. I took what you said way too seriously because I was scared I was losing you. I felt you slipping away and I didn't know what to do. I kept pushing you so you would break and when you did." He said and I cut him off

"and when I finally did instead of helping me pick up the pieces you walked out. I was alone and no one to help me." I said crying

"You're right, but baby lets not let this define this relationship. We know what went wrong let's make it work. We talked this all out lets move on. Lets learn from our mistakes I want to go back to what we had." He said

"I want that too." I said as I got up and hugged him and he picked me up and put me on the couch with him and I snuggled into his side.

"How about we make a promise to each other right now" I said

"What is it?" he asked

"I say that we promise that we will no longer hold anything back. We promise that from now on no matter how mad we get we will find a way to talk it out. That if something is said in anger we leave it there never to be mentioned again. We promise that we will do our best to make each other happy. We promise that we will stop pushing each other away because together we can get through anything. We promise to no longer walk on eggshells, and lastly we promise we are now moving forward and leaving all the negative of our fight behind us." I said and with that Ricky and I put our foreheads together and said "promise" than sealed it with a kiss.

"I love you Ricky" I said

"I love you too" he said

"Do you remember the first day of band camp this year?" I asked him

"Yeah you were being a bitch." He said with a smirk

"Asshole, but that wasn't what I was talking about. I was talking about when you brought me to your top secret hiding place, and we just sat there and you told me how special I was, and we talked about Bob like there was no worry in the world." I said

"Yeah, I also remember the last day of band camp. It was the night our little man was conceived." He said

"Yeah well everything happens for a reason." I said

"What do you think the reason for John is" he asked

"You know Ricky we have a lot of love to give and I think John was meant to be. He is my whole world and he made a lot of things possible for me. He helped me grow as a person." I said

"Yeah your right." He said "What about Ben and Adrian what are we going to do about them?" he asked me

"I don't know, I would love to ignore them but the last time they were here they seemed way to calm like there is something up her sleeve." I said

"Whatever they do won't be a match for us." He said

"Do you remember how you got your nick name?" I asked him

"Kind of why?" he asked

"I remember it was just after a huge rainstorm and I think you were about 8 and I was 7. We were outside wrestling in the yard. I went to give you a hug and you told me no girls have cooties. I was so upset that you would say that to me I started to chase you and when I finally caught you I pushed you and you fell into a huge pile of mud. You came out looking like this monster, and I just remembering laughing so hard. I thought I was going to die. My sides hurt so badly." I said still laughing

"You were a bully even back than." He said

"Oh my god, no I wasn't. You obviously don't remember the time that it was pouring rain and I didn't want to come out and play because I didn't want to get wet. You dragged me out of the house and I tried to run away from you and all you did was catch me and spin me around. It was fun but after that I was so mad because I wound up catching a cold. We were ten at the time and you tried to talk to me and I told you, that you were a meanie head and you went out and brought me a dandelion to make me feel better." I said smiling

"See I was a sweet talker even back then" Ricky said and as I was about to respond I herd my door open and I seen Grace looking very upset. I jumped up off the couch.

"Grace what is wrong." I asked and she threw something on the table. I walked over there and picked up to see what it was and it was of Adrian and Jack kissing with a date and time stamp. It was dated the day they got back together and there were a bunch from when they were dating all dated and time stamped. All of them showed Adrian and Jack in some sort of kiss or him with her hands around his neck and his hands on her ass.

"He cheated on me the whole time Amy. The whole time he was screwing that slut behind my back. He knew how we all felt about her and he was doing this. You know he called me last night saying it was a one time thing. That he wouldn't go back to her. I ate it up. I told him it already happened more than once, but that maybe I could forgive him and he promised he would be better." She said

"Wait did you actually tell him that you were thinking of giving him another chance." I asked her as I herd John crying

"Amy I am going to get John, you don't be too hard on her." Ricky said

"Just go get John" I snapped at him

"I said I thought maybe I could forgive him." She said

"Are you freaking stupid, are you really that dumb? You must be if you actually thought of giving him a chance." I yelled at her

"It is my relationship and if I want to give him another chance I could." She said

"You would look like an idiot to everyone in that school. Forget about these pictures for a second and think about what he did to you. He cheated on you with Adrian on the day you came back to school after your dad died Grace. He stood in the hallway of the school and made out with her, he didn't care what a fool he made you look like as long as he got what he wanted." I yelled at her

"He said he was sorry" she yelled back

"Yeah and so do all the other lying cheating pigs in this country. Grace look at these pictures he told you it happened twice, here are at least fifty pictures here. He told you he wouldn't do it again the first time and look what happened. When are you going to see you could do so much better?" I said in a calm voice

"You don't get it, Amy. You have everything you could ever want in a guy here. Ricky would move hell and high water for you. He is the perfect guy, we aren't all so lucky." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Grace, I didn't go looking for Ricky. Ricky is an amazing guy but just because he is doesn't mean we don't fight. You seen yesterday that I was so fed up with him I didn't know how much more I could take. If Jack was anything like Ricky, Grace I would tell you to go for it and to do anything possible to keep that. He isn't Ricky. He cheated on you; he said he loves you when he didn't show it. He made you love him and he left. He isn't Ricky. Do you think if Ricky and I weren't best friends we would be where we are now? I don't think so. You are going to find the right guy Grace. You are going to find someone who treats you like Ricky treats me, but it will take time." I said

"I don't want to be alone anymore." She cried

"Hunny, you only wanted Jack back because you can't have your dad back." I said

"What do you mean?" she asked still crying

"You miss your dad more than anything and that is fine, you have every right too. You are holding onto Jack because you can have him back if you wanted, but you can't bring who you want really back. Jack isn't your dad and bringing him back into your life isn't going to make you feel better. You don't want to lose anymore people so you're holding onto Jack too tight. You need to let him go. He isn't a guy you want to be with. You want your dad and because you can't have him you're looking for someone else." I said

"You are right I just want my daddy back" she cried and I got up and pulled her into my arms.

"I know Grace" I said as I held her. Things were far from perfect but we had time and we would work it out.


	32. It is Never Easy

**It is Never Easy:**

The last two weeks have been emotionally and physically draining. Ricky and I after our big fight have been doing better. I still decided that we should sleep in the same bed, until I know everything is back to the way it should be. It would be way too easy to fall into the habit of pretending everything is okay again. I canceled our session with Dr. Fields last week and made it for today. I want to go back with a sense of what still needs fixing and what we have been doing better with. Grace is still falling apart and I swear this girl is on a path of destruction and I am doing my best to help her with it. Today John is one month old and going for his check up, than our appointment with Dr. Fields and a walk in the park. It was nine in the morning and I finished putting John down after his feeding when I knew it was time to get up and start the day. I had just finished getting dressed when Ricky walked in.

"Hey Kid" he said and he came up to hug me and I smiled and kissed him. I missed the feeling of getting so excited too see him. With everything going on I forgot how that felt.

"Hey baby" I said and kissed him again

"What was that for?" he asked

"I missed you" I said

"I missed you too. You seem happy today" he said

"You know for the first time since this has all happened I feel a little bit normal. I mean I know we still have a way to go because we didn't resolve it all with one talk, but as I was lying in bed last night thinking about you I started to feel that butterfly feeling and when you just walked in it hit me full force." I told him and he smiled

"We are going to be okay. We are going to make it threw this." He said

"I know, you know I see we are both trying and that means more than you know. I know we will be okay it is just so emotional getting there. It is not only us but Grace, is making decisions she never would have before and I am scared she is going to do something she can't take back and regret it." I said

"You are there to help her." He said

"I am just tired Ricky mentally and physically tired. John keeps me up half the night. I don't get any sleep because by the time he falls asleep an hour later he is up and hungry again and than we aren't what we used to be, and Grace is here everyday with something new. She is going back between Zack and Jack and it is driving me nuts." I said "But we will talk about that later John has to be at the doctor in an hour and he needs to get dressed. I am hungry, will you get him ready?" I asked him

"Yeah" he said and went to get John ready and I went to make myself food. Ricky came out with John in his carrier just as I finished filling the diaper bag and we were off. We arrived at the office and had to wait for ten minutes and than we were headed back.

"Good Morning Amy and Ricky" Dr. Smith said

"Good morning" we replied

"How is John doing?" he asked

"He is good. Everything seems normal; he is eating every two hours. I mean he eats and by the time he finally falls asleep he gets up an hour later. He is pooping at least twice a day." I said

"Sounds good, and has he been fussy or irritable at all." The doctor asked

"Not usually, he gets gassy every once in a while but when he does. I rub his back and his belly and we move his feet around and once he uses the bathroom he calms down." I said

"Okay so now we are going to weigh him and see what he weighs." He said "He weighs about 10 pounds 10 oz., and is 22 inches long." The doctor said

"Is that good?" Ricky asked

"Yeah that is perfect he gained two pounds in a month and considering how he eats that is fantastic and he grew two inches. He looks like he is doing fine, and you guys seem to be adjusting well." The doctor said

"Thank you" we said

"Okay well that is all we need. I am going to set up an appointment to see you in a month, and we will check in then. He should start to be up more during the day and sleep a little longer at night." He said "Just make an appointment with the doctor and than you are set to go."

"Thanks" Ricky said as I picked up John and put him back in his seat.

"You hear that buddy you are growing up. You did so good baby boy you didn't even cry!" Ricky said and I smiled as he took the carrier and we walked out, got our appointment and loaded into the car for Dr. Fields office.

"Dr. Fields will be happy to see you" I said to Ricky

"Or he will be really pissed because I blew off the session 2 weeks ago." He said

"Whose fault is that?" I said still kind of annoyed he blew it off.

"You're still mad about it" he said

"Yeah because it made me feel like you didn't care enough about this relationship to work it out." I said as we pulled up to the building.

"I am here now aren't I?" he asked

"It isn't the point, get John and let's get inside." I said and walked away and into the building waiting for Ricky, and once we got into the waiting room I just sat there thinking, hoping we were moving in the right direction, when I heard our name being called. We walked into Dr. Fields office and Ricky put John down and I sat on the couch.

"Hello Amy good to see you again and Ricky nice of you to join us this time." Dr. Fields said

"Hello Dr. Fields" I said

"Sorry I didn't come last time" Ricky said

"It is not me you have to apologize too." He said and I let a little smirk escape "Amy, since you were here last time why don't you tell me about some of the progress you have made, and what still needs some work" he said

"Well after I left here, I went home and thought about what you said. I couldn't keep pretending that everything was okay. I knew I had to confront it, so when I went home and sat down I was just thinking and than Ricky came in and sat next to me. I asked him where he been and he told me. I asked him if he even thought about that fact that he should have been here, and he acted like he didn't care. I asked him if he wanted this and he told me you know I do. I told him I didn't know anymore I explained how I was feeling and told him, that he couldn't stay at my house anymore. I couldn't pretend that we weren't falling apart, when we were. He accused me of giving up, and I told him I was the only one fighting for this to work. He left, and when I woke up the next day I didn't even know if he was going to come back, but when I went back to sleep I woke up to him rubbing my face and kissing my head. I told him it wasn't going to fix anything that we needed to talk. He made me breakfast and he took care of John and than we sat on the couch and I told him what I told you. I laid it all out there. We talked about Bob, and we had a screaming match and I just broke down." I said the tears were already starting to form in my eyes

"What did you do Ricky when she broke down?" he asked

"I took her in my arms and I told her everything was going to be alright." He said

"So you did what you should have did the first time she broke down and begged you to stay." He asked

"Why does it seem like you are blaming me for this." Ricky said getting defensive

"I am not blaming you, I want to see if you realize that by missing the appointment last time you did exactly what you did when you walked out the first time. You threw Amy trying in her face, and expected her to take it." Dr. Fields said

"Ricky, when you pushed me the day Marshall died I begged you to stay I told you I was sorry and that I needed you. I was at my lowest point and all I needed was you. You walked out that door and I thought it was done. I wanted to make this work and than you did the same thing when I begged you to come here with me, and you again just walked out that door." I said

"I didn't know what to do" he yelled

"I told you I wanted you to fight for us. I wanted you to fight for us the way you always did before. You told everyone that would listen we would always be best friends and that if anyone made you chose they wouldn't like the answer. I defended us and our relationship to Ben and Adrian so many times. Every single time they tried to break us apart I fought so hard, I was tired of fighting Ricky. I lost John and Marshall and I couldn't fight anymore I needed you too, and you walked out the door, because your feelings got hurt. I was falling apart, my world was collapsing and instead of doing what I always did you left." I yelled

"Okay let's stop yelling, and talk this out. Ricky, why did you leave that day?" Dr. Fields asked

"I thought that if I left she would see that she wanted to be with me. We weren't communicating and every thing I tried she shut me out. She didn't want to talk and we always were fighting. She was pushing everyone away and I didn't know how to help her and when she finally broke. I thought if I walked away she would be able to see she needed help." Ricky said

"Did you ever think, maybe I just needed you?" I said

"I didn't think you wanted me" he said

"Of course I wanted you Ricky. I told you I loved you, but my life wasn't where it was supposed to be. I was happy and than John was gone, and I didn't know how to deal with that pain. I admit I pushed you away, but I felt so low that I felt like I shouldn't be loved. I wanted to grieve because being happy meant I was forgetting and I didn't want to forget him. I know I didn't handle it right but you did the one thing you swore you wouldn't and you left on one of the worst days. You knew how much Marshall meant to me, and how much he had done for me. I was lost and all I wanted was for you to hold me and tell me it would be okay, and you left. You walked out the door, while I was pregnant on my knees begging you to stay. I have never needed anyone Ricky the way I needed you that day, and you left. You left me to deal with it all on my own. I was already so insecure and unsure that I was able to be loved. I believed once you seen me and loved me, you would see I wasn't worthy and that you would leave and you did, and I didn't know what to do or what to believe. "I said

"Do you see where Amy is coming from Ricky?" Dr. Fields asked

"I get I hurt you, I get that, but it doesn't mean I loved you any less, or that I didn't want you. Do you know how many times I wanted to run back into the house and hold you, or how many times I seen you in school, and seen how miserable you were and all I wanted to do was tell you it was okay" he said

"But you didn't. I called you because I felt like I was wrong. I wanted you to fight for us for once, and again it was me. I called you, and than John was born and it was all like it was okay but every single time you walked out the door I would sit and wonder if you were coming back. I begged you to come to the session last time so we can work it out and again it was on me to make it work. I am tired of being the only one fighting for this." I said

"We are getting better though aren't we?" he asked

"Yeah we are, but it is not fixed Ricky. I am still wondering if you are going to come back when you walk out that door. Every time we argue there is a part of me telling me to bite my tongue so I don't lose you. I am still scared to be fully open because I am terrified that I will say the wrong thing and you will stop wanting this. I want you to fight Ricky. I want you to see that I am holding back and try and get me to open up. I want you to see that everything isn't okay, and start the conversations that can get us back on track. I don't mind fighting as along as you are in the ring with me, and now it feels like you are sitting on the sidelines." I said

"How can he fix this?" Dr. Fields asked

"I just want to know he cares to fix it as much as I do. I want him to stop holding back. I want him to tell me how he really feels. I want him to ask me how I really feel. I am going to yell at him and tell him I hate him and that he should leave me alone. He used to know that it didn't mean anything and now he is so defensive. I yell when I get mad and I say things I don't mean. I have done it a thousand of times but now he takes it to heart and so I hold back. I feel scared to be me." I said

"So we work on it until it is fixed because I love you Ames and I don't want to lose you. Before you were my girlfriend you were my bad ass best friend. You were the girl who would tell off anyone who stood in your way, including me. You were the only one I can count on and the one I would make comments about. You were my rock and I was yours and some where along the way we lost those people. We need to get those people back. Best friends, girlfriend it is just a title. I miss the feisty girl who would tell me I am an asshole and push me in the mud. I want to be those people again, and we are getting there Kid. We have made progress. I am not going to leave you. I know I left the first time but I want to learn from my mistakes, and when I walk away I will always come back. I don't want you to doubt that. I am going to get mad and call you names, but I don't want you to take it to heart. I want you to trust that again and if I have to start yelling and fighting than so be it. I don't want to lose you. I love you too much." Ricky said and I began to cry and ran into his arms and cried into his shoulder

"That's what I have been waiting to hear since this whole thing started. I want to trust it but it is going to take some time but we are going to get there. I just needed you to see that it was what I needed. I needed to hear that more than anything. As long as you do that and we stick to it we will get back there." I said

"And there was the turning point." Dr. Fields said "Now the rest is the easy part. You two already trust each other so much that it will be easy to go back to what you had. It all got lost in the midst of everything but it never left, and now that it is back it will all fall quickly into place. We have some more time and I really want to start discussing Bob." Dr. Fields said as Ricky and I sat on the couch and I curled into his arm and put my arm around his stomach and my head in the crook of his neck.

"What about Bob?" Ricky asked

"Well Amy mentioned at our last session that there was a lot of fear and anger and nightmares still associated with Bob." Dr Fields said

"I still get nightmares every night, but they aren't the same as they used to be. It used to be me he was hurting. I was his victim and I was reliving everything that he ever did to me. Now when I dream I am there locked in this room where I have to watch him hurt John and Amy. I wake up and I am sweating and terrified that it is true. I know he is in jail and he will never get out but seeing him again threw me. It was like everything I have worked so hard to overcome went out the window." Ricky said

"Amy said that when you seen your dad you froze, why?" Dr. Fields asked

"I knew he was out Amy told me he was out but seeing him again, I was back in that room and I couldn't get out. I heard what he was saying and I heard Amy defending us but I couldn't speak and than he called me trash. I think Amy said something, and than I snapped back and I told him to stay the hell away from my family." He said

"Amy what do you remember?" Dr. Fields asked

"I stayed home from school one day, I wanted to paint the nursery and get little things around the house done. I was so tired after school and work that I didn't have time so I painted the nursery and I cleaned up and I was pregnant and tired so I took a nap. I herd someone knocking on the door. I got up and opened it and I seen him. I didn't let on that I knew him and I said hi can I help you. He asked if I was Amy and I said yes who are you he told me his name. He told me he thought I knew his son and that he heard I was carrying his grandchild. I lied and told him Ricky and I weren't on good terms and I was going to raise the baby alone he told me to tell Ricky hello and he would see us soon. After that I called Ricky. The next day we walked out the house and he was leaning on Ricky's car. He was mad that I lied and told me it wasn't a nice thing to do. I told him neither was half the shit he did. He said that Ricky lied and I told him that I was there, that I heard him begging for it to stop." At that point I got up and walked to the window. "I told him I hoped he rot in prison. He called me mouthy and I said I tell the truth when I have to and lie when I have to but I wouldn't let him walk all over Ricky and me. I told him he was a no good druggie. Then he told me that I was having his grandson and people who pay a lot of money for him. I told him he would never touch my baby." I was crying and I felt Ricky come up behind me and hold me. "He told me that Ricky would never love me. He said that I was ruining his life with the mistake I was carrying and that Ricky was nothing but trash anyway. I told him Ricky loved us with everything he had, and we were making his life better. I told him John wasn't a mistake, and I told him he knew nothing about Ricky that he threw that right away when he hurt and abused him. I told him I was glad he didn't get to see Ricky grow because I did and that I loved him, and that was when Ricky told him to stay the hell away from us." I said crying

"What happened next Ricky?" Dr Fields asked

"He asked if I was going to let my mouth piece do all the talking. I told him she could talk if she wanted she was independent and opinionated and I wouldn't take that away from her like he did with Nora he said Nora was a whore. I told him she was good mom when she was around and he ruined all that. I told him he wasn't a father he was just a rapist with his name on my birth certificate. I told him I wasn't like him and I never will be. Bob said I would just like him. I told him I would never do what he did to me. I told him he wanted me feel like I would never be anything and he failed. Amy told him I was all these wonderful things and she said he lost because I did it all with out him, and he said he would be back. A week later Amy and I were going for pizza when we seen him. He was higher than a kite. I asked him what he wanted and he said the baby. Amy told him not to talk about the baby he would never get his hands on him. He said there was no way we could take care of a baby and that Amy talked too much and I should put her in her place." Ricky said still holding me while I cried

"I knew I had to do something and I had my phone in my hand so I called 9-1-1 and while I was dialing Ricky said that he would never hurt me. He told Bob he wasn't his son and he never was. I herd the lady on the phone pick up and I said really loud to Bob that he wasn't even supposed to be near us. I mentioned the court order. He said we have no proof he would say we were lying. I said that he was high and not thinking clearly. I seen the lights from the police cars and than I heard them say freeze and it was over." I said

"But it didn't mean the fears were" Dr. Fields said

"I know but he was gone and I was okay with that. I was still jumpy but I think I am finally realizing he is gone and he isn't coming back. The only time I am reminded is when I felt Ricky wake up with his nightmares." I said

"They have gotten better since we actually talked about him. Since I opened up the other week, and talked about what happened and what was happening in the nightmares. They don't happen too much. I am not jumpy and I realize that I can't let it control me because I won. Amy, John, and I, we won. He can't hurt us anymore. I can grow up and be happy in spite of everything, and that is what makes it better." He said

"Well that is all we have time for today. You both made amazing progress today and in the pass two weeks and it is only going to continue. Remember what we said in here. Remember Bob is no longer an issue, and remember no more hiding from each other. Be honest and you will be fine." He said and I smiled at Ricky and he hugged me.

"Thank you Dr. Fields" Ricky and I said and we grabbed John, and headed home. Our walk in the park will have to wait. Once we got home, and got John fed and settled. I sat on the couch.

"It is never easy with us." I said when Ricky came out of my room.

"No, but we are doing it. We made a big step today and it may never be as easy as some people's life, but we can get it to where it is easier than it is. A lot of things in life are going to happen. We are going to fight, someone is going to get hurt, someone will cry, you will break down, or I will break down but we will get through it. Someone said that nothing in life is easy but it is worth it. I love you Ames and I don't want to let you go." He said

"I love you too" I said right before I dozed off on a long awaited nap.


	33. Self Destruction

**Self Destruction:**

After waking up from my nap because John was hungry and I was still breast feeding. I was feeling better. I was still tired but what parent isn't with a one month old baby in the house. Ricky and I were currently just cuddling on the couch and looking at John who has been more awake lately. He was making faces and I was playing with his toes and belly. He was smiling more recently and I have been taking a picture everyday since he was born to put in an album for him.

"He is getting so big already" I said to Ricky

"Yeah he is, but he is a happy baby" Ricky said

"Some times when I am home alone and I have time, I just sit there and look at him. Or when I am so upset because something happened that day, I look at him and hold him and it all falls away. He is all I can see, and he will be sleeping and he smiles and I think he is happy here. It is so crazy how someone so small can make things so much better." I said

"You know when we were fighting and arguing all the time, I used to love to just sit with him because he blocks the negative away and all you can focus on is him." Ricky said

"He is so alert too" I said

"He is nosy like his mama" he said and I laughed. That was when I heard the knock on the door. I got up to get it and when I opened the door it was Kathleen.

"Hey come on in." I said to her and she walked in

"I want to talk to you." She said

"Okay what's going on?" I asked

"I want to talk about Grace." She said. I knew where this was going Grace was acting out lately and even after finding all those pictures. She is still thinking about going back to Jack. Zack has also been around and she is attaching herself to those two as a way to not deal with Marshall's death.

"Hi Ricky" she said

"Hey Kathleen, I am going to put John in his bassinette. I will be right back." He said

"How is John doing?" she asked

"He is doing well; he had his one month check up. He gained two pounds and grew 2 inches." I said

"How are you and Ricky, I know you guys were going through some stuff and I noticed his car hasn't been in the driveway as much." She asked

"We are getting better. You know we had a lot going on that we never talked about. Ricky and I had always had an open line on communication and when Bob came back we lost that because we had so many other things going on. We never talked about what that did to each of us, and than with John and Marshall, and the baby. It all happened so fast that we lost that communication and so we have been working it out and while we were I said he shouldn't stay here. I don't want to lie in bed if we aren't where we were and lie to ourselves without working it out." I said it her.

"Well I am proud of you guys" she said just as Ricky was walking out and back over to us.

"So what is going on with Grace?" I asked as we all sat around the kitchen table.

"She is out of control" she said

"What has been going on?" Ricky asked

"She is talking back to me, she is going out all the time, and when she isn't out she is attached to that phone. She is constantly talking to Jack, and when I mentioned that maybe that wasn't a good idea she snapped at me completely and told me to mind my business and stay the hell out of hers. I know she is having a hard time right now but she won't talk to Tom, she barely talks to me. She is in pain I see that, but Tom lost his father too and I lost my husband. We all miss him, but her yelling at us and shutting us out isn't going to help and I don't know what to do." She said

"You know I will talk to her. I know this is hard on you and I think you have every right to be worried. She is going down a path that isn't going to help her and it is going to hurt her more. You know when I found out about John and Marshall I did everything in my power to push Ricky and everyone away because I didn't think I should be happy when they were gone." I said

"She is holding onto anything familiar right now. Jack and Zack are both familiar to her and by letting them go she has nothing left in her eyes. She wants things to be the way they were when Marshall was alive." Ricky said

"Grace is in a lot of pain and I understand. I don't know what would have happened if John wasn't here, but because of him, I realized I couldn't drown in the hurt and I couldn't change what happened. I needed to move on and be okay because John needed me to be his mom. Grace is going to be okay, she just needs us to support her and help her." I said

"Thanks Amy and Ricky. It helps talking to someone. I am so proud of both of you. You guys have been through things no child or teenager should have to go through and you came out stronger and happy. I know that little boy in there is so lucky to have such great parents." She said as we walked to the door. My eyes started to tear and I hugged her.

"Thank you so much, you have no idea what that means to me, and things are going to get better, just give it some time." I said and than Ricky came over and hugged Kathleen and she left.

"You okay?" he asked

"Yeah, I just, you know that is the first person who really told me they were proud of me. I am so worried I will ruin John for life, and her telling me that he is lucky to have me, it is just the first time someone has made me feel like I can do this." I said

"You are an amazing mom" Ricky said and I just nodded and walked to the couch. What am I going to do about Grace; I was thinking when Ricky asked me a question.

"What are you going to do about Grace?" He asked the same question I was just thinking

"I don't know Ricky" I said

"Well you have to do something." He said

"You think I don't know that? You think I can what just say Hey Grace your dad died and he isn't coming back get over your self and stop acting like a bitch. I mean really. I know I have to do something, you idiot." I said getting mad

"You don't have to be such a bitch" he said

"Oh yeah I am a bitch because I don't know what I am going to do and you tell me I have to do something. No shit I have to do something but there isn't an easy fix." I said

"I was just trying to help" he said

"By stating the obvious, big help" I said

"Okay, I am out of here." He said and walked out the door, and when the door shut it was the first time I since our big fight that I didn't worry if he would come back. I decided I need to talk to Grace so I texted her

To: Grace From: Amy

Hey can you come over? I want to talk to you!

To: Amy From: Grace

When I get home.

When I read that I was kind of annoyed. I have done everything I could for this girl and now she wants to start being rude to me. I am just trying to stop her from doing something so stupid that she will probably wind up regretting it. I know what she is doing and I know she is having a hard time but that is no reason for her to act like a spoiled child. I know I dealt with it wrong by pushing Ricky away and I seen what it has done to my relationship and I don't want her to do the same thing.

"Did you call her?" I herd Ricky ask as he walked back into the house

"I texted her can you come over I want to talk to you. She replied when I get home. You know she is being such a witch for no reason. She is doing this because she doesn't know how to deal with the pain I get that but what good is she doing. I have been where she is and look what that got me." I said

"Everything is getting better." Ricky said

"Yeah, you know for the first time since our fight when Marshall died; I didn't worry when you walked out the door. I knew you were coming back and for that instance I knew everything is getting back to how it should be." I said

"I am always going to come back. I love you" he said

"I love you too" I said and there was a knock on the door. "Come in" I yelled and Grace came walking in.

"What's up?" she asked

"What is going on with you?" I asked her because there was no use in beating around the bush.

"I am having fun, I was with Jack, and we are trying to work things out." She said

"What about Zack?" I asked

"I was with him before." She said

"What is wrong with you Grace? You are leading them both on. Zack is a good guy and he doesn't deserve to be strung along. You either like him or you don't. Don't play him, and as far as Jack goes, you are being an idiot for even talking to him. He cheated on you, and it wasn't just one time. It was over and over and over. You are pushing away the people closet to you because you are hurt I get that. There are people that you are hurting that you should be leaning on. Tom and your mom didn't do anything wrong for you to shut them out. They lost him too Grace and you should help each other instead of pushing them away." I said

"The way you pushed Ricky away" She said and I felt like she had smacked me in the face. "You are sitting here telling me what I should and shouldn't do but you did the same exact thing." She said yelling

"That was different Grace" Ricky tried

"Don't Ricky" I said and than I looked at Grace and with tears in my eyes I said "You know you are right. I shut him out and I shut the world out. I know the pain of losing someone. I pushed Ricky away but I didn't go out and intentionally hurt people the way you are. I didn't purposely hurt my self. My situation was different than yours because I was never close to my family. They didn't know what was going on. I didn't set out to hurt Ricky but I did. That's on me, but I have people who needed me, so I put down my pain long enough to help them. I was there for you, and I knew my son needed me Grace. The minute I found out your dad died I didn't care what I felt because I wanted to be there for you. So maybe I pushed Ricky away, but I wasn't being selfish the way you are." I said

"How can you call me selfish?" She asked

"You're not thinking about your mom or your brother. You are thinking about what is best for you." I yelled

"No, I am not. Just because you can't accept that I want to be with Jack, you're mad because he loves me. Zack is there and you're mad because you don't have that." She said

"Stop acting like a little stuck up bitch, and see this for what it really is. I can care less that Jack wants you back, because as I have mentioned you're stupid to go for it. You are holding on to him because he is what you had when your dad was alive. You don't want things to change from when he was alive because it will be another thing you lost. It isn't the same. Jack hurt you Grace. He cheated on you more than 50 times and you want to go back for what, what has he ever done that has been so great." I yelled

"He is there. He wants to talk to me. He wants me to talk to him." She said

"Yeah and so does your mom, Tom, Ricky and myself. We actually care about you, hell even Zack will listen. Jack is nothing. You are forgetting you have people that care but you don't want to talk to us. You are self destructing in front of everyone who cares about you eyes. You are acting like you are too good for everyone but Jack. Your dad would be so disappointed in you right now." I said and she looked like I had hit her hard

"You know nothing about him" she yelled

"Don't I though. Did you forget I was there for all your temper tantrums, the arguments, all the times he told you to always put others in front of yourself, but not to forget about yourself. I was there when you acted like a spoiled brat and he would send you to your room. I was there when he would tell you that just because you were loved doesn't mean everyone else was, and that no matter what happened you should always be there for family. He told you that Tom, you and your mom were the most important thing to him and you should always remember that. Treat them how you want to be treated. Well good job spitting on his grave Grace, I am sure he is very proud. Proud of how you hurt your mom and brother by not talking to them because you are in your own pain you don't care about them anymore. Or how about when you are with Zack leading him to believe something is going to happen because you actually care. Oh and lets not forget how you are degrading yourself to be with Jack because your hurt. Yeah he would be so proud." I said sarcastically.

"Amy" she tried

"Don't" I said

"Amy" Ricky tried

"No I am not going to sit here Ricky and see what a spoiled brat she turned into. Watch John I am going out." I said and I walked out the door leaving a crying Grace behind. I know that I was being harsh but I wanted to make this better before it got worse and I don't like being mean to her but I had to do it. My next stop is Jack's house, I know she will be mad at me but I am not going to let her hurt herself anymore. As soon as I got there I walked up to his door and knocked. He answered the door.

"What do you want" he asked

"Leave Grace the hell alone." I said and he looked amused

"Why would I do that?" He asked

"I am telling you Jack, leave her alone. She has been through enough and she doesn't need you making it worse." I said

"Maybe I make it better" he said with a smile

"Yeah you definitely made it better when she was at my house showing me pictures of you are Adrian together. You and Adrian locked in each others arms or when you had her hands on her ass. The pictures they were all marked with dates of when you and Grace were together." I said and I took a little satisfaction in seeing fear cross his face.

"Why are you even here, Grace makes her own decisions if she wants to be with me it is her choice." He said

"Oh yeah okay, her dad just died she isn't thinking clearly and she is making bad decisions." I said

"You would know all about them. I meaning dating the biggest school player and getting pregnant." He said and I punched him in the face so hard, than I kicked him in the balls.

"Listen to me you asshole. Ricky is more of a man than you will ever be. He may have been a player but unlike you when he got into a relationship he stayed faithful. As for my son, he is the best thing that has ever happened to Ricky and me and if you ever talk about him again I will make sure it isn't me that is punching you. You see Jack you are messing with the wrong person. I am who I am and I don't make excuse for it. Ricky he is caring and he loves me flaws and all. You are a cheater and a liar. I can handle anything you throw at me." I said "Stay the hell away from Grace, now I have to get home my son needs me." I said and I walked away and back to my house. I knew John was probably up and hungry and there weren't any bottles so Ricky was probably ready to come find me. Sure enough as I was walking up the driveway I herd my son crying. I walked into the house and seen Grace had left.

"Thank god, he just woke up and is hungry and you didn't leave any bottles." He said as I sat on the couch and motioned for him to give me John and I started to feed him.

"Mommy knew her little man was going to be waking up soon and would be hungry. I am sorry I made you wait, I was trying to help Aunt Grace." I said to my baby boy as Ricky sat down next to me.

"Where did you go?" he asked

"I went to Jack's house. I had to tell him to stay the hell away from Grace." I said

"Grace is old enough to make her own decisions Amy and I know you are trying to help but you were pretty harsh with her today." He said

"I know but it had to be said. She is walking around like she is the only one hurt. You heard Kathleen said when she was here. She needs to stop this shit before she does something worse." I said

"She sat here for a half and hour after you left holding onto a pillow just crying." He said

"Good maybe I got through to her." I said

"Why are you being such a witch about this, she is hurting." He said raising his voice

"I know she is hurting Ricky. We are all hurting but that doesn't excuse the way she is acting. She needs to grow up and be responsible for her actions the way we all have to. I made mistakes when I pushed you away and when I pushed everyone away but I am dealing with the consequences and I admitted I did wrong. Now my son is in the room, and if you want to fight fine, but wait until after he is sleeping. He doesn't need to deal with it." I said and so he got up and walked into my room. If he wanted to take Grace's side good for him but I needed to get through to her. Of course I don't want to see her hurt but I don't want her to continue on the path she was on either I thought as I waited for John to finish eating. Once he was finished I burped him and changed him and played with him and about an hour and a half. Soon after he was sleeping, so I put him in his bassinette which was in my room and seen Ricky sleeping so I got the baby monitor and went to look at the stars. I was about there for about an hour when I herd Ricky get up through the monitor and come outside.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asked

"I didn't want to fight." I said

"So you have been sitting out here thinking?" He asked

"Yeah, listen I know I pushed you away and I am sorry okay? I know I was mean to Grace and I know I was a little harsh but I don't know what else to do." I said

"She is hurt Ames, she is not thinking." He said

"Yeah I know but babe, she isn't only hurting her self. She is hurting other people too. Dealing with Marshall dying is hard enough but to than have your daughter shut you out, your sister shut you out, that hurts. She is leading on Zack, who still really cares about her with no intention of going back to him and that's not fair, and Jack is all about self punishment." I said

"Your right, but sometimes people have to come to that realization on their own." He said

"I can't stand what it is doing to everyone." I said

"Everyone will be okay baby." He said as he lifted me up and lay in the lawn chair with me. Just like that I was content watching the stars safe in Ricky's arms.


	34. Healing

**Healing**

I was exhausted John was cranky all night and he would not sleep. It is nights like last night I wish I never told Ricky to leave. He ate normally and popped, and he didn't have a fever so I am assuming it was just either gas or he just wanted to be cranky. Ricky left around 12 and John got up around 1 and from then on he would only sleep about 45 minutes. I had pumped a lot last night so there were some bottles in the fridge. All I wanted to do was sleep. John was currently up but quiet just looking around.

"You know baby, you kept your mommy up all night and I am really tired. I don't know why you wouldn't just go to sleep" I said and John looked at me and smiled. Just like that I melted and started laughing.

"Oh you think that is funny John, you think it is funny" I said tickling his belly and watched him smile. I loved times like this. I loved when it was just me and my son, connecting like the outside world didn't matter. Of course I loved our family time with Ricky but when it was just me and John, it lets me know I can do this and I did the right thing.

"I love you baby boy" I said looking at my son who just looked at me and smiled. I knew he loved me, and right after he smiled he yawned. It looks like my little man may have finally gotten tired. I picked him up and started to rock him when I seen his little eyes start to close and I kept rocking him for about five minutes and than placed him into the bassinette which I brought in the living room with me. I finally lay on the couch, and got comfortable when there was a knock on the door. I just looked up and groaned. I mean really of all days people have to annoy me today. I got off the couch and walked to the door and when I opened it I found a crying Grace. My sense immediately went on high alert.

"Grace, what is wrong?" I asked pulling her into a hug where she cried harder. "Grace is everything okay?" I asked again pulling back to look at her.

"You were right. I am being stupid." She said and started crying harder. I rubbed her back and tried to get her to relax a little. She walked over to the kitchen table and sat down she wasn't balling her eyes out now, she was just softly sniffling. I walked over and checked on John, and started to make some tea for us. I texted Ricky and asked him that when he came over he brought breakfast for Grace, himself, and me. I finished the tea and Grace stopped crying and I gave her a cup, and sat down with mine.

"So, can you tell me what is going on" I asked

"You were right, I was wrong." She said

"I got that part but about what Grace, about the fact that you were latching on to Jack, stringing Zack along, or hurting your mom and Tom." I asked

"About all of it okay." She said "You are right about my dad being disappointed in me. You hit the nail on the head. Are you happy now?" She asked

"You think I enjoyed anything about that fight yesterday. You think I wanted to say those things to you." I asked

"You had no problem doing it" She said with an attitude

"Don't you get it something had to snap you out of it; you were pushing away the only ones that were willing to help you. You were going with the ones who wouldn't. You know Jack didn't care if you were hurt he took advantage of you. He is a pig. I went over there you know and I told him to stay the hell away from you." I said

"Why would you do that?" she asked

"I did it because no matter how angry I am at you, I never want to see you hurt. You are still my sister and just because I was mad, and upset, I didn't want you to hurt anymore. When I was over there he tried to tell me he was helping you, until I brought up the pictures, than he looked scared. I told him you were making bad decisions because you were grieving. He told me I would know all about that because I am dating the town player and I got pregnant. He throws it in my face every time. You know that isn't the person you want to be with. Oh and if you see him with a black eye, that was me." I said

"You punched him again?" she said with a small smile

"Yeah, well he hurt you and was rude to Ricky and John. I told him John was the best thing that ever happened to Ricky and me and that Ricky was more of a man than he would ever be."

"I know I shouldn't go back to him but everyone was walking on eggshells around me because they were scared I would be too hurt to handle the truth. He didn't, he treated me how he used to before dad died. He made me feel normal, and I wanted to hold onto that. With Zack he was there and we had fun together he made me forget." She said

"Grace, you will never forget you just have to move on. You know it was easier for me to stop looking for the thing that will help me forget because I have John to think about. They wanted me to be the best mother I could be, when it came to him. So that is what I am doing I am protecting him with everything I can, I am doing everything to make him happy. He is my life, and I still miss them everyday, and every time I think about wanting to tell them something and I can't I want to cry, but I know they want me to be happy. Dealing with it won't come easy but living will." I said

"I miss him so much I feel like I can't breathe half the time." She said as she started crying again

"I know but he will always be with you in your heart, and in John. John has a guardian angle. Whenever you are sad look at that baby and you will know we have to be okay for him." I said

"My mom and I talked last night." She said

"How did that go?" I asked

"At first she thought some thing happened and than she realized it was your fault. She was happy that someone finally had the nerve to tell me off. She was so happy that I was finally crying and staying home and talking instead of hurting her. She was crying and I was crying. She lost her husband and it still hurts her and I didn't care because I was in pain it wasn't fair." She said

"What about Tom" I asked

"He refuses to talk to me. He said I wasn't the sister he thought I was because I didn't think about their pain and I caused him and my mom so much more pain. He said I should be ashamed of myself." She said crying "I hurt him more than he already was because I was selfish."

"Start being who you used to be Grace and he will come around. He is your brother and he loves you. He needs time." I said and I got up and hugged her, and she cried. She cried for her dad, and her mom, and Tom, she cried for everything. When she finally stopped crying she sat back down and I did too.

"Thank you." She said

"You don't have to thank me." I told her

"You got me to see reason, you stood up to Jack, and you helped me more than anything. I think I should thank you." She said

"What is family for?" I said and we laughed and as we were Ricky walked in

"Hey baby, hey Grace" he said

"Hey did you get breakfast" I asked

"Yeah, I did. You okay Grace" he asked

"Hey and yeah thanks to Amy I am feeling better." She said with a smile and Ricky looked at me and kissed me.

"She is the best." He said and I blushed

"Okay, shut up, and let's eat." I said and that's what we did. We ate talking and laughing and smiling and for the first time in awhile it was like old times. I was just finishing cleaning up when John started crying.

"I will go feed him" I said and went to feed him leaving Ricky and Grace watching television on the couch. One John was done eating I passed him to Grace.

"He needs to burped and be changed." I said "I am going to take a shower"

"Want some company?" Ricky asked with the smirk I missed so much.

"Tempting but I don't think so" I said with a smirk of my own

"Gross" Grace said and I laughed and went to take a shower. Once I was done I got dressed for the day and made my way back to the couch with Grace and Ricky. John was in Grace's arm and she was smiling and playing with him, and I plopped down on Ricky's lap and put my head on his shoulder with a sigh.

"How was he last night?" Ricky asked while rubbing my back.

"I don't think he slept more than 45 minutes at a time, and I got maybe 2 hours at the most." I said "I am so exhausted and now he wants to sleep while I am awake. Thank god he isn't like this every night." I said with a sigh

"Well what do you have planed for today?" Grace asked

"I really have to clean the house and do the laundry. I have been putting it off and it piled up big time." I said

"Well I have to go talk to Jack and Zack" Grace said

"Good luck" I said and got up and gave her a hug, and took John who had fallen asleep and put him in his bassinette.

"Thank you, I love you!" she said

"I love you too!" I said and laughed as she walked out.

"Big change from last night." he said as I plopped back into his lap.

"Hmm do you like making me suffer," he asked

"I have no idea what you are talking about" I said acting innocent when I know Ricky really wants to have sex. We haven't had sex in two months and it must be getting to him. I am still not cleared by the doctor and after I am I want to start birth control. As much as I love my son, I don't need a baby any time soon. I thought

"Anyway back to my question. What is up with Grace?" He asked

"She came over to cry and tell me how sorry she was." I said

"Sorry about what?" he asked

"She said I was right about everything I said yesterday. She said that everything I said was true and she went home to cry to her mom." I said

"So did you tell her about Jack?" He asked

"As a matter of fact I did and she was okay with it. She laughed when I said I punched him again." I said laughing

"You didn't tell me you punched him again." He said I sighed and went to go get off his lap and he pulled me back down. "Oh no you don't your going to sit right here and tell me what he did that warranted you punching him." He said

"If I tell you, you are just going to get mad and want to punch him harder than I did, and already punched him and kicked him in the balls, let that be enough Ricky." I said

"How will I know if it is enough if you don't tell me?" He said

"Just promise me you won't go after him." I said

"Okay, fine I promise." He said and I smiled and he tickled my sides for a minute and than looked at me waiting for me to spill.

"I told him to stay away from Grace because she is grieving, not thinking clearly, and making bad decisions." I said

"And, damn it Amy stop beating around the bush" he said

"Fine, he said I would know all about bad decisions. He said I am dating the school's player and I have a baby. Are you happy now?" I snapped and I felt myself being lifted off my spot on his lap and put down on the couch beside him. I look around and I see him headed for the door so I jump up and pull onto his arm.

"You promised, Ricky" I said he was still dragging me.

"I don't care I am sick of this dumb ass thinking he can hurt everyone I care about." He said and as he was almost out the door he pulled his arm free and I lost my balance and fell with oomph. I look up and I see Ricky looking at me, and he looks scared. So I get up and walk over to him.

"Hey look at me" I said and he looked away. I put my hands on his face and turned his face towards me "Ricky, look me in the eye" I said and he did as he was told and I seen his eyes get misty "I am fine, I fell it was my fault." I said and I hugged him and I felt such relief run through me when he hugged back.

"I am so sorry" He whispered into my hair holding me tight

"It isn't your fault. You didn't mean for me to fall. I shouldn't have held onto your arm like that. I know I am clumsy and you know I am clumsy no one got hurt. I fell on my butt it is fine." I said and I let go and so did he

"I should go" he said

"Don't you dare walk out that door Ricky Underwood or I am going to punch you in the head." I yelled at him. He was not going to shut me out and I was not going to let him push me away.

"Why the hell shouldn't I. I just hurt you something I swore I would never do. You were on the ground because of my anger, and it is just like with Bob" he said

"Don't you dare compare what just happened here with something that Bob did. Bob made a choice to hit people, to push people on the ground, he made a choice Ricky. You didn't intentionally make me fall. I held on to your arm and lost my balance. I know you would never hurt me or our son. You are kind and gentle and you are my rock. So at this point I don't care how you feel you are not walking away and you're not shutting me out. I am tired because our son kept me up all night and all I want to do is talk to you and lay in your arms. I will tell you the fall out with Jack and maybe I will fall asleep but please I am begging you. I want you with me." I said in a louder voice but not quite yelling.

"I am sorry, I just got so scared when you fell, and I thought you were going to be mad. I just never want to hurt you." He said as he walked back over to the couch taking my hand and I followed him. He sat at the end and I laid my head in his lap as he stroked my hair. I was so content in this moment.

"I believe you were supposed to tell me about what happened with Jack." He said a smile on his face

"I told him that you were more of a man than he will ever be. I said you may have been the school's player but once you got into a relationship with me, you were committed and you never cheated on me unlike him who gets in a relationship and cheats. I told him John was the best thing that happened to both of us and that if he ever talked about our son or our family like that again it wouldn't be me punching him." I said

"You never cease to amaze me baby" he said and I smiled

"Well I can't have my big, sexy, macho, boyfriend going off half cocked, and fighting my battles." I said

"Oh so now you want to boost my ego." He said with a laugh

"I can't boost it too much; soon your big head won't fit through my door." I said with a laugh, and than I seen the smirk and knew what he was going to do. He started tickling me and I was laughing so hard. He was laughing and when he was done, he leaned his forehead up against mine and kissed my lips softly.

"I love you" he said so softly

"I love you" I said just as softy and reached up and kissed him again. Just than he rolled off of me and we shared the couch. I was lying in his arms making small circles on his chest.

"This is what I missed the most." I said to him

"What?" He asked

"This ease Ricky, we fought, we made up, we laughed, and now we are relaxing." I said

"I am very comfortable" he said "But I missed this too." He said rubbing my back.

"Don't say you're comfortable too loud. Our son has the worst timing." I said laughing

"Do you remember when we were thirteen and me and my mom got into this huge fight and I came to your house. I was so mad and I didn't want to go home. I told my parents I was going to Graces and I called her and told her. Not that they would call and check but in case they did. I came to your house and you came outside and we watched the stars. Eventually we made our way inside and I curled into your bed and you offered to sleep on the couch you had down stairs. I said if you are uncomfortable sleeping in the bed with me you could or I would sleep on the couch. You climbed into bed and told me to put something more comfortable on. I slept in your tee shirt and sweatpants. I came to bed and you said you can lay with me. I curled up like we always do in bed and I slept, and you held me the whole night. It was the first night we slept together." I said

"I remember I was so nervous it was the first time I had slept with anyone since Bob. You looked so scared and fragile in that moment when you walked to my house. Than when you were laying there, I knew you needed someone and I wanted to be there. After you fell a sleep I thought about getting up and sleeping on the couch, but I knew it wouldn't make a difference and when you slung your arm over me I didn't feel fear I felt peace, and I drifted off." He said

"I am glad you stayed." I said to him sleepily I was finally dozing off.

"I am too Kid, more than you know." He said still rubbing my back

"If John wakes up there are bottles in the fridge." I said

"Oh you are going to make watch him" he said with a smile and I nodded

"Okay sleep baby." He said kissing my head

"Ricky?" I said in question and he hummed in response "Will you stay the night?" I asked

"Really?" he asked

"Yeah I think we are back to where we should be, and I miss sleeping in your arms." I said

"I would love to" he said and kissed my head again I just smiled and finally started to go out but the last thought that entered my mine was everyone is finally starting to heal.


	35. School

First of all, I honestly just need to thank all of you for your continued support. You guys have no idea how much that means to me! I love you all so much. I decided to write this story as an outlet and it became so much more. For all of you who read it and review, thank you! Your comments mean the world. I know some of the things in the story seem like you keep going back to them, but please bear with me because as I mentioned I am trying to show Amy's insecurities and they won't show when the couple is happy and Ricky has issues he has to address too. I also apologize for the lack of updates I have been on vacation but I am back home now and ready to go. Thanks!

**School:**

The past two months have gone by so quickly. John is now three months old and it is so amazing how strong he is. He is so alert and he is already trying to get into crawling position. We went to the doctors about a week ago and John got his first round of shots, he was crying and I was crying. I can't take seeing my baby in pain. Today is actually the first day back at school and John's first day at the nursery. I am a wreck because I don't want to leave my baby alone with strangers. I know that John should get used to it, but for three months everyday all day, my baby has been with me. Ricky and I have been doing really well since the first night he slept over 2 months ago. It was like we were never as far apart as we were. Grace is also a lot better, and she has actually started going to therapy because she felt she needed help with her dad's death. It was six in the morning when I woke up.

"Good Morning" I said to Ricky

"Good Morning to you too" he said and rolled over and kissed me.

"Why do we have to get up so early." He asked

"We have to get John and his stuff to the nursery by six forty five so we can make it to school on time." I said

"I don't want to go to school, and I really don't want to leave my son." He said

"You think I do. I haven't been away from my son longer than 2 hours since I had him and now I have to hand him over to the people I work with so I can go to school." I said getting all emotional

"Hey I didn't mean to upset you." He said

"Go take a shower, and I will get dressed and get John ready" I said

"You okay?" he asked

"No, but I have to do this" I said and I walked to my closet and started picking out an outfit. I heard the shower turn on and I quickly put my clothes on. After that I went to John's nursery to see him just waking up. I picked him up and walked over to the rocking chair to feed him. While he was eating I watched him.

"Baby boy, mommy doesn't know how she is going to be away from you all day. I am going to miss you so much. You are your momma's world and I am so happy you are here baby love." I said to my son who was just about done eating. I heard Ricky in the kitchen so I knew he was making breakfast. I quickly packed John's bag and got him burped, changed and dressed and walked out in the kitchen with him. When we got out there we seen Ricky had just finished eating and had set my plate. He came over and took John and I sat down to eat.

"You okay?" he asked me

"I am okay; I am just really upset because I don't know if I will be able to leave my son." I said

"He will be fine Ames. Tell momma John" he said and I had to smile at how he interacted with our son. He kissed the top of his head and put him in the carrier as I finished up my breakfast. As soon as I was done we were off. The daycare people were very nice, and since I was working afterwards they were happy to make sure my son was cared for. I did cry after leaving but it was only for a minute. Ricky and I both got in the car and headed for school.

"Ricky, all I want is my baby, how am I going to be able to focus all day, when all I can think about is my son." I asked

"Ames, it is only the first day, there is not much you have to focus on, and at lunch you can call and check on him." He said and I smiled and kissed his cheek as soon as we pulled up to school.

"Thank you." I said

"Anytime." He said as we both got out of the car and since we were a little early just stood by the hood. Ricky came over and wrapped his arms around me.

"So, someone has a birthday coming up in one month. You are going to be 16! What would you like to do?" he asked

"I have no idea! I haven't even thought that far ahead. I have been so focused on what John needs and wants that I didn't even realize it was almost my birthday!" I said with a smile. I knew he was trying to get my mind off of John.

"How about what do you want?" he asked

"I have everything I could have asked for. I have an amazing boyfriend, who knows how to piss me off and than make up for it. I have the most perfect little boy a mother could ask for, and I have a best friend who would do anything for me and vice versa. Anything else is just a bonus." I said

"Well look who it is! The little parents are back to school" I heard behind me. One day is all I ask for.

"Hello to you too Adrian" I said turning around in Ricky's arms so I can face her.

"Where is the little brat?" she asked

"Ricky's and my son is at daycare, while we are at school" I said emphasizing Ricky's and my name.

"Ricky you're not saying much" Adrian said

"I have nothing to say to you" he said and I smirked

"When are you going to get it Adrian, and I am not saying this to be a bitch, but when are you going to get that he doesn't want you. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, he doesn't lie in bed at night and reach for you, he doesn't stay with you, he doesn't kiss your forehead when you're upset or when you just want to say hey. He doesn't kiss you a tap kiss when he first sees you. You always had to have a big make out session. He didn't wait to have sex with you. Don't you get it Adrian he doesn't love you." I said in a soft voice.

"He could have loved me, if someone gave us a chance, but you were always there making it better, you always came first. If you had backed away we may have had a chance." She said just as softly

"It wasn't me that was getting in your way. You pushed too hard, and Ricky had things he was dealing with. He is my best friend, and no matter what if he ever needed me I would be there. You are a pretty girl Adrian and you are loyal when you want to be. I may not agree with your logic or how you go about things but if you want a serious relationship you can have one, just not with Ricky. He told me you have a good heart but you need to find someone who can love you. My relationship isn't easy it never will be, but I understand him and he loves me. Find someone who loves you." I said

"It is easier said than done" she said and walked off.

"That was nice of you." Ricky said

"I am tired of fighting about the same thing. I actually think she does think she loves you, but you would never be enough for her. Not because your not, but because she would always want more. She couldn't grasp that and she doesn't want to be second or third and you have John and I and we would always come first and that is what would be your downfall." I said as I turned in his arms and he hugged me

"Hey momma" I heard behind me and I knew it was Grace so I turned around and smiled

"Hey what's up?" I said

"Nothing it is weird being back" she said

"You're telling me, I just want to go home and not be here. I miss my baby" I said

"You will see him soon! I seen Adrian was here, is she starting problems already?" Grace asked

"No, Amy was actually nice can you believe it" Ricky said and we all laughed

"I just mentioned that Ricky is mine and she can't have him" I said

"Sounds like you! Well we should go get our schedules" Grace said

"I hope I have 7th period study hall again, it would make my life so much easier" I said and we all walked off to get our schedule and start the day. I liked my schedule and after texting both Ricky and Grace I found out that we all have the same lunch, and I did have 7th period study hall which I was happy about. The day flew by but all I could think about was John and how he was doing. Once the bell rang singling that it was lunch time I was out the door and on my phone.

"Hey Marie, it is Amy I was just calling to check on John" I said as I walked threw the halls

"He is doing well; he is a little cranky but not much. He doesn't want to go back to sleep. How long is he usually up for?" she asked

"It depends at night after he eats and is changed he goes right back down, but during the day he gets up, eats, burped, changed, and than he is up for about two hours or so, and than goes back to sleep. He doesn't like to be in his crib that long though he likes to look around and be moving and once he is asleep he is good." I said

"Okay well that makes more sense." She said

"I will be there soon for my shift so I will see you then. Tell John his momma and daddy love him" I said

"Will do, bye Amy" she said and hung up and as I got to the lunch room and got my food, all I could think about was that my baby is fussy and I am not there to help him. I sat down with my lunch and just put my head in my hands. Ricky and Grace walked over and sat down

"Hey babe" he said kissing my head "how is John?" he asked and I looked up with tears in my eyes

"They said he is fine but he is cranky" I said

"So why do you look like you want to bust into tears?" Grace asked

"Because my son is upset and I am not the one there to make it better. I want to be there for him and I can't because I am not there. He is in daycare and all I want to do is tell him it is okay and rock him and I can't do that." I said

"You will see him in a few hours and it is normal for parents to go through this." Ricky said and just when he did some girl I didn't recognize walked up and tapped Ricky on the shoulder. She was short probably 5' 4" in and she had dark brown hair with brown eyes and she was very attractive.

"Hey, I am Kelly I am new here and I was wondering if maybe I could sit with you." She said so Ricky and Grace and I just looked at each other

"Sure" he said and she sat down right next to him, a little too close if you ask me, but I didn't want to say anything and look like the crazy girlfriend.

"Hey I am Grace and this is Amy" Grace said introducing us. Not like Ricky was going to do it I thought

"Hello nice to meet you" I said and she said the same.

"So how do you guys know each other?" she asked us but looked directly at Ricky who looked at her and than back down at his food.

"Well Grace and I have been best friends since we were born and Ricky and I were best friends since we were five and now we are currently in a relationship." I said

"Oh so he is your boyfriend" she asked and again looked at Ricky

"Yes, if you will excuse me I think I am going to head to the ladies room, I will see you after school." I said and walked away without kissing him or even looking at him. I walked to the bathroom and held onto the bathroom sink. I had to get a grip. He is hot of course someone else was going to want him. I can deal with that. The thing I can't deal with is the fact that he acted like I wasn't even there. He acted like I was nothing. I knew I needed to go before Grace came looking for me but I just had to get control. So I took a deep breath and walked out and to my next class the day was almost over. As soon as the bell rang after study hall I was out the door and going to find Grace.

"Hey do you think your mom will be willing to give me a ride to the nursery today?" I asked

"You know she will but don't you think you should face him Amy." She asked

"What am I supposed to say Grace, Hey Ricky I don't want to sound like a pathetic jealous idiot but the girl we met in lunch today was totally hitting on you and you made no motion to show that we were together or see how it was going to affect me." I said

"Yes, that is what you should say because you guys have to be honest, remember last time when you weren't, all you did was push each other away" she said

"Yeah, but he needs someone other than Aaron, Nick, and Mike to hang out with. He hasn't even seen them that much because he is always with John and I and I don't want him to feel trapped. Some times I wonder if it would just be easier to go back to what we were and just let go of it all, and than there is a bigger part of me that doesn't know what I would do without him." I said to her

"Lets go find him." She said and I followed her to his car and he was there with Kelly laughing and he looked happy. I didn't know how to feel but he looked up and smiled at me once we were standing there.

"Hey you ready?" he asked

"I am going to get a ride from Grace and her mom." I said and he frowned

"Why?" he asked

"I just want to, I will talk to you later" I said and walked away with Grace following me. Ricky didn't even come after me, instead I heard him laugh with Kelly.

"I am sorry Amy" Grace said

"Hey don't worry about it. Lets find your mom, and than I want to see my son." I said and we walked in silence to the car and than we were off to the nursery and I was just looking out the window and when we finally got there I said my thanks and rushed off to work. Once I got there I seen my baby boy and everything else was forgotten.

"Hey baby boy, were you a good boy today?" I asked and he smiled "Of course you were. I love you so much baby." I said and than I went off to work. Work flew by and before I knew it, it was time to go home. I walked over and put John in his seat and set up the stroller I left there and started home. I stopped at the store and picked up a microwave dinner to eat and walked home. Once I got in the house John was sleeping so I put him in the bassinette and ate. After I was done there was a knock on the door and when I opened it, it was Ricky.

"You didn't have to knock, you could have just came in" I said and walked to sit on the couch and watch John sleep.

"You didn't have to get a ride with Grace either." He said

"Yeah well I wanted to, and it didn't seem like you minded" I said

"Well I wanted to knock and of course it bothered me" He said and I got annoyed

"Just say what you want to say Ricky" I said

"I want to know why the hell you left lunch, I want to know why the hell you wouldn't come home with me, I want to know why the hell you won't talk to me." He started yelling

"Wait a minute" I said and I picked up John and put him in his crib and put the monitor on, and walked back out. "You want to know, because it made me sick to my stomach seeing some new girl falling all over you, and I didn't want to say something to her and look like the jealous girlfriend and I didn't want to ride in the car with you because you hurt me. Okay you hurt me and at that moment in time I didn't want to be near you. I didn't want to talk about it because what the hell did you want me to say. I would sound like an idiot and I can't deal with everything." I said

"What do you mean I hurt you?" he asked

"You didn't introduce Grace or me, and you didn't make it known that I was your girlfriend, and you wouldn't even look at me the whole time. All you did was stare at your food. Than when I did say we were together it was like no big deal. I had to talk to this girl. She was clearly interested, which would explain why she was at your car. I mean how did she even know where to find you. Than instead of trying to talk about it after I said I was going with Grace and I walked away I heard you and her laughing again just like you were when I walked up." I yelled

"What do you want me to do, not have any friends" he yelled back

"This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. I told Grace you would do this. I told her you would make it my fault. This is why I wasn't going to say anything because I knew you wouldn't understand." I said

"You are being a crazy bitch" he said

"Maybe I am but your being an ass hole." I said right back and he just shook his head and walked out the door. I just sat on the couch and punched the pillow. I knew this was going to happen. Maybe he missed his old life. Maybe he missed being a player. Although I know he loves John and I maybe he isn't ready for this. Maybe I made the wrong choice by agreeing to be in this relationship, maybe I should just let this go and not let it bother me, but why can't my life just be simple. I need to make a decision, I can either let this ruin my relationship or I can just go ahead and try and deal with it and see what happens. I got up and walked outside to see Ricky sitting in my chair outside.

"I thought you left." I told him

"Yeah well I couldn't get myself to actually leave even if I am mad." He said and I walked over and plopped on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I put my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah well I was going to call you and have you come back." I said

"Why?" he asked

"I didn't want you to leave mad." I said

"Why are you so upset?" he asked

"I am insecure I have told you that many of times, she is beautiful girl and I am not. I have your son but I don't want that to be the reason you stay with me. I know you love me and I know you love John but sometimes I feel like maybe you miss your old life. Maybe we rushed into this relationship because we were both too scared to lose the other and what if maybe this is how we are going to lose each other. I am not a beautiful girl like Kelly, she is funny and she makes you laugh. I just feel like I am not good enough." I said while tears ran down my face

"Ames, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are beautiful. I don't miss my old life at all. I love the life I have with you and John. I think we are doing fine given our age and circumstance. Kelly is just a friend and I need you to trust that you are the one I am going to come home to. You are the one that I love and that I want to be with. You are so much more than you can see. You are beautiful, smart, funny, loud, and you fight for what you believe in. You make me feel so much, she may make me laugh but you're the one I want." He said as he kissed my head

"You may have to be patient but I am going to try and let it go. Kelly is going to be your friend just like Aaron, Nick, and Mike. You need to start hanging with them again. You need to live Ricky, you can't spend all day with John and I or we are going to get sick of each other." I said

"Okay." He said and just hugged me tighter

"I love you, Ricky" I said

"I love you too" he said, and that was how we spent the night talking and laughing and having a nice time. What a crazy first day of school.


	36. Friday Night Sleep Over

**Friday Night Sleep Over:**

It was a long week and every time I turned around Ricky and Kelly were together. I finally got Adrian to back off and now I have Kelly. During school she is always there and from what I heard she is at the butchers shop everyday too. It is kind of creepy but I decided I couldn't dwell on it. Ricky was at his house tonight and he was having people over to watch movies and play video games. Well Grace was coming over in about ten minutes. John had just gone to sleep and I was sitting in the living room after getting my pajamas on. School has been simple and work is good, I still want to cry every time I leave John but I guess I am doing a little better. I was just thinking about Ricky when Grace came in.

"Hey momma" she said and I had to smile she was so much better than a couple months ago.

"Hey Grace" I said

"What's up?" she asked

"Nothing, but let's talk about how this Kelly chick is everywhere my boyfriend is." I said

"I noticed that, but I didn't want to upset you more. I think she is worse than Adrian." She said

"That is what I am saying and I have been nice, but I am at a loss. Ricky says she is just a friend but you can tell she wants more. She wants him to be with her, and I can't say anything to Ricky because he will think I am just getting jealous again. I mean he is not doing anything out of the ordinary and I trust him, but I don't know what to do." I said

"Have you told him everything you told me?" she asked

"Yeah and the first day we met her, I told him. I even told him I wonder if we rushed into this and he told me he loved me and we would be okay she is just a friend. It is just things have been different you know. At school he is more distant and than at home he is fine. I feel like he is trying to pull away from me, and I have never been at more of a loss. You know I told you with Adrian she had the power to rip us apart and she almost did. I feel like now Kelly has the power and it is working because she is perfectly sweet in front of Ricky and than when it is just us she is a little ridiculous. She is giving me dirty looks. Do you know she doesn't even know about John? Everyone knows about John because Ricky usually tells everyone and he hasn't mentioned him once." I said

"Why would she be after him though Amy? You have to admit that it doesn't make sense" Grace said

"I don't know why she is so set on getting Ricky, but I know he is hot and girls love him but beside Adrian who knows him no one else has made an attempt like this." I said

"Does she know you from somewhere?" she asked

"Not that I am aware of, she is in the band but she is a year younger so I don't think I did anything to hurt her." I said

"I really don't know, maybe she just likes the chase the whole you want what you can't have." She said

"Maybe but why Ricky, unless she knows someone that Ricky has hurt and now she wants to hurt him by trying to break us up." I said

"That could be it like maybe she is someone's sister or cousin" she said

"What if she is Adrian's cousin and that is why she wants Ricky and I apart. I have beat Adrian, I got Ricky and I have his love, and his child, and by sending in someone I don't know to break us up. I get hurt and she can pick up the pieces." I said

"That would make the most sense." She said

"I just don't know, maybe I am reading into more than there is because I want to believe it is some big plot before I think that he will leave me." I said

"Maybe they are just friends, Amy where is all this coming from?" she asked and I got up and walked to the window.

"I am scared, no I am terrified I am going to lose him. I feel like she is so much better and he will see what she has to offer and I will lose him." I took a deep breath "I feel like she is everything that I am not. She has no responsibilities; she can do what she pleases and not have to think of what will happen next. She can stay out late and make mistakes and no one will care. I can't do that, because I have a baby. I have to be responsible and I have to think before I act. I am okay with my life, but what if Ricky isn't. Maybe he wants someone who can be young and fun. I am 15 Grace, but I can't act like it. I have to think about John. I need to think about what I am doing to provide the best life for him. I have stretch marks on my stomach and I am not the perfect height, I am lanky and she isn't; she is beautiful. I just wish I could be what he needs. I can't tell if he is happy anymore. We have the old ease we use to when we were friends but he used to call me every day just because or text me, now I don't know." I said with tears.

"Maybe you should talk to him maybe it is not as bad as you think and you are just seeing the worst because you are known to prepare for the worst." Grace said and than there was a knock on the door. I looked out and seen Kelly. I was shocked

"It is her hide behind the door don't make a sound" I told her and she went and did as I said and I took a deep breath wiped my eyes and than opened the door.

"Kelly, this is a surprise; what can I do for you?" I asked as politely as I could

"I want you to stay the hell away from Ricky" she said

"Excuse me? You want me to stay away from my boyfriend why would that be?" I asked

"He doesn't want to be with you" she said

"I am sorry but you know nothing about mine and Ricky's relationship, I would appreciate it if you don't interfere" I said

"I know all about your relationship, and he isn't with you because he loves you, he is with you because you had his kid. He hates that you are so clingy and that you never want him to do anything with anyone beside you. He misses his old life Amy, he told me. He misses Adrian" she said

"How do you know Adrian?" I asked

"You mean you haven't figured it out yet. I am her cousin and she has been very upset because Ricky is with you. She wants him back and I wouldn't mind having him either." She said

"I love Ricky and Ricky loves me and we have a son together. I am not going to stay away from him because you told me to" I said

"Well than we play the hard way." She said "See you at school." And she walked off when I closed the door. I just started crying. I knew there was some kind of catch I knew this was going to happen.

"Amy come on, come sit on the couch" Grace said and I followed her

"Grace, how am I supposed to do this?" I asked

"How did you know?" she asked

"I don't know, because it didn't make sense. You know she walks up to him on the first day of school, and she flirts. Why him, I mean yeah she wants him but there was more, she was too close, and the only person I could think of that was that way was Adrian but I didn't think she would go this far." I said still crying

"Well you were right so now what?" Grace said

"I don't know how to do this. I fight for him again or do I let go" I asked

"Are you ready to let go?" Grace asked

"I love him Grace, I love him so much but how can I keep doing this. I am so tired of fighting for his love. I am so tired of feeling like this. I am tired of hearing these people telling me he is only with me because of John. Grace how does she know what Ricky and I talked about the other day? Maybe he needed someone to talk to and she was it. I just don't know how to let him go." I said crying when my phone rang. I tried to stop crying when I answered but you can still tell I was crying

"Hello?" I answered

"What's wrong?" it was Ricky

"If I told you, I don't know if you will believe me" I whispered

"Amy, Kelly just showed up here crying her eyes out saying that you called her every name in the book and that you said she had to stay away from me. I told her I couldn't see you doing that. Want to tell me what happened?" he said and he wasn't accusing me, but he needed to know.

"Are you with the boys?" I asked

"No they left" he said that's when I looked at the clock and realized it was eleven thirty

"I know it is late but do you think you can come over here?" I asked

"I will be there in ten minutes, will you tell me why you are crying when I get there?" he asked

"Yes, be careful Ricky. I love you" I said

"I love you too" he said and hung up and I turned to Grace.

"She went to his house and told him that I called her every name in the book and that I told her to stay away from him" I said

"What did he say" she asked

"He said that he couldn't see me doing that, and asked me to tell him what happened." I said

"Are you going to tell him everything?" she asked

"I don't know if he will believe me but yeah. Do you think we can postpone the sleepover till tomorrow because if we start talking it will take awhile and I don't want you to get bored?" I said

"Yeah I am going to go now." She said and hugged me "It will be okay" she said and walked out the door I followed her to the door and watched her walk in the house and than I shut my door and sat on the couch. I don't know how Ricky was going to react but if he doesn't trust me than that will be the end. I can't keep doing this. I was still crying when I heard the door open and I turned to see Ricky he locked the door and came over to me and I fell into his arms crying hysterically.

"Baby what is going on, is everyone okay?" he asked

"Everyone is fine, except for me" I said

"What is wrong with you?" He asked

"Just tell me you love me one more time please." I begged

"I love you baby, you know that. What has you this upset?" he asked pulling me onto his lap which just made me cry harder into his shirt. He kept whispering that every thing would be okay and I just didn't know if it was true. He was rubbing my back and after five minutes I pulled away and tried to get off his lap but he pulled me back down

"Stay here. Something obviously got you this upset and I don't want to let go." He said

"You are going to be mad at me" I said

"Tell me what is going on and we can see what happens" he said I took a deep breath and nodded

"Kelly was here; Grace and I were having a sleepover you know and talking about how I felt about Kelly. I told her what I was going to tell you tomorrow. I felt like Kelly was coming in between us, when we are at school you are distance. You were always much more physical holding my hand, kissing my head, arms around my waist and now it is not even a kiss but at home it is fine. I didn't even here you talk about John to her which is weird because we brag about John all the time. I felt like you didn't want her to know about our life. Remember that day when I was pregnant with John and you and Adrian were fighting and you didn't want to talk to me about it, and you pulled me into the band room and I told you I felt like she was ripping us apart that is how I feel with Kelly." I said still crying

"Amy I didn't even realize I was doing that, just say something don't bottle it up. I hate seeing you like this." He said

"I wasn't finished Ricky, I was telling Grace that maybe it was me you know. Maybe I wasn't enough. I am so grown up in a sense because I have John so I can't be fun and wild like Kelly. I have to think everything I do through because I can't make a mistake because I have a son to take care of. I can deal with that and I thought maybe you couldn't and she was more appealing. I am terrified to lose you but I don't know how to keep doing this. I know most of it is me and I am feeling inadequate but I am so used to when you would just text me just because or call me everyday. I feel like I am not good enough and than I was trying to understand why she is so dead set on being friends and getting to you. We made up things she could be this, or that and I actually told Grace maybe she was Adrian's cousin you know. I really just wanted to see the worst so that you wouldn't leave me. Grace told me to talk to you and I planed on it tomorrow." I said

"Amy I love you, Kelly is just someone to talk to nothing serious, I thought you said you were going to trust me." He said

"I do trust you, it was her I don't trust. You don't see what I see in you. I see and amazing, smart, funny, romantic, sweet, guy, you are the best father to my son and that is more than I can ask for. I see it and others see it too. I knew that Kelly was going to run to you after she left here and I was so scared you were going to take her side. I told Grace I didn't know if I should fight or let go. Grace asked if I was ready to let go. I told her that I love you, that I love you so much, but I am so tired of feeling like this." I said

"Don't let go Amy" he said I kissed his cheek

"When Kelly was here Grace hid. I wanted to see what she wanted, I was nice actually I said it was a surprise to see her, and she told me to stay away from you. I asked why I would and she said he doesn't want to be with you. I told her she didn't know anything about our relationship and I would appreciate it if she didn't interfere. She told me she knows all about our relationship, and you aren't with me because you love me, that you are with me because of John. She said you hate that I am clingy and I never want you do anything beside be with me. That you miss your old life and Adrian, and I asked how she knew Adrian and she said that it is her cousin. She said Adrian wants you back and she wouldn't mind having you either. I told her you love me and I was not staying away and she said we will play this the hard way. Than she left and I started crying. Did you tell her about our fight on Monday?" I asked still crying

"Oh Ames, of course I didn't. She probably just played on what she seen" he said while holding me tighter.

"You believe me?" I whispered

"You thought I wouldn't?" he asked

"I thought you would take her side and that would be the end of us. I am so tired of people telling me that you are with me because of John and that you don't love me and I try not to let it get to me Ricky, but I am so sick of hearing it." I said crying

"Oh baby, everything is going to work out. I am sorry I acted like an idiot and made you feel this insecure about us. I am not leaving and I am sorry that you thought I was." He said

"I am just so glad you are here now" I said curling in his lap and kissing his cheek.

"How did Kelly know where I lived?" Ricky asked me

"Adrian" I said

"We need to do something about this because I am so sick of seeing you this upset about what others are telling you baby. You are mine and I want you forever and if I am not doing a good job showing you, I want you to tell me." He said

"I can do that, and I will let you know when I am feeling insecure too." I said "So what do we do about Kelly?" I asked

"We ignore her and kick her out our lunch table." He said

"Or we show her, that you love me and that we are a united couple. When she makes rude comments about one the other sticks up for each other, we show her that she can't break us because we love each other." I said

"I like that idea" he said

"I am really glad you came over" I said

"I can't believe what a mess our lives are turning into" he said

"We stopped it though" I said

"How was John tonight?" he said

"He was tired; he went to bed right before Grace got here at like seven so he should be waking up in the next half hour." I said and Ricky started kissing my neck. I had got the okay from the doctor to resume physical activities and I also started my birth control about 6 weeks ago. They recommend taking it for 3 months before you start having sex with no condoms so in another six weeks, I will be fully protected we are still going to use both but, I want to make sure I don't wind up pregnant again.

"Stop, don't start something we can't finish" I said to Ricky who just sighed

"Amyyyyy" he whined, he was such a baby sometimes

"Oh stop, you just got it last night. You lasted 4 months without it before." I said

"We don't ever have to do it again, as long as I got you." He said and I smiled

"You are so corny but I love it" I said and I laughed

"Why don't we go lay down and John can wake us up when he is ready" he said and we walked into my room and got into bed and cuddled

"What happened when Kelly went to your apartment?" I asked

"I opened the door and she was crying, I told her to sit and got her a glass of water, she told me what happened. I told her that it didn't sound like you and she said you were so mean. I told her I would talk to you and call her later and I sent her on her way. I called you and you know the rest." He said

"Can you text her." I asked

"Here you do it" he said and he handed me his phone I opened it up and went to Kelly's name in his phone. I read all the messages and seen how many times she called him

"She is annoying" I said

"Tell me about it" he said laughing and so I typed out a message

To Kelly, From Ricky:

I talked to Amy, I don't like liars

stay away from Amy and my son.

I pressed send and showed Ricky the message and he laughed and than snuggled with me. About five minutes later I herd John crying and Ricky got up to get him. So my Friday night sleep over didn't go as planned but it was still a success if I do say so my self.


	37. Monday Morning

**Monday Morning:**

This weekend was probably the best weekend I have had in a while. Grace called Saturday to make sure everything was okay with Ricky and I, and I told her how we talked it all out. Ricky shut his phone off after it rang for like 10 minutes straight, Kelly wanted to talk but he didn't want to. After he shut it off we went to the park and out to dinner. We filled up the kiddy pool in my yard and went "swimming" with John. Sunday we just chilled at home all day, relaxing, watching movies, just spending time with our son. Well it is now six in the morning and time for us to get up and get John ready. I rolled over and smiled when I seen Ricky still sleeping. He looked like he didn't have a care in the world. I didn't want to wake him up but I knew I had to. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, and he didn't move so this time I kissed him on the lips. I felt him reach over and pull me close so I pulled my lips away.

"Good Morning Beautiful" he said to me

"Morning" I said "We have to get up, you get John and I will shower and make breakfast." I said and I rolled out of bed

"I don't want to move" he whined

"Yeah well back to the real world although I will admit this weekend was the best." I said as I walked out the door before he could continue on with his conversation it would only lead to us being late. So I showered, got dressed and went in the kitchen to make breakfast. I had stopped breastfeeding when John turned 3 months because with daycare and school it wasn't working out well. I looked in the nursery and seen Ricky feeding John and he was just looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. So I walked in the kitchen and made Ricky and I cereal and sat down and ate mine, I had just finished when Ricky walked out with John, who was all ready and smiling. Ricky passed him to me.

"Hey how is mommy's little man" I said "look at how cute you look. Did daddy dress you all up today?" I asked "Yeah you look so handsome" I said and smiled when he smiled

"You are a good mom Ames" He said

"You think?" I asked

"Nope, I know. He already loves you so much!" he said and I smiled

"We have to go" I told him, and put John in his seat and off we went. We dropped John off at the daycare and than off to school we went. I took a deep breath when we pulled up to school and stepped out. I walked to the front and sat on the hood of the car. Ricky walked over and stood in between my legs and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Can we go home?" I asked and he laughed and kissed me quick on the lips.

"Nope, we have to stay" he laughed and I pouted

"But I don't want to" I laughed and he kissed me again and pulled me off the hood.

"I am going to have to deal with you pouting and our son pouting, what am I going to do?" he said and I laughed and right as soon as he let go of me. Someone ran and wrapped their arms around Ricky. I noticed that he froze and that it was Kelly. I walked over and pulled her off of him. Ricky doesn't like surprise attacks, and he panics.

"What the hell are you doing" I yelled

"Ricky, I am so glad you are okay" she said and I turned to look at Ricky who still looked a little dazed so I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me. I turned to look at Kelly and she didn't look happy.

"Why the hell haven't you answered your phone all weekend? I was worried something happened to you." She said

"I was with my girlfriend and my son, and I didn't want to be bothered by liars." He said and I smirked

"What are you talking about? I didn't know you had a son!" she said

"Oh so you didn't tell Amy that the only reason I was with her was because of our son, and that I missed my old life and Adrian." He asked

"Why would I say that, who is Adrian" she said

"You're good, I will give you that but Adrian's your cousin and you showed up at my girlfriends house with my son in the next room and started shit with her. That is not okay with me, and this so called friendship is over." He said

"What are you talking about Ricky, she is lying. I went over there to tell her that we were just friends and she called me all these names and told me to stay away from you." She said

"Stop with the bull shit already. You showed up at my house on Friday night and you told me to stay away from my boyfriend, you told me he didn't love me and that he was only with me for OUR son, you told me that he missed his old life. You said that since I refused to stay away, we were going to play this the hard way. Well guess what game over bitch because you see, I play the game much better. You ran to Ricky about our conversation but you underestimated just who you were dealing with. You see Ricky and I have been friends for years, he knows me better than anyone beside my other friend Grace, he knows I would never attack you with out reason. He also loves me and he trust me more than someone he knew for a week. Adrian and him at least had history but I still got him. Oh and next time you want to tell someone off and suggest we are playing a game make sure there is no one that can back up my story. You see while you were standing there starting drama and running your mouth, Grace was right behind the door. I know how to play this game sweetie. So now I will tell you exactly what you want to hear stay the hell away from my boyfriend. He loves me, and you honey just lost." I said with a smile

"I wasn't playing a game, all I wanted was to be friends." She said

"You played your hand way to early. You see if you were going to win, you would know that." I said with a smile and I felt Ricky hide his face in my neck, because I knew he wanted to laugh.

"Amy you are making a big deal over nothing" she said and I just walked out of Ricky's arms and smiled walked over to her and whispered in here ear.

"Fine let the games begin" and with that I turned and nodded my head and Ricky walked around her and followed me and grabbed my hands.

"You are not very nice, baby" he said as he laughed

"Well you know what they say, good girls are no fun. I can't do what normal teens do with John, so I can have a little fun right?" I said smiling up at him, and he just laughed as we headed to my locker where Grace was waiting.

"Took you long enough" she said

"We ran into a little road block on the way" I said and Ricky just kept laughing

"You should have seen her Grace, it was so funny" he said "What did you whisper in her ear?" he asked

"I said let the games begin" I smiled and Grace looked confused. "Come on we have to get to class I will explain on the way. I turned kissed Ricky and was off to class while telling Grace the whole story. Classes flew by and before I knew it, it was lunch time. I called the nursery to check on John and he was an angel today. I had just sat down when Kelly came over with no lunch.

"How did you do it?" she asked

"Do what?" I asked

"How did you get Ricky to believe you?" she asked

"I told the truth." I said and Ricky walked over with two trays and sat one down in front of me and kissed the top of my head

"Thanks" I said and I seen Kelly waiting for Ricky to say something to her and than Grace came over with her lunch.

"How is John?" Ricky asked

"Perfect, they said he is being an angel today" I said

"So what did you guys wind up doing this weekend?" Grace asked everyone was completely ignoring Kelly and it was so funny.

"Amy and I spent the weekend with John. Saturday we went to the park and sat in the baby pool and than did a nice dinner out. Sunday we spent the whole day in bed." He said and I was laughing in my head I knew what he was doing and it made me so happy.

"That good" she said

"What about you, Grace" I asked

"Well my mom and I went shopping all day Saturday and Sunday after church we went to see a movie and I met some kid at church. He is really sweet and we exchanged numbers." She said all smiles

"What is his name?" I asked still ignoring Kelly and eating my lunch while Ricky kept his arm around me and ate his lunch.

"William but everyone calls him Will or Willy" she said

"He better treat you right" Ricky said

"Slow down tiger, nothing is happening yet." Grace laughed so to be polite I turned to Kelly

"Oh Kelly, we must have forgot you were here. What did you do this weekend?" I asked her with a smirk.

"Well after we had words on Friday, I went to Ricky's to talk to him and than went home. Saturday and Sunday I went out with some friends to a party." She said

"Oh you are one of those?" I said

"One of what?" she asked

"Party girls" I said

"Not all the time just on occasion" she said to try and defend herself

"Right, anyway, so babe I was thinking that after you get off work today, you can come over and have dinner with John and I. After dinner we can sit outside if it is still nice out and look at the stars." I said

"Sounds like the perfect night, with the perfect people." He said and I smiled

"Do you guys do that often?" Kelly asked

"What?" Grace said

"Spend the night together?" she asked

"He sleeps at Amy's every night mostly" Grace said smiling

"To help with the baby?" she asked

"Nope, I want to be with my girl" Ricky said looking at her. I was laughing so hard on the inside. The bell rang and we all were off to finish the day. I thought this was the most amusing thing in history. Once class was over and I was walking over to my locker I herd Kelly.

"You are good at this game" she said

"What game? I wasn't aware I was playing one. You know you following me around school is very creepy. My boyfriend and I are happy, why can't you leave it alone" I asked

"You guys aren't happy, he told me" she said

"Right like I would believe you, see as I mentioned you don't know how to play the game Kelly so don't try. You are way out of your league, I can play better and I will win. Ask your cousin how long she has been trying to get Ricky. I had him before we even started dating and that drove her crazy. It pissed her off that he would defend me that he would talk to me, that he would drop her for me, you see Ricky was always mine and he always will be. He loves me and that is something she can't compete with. We have been through hell and back and we have always come out on top. We have been through more shit in the past year than we could have imagined but look where we are. Stop trying to interfere. He loves me; it is not going to change." I said

"This isn't over" she said

"You ruined your chances of wining Kelly" I said and I walked away and over to Ricky and wrapped my arms around him. "I love you" I said to him

"I love you too" he said and kissed me I seen Adrian walking past us

"Hey Adrian" I yelled

"What" she asked

"Tell your cousin Kelly to back off. I have to admit that was a nice play on your part, but it didn't work and it won't" I said

"What the hell are you talking about?" she asked

"Don't act stupid. It doesn't do anything for you. You know exactly what I am talking about. You both are fighting a losing battle." I said and I grabbed Ricky's hand and we walked to the car.

"You know you have a fight on your hands with those two." He asked

"As long as you trust me, don't take their sides and believe me when I tell you something we will be just fine." I said

"I will always chose you" he said

"You are so cheesy some times. They underestimate me Ricky. They think I am this stupid little girl who is going to fall apart because they want you." I said and we got in the car. "Kelly made a huge mistake on her part. She got to confident and played her card to early. She was banking on you not trusting me, and that by her running to you it was going to put a wedge between us and you were going to side with her. She didn't get all her facts. She didn't think about us being as close as we are and she didn't realize how much trust means to us. You see if she knew what she was doing she would have started by building your friendship up, building trust, than she should have started planting doubts in your mind. Nothing major little things, like she seen me talking to this person and so on. Leaving you questioning what else I was hiding. After she could have said we got into an argument and made it seem like it didn't affect her, and months later after she had you unsure weather you can trust me. Bam you play the tears and the whole she attacked me fight. It causes the trust to be broken and a huge fall out. Than with this entire plan a break up will happen and than she is the best friend there to pick up the pieces." I said

"Wow, how do you know all this?" he asked as we pulled up to the daycare.

"I had to do something while John was sleeping and you were at work. Soap operas are very educational." I said and kissed him goodbye and hopped out of the car.

"Hey I am getting out of work early, I will being steaks for dinner and pick you up here." He said

"Sounds good, have a great day" I said and it was off to work I go. I visited with John for a few minutes and than it was working for the rest of the day. The day went by fast and before I knew it. John and I were in the car on the way to our house.

"How was work?" he asked me

"It was good, it actually flew by" I told him

"Well you're not going to like what happened at work." He said

"What happened now?" I asked

"Kelly came in" he said

"Can't Bunny tell her to leave you the hell alone?" I said

"She said she was sorry that she lied, but she figured that if she told me what really happened I would cut all ties with her, and she didn't want that to happen. She said I was the only one nice to her since she came here, and she wants to continue to be friends. She said we can keep it on the down low so that you don't' have to know. She said we won't talk at school but she could come and hang out at my place." He said

"She is so desperate it is actually really funny. She is trying so hard to make this work because she screwed up." I said

"What do you want to do about it?" he asked

"Well what did you tell her" I said

"I told her between spending time with my family and hanging out with my friends I don't have much time for anything else, and she said she could take what she can get." He said

"So I call her out on it tomorrow, because than she knows you told me. She is banking on you keeping it a secret from me and obviously that wasn't going to happen" I said as we pulled up outside my house. Ricky got John and we walked up the path way, and into the house.

"You know she really isn't the smartest person. She is playing on the fact that even though I continue to tell her we have a bond she doesn't want to believe it" I said

"Well what can you do?" he asked

"I just want to smack her, but she hasn't done anything to warrant that." I said

"I am glad to see you are not jumping into smacking her." He said as he was holding John and I was getting dinner ready.

"It would be so much easier if I didn't have to worry how everything would affect John" I said

"Amy you love John and you wouldn't give him up for anything." He said

"Of course I wouldn't but I have to worry about him and now you. Damn it Ricky why do you have to be so attractive." I said

"Hey don't hate on me because I have the looks" he said laughing

"Okay, let's forget about Kelly and enjoy the night" I said and he smiled and played with John. Tonight it was just us.


	38. End the Drama

**End the Drama:**

The next day I woke up to John in between Ricky and me. He was cranky all night and didn't want to sleep on the nursery. While I don't want him in bed with us every night; I did enjoy waking up to him in bed with us this morning. I have to say looking over and seeing my son smiling up at me first thing in the morning; makes waking up that much easier. I look at Ricky next and he is still passed out I decide to be a good girlfriend and let him sleep in. I hop out of bed and get dressed quickly. I get John and eat while I give him his bottle, than burp him and after that I went to wake up Ricky while I got John changed and ready for the day.

"Hey babe" I said shaking his shoulder

"Hey why are you dressed?" he asked

"We have to leave in 20 minutes, get up!" I said and than walked away with John. Fifteen minutes later we were in the car on the way to drop John off.

"Thanks for letting me sleep in" Ricky said

"Yeah, well you have to work longer than I do, and you let me sleep an hour while you stayed up with him last night" I said

"Well you need sleep too" he said as we pulled up in front of the nursery. We got out and said good bye and than we were off to school.

"Are you going to start a fight with Kelly and Adrian today?" Ricky asked

"I don't know, why do you not want me too?"? I asked even though I probably wouldn't listen anyway.

"I just, I don't know Ames" Ricky said

"What's wrong? If I start a fight, I start a fight; it wouldn't be the first time. I know you don't want the drama, but Ricky they are going to the extremes to try and take you away from me. Maybe I am fighting because I need to have some control. I don't have the confidence, and they can give you so much more than me. I know I can fight, which is probably why I do it so much, it is the one thing I know I am good at." I said

"Ames, I don't know why you can't you see how amazing and beautiful you really are?" Ricky asked

"I can't because it is not what I see when I look in the mirror. I see an ugly face, and I don't have many friends and, my parents don't love me like they should why would I see something good. They don't see me as amazing and beautiful so why should I" I said just as we pulled up at school.

"This conversation is to be continued." Ricky said

"Yeah, whatever" I said as we got out and walked to the front of the cat, and instead of waiting we walked into the building.

"Why aren't we waiting outside like usual?" Ricky asked

"I am doing what you wanted, and trying to avoid a fight" I said

"Ames, please don't do this" he said

"What the hell are you talking about? I am doing what you asked, and it still isn't good enough, and this goes back to my whole point in the car." I said and walked away to find Grace

"Hey Grace" I said when I found her

"Hey mama" she said "Where is Ricky?"

'Don't know, don't care" I said

"So you guys are fighting?" she said

"Yeah, but he didn't do anything and I got shitty with him over nothing" I said "but I don't want to talk about me. How is Willy?" I asked

"He is actually really good. He is smart, funny, and so kind. Sometimes I wonder if it is too good to be true." She said

"You can't think that way, though, because it will only mess it up." I said and than we ran to class and made it just as the bell rang. Morning classes went by fast, and before I knew it, it was time for lunch and I had to call and check on John. He was sleeping a lot today and I told them it was because he was up all night. Grace just got to the table right as I was hanging up with the nursery.

'How is he?" she asked

'He is good, sleeping a lot." I said

"That's good" she said

"Grace, give Willy a chance, don't start thinking that he is too good to be true because you are going to start to believe it. Some times I think Ricky is too good to be true and than we fight and I realize he may be a good person, an amazing father, and all I could want, but he is still like everyone else, he has flaws." I said

"Yeah, but" Grace started

"You guys just met. It will take time before he is comfortable enough with you to let you see his flaws." I said

"Hey you two" Ricky said as he sat down next to me. As he did I leaned on his shoulder, and he kissed my head and Grace said hey.

'What are you two talking about?" he asked

"Boys" Grace said and we both laughed

"Yeah and how they have cooties" I said and we all started laughing again.

"We really were talking about boys, but it wasn't about them having cooties, it was about how sometimes it seems too good to be true." I said

"Oh, the guy Grace is talking to?" he asked

"Among others, but essentially yes." I said

"How is John? And others, what others?" he asked

"Your son is fine and just others." I said with a smirk

"She was talking about you." Grace said

"Thanks a lot Grace." I said with a smile

"Anytime, hey I am leaving lunch early. I want to talk to Zack" she said "I'll talk to you guys later."

"Later" Ricky and I said at the same time.

"So I'm too good to be true?" he asked

"Sometimes" I said

"Oh, would you care to explain?" he asked

"After" I said

"Hey Ricky" I hear and I knew it was Kelly. I went to go sit up when he held me tighter so I couldn't move. He was showing her he was choosing me.

"Kelly, what's up?" he said

"Just wanted to say hey" she said

'Or you just wanted to try and get him to agree to meet secretly without telling me." I said

"What?" she said acting shocked

"He told me Kelly, I told you before there is nothing we wouldn't do for each other or tell each other" I said and got up with Ricky and walked away. I kissed him on the cheek and we were off to classes. The rest of the day flew by and both Ricky and I had the day off. Apparently the head count was down and they didn't need me and Ricky requested today off awhile ago. As I was walking to meet Ricky at the car, I saw Adrian and Kelly talking. I saw Ricky in the distance standing behind them they couldn't see him but they could see me and I could see him.

"So, I thought you two didn't know each other" I said walking up to them

"We just met" Kelly said

"See, Ricky isn't here, and you already told me she was your cousin." I said

"Okay she is my cousin" Adrian said

"Why do you guys want my boyfriend so bad?" I asked

"I love him" Adrian said

"He is a hot" Kelly said

"Okay answer me this. Would you two be able to deal with me in yours and Ricky's life the whole time? Can you deal with being put last and can you deal with my son." I asked

"What do you or your baby have to do with my relationship with Ricky?" Adrian asked

"If you were with Ricky and he was with you and I called because John or I needed him and he needed to leave, how would you react?" I asked

"I would be pissed" Kelly said

"How are you so sure he would leave me?" Adrian asked

"I know Ricky. He and I will always be close, even if we never got together. When I called he came and vice versa; Ricky loves me and he loves his son above everyone and everything so when it came to us he would come." I said

"I love him though" Adrian said

"Maybe you do, or maybe you like the chase. Listen I don't want to argue with either of you anymore if has gone on way to long and it needs to end." I said

"He never gave us a chance" Adrian said

"This is stupid" Kelly said

"He did give you guys a chance; you were the first girl he kept around longer than a week. He kept going back, but he couldn't be himself." I said

"I don't want to hurt you but do you really know him. He is an amazing man. He is smart, caring, loving, loyal, and most important he is an amazing father. You see I know when he is putting on an act and when he isn't. Ricky comes with a package now, it isn't just him. He has John and even if nothing goes further with him and I, John will always be around and everyone will always come second to him." I said

"Maybe I need to move on" Adrian said

"You are a good person, when you want to be. You deserve someone who can treat you like a princess." I said

"She is right" Ricky said as he came and wrapped his arm around me.

"How much did you hear?" Kelly asked

"I heard everything. I know you lied to me and that means your nothing to me so goodbye." He said and Kelly left.

"So you head everything we all said?" Adrian asked

"Yeah and I am sorry Adrian but it wouldn't have worked out. I love Amy, and my son so that is where I belong." He said

"I am going to go, be happy Ricky" she said

"You too Adrian" he said and with that we all walked away. Ricky and I drive to the nursery and home in silence, when we got home John was sleeping so I put him in his crib and than plopped on Ricky's lap who was sitting on the couch.

"Today was an interesting day." He said

"Well I thought about what you said and you are right, there is no need for all this fighting." I said

"We are not dropping the insecure issue Ames" Ricky said

"That's not what I am doing" I said even though I really was

"Don't you think I know you better than that" he said

"Fine, what do you want to know?" I asked

"Why do you think you are ugly?" he asked

"I don't know Ricky, I look at all these other girls and I see how care free and happy everyone looks, with their perfect hair, and smile, and than I look at me. I just had a baby, my hair is flat, and my smile is weird. Maybe it all goes back to my parents. You know they never complemented me; they never made me feel beautiful, I never felt like I was good enough with them. It was never enough, why should anyone think any different." I said with tears in my eyes.

"Just because they couldn't see what an amazing and beautiful person you are doesn't mean that John and I can't. When we look at you we see someone we love, someone who made the hardest choice of her life and is living with the consequences everyday. You may not notice it but your smile brightens up our life. You are so amazing. You are an amazing friend, mother and girlfriend. Sometimes life stinks but you deal with everything that is coming your way. Don't let what happened in your past define who you are, Ames." Ricky said

"It is hard though, I don't know how to do that." I said

"You will learn and if I have to tell you everyday I will." Ricky said

"I love you!" I said

"So about this too good to be true thing" he said

"Oh that. Grace and I were talking about how she thinks Willy is too good to be true, and I said for her to wait because once they are more comfortable his flaws will come out. I told her that there are days when I feel like you are too good to be true. I mean you're an amazing father, you treat me like gold, you're honest, and you love me." I said "but I told her than we fight and I know that even though we are happy it is the fights that make us stronger." I said

"I love you so much" he said

"I love you too, and there are going to be times when we fight and when I feel like I can punch you. I am going to try and push you away, and my insecurities are going to show, but we are in it together and we can't give up." I said

"I am not giving up." He said

"You know I remember when we were younger and we were hanging out and it was Peter's birthday party and we were all outside. We were in the pool and their was a kid that you hated that was walking down the street, and you wanted to fight him, even though you were like 14 and I remember you were so tense. I put my hand on your shoulder and I felt the tension leave your body and you came back into the pool with me. That day was the first day that you were close to me in front of our families. Everyone was there but we were playing world pool Marco Polo and I kept trying to swim away and you didn't care who was there and you pulled me close and kept me there. You know that was the moment in my life that I felt the most loved and wanted." I said

"Really, I remember that day. You were always trying to get away so your parents wouldn't think anything and you didn't want them to know we were that close. You know I think you liked that aspect that it was the one thing in your life at that time you could control and I didn't mind." He said

"Your right, it was the only thing in my life that made me feel in control. It made me feel like I wasn't helpless or weak. I had control I could tell you something and you wouldn't tell but you would also respect what it was that I wanted you too." I said

"You were always so stubborn" he said laughing

"Hey it is not my fault" I laughed

"Well I am hungry and I think you should make me dinner" he said

"What if we wait until John wakes up and we all just go out to dinner? We will celebrate us coming to an understanding." I said

"Sounds good, thank you for not fighting with Adrian and Kelly today." He said

"You were right, there was no reason for us to fight you know. We had so many fights and obviously they didn't care and it didn't matter. I thought you know maybe if I tried a different approach that it might work. You know because it is true what I said to them. Even if we never got together, we would always be connected. John will always be apart of the picture so even if, we didn't work out and you decided to go with one of them. He was going to be apart of it. John needs his dad. He needs someone to help him do all the things dad do. He needs us to be a united front and no matter what happens that is what we are going to be. I look at him and I can't help but smile." I said

"Hey is an amazing little boy and he isn't going to let us fight, because I am pretty sure he will put us in our place." Ricky said

"It is so weird to me, how all I have to do is look at our little boy and he can make me forget everything. He is everything I could have asked for." I said and he started crying.

"Okay looks like our son wants some attention." I said and we got up and went to spend time with him and than go to dinner we were celebrating ending the drama.


End file.
